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career and love
Is it worth sacrificing your dream career for the sake of your boyfriend?
Hi, am a girl and i've done m.sc in molecular anthropology from a university far from my home.and during my graduation my bf came to the place from where I was pursuing my b.sc.he had a career placement option in a good city but he came to me for the sake of our relationship.though I didn't tell or force him to come or I haven't even influenced him.but when I got a better chance in that univ for m.sc, I just went their.my bf got hurt n he stopped trusting me n what I used to say about our future together.n he go back to his home cause he couldn't find a suitable job there.now I am back to him and he has gone to a remote place where there is no job option and university from where I can pursue my PhD.whereas I got a chance in my previous university.now he doesn't want me to go there and telling me to become a school teacher instead.and if I go he'll break up with me.what should I do?i love him so much.i already have lived 2years far from him, lonely and insecured and our relationship was at the verge of break up.
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Dragonfly magic is on the right track in what she has written. Marriage is a 50/50 proposition a shared life together. You both have to share the pleasures and the sacrifices together.
At the moment it is a one way street from what you have written. He has found a job in a remote area that does not allow for you to pursue the career you have prepared for or to continue your education. His answer to the problem; get a teaching position.
First question: Would you be happy teaching. Don't be concerned that you are not prepared for a teaching position. My niece was not prepared when she decided to teach but like you she had a Masters Degree and the school system was very pleased to have her. They helped her get her teaching credentials over the summer and then she started as a teacher in the fall.
Second Question: Would you find teaching fulfilling.
If the answer to these questions are no, then there is a problem. No relationship is going to survive a situation in which one partner is making all the sacrifices. You are in love now but will love alone be fulfilling; this is the question you have to ask yourself.
We cannot and should not tell you to stay or to go. This is something you have to decide for yourself. What I can advice is that you sit down with the BF and talk to him. You do not say what it is he does for a living. IF it is something that can only be done in remote places then is it possible for him to find a job closer to where you can go to for PHD and find work in your field. Is he even willing to try or is this where he plans to make his career? Based on his answers you will know what you have to do. You may not like the result but at least you will know what direction you need to go in.
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The type of decisions that were needed between the two of you of school vs career and where to live and where work can be found are very deep issues and most couples who have some kind of life time partnership or marriage are the ones battling such things and talking it out with each other, making compromises and coming to agreements and making a decision together. Together is the word. Is this someone you want to be married to, making those kinds of life decisions together with? If so, the two of you need to do some talking. Dating and BF/GF stuff is all about finding the person who is right for you, then you make a commitment to be with each other for life. If in dating, you find things that make you feel like you're settling for less, you break up and move on to the next person. You say you love him but right now but of you are operating in your lives as singles. Either of you being upset with choices the other made that are of the significance we're talking about, is assuming or expecting too much from just a boyfriend or girlfriend, someone to whom no life commitment has been made to yet. Even if you don't mean to marry for a few years yet, if the two of you have both spoken of and agreed on being together in the future, hopefully for life, then that's the same as being an engaged couple even without a ring and official party. A ring or party doesnt make your commitment any more real than it already is. So if the case if that both of you are committed, then you need to sit and have a good talk and come to some sort of plan and agreement together. If you cannot, there is no reason to continue the relationship, no matter the feelings you both have because you are at odds on decisions and long term relationships such as marriage require a lot of compromising and discussing and comeing to agreements together. If you can't get past this first big one successfully, it should be a hint to not take the relationship any further.
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