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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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What is the meaning of this thing called life.
Most of us are all guessing at the answer to that question. Whether depressed or happy, it is a question that people end up coming up with their own theories on the reason, the meaning of life. I know I've had a vague idea most my life until recently when I began to believe in reincarnation. Many don't believe and that's fine, they'll have theories vastly different from mine. The way I believe it to be is that souls are always in a state of learning, experiencing, all for the purpose of slowly becoming more like our creator but that as the human nature is, many don't like change, even for the better so often, souls in their human body for the current life time, often refuse to change for the better. So in reality, the process is a lengthy one taking many many lives lived on earth to grow as a soul. The earth is the classroom, but think of it as a school in one of the roughest, most crime ridden neighborhoods and that is what life is like on earth. The obstacles we must face are like many varied crushing blows, that make us want to give up. Yet while we were souls ready to incarnate and we had chosen ahead of time, what we wanted to learn or accomplish, we were given choices of several different lifetimes to choose from to incarnate into to learn that special thing. Take for example the type of personal strength for a soul required to overcome and break away from verbal or physical abuse. You get to choose perhaps being born to abusive parents/parent and having to endure this as a child, or perhaps a teen girl abused by her boyfriend, or a marriage partner abused. We willingly pick the parents and the setting, however once we are living the life in our human bodies, not having any remembrance of what was going on, on the other side, on the spiritual plane, we cry, complain, give up in our life, a life we actually had part in choosing for the particular thing we wanted to learn. After living enough lives to get to the point of being ready to go from the spiritual plane into the realm of living in Gods presence, we are given a choice to enter in or refuse. God doesnt send anyone to hell. They live another life until reaching the point of ascension into heaven if thats what you want to call it. Or they choose to not want to live forever and then become as if they never were. When I look at it from this viewpoint, I am able to find ways to carry on. Right now I am going thru lots of hard things in life. The most recent, husband breaking his leg in 2 places yesterday. With no work for 3 months, that puts us behind financially with possibly no place to live. And there's more. So I cry when it gets tough to release the pressure and stress and then I pick myself up and tell myself to carry on, no matter how hard, because I want to achieve the goal I set for myself and see my life through to its planned end, rather than giving up and deciding to check out early. I believe those who end their life or incarnation early, rob themselves of the chance to 'graduate' at whatever task or experience we wanted to originally.So guess what, heaven runs by the same system schools used to do when I was little. If you don't graduate from a grade, you had to repeat it the next year or until you learned, no passing on a child who didn't get it like now-a-days. That is part of the problem, todays generation raised to expect instant everything and the world revolving around them, the world handed to them on a platter....easy. No, life is hard. It just is. The sooner we figure that out and decide to carry on thru life, with our Angels gently guiding to move us in the directions we need to go, any variety that will achieve the same lesson meant to be learned. There are multiple possibilities of what can happen to the woman who must learn something from the loss of a husband. He may be here as the one player in the plan of his wifes soul getting to experience that however what is not written in stone is how he is taken from her, how she becomes a widow. He might die, as a result of another human with their free will, chosing to kill him, or it's an accident, or he becomes ill and dies of a disease. So I hope this gives you some things to think about.
hi there, so the prob is there r 2 guys ... guy A is hawtt n amazing n the sex life is amazing with him n exciting and fun buttt we have been in this friends with benefit for bout a year now .. i told him i like him but he said "time shall tell" ... n even after that response we have hooked up a few times. we only talk when either of us wants to have sex.
Guy B is rll nice n the conversations with him r amazing .. met him recently .. the sex was grt too .. alot of heat but .. he is not that gud looking at all ... n he thinks we r dating because we hooked up a few times ... there was an incident where he wanted me to kiss him publicly n i couldnt ... but we talk alot.
i cant decide if i should go ahead with this guy B n finish it with guy A .. tho guy A does know i life him n things r changing too slowly .. tho i rll wanna be with guy A .. but since he is an asshole i cant wait n reject nice guys like guy B ... but at the same time if i go ahead with guy B shouldnt that be unfair for him .. help!
You will come across many Hawth looking guys in your lifetime, whether you are single or in a committed relationship or married. You body will respond with wondering what sex might be like with the other guy. But it is practical to have sex with every hot looking guy we come across. In fact, other than the sex, the guy may not be right for you at all. When you say you "like", are you looking for a guy who will be attracted to you and at first like some things about you, want to date to discover more about you at which point he decides you aren't right and breaks up or falls in love and wants a committed relationship or getting married? If you are a young teen, there's no need to be in a hurry to get to committed relationship. Too many skip the steps in between, acting only on their sexual attraction, which is important but neglecting the friendship part. What is a best friend to you? Think about your girlfriends. Good close buddies. How do they treat you? A male in relationship with you should be both your best friend but with the added benefit of romance and love. If you are an adult, it is still a good time to start learning how to take dating more seriously other than just temporarily satisfying some of your desires. You have to know yourself well, the way you would need to know to talk to a potential employer on a job interview. What is special about you, your talents, passions, who you are at core,your beliefs and morals, personality. etc.
From that determine what you need in a guy right now for where you are at, a need is important enough that if this guy doesnt have it, its a deal breaker, you won't date him. Then make your list in detail of what you are looking for in a guy. This will change as you discover more about yourself, defining yourself and discovering through experience what you do and dont like in a guy and the list will be refined also as you grow older and more mature and your ideals change. So take some time to think things out and I am sure you will figure out what is most important to you right now and stick with that guy.
what would happen if I stuck a pen up my vagina?
What would happen if you stick anything up in there that is not meant to go there, including a pen, is that you risk hurting, injuring yourself and maybe getting an infection.
The only things meant to be in there are your fingers, a tampon, a dildo or a penis.
hey remember me? well if u don't am zat girl who asked you for help coz of trouble being in love with a boy but couldn't say any thing, who said zat we talk by e-mail but not in person and zat he was shy....... anyways we had our first dance on a party that we celebrated in class as he held my hand and took me to the dance floor when i tought he was gonna say hi to me, how great huh... we talk more now in person but the funniest thing is that now we don't talk by e-mail even if both online i don't know wat we have but i don't deny we have a strong chemistry its amazing, i can't even study thinking about him n seeing if he goes offline or not, i think am going to marry him as every body said, so what do u advice me to do coz am totally lost???
