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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Hi. I'm in middle school, and I'm being bullied. Me, and my friends. Theres a girl in my class who is rude to everyone (except her friends and teachers... She's popular and i don't know why), and she calls me and my friends weird. That was it until we got into middle school. She started becoming a bit more... Much. She'd randomly spank people on the ass and laugh hysterically, or push around people. So... Today, she came over to the table where i was standing, and she tried to shove the bathroom pass UP MY ASS. I jumped out of the way and mouthed "What the heck", and she mouthed back "Go fuck yourself". I'm really confused at what to do. The last time i told on her for being a jerk, and I was the one who got in trouble. What should I do? I don't know who to tell.

You may feel Advicemans suggestion too scary for you to try but bullies only continue to bully those who don't fight back and I don't mean with fists or pushing. You're young, so you may feel adults won't believe you but you have to give them the chance to help you. Your parents are the best choice. I remember telling my mom about how I was being bullied and she didn't believe me at first, it sounded too incomprenhensible that other kids my age would be acting like that and treating others that way. I assume she felt I was blowing it out of proportion. You might even say, "I know this is going to sound unbelievable but trust me, this is really happening Mom, there's this girl at school and....." Being forewarned how incredibly strange it is, she may believe you. Ask Mom to go talk to the school principle, that is what gets the schools attention, that and more than one person complaining but those few others who are treated the same. If two or more have the same complaint, officials will take it more seriously. Teachers are bombarded with having to keep so many kids in line for varying offenses, that it takes it's toll, and eventually they become susceptible to becoming complacent about it. So another thing that works is threatening to call the police if the school doesn't do something about it, because any time someone touches you in any unwanted way, whether sexually, or using their hands to push, hit, or hurt you in any way, that is considered 'assault' in the eyes of the law and should be reported, so she's obviously out of line on one account or both. Raising attention as it happens if the best thing. If you don't want to yell something out as it's happening, it may take longer to get her reprimanded instead of you, and she may get away with it longer. Since kids are so into using their cells to take video's. Why not talk to others you hang with who also suffer her attacks and agree that the one of you she isn't focused on attacking, is the one to pull out their phone and start filming her. Proof on film will get her either reprimanded at first or possibly suspended immediately for a portion of time. Any threats she makes towards you or friends for having gotten into trouble, should also be taken seriously, get someone again taping maybe secretly to get her threats recorded for proof. But even without proof which most people dont have, a threat should also be filed with police so there's a paper trail on this person. this eventually helps to keep them banned from the school if their behavior continues despite disciplinary measures.

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I have a friend and we went out together several times but he has not asked me for relationship yet and im confused!:( hes a quiet and shy boy but we are friends for 2 months now
Im not sure if i should expect a relationship or not.....
I didnt go out with any other boy this 2 months
Im not american. Im a 20-year old girl

I will answer this question from the angle of moving from friendship to romantic relationship.
It is true that best friends can become romantic partners, however most have been best friend for a year if not years and still find it awkward to make a change to something more.

Basically you can only know what you feel, same for him. And there is no way to really know without bringing up the subject whether the other feels romantically towards you.
What holds both people back is the fear of losing a friend is the other didn't feel the same way.
It's very possible this is too soon for him due to his being quiet, shy and thus more likely slow to move forward in any life situation including dating.
On the other hand, we are not talking about making a 'commitment" to the other to become a committed dating couple or to marriage. There is such a thing as dating first for the purpose of information gathering to learn if you like the person enough to make the commitment to the other, to be the only one you date. To want that stage from a guy will be jumping the gun for any guy worth your time. Unless a guy is solely after sex, he doesn;t proceed as quickly with a relationship. Guys tend to like the chance to go from friendship once they are satisfied they make good friends, to gathering more information by dating romantically to see if both are still a match on the romantic side also. And they need to be VERY sure of this area with a girl, if its going to be a long term relationship because its very important to them that they have chemistry here with her BEFORE making a commitment to her.

This is why some guys, other than the excuse of shyness, may hold back from dating, afraid the girl will assume it means he's made a commitment to her when he has not. This is a valid concern because a great majority of females believe he wants a commitment when all he's still doing is gathering information. This puts great pressure and worry on a guy to the point they may never get up the guts to ask.

