|
15 yr old and 23 yr old relationship
Hi i am 15 and i met this guy online.
I was bored do i signed up on a social site . When i met him he said he thought i was nice and stuff. Btw he was 22 and i was 14 then. He said that it was sad that our age diff. Was so bad and that although we clearly liked each other he was afraid if he do sonething i dont like i would report him. But then he began trusting me and we dated for 2mths then he broke up with me saying that i am too young for this relationship and that i should get someone my age.i really dont know what happened to my feelings that day but i cried the entire day. After about 8mths we began talking again and dating. Only thing now is my parents know about him. I told him that they knew and he said if our relationship was getting me into trouble i should end it and wait til i am older but i cant. I told him how i felt about him and he said that sadly he didnt love me.he just liked me a lot and he cant promise we will be together in real life.i am so messed up right now and i am hoping he will love me since at first he didnt trust me and now he does. Please give me some advise...and dont say forget about him coz i cant .we tried being friends but we like each too much
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Some people say age doesn't matter when it comes to relationships. Those people are somewhat right and somewhat wrong.
Once you reach a certain age in your life, well into adulthood, the differences between where you are in your state of being can be minimal and thus not really matter. However, that's not the case during youth.
Science and psychology both tell us that when people are young, the gap between maturity level and emotional maturity is significantly greater between just a few years. For example, the emotional and physical gap between an eight grade girl and an 11th grade boy is huge even though it's only four years age difference. One the other hand, a 42 year old woman and a 65 year old man, even with the 23 year age difference, are likely to be on a much more emotionally and physically compatible level.
I know you may not want to hear this but he is right in some ways. At this stage in your life, the two of you are biologically and psychologically to far apart for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
It's fine to be friends for now but that's probably all. If you don't think that is possible, then you do have a decision to make, you can either part ways (which does not imply that you have to forget him) or you can try to make a friendship work despite your doubts.
]
If you real and truly love this person you will walk away from this relationship. You say your parents know about him and you hint that you could be in trouble for it. Fact is if you do not walk away if it continues you parents will see it not as you continuing the relationship but him doings so. I am a parent and I am old enough to be your grandfather. This is what I would think if I you were my daughter and I told you not to be involved with him in any manner any longer. Then I find the relationship is continuing.
This relationship is illegal in all states and most western countries. You are under the age of consent and you are not an adult. There is a 7 year age difference between you. This is grounds for him being arrested under the law of statutory rape. There does not have to be any sex involved. If you two have met in person and dated as you have said. The standards under the law have been met for his arrest. As your parent I would file charges against him.
Even if you do not give him up he should be old enough and mature enough to understand the position he is in by taking you on a date. With your parents permission you can be friends, pen pals if you like but you cannot meet alone in any form of a date or be in any form of a lover/loving relationship as it is a danger to him under the law.
Depending on the laws in your state you too could be in trouble with the law for seeing this man. So like it or not in the best interest of you and this man the best advice is to not see him, not communicate with him in any manner for at least the next three years unless you can get your parents permission.
]
Age difference between two people doesn't matter if both are legally adults. You have 3 more years until you're an adult at 18, so as far as being in relationships whether internet LDRs or in real life, right now an adult male is not appropriate for you for many reasons. You said the parents know but not what they have said to you how they feel or if they had any rules for you. That is an important factor.
If they could care less that you were chatting with him, perhaps you have parents that you wished took more interest in you and the things that are important to you and all you want is their attention, or attention from someone, and all you could find that met your needs for attention was this guy on line.
On the other hand, if you have caring parents who give you boundaries and one is to not chat with adult males online or date in person, you may feel grownup enough to make your own decisions without any input from anyone else. THE problem with that thought is that all teenagers, me included when I was your age, all have a part of our brain that is not done growing yet at that age. The prefrontal cortex isn't completely mature until our mid twenties or later for some. This part of brain is responsible for quite a few things among which one is determining the best decisions and choices, able to see all the possible problems down the road, etc.
It is entirely possible he is telling the truth and doesnt have any feelings of love for you. At your age, what girls desire is attention from men who can be trusted, like a father, non sexual in nature but acknowledgement that she is growing up and turning into a beautiful young lady who will be turning the heads of boys. That is a need in all young girls, to have their young womanhood acknowledged but some who don't get that from a dad go looking for that kind of attention for a guy who will talk to her. And her first feelings for a guy she believes is love, is just puppy love, not the real serious thing needed to make a mature relationship last long term. For men, there can be loneliness and just wanting social interaction in conversation. But a great majority from teens and twenties are horny alot and just want a girl to agree to be their girlfriend and then demand she prove she loves him by having sex. A man desiring a girl cus she's attractive in personality or looks does not equal love. I could go into explaining what love really is but that would take up too much space here.
Here's some real life truths I will share:
No, we don't ever forget anyone we developed feelings for whether gf/bf type love, brotherly sisterly love like close friends, people come into our lives and sometimes move out of our lives, and the memories remain, we won't forget.
However in relationships/dating when you find the next person, one a step better for you and your situation, then the sting of missing them over time will grow less and you find you will eventually get over it emotionally, at least the part where you feel messed up and cry alot.
2nd truth is that internet relationships are a poor facsimile of the real thing mainly because the venue doesn't allow some needed things for a real honest to God relationship to develop and grow stronger. One example is trust. It is impossible to grow trust for each other, since you mentioned it, without being in each others lives face to face, close by, where the person be be observed and able to show by their consistancies that they truly are what they claim to be in personality, a trait like being monogamous and not cheating, etc. In real life when you show up at an appointed place and time for a date and the guy doesnt show up and has a flimsy excuse and that repeats several times, you would wonder if he is not interested anymore or seeing someone else. on the net, you have no way of knowing if your 23 yr old friend finally found a girlfriend in real life and is trying to let you down lightly by making the suggestions he is because you're not there with him to discover if its so or not.
LDRs are mainly therefore, theater of the mind. The things you can't know about him or how it feels, your mind makes up, make believe, to fill in the spots that can't be known long distance such as what a hug from him feels like or whether the two of you even have the same chemistry or not, this is a pheremone thing and people have differing types of pheremones. The guy with whom you have great chemistry will have a similar chemistry to you, its what makes the difference of a kiss feeling like it came from a lover vs it came from your brother. No matter how gorgeous the guy is. I had an opportunity to meet once for a date a guy who looked like a model, hot hot hot, but unfortunately, tho we did great chatting online, in person, there was no chemistry. Without chemistry, all a guy can be is a best friend, cus the romance part will be missing.
I suggest that you practice dating skills for now by going out with guys your age or if they are too immature for you, waiting until you turn 18, and then dating whomever you wish. Good luck.
]
More Questions: |