I see nothing wrong with not talking by email or in FB, snapchat or some other social media. I come from a time when the only choice I had WAS to talk in person, no cell phones or PC's yet. If I had to compare young relationships of today with my time in the past, current relationships are not really a relationship if all they do when apart is text and when they are together, they're both checking their iphones and playing games on it. Many young people do not know how to talk face to face or spend time doing things together. There's a great disconnect going on and since good communication is important to success of a relationship, these so called relationships never get off the ground. If you both enjoy each other and are talking, I see no problem for you.
Having those butterfly feelings inside, your heart leaping or doing somersaults, is all because of hormones. Once you got to puberty, the hormones that bring on your period and grow breasts, also make your body aware of and able to respond to any member of the opposite sex that you find attractive. These feelings and the mind being distracted by it is normal too. You will just have to work harder at staying focused on doing homework or chores, etc. I have an article I wrote explaining the purpose of dating, this is keeping in mind the future, with a long term relationship or a marriage and I hope it helps you understand what should be happening while you date. Here it is:
At your point in age, the object is not to practice longevity of relationship, sticking together long term even if its not a perfect dating relationship. The object is not to prove to yourself or others that you can stick with someone long term...that comes in later years after you have a clue what kind of person you want to end up life long with.
Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.
Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you don't like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.
If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband. It should work just as well at any age, including high school dating too.
I’m a 23 year-old sexually active woman, currently experiencing a very strange period. In the past my menstrual cycles has been very heavy and painful, this one is very light. Along with this period I am experiencing moderate cramping, enough to make me double over on the first day but it has gotten a lot better to the point where it is not currently bothering me.
Last night it seemed to stop, only to start back up again in the morning. Never in my life have I experienced anything like this, my period is brown and pinkish in color, and very light (enough where I can almost wear a pantiliner which has never been the case for me).
I also swear that I skipped my period for the entire month of November. My sister told me that I should go to a gynecologist but that periods often change as you get older. I admit I have to go to a gynecologist, it's logistics from not being able to drive (or having much transportation to get me there).
I googled the symptoms and discovered that there are not many causes of abnormal periods but that one of these could be pregnancy. Other causes could be of course the old-fashioned stress (which I hope this is related to), mechanical (bladder problems), malignancy (cancer), or hormonal issues. I am not on birth control.
Please keep in mind that I am the kind of girl who freaks out thinking that she is pregnant over a “missed” period, simply because although I have a 35 day cycle if I do not get it at the same time every month I think that I am pregnant. I have my periods a week apart from each other in the following month (the first week of the first month, the second week of the second month).
I spoke to my boyfriend and we both think that I should take a test once this stops just to make sure that I am not pregnant. Is it likely?
Currently the two of us are panicky, since we are both still in school (my boyfriend is also worried about my well-being, because neither he nor I knows what this could be). He wants me to take the pregnancy test immediately. I debated going over to the pregnancy options center today but decided not to, because I am still “menstruating.”
The last time we had sex was early November, before then we had not seen each other prior to August (we live in different states). I have not had any other symptoms but I think that if I just recently became pregnant, it’s not likely that I would show many of the other signs.
Advice? Anyone else experience these symptoms?
Have you ever been to a gynecologist? Middle school girls who have the heavy bleeding end up seeing one and they are put on the pill to regulate the period. Also women who have irregular cycles which is common as you're going through puberty, but once in 20's if it continues,you need to see a gynecologist. Most often it is a hormone problem and you are put on the pill to help regulate here too. If you are not using contraceptives currently, nor condoms, there's always a chance of being pregnant but usually women who are pregnant do not bleed unless it's an ectopic pregnancy. I doubt it but here's a site with info on what it is and what to look for.
http://www.webmd.com/baby/tc/ectopic-pregnancy-symptoms
As a female, I have had the brownish and also light pink discharge at times instead of my period, no matter if it was before I bore children or after. When a period is delayed due to stress, a recent illness like a cold or flu, some of the period fluid sheds as the color of old dried blood, a brownish color, and when your body is just about to start a real flow on a delayed period, it will turn pinkish. I've had this many times over my life and find it to be quite normal under the circumstances. The time for concern is when you have heavy bleeding and/or sharp abdominal pains and that means going to Dr. ASAP. Whether you own Dr. or something like Planned Parenthood, they can help you or direct you to who to see. I would call them and ask if its okay to come in now. I have been at the beginning or tail end of a period when my regular yearly appt was scheduled and they saw me anyways. It's no big thing to the Dr.
Make an appt and get in.
Also, a pregnancy test if taken too soon will not show a real pregnancy yet. You need to follow the instructions on the package or get tested at PP or the ctr you mentioned. If you are not pregnant, I suggest you get put on some kind of contraceptive, for birth control, whether the pill or an IUD. If hormones are needed in the prescription, then the Mirena IUD has it. The Paragard, doesn't, it's copper which reacts with the body and uterus lining to make it impossible for a fertilized egg to attach, and if it cant attach, you don't become pregnant. IUD's are carefre, no remembering to take anything on time every day and cost effective over the years as they last 8-10 years. Good luck.
Could a person legally adopt two orphaned grandsons? If they did, would it make it harder for their other grandparents to fight for custody? What would the grandparent be seen as by others, a grandparent or parent? How would you explain your relationship to the grandchildren if their principal, for example, wanted to know why you're listed as their mother, but they call you grandma?
If you go through a court to obtain legal custody, you would be known as the legal guardian who happen to be related, their grandparents. You may be the folks raising the kids but even though you are doing the mothering and fathering, you are still their grandparents and the children should call you as such. It is just as confusing for children when they are older to explain to their peers why their "parents" are so much older than the other parents. There are many 'grandparents these days raising their grandkids and have legal guardianship if one parent died and the other is in jail or a drug addict or drunk all the time, or both are unstable that way and unable to care properly for the kids. My kids weren't allowed to a friends house unless I met the parents first. I met plenty of couples who were raising their grandkids for one reason or another and the kids knew they were the grandparents and called them as such and introduced them as such. It is not considered an odd shameful subject or taboo. This is more common place than you might think.