Why did I bother to tell you all of this...because it all figures in to your situation.
Here's how.
You have dated 2 months. That doesnt tell me how often you actually hang out together. Some people meet once every two weeks due to a busy schedule. So over two months time have only seen each other 4 times. That is not enough time to feel sure about you. If on the other hand, you've met several times a week, 2 or 3 or even more, then he should have enough of an idea if he really likes you. If you aren't seeing each other enough for him to get a grasp of whether he likes you enough to check you out further in dating, then try to encourage him meeting you more often. It may be up to another 4 months then before he's sure and ready.
If you have been seeing alot of each other in the 2 months, very often together, and he's still coming back, there's definitely an attraction. Give it one more month and if he hasn't backed away, then you ask him about dating. But word it carefully. "Since we're doing so well as friends, I wonder what you would think if we were to try dating as boyfriend/girlfriends. Should we give it a try?" This type of wording isn't demanding a commitment, only to TRY to see if it will work and a guy is more likely to say yes, not feeling any pressure.
If he says no, it isn't a good idea or that he's not sure or not ready. Just shrug and say, "Well, you naturally sounded like a good first choice. So this means you have no problem if I started dating some other guy and just be friends with you, right? Make him make a decision at this point if he's too shy to make one himself.
Don't just assume he'll get the picture if you start seeing another guy and it makes him jealous. give him the chance first by saying something in ways I've suggested.
Good luck dear!

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Hi,
I'm usually pretty good at giving advice, but this I can't help myself with. I'm 13 and I just got transferred to a new place. I've been here for two months now. As many people here are teens they love to act all grown up and I'm not comfortable with the kind of things they do and the language they use, so I'm not friends with anyone, I tried to adjust and get used to them but without a friend I just can't manage. I'm kind of shy but I can make friends easily, but no one is like me (a little kiddish and crazy) everyone loves to act all grown up. I'm having a tough time making friends, please give me some advice on how I can adjust or I'll end up a lonely girl who talks to herself

Like you, I had no care to be like the majority of kids I saw. So I understand. Initially, at first, I had no idea there were others like me, not many mind you, the majority are still those greater in number, possibly more confident or good at faking it and just 'out there'.
But once I started really looking around and paying attention, I noticed that there were others like me on the fringe. It didn't mean they were 'rejects' as possible good friends, just that they didn't care to go along with the crowd.

So if for good reasons, you don't want to have a friend from the 'popular crowd', start looking for those like you who follow their own path and I have found potential friends in the shy people group, the nerdy types, the Christian girls and the Goth girls. Not all goths are part of the bad crowd. Often they choose to stand out and be different, especially to the eye as they don't want to follow the same path as others, and be themselves instead. So a Goth if they can allow you to be you as long as you allow her to be Goth, it can work. Just what I found worked for me.

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Guys T-T I filed this under Abusive Relationships because I feel so tormented.

I have a bestfriend, and I love him, he always says he loves me back. We've been bestfriends for nine years. Then she came along.

This girl, gods! This girl became his girlfriend for only two months. All he talks about is her. I have access to his facebook, and all I see is, "I only love you and no one else" That's not all.

Everytime we ride the jeepney, it's a public transpo vehicle, I always get dizzy so I rest my head on his shoulder. But now, this girl gets MY shoulder. It's supposed to be MINE! T-T Now, I cant even ride the jeepney without holding my stomach and getting teary eyed.

We were enrolling for school. It was a respected school and it was my dream to go there. Suddenly, they started kissing and doing PDA. I get it already! they love each other! But not here! Gods!

We were kicked out...

I cant stand them T-T I dont want to leave him though... What can I do? Please help me! T-T

You said you have been best friends 9 years but never stated if your feelings for him changed along the line and you began to think of him romantically.

So I wonder how you actually feel for him or whether you are even aware of it.

When two opposite sex people are best friends and neither is attracted romantically, it should be a given, that at some point, each individual will go looking to someone else to be their romantic interest. Once that happens, the romantic interest takes top priority in each persons life and their best friend now gets knocked down a notch on the totem-pole. That hon, is life and how nature works for all, even those who still care about their best friend and there is nothing wrong with this....unless....

