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Confused of my past
So there was this guy, and we used to have a thing for each other three years ago.
We were "seeing each other" for about a year and stopped after that due to him having commitment issues, and his parents not being accepting. Needless to say, there were some bad yet, good memories created in that relationship. After the year mark, he told me that we should probably not continue this relationship anymore because things were getting complicated, and that we should be friends instead , and that we should meet other people, and that maybe in the future if things are the same we could get back with each other. Of course i was furious and sad that in the end we stopped talking to each other all together for about a year and half. Although i've met other great guys, things were just never the same. I guess unconsciously i have been scared and have always compared the guys to my past, and because none of them lived up to my expectations, I've never been able to be in a relationship since then. A year and a half later of not talking to each other, i decided to say happy birthday to him, and after his birthday he said happy birthday to mine ( a month later) and called me by my nickname that he used to call me when we were still together. I know it all sounds silly, but that gave me hope, so i messaged him and asked how he was doing.And i'll admit the conversation was a bit awkward and kinda short, but in the end he said that it was nice to catch up even though it was kinda short, and that he had to go because he had to study. After that, i thought i was kinda rejected so i decided that was probably the end of that, and so i moved on. 2 months later, he messages me and he tells me good luck on my first year of university!;), and i was really surprised and taken off guard, we catch up for a bit, and then he ends with "haha ok, good luck w school" and i reply " thank you ! and good luck with applying to dentistry!". but then he never replied back, and so now I'm feeling like on a hang cliff.....
i feel really silly to be reading into things so much, but i don't know how to feel. i'm feeling hopeful, but at the same time I'm telling myself that its nothing...should i honestly not think too much of it and that he probably just wants to be friends?? what was the point of him messaging me ? when he said that maybe we could get back in the future, do you think he really meant it? or should i just stop with these mixed emotions and just move on ????? Because deep down i know that there will always be a part of me that misses him.
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Your guy was the one confused...either that or he was lying to himself or too chicken to tell you the truth.
Let me explain. The reason for dating, once there is initial attraction and surface level interest, is to get to know the person better, to find out if this is someone you can see yourself with for long term in a love relationship.
When the person you are dating is not the right person for you (you need to have an inkling who the right one is by a list of needs and wants in a partner) then you break up on friendly terms, and then move on.
Your guy said: should probably not continue this relationship anymore because things are getting complicated, and that we should be friends instead , and that we should meet other people, and that maybe in the future if things are the same we could get back with each other.
Things complicated? Unless he can spell that out, as to what he saw being complicated, it was a cop out. If he saw you falling in love with him and he was not ready to fall in love or plain old never in love, never saw you as more than a friend, then he should have been honest about that. The fact he said you should jjust be friends is a clue he doesnt want anything serious.
When he says you both should get out and meet other people, he see's no romantic possibility with you for whatever his reasons and is encouraging you to go out and find your perfect sweetheart and date him.
Here's the confusing part, maybe in the future you could get back together if things are the same. Wimpy line meant to lessen the blow to you, give false hope.
Think about it, if you really did meet others and found the love of your life, there would be no getting back together with you for him. Like expecting you to keep hanging, remaining single waiting for the day he decides he's ready to come back and commit to you cus he's ready to fall in love now? Even guys who were not looking to fall in love, when they meet the right girl for them, they are not going to be willing to let her go because they know they couldn't face a life without her if they didn;t commit to the relationship now and hope instead she remains single so that in case he doesn't find anything better out there, he can come back to you, his last choice. Wow, doesn't that make you feel special? Nope.
Even if this confused guy comes back to you, wants you back, remember that he doesnt have a clue what he is looking for in a female and not able to recognize it when he see's it...so how is he going to be able to support your passions and strength and talents and love those special things about you if he hasnt got a preferance to begin with. You want him to love him for more than skin deep beauty cus it changes as you grow older but your personality should stay the same. Is he is love with that? Remember that he found it easy to leave you. It would not have been so easy if he was head over heels in love.
Could he have left at all? Yes.
I had a boyfriend ask for some time to hisself when the relationship was happening so fast that the speed of it scared him. He needed time away from me to clear his mind and know whether he was just filling a space, enjoying company or falling for me. After just a week of no phone calls or getting together, it was enough time for him to realize he wanted me and was no longer afraid, willing to own up to his true feelings including his panic. It might take a few weeks, a month at the longest but i dont think so, if there are strong feelings for you, that are not being mistaken for sexual urges and lusting instead, then a guy won't be gone long and he'll come back right away and tell you why he was gone and be ready to commit to a dating relationship.
You are the one who made first contact after a yr and half. He didn't. His interacting and being nice and friendly means nothing more right now than wanting to be on friendly terms, not have any enemys. Use of a nickname needn't mean anything at all, its just a habit to call you that. Even the word love, without the love feeling behind it means nothing, has no value when a person says I love you. Its just a word.
Dont get caught up with words or willingness to converse. It's the actions that will prove when a man is in love with you.
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Hi sweetie,
Let me give you a hug
Our hearts always make choices,and there is nothing wrong with holding on to a grain of rice called hope.
I've been in your shoes before and there is this jolt in your heart that you feel and it lingers with you
Attachment is always something can linger on longer than love.I myself am going through that
You said he mentioned that ''In the future''
It is very possible that he did indeed mean it
However,as time goes on,people end up growing apart :( And from what I read,you guys spent some time apart,and feelings can subside.
It is possible that he messaged you to see where you are at in your heart.To see if you still felt anything.So its possible he himself was just curious.
Now then,what do you now?
Well,you must decide what is most important to you in how you feel.
You may want to speak with him,and bring up that question''In The future'',have this talk,to see once and for all whether you guys are a yes or a no.Because you need to know now.
If it doesn't happen,that you both arent together,be assured someone who can give you a wonderful love is coming.
Always be honest with yourself and eachother
And its always okay to cry!
Be blessed dear one!
If you need any more advice,let me know!
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