As for the other set of grandparents, it would be nice to speak with them and let them know you are able to adopt and raise the kids. I would think the ones who have the time, the space and financial means and the patience and dedication to raising kids at this age should be the ones to raise the children. This shouldn't mean they don't get to visit their other grandparents regularly weekends, maybe for summer break, and of course aunts, uncles and cousins.
First step in talking to a lawyer though. Good luck.
This is kind of weird and I know that. I went grocery shopping tonight and one thing on my list was strawberry pop tarts. I went to get them and the particular store I went to didn't have regular size boxes of the strawberry flavor. The only flavor they did have in those boxes were blueberry. They only had strawberry flavored pop tarts in 12 pack boxes. My family will never eat 12 packs with 2 tarts in each packs. We'll get tired of them and forget about them eventually. I hate to see them or the money I spent on them go to waste. Is there a charity that will take however many of the individual packs of pop tarts that I don't think we'll eat? My mom told me about something called a snack pack that schools do for less fortunate children. Could they use them?
Even your local food banks could use them. Individually wrapped items that usually come in a container or box are fine to donate singly. Even applesauce or pudding snacks that come in a 4 or 6 pack are separated because some folks at the food bank are allowed only 1 or 2 or each. Just look up food banks for your local area and ask if they know of a program in the area for snacks for school, if not, then they will be glad to take whatever you have.
14/f
i used to go out with this guy who kept switching between me and my used to be best friend and i broke up with him about 5months ago (ex # 1)then he went out with my ex friend and they broke up i was in a relationship with my exs bff (ex # 2and we broke up now ex # 1 told 1 of my friends he wants to date me again but hes going to wait a while to make a move what should i do when he does make a move sorry if this sounds confusing
Whether you say yes or no to him should depend not on the fact that he stopped dating you to date your friend a while but whether there are enough things you like about him and have in common. At this age, you are all just beginning the realm of relationships and dating and can't know everything ahead of time. You will learn simply from going through the situations. So don't get all caught up in the good feelings and forget to pay attention and learn things along the way. Here's my explanation on what dating is really about. Read it and then decide whether you want to date him again or not.
At your point in age, the object is not to practice longevity of relationship, sticking together long term even if its not a perfect dating relationship. The object is not to prove to yourself or others that you can stick with someone long term...that comes in later years after you have a clue what kind of person you want to end up life long with.
Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.
Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you don't like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.
If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband. It should work just as well at any age, including high school dating too.
Very difficult situation here.
I have a boyfriend of two years. I love him so much, he is the world to me.
About two months ago I cheated on him, while very drunk. I kissed a boy I'm in college with. Not for long but it was still unacceptable. Then later on that night, I ran into a male friend of mine (who is 100% gay) and kissed him for about two seconds, in jest. Naturally I felt awful.
I told him about the first kiss straight away, because I thought it was important to. He was mad and we had a rough time but he said it was ok because I told him about it.
At the time, I did not think the kiss with the gay friend was important. it has since started to eat me alive. And I don't know if I should say anything or stay quiet/
I think honesty is very important but on the other hand I don't want to hurt him more, over something stupid. Also, I think it makes it look like I will continue to cheat on him when I know I will not. I feel horrific, and I know I'm not deserving of this guy, but I really need some help.
Thanks. (Im 20 by the way)
In some cultures, a kiss that consists of a quick peck on the lips for greeting in hello or goodbye is considered normal greeting, not cheating. I have known plenty Americans who were raised in families for whom a kiss on the lips instead of the cheek was normal, including my own parents. This kind of kiss would occur between opposite sex or same sex with no worries or concerns. I understand you were drunk when you did this but kissing a gay guy would never have gone anywhere anyhow, would it? One extra kiss that occurred the same night at the same gathering does not make it look like you will continue to 'cheat'. If this happened on a totally different day and different place, then it could look like a pattern continuing.
If you were drunk enough to kiss all the girls there that night, would your boyfriend still consider you to have been cheating on him with those women? Or accuse you of being bi-sexual or lesbian? My opinion is that it only becomes an issue if a person is doing a long drawn out kiss, grabby hands, taking off clothes and or hopping into bed and having sex with some one else to be cheating.
It's up to you whether you share this piece or not. Considering how he reacted to the first confession, he may well feel upset or threatened by this extra info from the same evening, so if you can in your mind come to terms with and not feel guilt over having left this out, that would be a good choice. You are determined to never do this sort of thing again so confessing the kiss of the gay friend isn't going to make you any more determined. I am for honesty in relationships but on this, I can't tell you to confess or not, only to give you other viewpoints and ways of thinking about the situation in your mind.
I hope you learned something from your drunken incident. Now you know just what kind of drunk you are. Some become mean when drunk, you have the tendency to become too friendly and promiscuous. You can expect the same behavior every time you get that drunk. So the only way to avoid finding yourself in such a situation again is to learn what your limit in drinking is. How much you can drink before you feel tipsy, this is the point where I notice the first time I reach for my drink and have trouble doing so smoothly. i am already drunk at that point, but for myself, still at a point of control of my actions and choices. At that point, I quit drinking as I don't like losing control of myself and have never lost control and become drunk enough to do things I shouldn't. Good luck dear.
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 yrs. we live together and we love each other. But a lot has changed and we don't do anything anymore. He asks for money every time I get paid. And all I wanna do is hang out with him. But I'm just confused about everything. What should I do?
Change can be for the better or worse. I assume you mean things have gotten worse in the relationship. Have you talked with him, letting him know what things in particular you have concerns about? Rules, expectations of each other and boundaries should have been set up at the beginning of the relationship. But its not too late to start now. This of course will take his input and cooperation and will change some dynamics of the relationship...hopefully for the better. If he fails to sticks by the rules and boundaries you both agree upon, then you will know it is time to dump him.
22/F my LD boyfriend has been acting different lately. We had a great thanksgiving together. But a week after he left he decided to go to his friends house (the friend that encouraged him to cheat on me the first time) and he knows I didn't want him to but he did it anyway. Ever since we argued things have just been getting worse. He doesn't seem like he cares to try anymore and says it's my fault. Last night got really bad he was calling me names and telling me to screw myself. He said that he just wanted to feel wanted (which is his way of saying I need to send him nude pics) I told him I'm not going to send him pics to try to fix us cause that's pathetic. Now he's just being rude. He doesn't call anymore and when he text he's short. He can't expect me to keep trying when he's treating me this way right? Literally my heart can't take it im trying not to give up but he's really giving me no choice I don't wanna be sad all the time.. What should I do?