...one of the two didn't realize they actually had deeper feelings for their best friend until a 3rd person came along.
How can this happen, the not knowing part? Well, to be honest, many think when they come to love a person, it's all a blazing fire of passion they are hit with. that's not how it works for all and that's where sometimes we don't know what we're missing til its gone. With some couples, they start out as best friends but as time goes on, that little glowing ember of a coal begins to slowly grow from a love of a friend to a love of another kind to catch up with the others and become a blazing fire. Only it's not recognized easily because it slowly snuck up on you.

This puts you now in an awkward spot if you believe you are romantically in love with him. It's not good manners to tell anyone you love him or how you really care while they are dating someone else. Best to wait until they are single again and then confess. Which means you'll have to be miserable for a time longer. However, don't despair, during school years, couples relationships for the most part do not last long. He's enjoying romance which means he was ready for it. What you don't know is if he feels the same for you but was afraid to ruin your friendship by taking it to the next level in case you didn't feel the same.

You're not the only one...many people even adults face the same issue and yes its awkward. But the risk is worth it to ask how the other feels about you, and risk losing a friend, compared to risk losing a potential life long romantic partner in the end.

You are in a better position (if he does feel something more for you) than other girls because the two of you have a long term best friend relationship. And that is important because two things make a successful foundation to any life long couples relationship, and that is
1. Being each others best friend
2. Having romantic chemistry and for when appropriate later, sexual chemistry

With only one or the other, the relationship will be unbalanced and either rocky or never last.
You already have the friendship part down. So when the time is right, find out if theres a possibility of you being more than friends.

And thats exactly how to state it. In fact, once he's single again, I'd say, "Since we get along so well as friends, I was wondering if there's a possibility of us being more than friends, what do you think? Or something along those lines. You might let him know at some point that when he was dating, it made you realize that you might like him as more than a best friend and you want to at least give it a try to see what happens. Better trying and it not working out than going thru your whole life wondering if it could've been more...that's torture.

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I broke up with my boyfriend on friday because im dealing with stuff in my life soo on monday my ex looked happy and stuff and later on when i went home my friend grabbed my phone and texted him saying i want to get back together and tht i regret breaking up with him and i told him tht that was my friend who sended that soo the next day he looked sad and depressed and wasint talking to no one at all so then my friend gabby told me he looked like he was crying also whenever i passed by him he would stare or look at me soo later on we were in pe my friend told me to talk to him soo she called him up and thats when she both sat us down i told him tht i been dealing with stuff and tht the reason tht i told him was not tht reason and also i told him i dont want him worrying about me soo thats when he said areint boyfriends suppose to worry and also he was saying how he recieved a text and thts when i told him tht wasint me and tht when he said ok but even if it was u i would have said no and i moved on already And he said that i told him he wasint a good boyfriend and tht he also said why waste his
time agian for a second time and how in the first place i shouldint have done it but i was confused and now i want him back do i really move on?

I couldn't possibly know what he is thinking. But if he said he's moved on, it means either he's really hurt and wants to make you hurt now too...retaliation mode which people tend to do when young and inexperienced yet OR he meant those words, and he really is feeling over the relationship with you. For the future, here's some advice you didn't think to ask for.

Something you may want to reconsider in how you deal with people when relating to them in conversation or social settings is:

1. to watch carefully what you say,
2. do not be hasty to share what you're thinking OR feeling at any given moment for it may change as it's common to do when young and in school.
3. remember that words can hurt and cause damage to relationships or potential ones. Once said, even if you say you didn't mean it and they forgive, they'll still not forget hearing them and that's enough to not trust you or associate with u.
4. honor a person's wishes when they state it and don't try to change their mind
5. go more with your own gut feeling than what treasured friends say. People can mean well, but their actions and suggestions will always come with their point of view which may not always be the best for you in dealing with others.
6. don't listen to here-say, rumours, and other info. and believe them to be the truth until you have checked for yourself and found it to be true or not.
7. use kind words when speaking to others. If it hurts to have someone degrade you openly, it does the same thing to them.
8. if needing to discuss something you have an issue with in another person, compliment them first on things you truly can compliment them on and then when sharing on the issue....own the problem. This means you don't accuse a person of making you feel a certain way. You are the one choosing to react a certain way to someone, even if with good cause. But in problem solving, you can do better by saying "When you do (blank) it makes me feel neglected" rather than "I feel neglected and it's your fault because...." Maybe you don't see the difference but imagine your girlfriend saying those two to you, which would you prefer.

