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Do I like him this guy?
I'm a 13 year old girl and this is my question. Okay, so there is this guy that I knew in grade 6. I liked him and surprisingly, he liked me back. So, we dated for 6 months, but even though I was little, immature and didn't know that much about relationships, I thought that I really liked him. That was the problem. I LIKED him, not LOVED him. When we texted, he would say "I love you" but I would reply as "I like you". I felt weird saying love, but it wasn't a omg-i-feel-so-embarrassed feeling. More of a awkward, unusual feeling. Later on, he moved schools and he couldn't come and see me any more. I slowly moved away and decided to break up. I actually gave it a lot of thought and that was my final decision. Now, this guy has a twin brother. Let's call him... Max. Now I talked to Max a LOT and I wasn't going to ruin our friendship just because I broke up with his brother. We skyped a lot, played games together online, etc. I felt annoyed when 'Max' didn't reply to my messages in a hour. When I checked my messages and it turned out to someone else that messaged me instead of Max, I'd get disappointed. This was the first time this happened to me and this didn't even happen when I was dating. I'm not sure if the feeling is LIKE as a friend, or LIKE as a boyfriend. I'm not sure about my feelings, let alone tell them to him. I don't know. Next year, I'm going to the same school as them too. He told me about his brother's first girlfriend and his ( turns out their girlfriends were both best friends ) when I was dating Max's brother. Was it to make me jealous? Does it mean I'm friendzoned because he is telling me because he is comfortable around me? Am I just being stupid? Was he showing off? I guess, when we both went to the same school, I made more physical contact with Max than my boyfriend. Some older kids would tell me that my boyfriend was jealous of Max. WHAT DO I DO???
Please help, I'm confused.
PS. An extra question, pretty important.
Do I have feelings(?) for him because he looks like my ex/his brother?
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You like him. He probably likes you back.
As far as him talking about that other girl, I doubt he was trying to make you jealous. Guys don't tend to play those sorts of games. But, it is possible that he was trying to show off that people like him.
Let me give you another tip:the "friendzone" is not real. People who are friends often end up dating. Being friends first is one of the best ways to start a relationship.
When people say they have been "friendzoned" what they really mean is "I have been rejected and the person let me down easy by calling me their friend".
You are not stupid. You are thirteen. You have time to figure these things out. You are young. Take your time and enjoy the process of first loves.
Tell Max you have feelings for him.
Oh and about him looking like his brother: that probably does play a part in you liking him. That's not necessarily a bad thing, though. Just be aware of it.
Oh and Merry Christmas!
Here is a video for you:
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Toodles,
Miss Piggy
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The next time some guy says I love you, a good way to find out whether this means they really like some things about you and are just using the word love for that is to ask, "So what is it about me that you love? What about me makes you feel like you love me. Some won't have any answers. Some will mention things like your looks, you being smart/intelligent, your cute laugh and sense of humor, that sort of stuff. If that was enough for a person to truly be in love with someone, then you and I would be in love with a couple hundred people and a couple hundred people would be in love with you. At your age, everyone is just starting to learn about the feelings they have when around someone they are attracted to. The changes our body experiences, like heart rate picking up, heart doing somesaults, feeling excited, nervous. So some will use words to describe what they are feeling that mean something totally different to another person. If he feels attracted to you on a sexual level and is calling that love, that is just being attracted, and that is enough to investigate further if you'd still like each other by hanging out or dating to find out more about each other. If you end up not liking the persons personality, then you break up and move on, always trying to find the next person who is a step better than your last date.
The friend zone means that one or both people have no romance or a better way to call it is no chemistry. Chemistry like this is caused by having similar pheremones produced by our bodies. Its what makes the difference of one boys kiss feeling like your brother just kissed you or a hot guy you are attracted to kissed you. Sometimes, the two become best friends first. Which is important in a long term relationship or marriage. The other important factor which you're young yet to explore is being a match sexually and with chemistry. I believe a kiss is enough to tell if the attraction is there or not. Although keep in mind, when you date a guy, even if it is a twin, the excitement of anything new, is enough to make us feel there's something strong there. This is the same excitement we have over a new Christmas gift. After days or weeks, it is ho-hum, not so exciting, just normal, or no interest at all. This confuses many people who think they were right for each other but after a couple weeks or couple months the excitement wears off. This means it wasn't a good match. I dont know what you are like. If you are more interested in guys looks than their personality, perhaps then you like the twin for his looks. However you did share about having a good friendship with him. Its possibly because his personality and chemistry is different from his brothers, and all they have in common is being brothers or identical looks. I didn't understand who was showing off for whom but I do know that often young teens think of dating more along the lines of a social activity, just for fun, like playing a board game, not taking things too seriously. And then they get disappointed because girls think they want love at this age, when its more attention they crave, while boys just want to be near girls cus it feels good and many are hoping and planning to find a girlfriend to try out sex for the first time. Boys aren't usually looking for the 'real' love as girls see it, at least, not yet. Give em 10 yrs or more.
As for jealousy, If you have a boyfriend and male friends, you are not responsible for someones feelings of jealousy. The only thing you have to do is let a boyfriend know is that you have male friends with whom there is nothing romantic going on, you are just friends, like you are with girlfriends. If a guy can't handle that and tells you to stop being friends with other guys, or starts treating you indifferently or badly because you have male friends, then break up with him. He has self confidence issues and if he doesnt change soon will grow up to be a man who attempts to control his woman and possibly verbal or physical abuse can come along with that. It doesnt matter what other kids think, no matter if they are older, they are still teens with just about as little experience as you. Never rely on messages passed on to you about how someone else feels or what they said about you because it can become twisted, distorted or not have any truth at all. No reason to get all upset over something that doesnt exist. The way to find out is to ask the guy to his face.
Had that happen to me. Someone told me something my male friend was concerned about, we weren't dating yet. It just didn't sound like his personality. So I approached and said, hey some one told me you were wishing this, or saying that, and I am curious to find out if that is so or not. He answered quickly that he had no idea how they got that idea. He wasn't quite ready to ask me to date, just wanted to hang out a couple more times and that if he was ready, he would ask me directly. This should work at any age and gain you some brownie points with the guy for wanting to get his actual opinion or stance on an issue rather than believing hearsay or gossip, even from well meaning friends who don't lie to you. They may mean well but when putting it into their own words, it could come up with another meaning. Hope this all helps. If you still have unanswered questions, you can write to my column and give the specifics you need an answer on.
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