You don't have to do anything. You said he's not calling anyways. the way he's treating you, would you say that he's treating you like a Queen? Doesnt look like that to me. It is not the behavior of a man who loves a woman. If he does start calling and texting, all you need to do is not respond.
You're a smart girl, I can tell from what you wrote that you have pretty much figured out there's something wrong and very pathetic about him and his expectations of a relationship.
So continue to stick to your guns and not cave in and lower your standards just to get the attention from a man. It is true that women love, crave attention from men and this is what gets them in trouble because they wait for a guy to pay them attention and they fall for him whether it is good or bad attention. You can certainly do better than the bad attention he's giving you.
Hint: LDR's rarely work. A few odd ones do, but usually to two have known each other before being separated by school or wife from husband going into army or such. For the most part, the things that a relationship needs, including trust, are impossible to get from an online relationship. So our imagination fills in on the good things we imagine are there, like what a hug or kiss from him feels like. You cant' possibly know until face to face. I did online dating to find 2nd husband. Talked to lots of great guys on line but once I met initially for coffee, discovered there was no chemistry between us. The difference is like getting a kiss on the lips from your brother vs from your lover. And its caused by having or not having the same type of pheremones in common. This is something you cant change being your own body chemistry and certainly something that cant be determined on line. Yes you can fall in love on line only to find that there is no spark once you meet in person. So I learned to not use the internet long term to invest time with a guy on line because in the end it still might not work. You are much better off sticking with people you can meet face to face for a dating relationship.
Good luck dear.
Is it worth sacrificing your dream career for the sake of your boyfriend?
Hi, am a girl and i've done m.sc in molecular anthropology from a university far from my home.and during my graduation my bf came to the place from where I was pursuing my b.sc.he had a career placement option in a good city but he came to me for the sake of our relationship.though I didn't tell or force him to come or I haven't even influenced him.but when I got a better chance in that univ for m.sc, I just went their.my bf got hurt n he stopped trusting me n what I used to say about our future together.n he go back to his home cause he couldn't find a suitable job there.now I am back to him and he has gone to a remote place where there is no job option and university from where I can pursue my PhD.whereas I got a chance in my previous university.now he doesn't want me to go there and telling me to become a school teacher instead.and if I go he'll break up with me.what should I do?i love him so much.i already have lived 2years far from him, lonely and insecured and our relationship was at the verge of break up.
The type of decisions that were needed between the two of you of school vs career and where to live and where work can be found are very deep issues and most couples who have some kind of life time partnership or marriage are the ones battling such things and talking it out with each other, making compromises and coming to agreements and making a decision together. Together is the word. Is this someone you want to be married to, making those kinds of life decisions together with? If so, the two of you need to do some talking. Dating and BF/GF stuff is all about finding the person who is right for you, then you make a commitment to be with each other for life. If in dating, you find things that make you feel like you're settling for less, you break up and move on to the next person. You say you love him but right now but of you are operating in your lives as singles. Either of you being upset with choices the other made that are of the significance we're talking about, is assuming or expecting too much from just a boyfriend or girlfriend, someone to whom no life commitment has been made to yet. Even if you don't mean to marry for a few years yet, if the two of you have both spoken of and agreed on being together in the future, hopefully for life, then that's the same as being an engaged couple even without a ring and official party. A ring or party doesnt make your commitment any more real than it already is. So if the case if that both of you are committed, then you need to sit and have a good talk and come to some sort of plan and agreement together. If you cannot, there is no reason to continue the relationship, no matter the feelings you both have because you are at odds on decisions and long term relationships such as marriage require a lot of compromising and discussing and comeing to agreements together. If you can't get past this first big one successfully, it should be a hint to not take the relationship any further.
This question is about my mom. Everywhere I turn to ask for help with verbal abuse regarding a parent, I always get stuck because most places that deal with abuse deal with relationships and marriages. It is rare that at almost 24, I am still living with my family. But, please let me explain. I come from a very, very controlling family. I almost went away for college, but they begged me to stay. Since then, I have not had the money to move out. Everything is SO expensive. I know that people have advised me to get a roommate. But, it's a lot easier said than done. People don't just want to live with other random people. This is not a college dorm. I don't have any friends. And my family is pretty much the same as my mom. I think it would be appropriate for me to explain.
I am adopted. I was adopted when I was born, so this is my only family. But, I was adopted into a Hispanic family and I stick out like a soar thumb because I look very much American. My family has made it a POINT to talk about how much they hate white people. I feel extremely offended because it's like they don't see me for the person that I am. I didn't find out that I was adopted until I was 18. The reason was because my grandparents threatened my mom not to say anything. That's the way that everything works. Everything is threats and secrecy. My grandparents and my aunts and uncles all say that my mom is the way she is because "she wants the best for me." Read the following and tell me if you think that this is someone who wants the best for me.
For the entire time that I was in college, I was working my behind off in hopes that once I graduated,I would have all of my studies paid for and some money left over to put towards the down payment of a property. I also had a small savings so that when I get married, I could use, since my parents don't have a lot of money. I had to use ALL of that money because once I graduated college and took a look at my credit score, I found out that my mom had stolen my identity and used several credit cards in my name. I used my savings to pay it all off.
When I was 18 years old, my family was heavily involved in the occult. My mom took me to this warlock because she wanted me to get my ex-boyfriend back and left me alone with him in a room, where he raped me. I am since a born-again Christian and I have decided to remain pure in my relationships. Yet, my mom has A LOT of input when it comes to relationships. I will get into that later.
Throughout high school, I was bullied very severely by teachers. My mom had the option of taking me out of that school and putting me in another school. Yet, she chose to keep me there, bullied and tormented because she wanted to see me graduate in a white dress (we graduate from there in a white dress vs. traditional cap and gown).