Good luck!

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I'm 16, homeschooled girl from USA.

My best friends birthday is next month and I want to do something special for her. I've known her my whole life but we really got really close in 7th grade and we've been inseparable since.(I mean see each other almost everyday and do everything together.She even says I'm the only person she can tolerate being around for long periods of time)

I love her as much as someone can in a friend way.
She is basically family and has done so much for me throughout my life I doubt she even realizes how much I look up to and respect her, and I feel like I don't help her nearly as much... But anyway, a few months ago for my birthday she posted this really sweet and nice post on facebook that really meant a lot to me, and I wanted to do something equally as nice(if not more so) for hers.

But the thing is I'm terrible with words and explaining feelings....Really terrible. I'd probably embarrass myself or just plain not explain what I meant very well and it just wouldn't be how I wanted it... so I was thinking I could put a cover of me singing(and playing guitar)"Count on Me" by Bruno Mars on there and dedicate it to her, since she knows(at least, I hope she does) how shy I am and how it would take me a lot of courage to do it.
But I feel like that could come across as me taking the spotlight or something plus now I'm strti wondering if that song is to cliche...or just if that's not special enough, i don't know...I'm basically just asking you guys if you think that's a good idea and if not, what's something else I could do instead. Anything you guys could suggest would be a great help!!

Yes, dedicating anything to someone shows they are special enough to you to have earned this honor. So go ahead and do it.

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Hey, so a few months ago I started dating this girl. I absolutely love her, but long story short, she has her phone taken away, and I can't contact her at all cause she's like 2 hours away. I honestly haven't talked to her since like February or March. I love her, but I'm not even sure if she's happy, cause her friends won't answer my calls for help. Now I've been talking to a few other people, but I just can't seem to let go of my love :( I don't know what to do, please, I need advice. Someone help me. Btw, we're both 14

If alls on the level at her home with parents and no issues there, then once she has her phone back, she'll likely get in touch. I find it odd her friends haven't given you a clue whats going on but then again, maybe they don't know and she's too embarrassed to let them know why she's had her phone taken away. It may be that her parents have rules and she broke one and the way they mete out consequences for that is by taking away the phone. Compared to being sent to your room and still having your phone, i'd say phone restriction is the greater punishment and more likely to get her to fall in line.

Now there's one thing that came to mind for me. If her parents have a rule she knows about that she can't date until she reaches a certain age and 14 isn't it, perhaps they've taken away her phone for breaking that rule. In which case, there's little likelihood of ever hearing back from her unless once she gets her phone back, she contacts you. However If I were the parents, I'd be checking her phone to see who she's called and who's called her. And if she wants to keep her phone, she'll be smart and avoid getting it taken away again and not contact you.

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My best friend of 11 years decided to start dating each other 2 years ago. I love him so much it hurts. Well he's left me two other times to start dating someone else and then comes back. I think he's doing it again.. I can feel the distance and he's finding ways to blame everything on me and get mad at me for everything I do or don't do. This is exactly how he started acting last time he left me, he makes me feel like it's my fault and idk why.. Why can't he just be man enough and say that he found someone else? We've been best friends since we were kids.. don't I deserve that much? I don't get why guys do this.. I know it's not just him my past boyfriend did the exact same thing to me.. He doesn't break up with me he keeps it open but just starts acting different so I'll get mad and break it off so he doesn't look like the bad guy so when he's done with her he can come back and be able to say it was my fault we broke up... I don't get how he could hurt me this bad.. He promised he would never make me feel this way again but here i am... I'm lost for words.. I feel numb but really sad all at the same time

