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Hey! Its me again...so I want to ask you what I should do next?
I know that you can't tell me what is the right thing to do or how to act on this situation with Michelle but I just need someones opinion. And since you know about my complicating relationship with her I just want to ask, what I should do next?
I am afraid of losing her and she is afraid of losing me too, she never addressed it that she feels that way but her insecurity shows it. So how can I approach her about this? Should I say something when she becomes jealous again? Or flirts with me or what?
I know that she may never give me the romance I want in a relationship but I just would like to know her thoughts about this, if she is aware of her insecurity and emotional attachment she has on me.
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You already mentioned shes not aware of the fact that she's flirting. Jealousy is lots stronger emotion. That is what i would use. See, you pretty much have the answers already yourself.
Here's something for you to know about jealousy so you can explain it to her.
Jealousy comes about only through an underlying emotion of fear. It's actually a fear of loss, of losing something. So jealousy is nothing more than an indicator that one needs to look deeper inside to discover what their fear is.
Jealousy is like the indicator lights on the car dashboard that something is wrong that needs to be addressed. So jealousy isn't something like a black mark on ones character, an embarrassing thing to deny or attempt to cover up. If you ignore the light in your car's dashboard that say's oil or gas is low, you end up in trouble pretty quick. Same with jealousy. Things can only get worse if the fears behind it are not addressed, brought out into the open, admitted and talked about so both people can reassure each other. A trap some people get into is lying to their selves because they are afraid to discover what their fears really are, so they deny or make something up that doesnt sound bad to them.
That's like covering a wound with a bandage without cleaning it out and sanitizing it . . . what happens? It festers and becomes infected and pus filled.
So what happens is you give her a chance to explore inside herself and give you the answers as to what she is fearing a loss of. If she can't come up with any, thats when you share with her what you already suspect and know. It may take her time to accept that is what's really going on in her so don't worry if she initially rejects it. Keep calm, keep calm inside. What can help is that when you confront her, it is done with your heart in the right place. That means it isn't feeling upset with her, frustrated,coming from a stand point of wanting to show her that she's wrong. Instead, this I already know to be how you are, a heart filled with love and concern and wanting her to have the best life possible, and a step better would be for some healing in the area of jealousy. But you could be having a bad day yourself. If so, wait until you're in the right frame of mind but the feelings inside you can be heard louder than the words you speak.
As for what to say when it comes to reassuring her... there are some bonds in life that can be tighter and stronger than those of the family we are born into...it's those who we choose to have become family to us. Family you choose or adopt will be people who treat you ideally the way family should but don't always do.
So reassuring confessions to her could be: Michelle, I've never told you but you are family to me, even closer than blood relatives, I could never cut off relationship with you. You are closer than a sister to me. You will be a part of my life til the day I die. You won't be my only top priority but you will be at the top along with whomever I find to be my mate and any children I have.You will be welcome by my mate and loved and accepted as family by her or I will not marry her. I will only hook up with someone who values the strong family type bonds same as I do.
If Michelle cant be reassured with those kinds of words, I don't know what will work. As I said once, she may need counseling. And if she still displays insecurities after you share something like that with her, you could share your concern that she still is feeling that way and tell her that you are not equipped as a professional is to help her and then urge her to see a mental health counselor as soon as that can be worked out.
Of course, don't tell her you learned this all from an advice person on line. I'm sure you know that. If you want to use anything I explained about jealousy to her word for word, tell her you researched on line and then wrote the information you found in a letter to her. Then read off my explanation exactly or in your own words on a sheet of paper to her. Keep in touch and let me know how everything goes.
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