I have made some wonderful friends, who I feel that been with me through thick and then. She has literally kicked them out of the house for NO REASON. She puts me down continuously. The other day, I told her that I had made some new friends at church and that I was very excited. She told me that I was wasting my time with boring people and that she didn't think that I should be hanging out with girls unless they are going to introduce me to a guy. In addition, she told me that she thinks I probably look like garbage next to all of those people. First of all, that isn't true. Second of all, it made me sad because I thought I looked so pretty to go to church that day. I was wearing a new dress with pantyhose and these beautiful wedges. I was actually so proud of how I put myself together. Then, she came and said, "it's not good enough." She is constantly telling that I'm not good enough, that I'm ugly, and making up some stuff about how I'm "not the same person" and how she wishes things could "go back." She is referring to when I was in high school. Well, I'm sorry, but they can't. They can't go back to when I was 16 because I'm 24 now. My priorities are different. She wants to keep me a baby forever. Let me also mention that she does not allow me to sleep in my own bed. If my grandmother sees me walking into my own room, she will be like "go back into your other room." There's no sense of privacy.
So, I have a boyfriend and we've been together for 3 years. My mom hates him. She decided to hate him when we were a year and a half into the relationship. By then, I had already fallen in love. She started threatening me to break up with him and I told her that I did. Since, I hid it on Facebook and I have met with him in secret. I have started to question the relationship because of her hatred towards him. Wondering if it will ever work out, if I can really have a wedding without my mom. She made me two profiles on match.com and christian mingle. In the attempt to cover up my relationship from her, I spoke with people (for show, this was in front of her) through the computer. What I discovered was that they were extremely creepy. Any doubts that I had about my boyfriend were cleared up pretty quick. Yet, there are things that make me question about the future. We don't have similar goals. But, I would like to explore this outside of my mother's influence.
The GREAT NEWS is that I will be moving next month! I am going back to school and will be moving about half an hour away. I think that this will make it easier to explore these questions outside of my family's influence. If this relationship is not going to work, I want to be the one to figure it out. Not my mom. It makes me so angry that at my age, I have to sneak around like a teenager. She just does't respect me as an adult.
My questions are the following
1) How do I deal with this? I love my mom. I don't hate her. I also forgive her. But, I can't just feel better from what she says, because she hasn't exactly apologized either. I just forgive her in my heart
2) How can I expect that she wants the best for me when she was so obsessed with my ex boyfriend that she took me to a rapist to get him back? That doesn't sound like someone in their right mind! That's why I question her judgement on my boyfriend. Because I think... how can I believe she wants the best for me/ What if he is the best for me? Who is she to decide, particularly with such a clouded judgement?
3) How can I tell her? I am deathly afraid to tell her! I have dreams that she finds us somewhere eating dinner and comes to choke me. Just to prove how afraid of I am. When she gets angry, she is violent. She throws things, says that she's going to kill herself, etc.
My dad is not so much in the picture. He helps financially when he can but won't go against her. My family is the SAME. Actually, my grandfather and uncle recently stole credit from my mom as well. It seems that this is the norm. People don't view others as individuals. They just view them as an extension of themselves. They think I am going to school because I don't love them. My mom even suggested that I don't go to school and stay home! I can't even live at home anymore while I go to school! They have no respect for when I am studying. I have no desk, I don't even have my own bedroom. Please provide any advice you may have.
God bless!
Tell all of this to your Pastor or Priest. Perhaps they can as a church family come together with a solution for you, with a church member opening their home to give you a room. When my daughter turned 18 and wanted to be on her own, she asked at the church she attended, different one from ours and they found an older woman who could take her in. She couldn't afford to pay for her room but her desire to be out on her own was so great, no crisis at home, that her church found her a place.
Surely you could find some kind of support from the family of god, right?
What you have is some people in the family who are very dysfunctional and most likely have some sort of mental illness. I was in a verbally abusive 1st marriage and stayed 30 years before i gave up. I understand the part of loving these people who are your only family and being able to forgive them. You are stuck where I was. the church taught us to trust God to Heal our marriage. Well, that's what I believed until much later in life, God got through to me and said, Your husband has the same free will as you do. Just because someone does something contrary to God like ways, doesn't mean I will take away his will and make him changed instantly into a better person. You can love and forgive him but YOU also need to love yourself enough to not want to expose yourself to such treatment any longer. Once I realized I had a choice to think of my own welfare first, that when God warned me, If you do not leave this relationship within 4 yrs time, you will be dead from the stress. I left, but it took more convincing of me. the best scripture for me was when Jesus says, "Love the Lord your God and love your neighbor as yourself." I was thinking it was selfish to put my own welfare first. But if you really look at it, its saying you have to be able to love yourself first before being able to love your neighbor. And you can't pick and choose in what situations you'll put your welfare first and in what ones you don't. Its all or nothing when it comes to loving yourself. I am remarried and don't see the ex very often but when I do, there are no bad feelings and he treats me civilly.
So don't dwell on the crazy family drama, it seems they thrive on it and want you to remain involved in their drama, and abuse. It is not good for your health. The level of stress will eventually catch up with you...a slow process, not sick overnight. I didn't leave because I wanted out. I left because of what GOD said to me. So pray and see what he has for you. I am sure He never meant for you to put up with this until the day they get old and die. That's what you face if staying, more of the same with no end in sight. Go for help at your church dear.
Okay, so my friend is anorexic but she completely opened up yesterday. She told me that being skinny is perfection and that she wants to be a skeleton. I explained to her that this is just anorexia talking but she told me things like: "dont you dare help me","I will never forgive you", "i know what i am doing" and "if you help me you will trigger me more". I know that this is not my friend talking and i don't care if she never forgives me. I will do anything to save her life. Her body is really skinny right now. There are bones everywhere and it makes me so sad. She also told me that she would rather die than gain more weight. When she said that, i decided to get help but i don't know how. Should i go to a teacher? And if yes, what do I tell him? Please give me as much detail as possible!
You mentioned teacher but not ages of you and her. If she is not 18 yet, her parents are responsible for her. I would think her parents could tell something was very wrong with her and take her to counseling. I do know know how much detail she shared. So perhaps is she taken to counseling and choosing to refuse responding to therapy. You could ask her that at least. Although I can't say whether she would be honest in her reply if she doesnt want to talk a bout the subject. You could try speaking to school counselors and telling them you have a concern for your friend. You simply want to know if they are aware of her situation and then share what she's told you, if she's a minor, then all adults in authority need to be aware of whats going on with her. As to what legal things can be done to help her, I do not know, but just in case, she's somehow kept this hidden from everyone, parents, teachers, then it would be a good thing to tell them what you know. Then it is up to the adults to get help for the minor child.