Missundersmock decribed to a Tee what its like being in relationship with a man who does this deflecting, I should know, I was married 30 years to a man like that. At first when young, the verbal assault only happened at certain times and the good time stretches were longer. But as the years went by, the time balance flipped and he was more verbally abusive the majority of the time and the kiss and makeup honeymoon period in this vicious non stopping cycle grew less and less. At the end, there were no 'good' days left. I was nuts to stay that long with him. But I had to learn the hard way. So I'd like to spare you putting in 30 years, or even 10 more with him to find out the same. Whatever you see of his character in the beginning are glimpses of who he really is at core, deep in his character and personality. Unless he is admitting that he has the problem and is asking where to go for help, then he's not ready to change and most people tend to not make any major changes like this for the better in an entire lifetime. I learned that from a counselor we saw near the end. With no hope of him changing even a little for the better, I knew I couldn't face another 10, 20 or more years with him and left. I hope you do the same.

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ok so my question was it a bad idea that i bought something yesterday i work with this lady yesterday was a mothers day in the restaurant its our busy day of the year ok so i know that when you guys are not official its a bad idea to get somebody with a gift it just puts you on a friend zone ohhh your a nice my thinking was ok its not gonna hurt to get her a small bottle of water that water cost me $1.45 my thinking i wanted her to think that i care lately she has been asking me to hangout with her i have never given her a direct answer yes lets go my strategies was i have all the time in the world to surely build attraction patient.discipline.selfcontrol is the key to lady heart do was it a bad idea that i got her a bottle my strategies wa how is she gonna react in the freindzone or you know what i mean so when i gave it to her she seems very happy

To answer your question, NO, not a bad idea. There are plenty people who are thoughtful and do nice thngs and aren't attracted to someone as more than friends.
However, I want you to be honest with yourself. Why did she get the bottle of water and not others?
The fact she's asked you to hang out means she likes you enough to want to learn more about you. That is the only way two people can learn more about each other, enough to be able to determine if this is someone they want to become committed couple with. Dating is merely another way of hanging out to learn this and unless there's an exchange of words promising commitment to each other, the type of dating hasn't changed. But I did make this clear when agreeing to date a guy that I was merely still in the information gathering stage and this in no way indicates I am at the level of ready to commit or that I am commiting to them. However, without commitment, the two are still free to see others and that also needs to be made clear at the beginning, while both are still in the info gathering stage. And that would also mean the possibility of such a person having sex with someone else while seeing you if they were so inclined. This is not cheating because no commitment was made. So if this is not made clear at the beginning, a gal may think you seeing someone else at same time means you are cheating unless this has been established at the start and you both agree to 'hang out' in essense with no strings attached. But just using that phrase isn't enough, it needs to be spelled out. So ask yourself if you want to learn more about her to discover how much you may really like her. She may be ready to commit before you but both need to wait until the other is sure. However don't take years to decide. It usually months only before someone knows they're ready for this level of commitment. Even so, that a couple are 'together' doesnt guarantee they will marry or be a couple long term. The next stage is living together for many,during which a person discovers more about their special person that won't be revealed while dating. You discover their cleanliness habits, how responsible they are with money, etc... and sometimes, even with a commitment, at this stage one or the other finds something they just can't live with long term unless it changes so you discuss this and if a person can't be responsible money wise, you wouldn't want to marry them and have them overspend and run you into the poor house and ruin your credit, lose your place you live, etc. I know its more than you asked but its really the question that you didn't ask that needed answering. Why if she's asking you out are you not giving an answer. Whats holding you back? A bottle of water is not going to satisfy her if she wants your company. So something must be holding you back, and hopefully in sharing the most common reasoning for doing so, I've taken care of that for you.

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I am an American citizen married to a Mexican citizen, and I live in Mexico City. I work as an English teacher and am very happy with my job and have great friends here. The problem is my marriage of 4 years. My husband is a serial cheater and liar. He has taken money from me, and has racked up so much debt that we have lost our house. He has physically threatened me, and has a Jeckyll and Hyde personality that I am always very careful of. We are currently in the process of divorce. I basically have 2 options right now. The first option would be to take off and bolt for the USA, leaving him to complete the divorce process on his own here in Mexico, and I could start a new life with my mom in Tucson, or go to San Diego with my daughters who study there. The problem with that is..the divorce would draw out to about a year, and of course Hubby would be sure and 'love me again" so that he could come to the USA with my help of course. The second option I have would be to stay another 3 months in Mexico, finish the divorce completely, and then get back to the USA without having any more ties to my husband in any way. This plan has risks to my physical and mental health since he could find me at any time. He especially looks for me when he needs sex, and threatens me if I don't submit claiming we are still spouses. When I go against his wishes, he threatens to call the police with a made-up story and send me to jail. I feel very vulnerable, not knowing what to do in this situation.

