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wife has left me
I am married for 22 years but my mental health declined and i went voluntary to a mental health unit the day i went in there my wife stopped talking to me and sent abusive texts to goad me in to killing myself i was in there for. 4 months and my wife who i adore has refused to have me back or even talk to me we have two daughters together and whilst i was in the unit she told our eldest daughter to leave which made OUR daughter homeless which i never understand how she could do this thankfully my daughter has now goto somewhere to live . The thing i struggle most with is that i am still so in love with my wife and don't want to live anymore i know that is selfish because of my daughters but i can't help the way i feel i just don't understand how my wife has turned so against me whilst together i THOUGHT we was happy doing things that family normally do holidays celebrations and so on i just don't get it
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Your wife wont get blessed by this, she suppose to be by yourside. Look on the bright side at least you getting help, you gonna be fine. Just focus on healing. If you not in church , go to church develop a relationship with Christ. Just stay true to your faith and see how everything will fall in place, anybody losing is your wife, She being selfish and cold. Her heart is decieving herself, dont blame yourself for anything. Just be strong, and make plans to recover and you will be on top. l
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While you are already getting help, now is the time to be honest. You have stated that your mental health had declined to a point of needing inpatient care. Things were obviously NOT okay at home! You were married to this woman for 22 years. I feel pretty certain you know what led up to this and the reason for her behavior at this point. You are going to need to examine it honestly and stop pretending this just happened out of the blue. If she is texting you and goading you to commit suicide then she obviously needs mental help for herself as well! Just because you had some good family times and celebrations does not mean that things were okay!If someone wants you dead after 22 years of marriage things have probably not been okay for quite some time! You need to get honest here if you really want to get well! I am guessing you know plenty about what caused your home life to fall apart but you just can't bring yourself to look at it yet! If your wife ever does get to the point of considering a reconciliation you both need to go to counseling together. If your eldest daughter is an adult maybe the best thing for her was to push her out of the nest! If you really love your wife the best thing you can do for her (and yourself) is to get honest and work on fixing your problems before you try to get back together as a family!I hope I haven't offended you but I won't beat around the bush or throw a pity party either. You need to work on the things that put you in this situation to begin with! Good luck!
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Doing things that a family normally does, even having family and holiday traditions while important for the nurturing of the kids and that make family time more fun and special and memorable, does guarantee that there is a great solid love relationship between both partners.
I should know . . .I've been there.
My ex was 24 when he married me. Unbeknownst to me, he had mental illness and it soon became apparent. Being christian I didn't believe in divorce and endured verbal abuse all my life. At the end after a new friend of ours I;d confided in heard that he had gotten progressively worse over the years, talked him into seeing a counselor, I broke up with him. Not because he was going for help finally. But because right in front of me, he admitted to the friend that apart from his illness, he had never been in love with me...only loved the fact that I had been a good mother to the kids. A marriage can go on for years for whatever reason with one partner not being quite in love like the other. Perhaps that is what is happening for you. She may have been a best friend but that is not enough in a husband wife relationship yet many people settle for that every day, which is really settling for less.
If she could't handle you going to a mental health unit on your own, it could be as adviceman said, or it could be she never really loved you as a wife, as scarey as that may seem.
That is no reason to want to kill oneself, to not go on with life because ones mate no longer wants you. If one of you, her in this case is not in love with you, this releases you from a marriage that was never what you assumed it to be. At this point in life, you can go on to find and experience a real true love. I did after 30 yrs marriage. My 2nd husband is the love of my life, something I never had with the first and now that I can see the difference, I realize that what I had before, pales in comparison.
I know, not comforting to you at the moment. There will be grieving to go through. Make sure you get proper grief counseling for this loss because having suicidal feelings in this case is an indication that you are getting stuck, feeling lost and not going throught the stages of the grieving process properly. Let your counselor know.
I don't know if your mental health issues had anything to do with emotional or physical abuse of the wife.
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I don't have an answer for your question other than suicide is not the answer; never is. What I would suggest is you discuss this problem with your psychiatrist or psychologist to see if together you can put this problem in its proper place.
I can only guess at why your wife is this way. My best guess is she just does not know how to handle the fact that you have had a mental illness or mental breakdown. For many people unless they have experienced a mental health problem they have no idea of what it is like, how debilitating it can be. Worse some even think the person with the illness may be faking.
For whatever her reasons you wife chose to ignore your illness rather than to be supportive of you. I have no idea why she chose to make your oldest daughter to leave. Was this daughter a planned child or accidental conception? If she was an accidental conception was she the reason you and your wife married?
If the answer to those two questions is yes then it just maybe that your wife has harbored bad feelings all these years. For me the answer to those questions is yes and no for my parents. I was not a planned child and my arrival caused a major upset in my father’s life plan. Because of that I suffered for many years and when I finally gave in to my suffering my clinical depression traced right back to him and my early years.
This may or may not be the case with your wife. If the answers to the questions I posed are yes then it is also possible that you illness can be traced to this as well. It would be interesting to discuss this with your therapist if you have not explored this area.
In any case suicide is not the answer and it will not bring your wife back to you. Right now I'm sure your oldest daughter needs you most of all as well as your youngest daughter. As for your wife; this is something you need to discuss with your therapist. If you cannot get your wife to join you in therapy to work through whatever her problem is then it might be best to separate.
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