It is more complicated if she is an adult now. I do not know the laws regarding what can be done for her if this is so. Perhaps you'll find usseful information on line in support groups for family and friends of an anorexic person.
Here's one:http://www.helpguide.org/articles/eating-disorders/helping-someone-with-an-eating-disorder.htm
You can find many more by using search words "support for family of anorexics"
GOOD LUCK
Recently, two girls who I live with at Uni have stopped talking to me. As in they never make the effort to say anything if I come into the kitchen.
If I do say Hi, they never bother to say hi back anymore.
This all started two weeks ago, and just yesterday we happened to be on the same bus as each other and completely ignored one another.
There are some guys and four girls in my house, one girl being myself.
The two 'ignoring' girls fell out with the other girl over two months ago. I always tried to keep close with both 'sides'.
But recently (no idea why) these two girls have started ignoring me completely as well.
I have stopped speaking to them because theres no point-if they don't even respond. They're both 21 and I'm 19. It seems they chose someone in the house to 'go against' and spend their time bitching about that person. It happened in our house when we all lived together last year too.
I have already said i'm moving out with the girl I actually like, but the whole ignoring situation is causing me to miss mealtimes because they're in the kitchen, and my anxiety has gone through the roof-as I suffer badly anyway.
I don't want to be friends with them-because they're too hard work! But how do I get on speaking terms again? I feel intimidated at the thought of talking to them atm because when my friend tried they made her cry.
What do I do?!
If you havent straight out asked them why they are ignoring you, just wondering and hurt at being ignored, then at least make that step to ask if you have said or done anything to hurt one of their feelings? If they don't answer or come up with a bunch of BS, then you can rest easy knowing that they are simply two immature kids even at 21, no better than middle schoolers. They simply haven't grown up.
I understand you live in the same house, but is it actually crucial to talk, I mean are there things that need discussing and scheduling since you share space together? For example, if meals all are coordinated and all flatmates take turns cooking or planning the meals for the week, that would require speaking to each other.
People don't have to be friends to be sharing space but it would be nice to be civil and that would mean at least acknowledging the other flatmates presence with a look and a nod at the very least or a Hi or Good morning.
Since it isn't just you they've treated this way but the other girl too, my guess is that it isn't anything you or the first girl have said or done. Why ever would you want to strike up a friendship with them, or even a conversation? They aren't worth it.
Let me ask this. If one of them were to speak to you tomorrow, would you remain silent and ignore them? My guess is that you would begin answering and holding a conversation like normal people do. You make a choice to answer them. Are they able to force you to speak if you don't want to? No. Same in reverse. There is nothing you can do to get on speaking terms. If the communicating line is open at your end, they must also make the choice to begin speaking on their end. It is a choice that must come from inside them. If they refuse to talk and continue to ignore you and that is too uncomfortable for you, look for somewhere else to rent. Life is too short to be spent in the presense of immature, mean, spiteful, ignorant people.
Is der any chance of pregnancy evn aftr we havn't had sex bt my penis actualy touches my grl's vagina and the sperm comes out
The drops of precum that form on the tip of the penis have sperm in it, same as does your ejaculate or cum. The precum is there for the purpose of lubrication for your penis in anticipation of entering the female. Your body will create this, even if you do not intend to enter her.
Depositing sperm at the entrance to the vagina, on her lips there, is enough chance for some sperm to survive the journey and make it to an egg of hers to fertilize it at which point she is pregnant. tHE Sperms journey is several days in length, more like a week, but she would have to be ovulating (producing an egg) at the time. The only issue with watching the calender for teen girls is that their cycles(period) is not regular at this age. It will become regular in a few years but for teens it can come twice in one month, or not show up for 3 months which makes following a monthly cycle to know when she is ovulating, impossible to do.
If this has been a day or two ago, she needs to immediately go to pharmacy for the Plan B emergency contraception pill. If she delays, it wont' be effective. If its beyond 5 days ago this happened, she'll have to buy a pregnancy test and follow the instructions as to how soon she can take it to get a good reading. Or she can go to Planned Parenthood for that test. If not pregnant, it would still be a good idea for her to be on birth control even if all you plan to do is mutual masturbation for each other.
suppose if I remove sperm daily will it effect me after my marriage while I am doing sex with my wife.
Not sure what you are asking but I'll give it a try.
Your body keeps on producing sperm. There is no way to get rid of it by ejaculating more often. If you are married and not wanting anymore pregnancies or children, one way is for you to get a vasectomy, a much simpler and easier to recover from procedure than for the wife to get her tubes tied.
If you are wondering if the amount of sperm in your cum is going to affect the quality of sex with your wife, no it will not. You may be better off asking her what she wants you to do to please her in sex. It's the amount of time you take to work on her, how you use your mouth, tongue, fingers and penis, that will make sex satisfying for her if the two of you have a strong chemistry together.
Hi i am 15 and i met this guy online.
I was bored do i signed up on a social site . When i met him he said he thought i was nice and stuff. Btw he was 22 and i was 14 then. He said that it was sad that our age diff. Was so bad and that although we clearly liked each other he was afraid if he do sonething i dont like i would report him. But then he began trusting me and we dated for 2mths then he broke up with me saying that i am too young for this relationship and that i should get someone my age.i really dont know what happened to my feelings that day but i cried the entire day. After about 8mths we began talking again and dating. Only thing now is my parents know about him. I told him that they knew and he said if our relationship was getting me into trouble i should end it and wait til i am older but i cant. I told him how i felt about him and he said that sadly he didnt love me.he just liked me a lot and he cant promise we will be together in real life.i am so messed up right now and i am hoping he will love me since at first he didnt trust me and now he does. Please give me some advise...and dont say forget about him coz i cant .we tried being friends but we like each too much
Age difference between two people doesn't matter if both are legally adults. You have 3 more years until you're an adult at 18, so as far as being in relationships whether internet LDRs or in real life, right now an adult male is not appropriate for you for many reasons. You said the parents know but not what they have said to you how they feel or if they had any rules for you. That is an important factor.