Hon, I left my husband before we had a divorce. And I did so also for my health and safety. Even if someone hadn't experienced this like you and I,
they would simply counsel to leave based on the fact that your welfare is at state. What if he didn't mean to kill you but beat you so badly in a fit, that he did?
you know that there is no reasoning with a mentally twisted person, and no...it's not selfish to think of yourself first in this case. By the very way he has treated you all along, he has lost his privileges of any marital rights long before now. Even with a divorce pending, there's no saying he'll stay away because of that when he wants sex. So why wait to find out how it goes. Leave now. Who cares if it takes longer for a divorce. You'd probably be so glad to not have him able to get to you that you would care if it took a little longer than a year.

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Alright, So there is this boy, he's super cute, athletic and funny. We have had a thing going on for a while now but he has a girlfriend and they just recently started dating. Her and I are 2 way different people and honestly I think he's doing to make me jealous. We still talk and he's always saying that he remebers the little dates we had and how great it was when we kissed. I am completely in love with this boy and I know he's not good for me so how do I tell him how I feel?

If I understand, the only thing you want to know is how to tell him how you feel? You mean about loving him and also feeling he's not good for you? It would confuse him. You confuse me a bit there. I have no clue why he's not good for you, whether your idea's of that are rational or not. Perhaps you're trying to say that although you dated and he liked your kisses, that there wasn't enough in common between you and that is what makes him not right for you. And if this is the case, why would you even want to still pursue him.

Caution! It is not an acceptable practice to approach a guy who is currently dating/involved with another and tell him your feelings, that you love him. So now would be the wrong time to profess anything if you really want him back.

Just follow missundersmocks advice and don't show any concerns and let him be the bad guy and break up with her if he really doesnt care about her.
I understand it may feel hurtful to you. But regardless of what he says to you right now, there's no guarantee just by the one thing you said, remembering the kisses, that he would come back to you. If he really wanted you for you and not just kisses or more, then he wouldn't have started dating another.
Then again I dont know your ages. Dont want to offend if in 20s or older but if you both are very young, his tactic to make you jealous is a common way some young boys will use to get some reaction out of a girl they like to determine if she really loves him as she was giving him no real solid clue and in a twisted round-about way some guys figure if a girl shows jealousy, it means she really likes him. Well, that may be true, but why couldn't he just ask her if she loved him. Because younger males and well females too, really have no idea what the subtle signs are that someone likes them. For example, if some guy you dont like and find unattractive to you wanted to talk with you and steal a kiss, you wouldn't like that and be backing away long before the kiss. And so, if he had feelings for you, then why did he not come right out and confess whiile you both were still together? He was plain old, too chicken. Or it didn't occur to him that all he had to say is, "I know we've done some dating and I know lots of guys do that just to look cool to their friends. But I want you to know that I am dating you because I really have strong feelings for you and wonder if you feel the same. He could have asked but didn't. Then again, he may be looking for something that he didn't find with you and didn't with the new girl. Perhaps the only thing he did like is the kisses if thats all he's mentioned and thats not enough for a relationship, heck, not even enough for a friendship.he may actually feel stuck and not know how to break up with her and you professing your feelings will only help him out but it's no guarantee he'll come back to you or whether he does for the right reasons. As it stands, neither of you know how the other feels. But while he's dating another is not the time to share those feelings. He needs to be the man and break up on his own without help from you that makes her jealous and she leaves and that lets him off the hook in his mind.
If thats not your question or you have another equally important, wanting to know how to be sure if a guy is right for you? Let me know by asking that question but only from going to my column and writing from there as I can't answer where you put comments. I do have a list of criteria for you to learn how to create for yourself as a help when you are considering a guy and while dating. Dating is for learning more about the person and therefore able to determine is he's right for who you are right now. the list will change as you experiences the highs and lows and rotten stuff of relationships and as you get older/more life experience.

