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ANOREXIC FRIEND?!?!
Okay, so my friend is anorexic but she completely opened up yesterday. She told me that being skinny is perfection and that she wants to be a skeleton. I explained to her that this is just anorexia talking but she told me things like: "dont you dare help me","I will never forgive you", "i know what i am doing" and "if you help me you will trigger me more". I know that this is not my friend talking and i don't care if she never forgives me. I will do anything to save her life. Her body is really skinny right now. There are bones everywhere and it makes me so sad. She also told me that she would rather die than gain more weight. When she said that, i decided to get help but i don't know how. Should i go to a teacher? And if yes, what do I tell him? Please give me as much detail as possible!
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Sadly, like many other psychological/emotional aliments that cause major physical problems, anorexia is something that is all too common.
I admire the fact that you want to help you friend regardless of the consequences (her saying she'll never forgive you and things like that). After all, this is indeed the attitude of a true friend. That being said, anorexia, like any other addictive disorder or behavior, can only be fully stopped once the person who suffers from it decides to accept the problem and take his or her own action to fix it.
The fact that she finally opened up to you may be that she's on the road to that discovery and acceptance, even if it doesn't seem like it.
If you do go to someone from the school, I would suggest going to a counselor and not a teacher, they have more experience and expertise in these areas.
From a personal standpoint, I would also suggest trying to do anything and everything you can, in a subtle and not blatantly obvious sort of way, to show her that weight is not an indication of self worth, beauty or perfection. For example, watch TV shows or movies with her that have normal or even chubby women in the read roles. Tell her how catchy the hit song "All About the Bass' is. Mention some of the women you admire and just happen to work in the names of some fuller figured ladies.
Basically and somewhat subliminally, plant the seed in her head that her value is not tired to her weight.
Good luck.
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Let me first say you are a good friend. It is far better she hate you then attend her funeral for that is where she is headed if she is not given proper help for this disorder.
Going to a teacher or your school principal is an excellent idea. Once you tell them what she has told you there are guidelines they should follow. These include notifying her parents and Child Protective services.
I would also suggest you speak to your parents especially if your parents and hers are friends. If the school takes no action; meaning your friend does not come up to you and scream at you for telling on her. Then you and your parents can make a report to the police who will investigate for child abuse.
If as you say your friend is so underweight that her bones are sticking out her parents should be aware that something is wrong. If they have not done anything to correct her eating disorder then they are guilty of child abuse and the Police will step in and see that your friend is hospitalized and receive proper treatment for her disorder.
You can also skip telling the school officials anything and go right to telling the police by calling 911 and asking for an officer to come to your home so you can tell the officer what your friend told you. If you feel this is the best and quickest way to protect your friend from herself. I would suggest first telling your parents although that is not necessary. Anyone including you can call the police and advise them of someone in danger. Your friend is definitely someone in danger.
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It's good that she has opened-up and talked to you. But I'm afraid that the comments she is expressing and that you are relating to us here signify a condition that a good old heart-to-heart with a good friend is simply not going to help on it's own. Believing she is in control is a sure sign that she is NOT. Far from it. You've noticed a significant physical deterioration, too far beyond being slim. And you've also noted that her skeleton/perfection comments are likewise far beyond the (acceptable) self-image aspirations of a normally adjusted person. That it is indeed "the anorexia talking". However much you feel that requests from a good friend for non-intervention should be respected you SHOULD SPEAK to a teacher and/or any competent adult you are referred to as a result. Mention a severe visible physical deterioration, and that she is talking about her body and her attitude to it in a really disturbing and frightening way. In a way that you know is all wrong, and dangerous. Arrange a confidential and private meeting with this teacher as soon as possible. And stress that you need to see some positive action agreed and set in motion at the end of the meeting. If he appears in any way reluctant to take you seriously, ask to speak to year or school heads of department AND anyone appointed as guidance or welfare counsellors/mentors at your school. Your friend is not a lost cause, not beyond help by any means. You've set this in motion, by noticing something is wrong, and with your cha. Now you have to have the confidence and bravery to see it through. Get busy, soon as possible! XX
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You mentioned teacher but not ages of you and her. If she is not 18 yet, her parents are responsible for her. I would think her parents could tell something was very wrong with her and take her to counseling. I do know know how much detail she shared. So perhaps is she taken to counseling and choosing to refuse responding to therapy. You could ask her that at least. Although I can't say whether she would be honest in her reply if she doesnt want to talk a bout the subject. You could try speaking to school counselors and telling them you have a concern for your friend. You simply want to know if they are aware of her situation and then share what she's told you, if she's a minor, then all adults in authority need to be aware of whats going on with her. As to what legal things can be done to help her, I do not know, but just in case, she's somehow kept this hidden from everyone, parents, teachers, then it would be a good thing to tell them what you know. Then it is up to the adults to get help for the minor child.
It is more complicated if she is an adult now. I do not know the laws regarding what can be done for her if this is so. Perhaps you'll find usseful information on line in support groups for family and friends of an anorexic person.
Here's one:[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
You can find many more by using search words "support for family of anorexics"
GOOD LUCK
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