If they could care less that you were chatting with him, perhaps you have parents that you wished took more interest in you and the things that are important to you and all you want is their attention, or attention from someone, and all you could find that met your needs for attention was this guy on line.
On the other hand, if you have caring parents who give you boundaries and one is to not chat with adult males online or date in person, you may feel grownup enough to make your own decisions without any input from anyone else. THE problem with that thought is that all teenagers, me included when I was your age, all have a part of our brain that is not done growing yet at that age. The prefrontal cortex isn't completely mature until our mid twenties or later for some. This part of brain is responsible for quite a few things among which one is determining the best decisions and choices, able to see all the possible problems down the road, etc.
It is entirely possible he is telling the truth and doesnt have any feelings of love for you. At your age, what girls desire is attention from men who can be trusted, like a father, non sexual in nature but acknowledgement that she is growing up and turning into a beautiful young lady who will be turning the heads of boys. That is a need in all young girls, to have their young womanhood acknowledged but some who don't get that from a dad go looking for that kind of attention for a guy who will talk to her. And her first feelings for a guy she believes is love, is just puppy love, not the real serious thing needed to make a mature relationship last long term. For men, there can be loneliness and just wanting social interaction in conversation. But a great majority from teens and twenties are horny alot and just want a girl to agree to be their girlfriend and then demand she prove she loves him by having sex. A man desiring a girl cus she's attractive in personality or looks does not equal love. I could go into explaining what love really is but that would take up too much space here.
Here's some real life truths I will share:
No, we don't ever forget anyone we developed feelings for whether gf/bf type love, brotherly sisterly love like close friends, people come into our lives and sometimes move out of our lives, and the memories remain, we won't forget.
However in relationships/dating when you find the next person, one a step better for you and your situation, then the sting of missing them over time will grow less and you find you will eventually get over it emotionally, at least the part where you feel messed up and cry alot.
2nd truth is that internet relationships are a poor facsimile of the real thing mainly because the venue doesn't allow some needed things for a real honest to God relationship to develop and grow stronger. One example is trust. It is impossible to grow trust for each other, since you mentioned it, without being in each others lives face to face, close by, where the person be be observed and able to show by their consistancies that they truly are what they claim to be in personality, a trait like being monogamous and not cheating, etc. In real life when you show up at an appointed place and time for a date and the guy doesnt show up and has a flimsy excuse and that repeats several times, you would wonder if he is not interested anymore or seeing someone else. on the net, you have no way of knowing if your 23 yr old friend finally found a girlfriend in real life and is trying to let you down lightly by making the suggestions he is because you're not there with him to discover if its so or not.
LDRs are mainly therefore, theater of the mind. The things you can't know about him or how it feels, your mind makes up, make believe, to fill in the spots that can't be known long distance such as what a hug from him feels like or whether the two of you even have the same chemistry or not, this is a pheremone thing and people have differing types of pheremones. The guy with whom you have great chemistry will have a similar chemistry to you, its what makes the difference of a kiss feeling like it came from a lover vs it came from your brother. No matter how gorgeous the guy is. I had an opportunity to meet once for a date a guy who looked like a model, hot hot hot, but unfortunately, tho we did great chatting online, in person, there was no chemistry. Without chemistry, all a guy can be is a best friend, cus the romance part will be missing.
I suggest that you practice dating skills for now by going out with guys your age or if they are too immature for you, waiting until you turn 18, and then dating whomever you wish. Good luck.
My girlfriend recently broke up with me. She said the way we communicate, and the way we think is different.
She is a lot more emotional than I am, and suffers from depression. Because of this she tries her very best to be optimistic about everything. She's a dreamer, I am not. I am a realist. I'm in my head a lot. This can sometimes upset her when we have long talks because she wants to remain positive even knowing there is so much negative going on.
I told her that often times these two types of people end up with/need each other. The realist to keep the dreamer grounded and the the dreamer to get the realist off the ground sometimes.
Then there is the communication aspect. She claims I'm dismissive, and I agree, sometimes I am. But to be fair, sometimes she will talk about something I generally don't have much of a reaction to. Other times I just have so much to say that I will dismiss what she said, and say what I have to say. Which is not okay, but sometimes hard to control. (Ever since kindergarten I've had troubles raising my hand before speaking)
I really want her back. I know things can't go back to normal right away but am I crazy to think that there is a possibility? She kept mentioning that maybe for right now we're not good for each other; imply that there is a chance that someday we will be.
Hello,
I can't say whether she will give you another chance but here's some helpful wisdom I've gained the hard way, with a first marriage that didn't work out. On my part, it wasn't for lack of myself working hard at it and being positive. It takes both people putting in equal effort and willing to do lots of compromising. Not trying to, cus try means you're leaving an out for failure. As Yoda said, Do or do not, there is no try. I have my own saying from my experiences which will help if you plan to do it and find a girl who will to. Here it is: "Happily ever after doesn't happen just because you wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so."
I agree with the other advicegiver that the word "MAYBE" is also another word just as iffy as "try". It's not a for sure thing you can count on.
You will need to study up on what life is like for a person who suffers depression, understand it from a clinical aspect if you intend to go after her again. She is going to need a special kind of understanding and support from you. You don't go into such a relationship blindly cus "gee, I like her cus she looks so cute". Not good enough.
Then there is the issue that you have as you mentioned here. She cannot change you. If you realize there is room for improvement in you, that desire for change must come from within. Until you are fully desiring to improve on that, you won't. I know what I am talking about. Once upon a time I had something I needed to change. I was extremely shy and afraid of people. Eventually I got to the point of being so tired of being that way and wanting to be confident and outgoing like my dad that I decided I would change. then no matter how big the struggle was during the change period, I stuck with it. Good communication is important in a relationship. Its not just talking at your partner about your events of the day or talking about current events in the world that catch your attention, anyone can do that. It's the sharing of ones hopes and dreams. Each partner being willing to uphold and encourage their partners dreams, also building them up, not just generic compliments but taking notice of fine details in her character or what she's done and complimenting her and supporting what she does. She may be more like me, tending to ramble in conversation but able to get more to the point in writing. If she has a need to be heard, and has something to say, she might want to consider keeping a journal, writing you occasional letters as an experiment if she can be more to the point for you, or use writing as an outlet. Perhaps she will publish a book someday.