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I have never had a problem with my husband watching porn. We have watched it together multiple times. Recently though, we were having sex and he was haveing trouble staying hard. He blamed it on being to hot, but that has never been a problem before. Afterwards he went to take a shower, with his phone, "for music" , but when he came out and I hit the home button twice, there was porn up. I feel helpless, betrayed, and jealous. Oh and to beat it all it was porn about step sisters and brothers, and he has a step sister, who I believe is more attractive than me, and we were seperated for about two months a while back and he lived with his step siblings. They were "rumors" of the two sleeping together, which they both denied. Some body please tell me I'm not crazy for feeling hurt?!

The issue is not the porn or what he may or may not have done with cousins or anything else outside of him, its what is going on in his mind.
Our mind is actually the greatest sex organ we have. Without our mind contributing during sex, it falls flat, we lose ability for our body to get aroused, the man doesnt get hard or stay hard (if there are none of the contributing issues Adviceman mentioned) and women don't get wet or have orgasms. I'm a very sexual person myself, now in fifties and though I've had great sex, both my husband and I have had periods of time where for each of us, our minds disengaged for various reasons. So I had times I couldn't orgasm when I could before and he couldn't get hard though he felt desire and want of me. So I am coming at this at if there are none of the previous mentioned contibuting issues. Hubby is now having problems with consistently getting getting or staying hard. We do various things that help. I have a couple of female friends who are very open at sharing things of a sexual nature. If its not a matter of him having trained his mind to respond sexually to only one type of fantasty, then your husband can learn to be aroused by other means. But the two of you have to talk, both admit it is happening and then decide to do whatever you can to enjoy each other and satisfy each other without him becoming or staying hard. Its more often than not that hubby goes soft while we're having intercourse. If he could swithc his focus from getting his own release to focusing on you, the moment his mind is no longer focused on the problem of not being erect, your mind is released to find a way to make it happen again. Otherwise the stress and worry will kill it. One thing the female can do is what one friend called 'fluffing up the penis', all she did was need to give oral sex to his flaccid penis and from others have told me, this is one of the biggest ways that help. There's something about a female wanting to pleasure him still hard or not this way that helps. It helps if he focus's on just the sensations for him without you pressureing him to get hard and finish off, as that again, will kill it. If he can learn to enjoy just the pure sensual feelings and you enjoy giving them to him, within no time, he can grow hard again. the amount of time he stays hard can vary. Lasting rest of the night, or fade after several minutes and having to repeat the processs. I've done it many times. It also helps if you can learn to use your vaginal muscles to squeeze him on demand. As you wish it, squeeze often and while in you, that goes a long way on occasion to keeping him hard longer. On days where there are other factors like stress or little sleep, we may give up on that and he focus's on pleasuring me with toy or his fingers which I also like.

On days when I dont want that and just want to feel him, we take turns laying atop of each other, skin to skin and imagine an energy extension of ourselves reaching into the other giving the sensation of having sex. It didnt work as well as first but since we've taken to the practice of doing that more since his problem of staying hard has occurred more often, we try for daily such contact or at least every other day. the saying of 'use it or lose it' does apply to some extent here. We have been both pleasantly surprised to discover that we both can feel an energy version of his penis in me while his real one is flaccid and we move as if he was actually erect and still both experience orgasms, how...I dont understand how it works but we've both also practiced some of our other senses beyond the physical ones, and so due to having greater sensory skills in some areas that overlapped into spiritual areas as well, it was easier for us to focus on using our energies. I have watched a video that explains and gives examples of what tantric sex is like and though our methods of using energy are different, i believe we get the same results, of enjoying great pleasure because our minds are being retrained to rely on something other than the purely physical sensations of actual penis in vagina, mutual masturbation or oral sex to get there. We still have both but this is so rewarding for us. Wish I knew about this earlier.
Crazy isn't what I'd use to validate what emotions person feels. It depends more on what they choose to believe which is in turn guided a particular way by negative thoughts or dwelling on actual negative provable events. Its the focus and worry and concern that brings in the not so nice emotions. So you have to stop thinking about this as thinking and worrying about it will not solve the problems you both have. However both having honest, open heart to heart talks will.

