|
Hello, I have read your advice
By the way I am a lesbian. And my friend Michelle is asexual. And she and I are best friends. Never had a romantic relationship.
Anyways, I understand what you were saying about my situation and I've been dealing with this for many years. What made this hard was that she flirts with me and gets jealous when I get involved with someone close. Her jealousy always been happening since we became close friends and her flirting never stops. Sure its just her and I playing around but there are many signs of her flirting that showed more than friend like. So my question is, how can I ignore her flirting and not take it seriously? Her defence of why she flirts is because she is oblivous to her actions that she isn't aware of what she is doing or saying at the time. I kinda believe her but I feel like it is a excuse.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well, if anyone had to have a bad habit as she seems to be passing it off as, at least its not harmful to her like smoking, drinking or gambling. Only problem is it affects others, like you.
Let me guess, that when you become friends, she made the first contact. If not, I'd have to guess she tries for making first contact by way of flirting, not someone starting a convo. with her. There's a chance that there is some deep seated need in her subconsciously to be noticed, validated, because her father never allowed her to be her own person but controlled her all her life. So the subconscious mind is always trying to make our fears, predictions, desires come true but it's not always the best way to go...kinda like letting a toddler/child make all the household decisions instead of the parents. or the conscious mind, so yes its possible she isn't aware of what she is doing but more likely she know's what she is doing, just doesn't understand why she is doing and not curious enough to find out find she is doing it, especially if it gets her destructive results in relationships or just yours. This way she is getting the attention she craves that makes her feel good about herself and that feeds her inner need. See, the thing is, everytime she flirts, you play around with her and respond in some way, even with just a smile. If you stopped responding to her flirts and smiles, I'll bet she'd notice and be upset because she isn't getting what she needs from you anymore. Well, it is a good theory anyway and not hard for you to test. She'd either get angry at you or want to break up the relationship....and that is when you can hit her with the theory that this 'flirting' she does with you and is unaware of is her inner self crying out to be validated as an individual cus her dad squashed that in her by being controlling over her. No one likes to hear the truth if this is the case. If its not true for her, she wont over react, simply tell you its not so. If its true, her subconscious will hear and react and you;ll know if you've hit home. If my suspicions are going on for her, it might be good for her to begin seeing a therapist, a counselor and it will take years to become a healthier, happier, freer person. But there's no easy way to tell a person to try a counselor...and since to the general public, her flirting doesn't look like an issue at surface level, no one including herself will see the need to get help. Having a controlling person in your life does damage. I know, my ex was so. I pretty much stayed strong emotionally due to a faith in God but the stress took it's toll physically. Perhaps for you, just understanding why she does it will help you to overlook the fact she does it. Just don't take her seriously.
If she were to lose you tomorrow due to an accident, she'd have to replace you in a hurry if she is flirting for attention. tHE One person she wants a good relationship with, her dad, she's unlikely to get cus at his age,most people don't change anymore and will remain set in their ways. Hope this helps a bit...I am no psychologist but just a basic understanding of some pyschology, reading books on the subjects around it, and some life experience is what brought the theory to mind. Good luck dear.
]
More Questions: |