She might still care enough about you that she wishes it would work out but knowing she has no power to change you, figures that it will never work out. I think you might be the determining factor in that case as to whether it does or doesn't.
Hi,
I'm a 25 year old Female, who is having difficulties with my boyfriend. We haven't had an easy start to our relationship, and it's not good now as well. I met my boyfriend, who's 27, at my work. We flirted for about a year (I moved away and came back during that time period) and after a year I wanted something more serious. I told him I wanted to be with him and date, he said he just wanted to take it slow and see where it went. Meanwhile I overheard he was flirting with other girls at work as well. So, I didn't put much investment into him seeing that he wasn't ready. I met someone who did try to court me, and made me feel like he genuinely wanted to be with me. When my now boyfriend saw that, he then decided that he wanted to be with me. I stopped seeing the other fellow and dating my current boyfriend. If I told you all the ups and downs of our relationship I would be here all night. The gist of it is that, I haven't felt like he has ever put in that effort to date me, to make me feel special. I mean yes, he takes me to movies and dinners which is wonderful. But he doesn't put effort into making our relationship original or special. He is on his phone or iPad all the time when we are together. I feel incredibly bored, and I make a point to not be on my phone... But it comes to a point where I am so bored with the non communication that I give in. Recently I got a job in another city, I asked him to come with me. He was unsure about going for 6 months... As I looked for jobs, found apartments, planned the move. He was uninvolved for the process. And even to this day he had told me that he was unsure about moving until the day of... After we had signed the lease, and packed things up! So we have been here two months, and everything has gone wrong. I hate my job, I don't like the city we are in, and our relationship is as bad as ever. He said a week ago that he "made up his mind that he wants to be with me" and is trying. I guess he is but is buying flowers and trying to cuddle with me really trying. Sadly I feel like it is too late. I just feel exhausted with everything, especially our relationship. I feel numb. I told him that I don't think I feel romantically attached to him and that I don't think we should live together. He flips out on me and saying how I'm bailing (I guess I am in a sense) on him, and how he moved here for me. We've had these discussions for weeks now. He has a drinking issue, and tonight he came home drunk and proceeded to tell me how selfish I am and how I'm a "fucking bitch". Am I being a "selfish bitch" ? Should I put more effort in it, or when do you throw in the towel?
From what you said, it doesnt sound like you are selfish, just cautious and honestly wanting to make the best choice in a guy however without having a clue as to what the perfect guy for you might look like in looks and personality.
One hazard for not just relationships but even friendships with young people today is that many have grown up with technology and have their i phones or ipads and are so attached to them its like another apendage on their body, or it's like an addiction, same as smoking, drugs, gambling, drinking. It is an addiction when it interfere's with ability to work, do school, or with home life and ability to have some face to face time with their partner. You can't change that in him, nor can you change anything else. The desire to change must come from within him. Even if he did, I wonder if there is enough pheremones in common for a great chemistry connection between you. With all the false starts or lack of interest in the beginning for him, either he didn't know what he was looking for or is settling for less or the chemistry isn't what it should be between you which means if not losing interest now, soon one of you or both will lose interest in each other and leave or remain together and be unhappy.
A person with a drinking issue is never a good choice for a romantic partner.
I am sorry to hear that the new job and city didn't work out for you. If he was truly caring about being in a relationship and willing to move with you, a joint venture, he would have been the adult you were and plan all the details of the move, thats the adult thing to do. Instead he left it all to you. Which could mean several things, he is looking for a gal he likes reasonably well enough to have sex with but there's no really big passion there, because he is looking for a girl to take care of him, make all the adult decisions and take care of him. Looking for the mommy figure with sex.
Or, the drinking may indicate at something in his past, perhaps growing up, how he was raised, where how he was treated, or never allowed to learn to grown up, leaves him not only angry but emotionally and mentally crippled as an adult, unable to do the things that most adults need to do to live day to day and thus, he makes no decisions, or holds out to the last minute to make a decision once the work is all done.
You found a new job, did he? If he isn't working, you're not only carrying the decision making, but carrying things financially too.
I don't know if you are looking for just companionship for right now or if you are looking for a potential future marriage partner. If its just companionship, not marriage, it still deserves having someone who can carry their own weight, is able to be the adult, and willing to put lots of time into the relationship which is hard work. Happily ever after doesnt happen just because you wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so.
As for gifts of flowers and such to show he cares or loves you, all people have different ways of what they will recognize as proof that someone loves them and have a particular way they want to show love. Giving of gifts is one, but I will put in a link for you to read up on the others.
http://verilymag.com/dr-gary-chapman-explains-the-5-love-languages/
This may come in handy for you in the future as I fear that there are too many things about the current guy that do not make him the best choice for boyfriend or husband material.
Go with your heart. You already want to bail it sounds like. If you don't, you'll be unhappy. You need a home to come to where the mate waiting for you is like that shelter from the storm of your world, when nothing else is going right, at least you are rejuvenated, bolstered up, encouraged, and loved in ways that charge you up so you can go back out ready to handle whatever the world has to throw at you. You need this and don't have it right now, at least not with him. Can he be that love, encouragement and shelter for you? Maybe, someday. But my ex's counselor in answer to my question how soon I might see improvement in him, told me that most people change very slowly if at all in their entire lifetime, perhaps making one major change and improvement before they die. I could not wait around for him to get there as this was an abusive relationship. If you believe you can live with him as is, with no improvement for the rest of your life, then go for it. But don't count on him changing. If improvements do come later, then its a wonderful, unexpected but happy surprise.
One last thing, it helps to know who you really are inside, like selling yourself for a job interview, only to be able to explain to guys you meet, who you are and therefore, what you need in a guy. A list of needs are criteria for a guy to meet that are not negotiable. If he can't meet these major points on your list, it's a deal breaker and you stop seeing him. I prayed after my divorce and in a dream Angels told me to make a list of what I was looking for in a guy, needs and wants. It was helpful to me to keep refering to it as I met guys, there were plenty I came across because I put up a dating profile. If you have any other related questions or want me to explain more about the list for finding Mr. Right, let me know by writing to my column, sending your mssg there. good luck dear!