We have even had talks where the husband wants to know if I am tempted to want to get my sexual needs met by some guy who can perform without issues, as he would understand if I wanted to. However, in trying to picture myself going to some guy I don't love just for the sex, I know it would also fall flat. I've had sex in my past just for the sake of having sex, no love involved and it pales in comparison to having sex with love. I am not willing to leave him over something like this or use another just for sex. This is a situation of "for better or worse" and I love him to much to even consider doing that. I would rather focus together with him on what we can do to find things that work for us. What works for you will be entirely different.

What the other advicegiver said about fantasy about different sexual relatiionships being so erotic for many is true. Even tho in real life we may never consider it. Even some women find the idea of fantasizing a man taking her by force, raping her to stimulate her mind with her mate, she would never want to experience the same in real life. Same for men. Many have a wish to be the little boy again and have mom help him discover his sexuality, even more so for those in real life whose hormones came in much earlier or who were mesmerized at grade school age already by the form of the mature female body and all the mature women when you're little are moms and grandmothers. He wouldn't in real life have been able to do such a thing with mom but even my husband loves the fantasy of being his young self again. I don't have to do anything differeent but call him son as we make love to reinforce his fantasy in his mind and we've done various situatins and created different characters in our minds. Its all a mental thing but it heightens the excitement and abilitys and I swear to you without him telling me if he's in his mind switched to another character, I can immediately feel the difference in how he's making love, right in the middle of it and when i say, oh so ad so is here now making love to me, right? I nail it every time. I can actually feel the difference so it becomes more than a mental trick but what both of us feel are indeed different and the changed of pace of having several lovers all in one, very exciting and this seems to go a long way in helping his stay hard. Not 100% cure but its a heck of a lot fun and enjoyment. So talk to each other.

The only situation where all of this won't work is if he has fallen out of love with you. Which I dont think is the issue or he wouldn't be wanting to have sex and do the only things he can think of to get hard for you. Whether his methods work or not, its leaving you out of the picture to help him. You need to realize that a big part of a mans identity in being male is tied to sex, as well as being a good provider. Its what makes him feel male. So loss of job can crush a man and make him worry of his woman seeing him as less than a man. the same in sex. If there are any problems for him, he may think you see him as less of a man and be afraid to let you know that he lives with this fear. If you love him despite the current issue and it doesnt change how you find him a wonderful male, then tell him. He needs to admit his worries, and you need to build him up verbally. When he knows he has your support regardless of his issue, he will feel more comfortable in doing whatever it takes to have a healthy and enjoyable sex life with you.

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Hi my name is Ciara I'm 21 and for about the past 6-8 months every one day out of the months I experience excruciating pain in my stomach on the right side right by my ribs and hurts so bad my back aches at the same time it makes it impossible to lay down sleep at all I'm not sure what I should do. I do however have back problems already and probably eat a lot of spicy food what can be causing this and should I seek a doctor soon

even based on what you have shared, an actual MD couldn't make a diagnosis. they have to run blood tests, take scans or erays if blood tests don't give them a clue. The more info you share with them the better to helping on a whole with diagnosis.

It sounds like you mentioned having this pain, just one day of each time always in the same place. With name Ciara, that sounds like a female name. So if female, the immediate thing I connect a most logical possibiility of problem area to is with something else that is monthly for a female, her cycle. So there's a chance if its regular like clock work to occur monthly whether it lasts one day or several days that the greater likelihood is of it being related to something having to do with the female reproductive system.
Without tests, theres no way to know, the possibilities are many in just this one little area, it could be the pain of the release of the egg monthly, it could be fibroids attached to uterus that are affected by period cramps or anything else that might contact muscles in that area, like really hard orgasms, I've felt mine then with both. Or perhaps its a condition called endometriosis where the uterine lining grows outside the uterus. I knew someone with this condition, a freind at work. It didn't begin to occur until she reached around your age. However the excruciating pain would last more than one day. More painful than period cramps I've heard.

But then again, it could just be a coincidence that so far, your pain has come once a month at the same time and it has nothing to do with your cycle.
So in the end, though you can guess all you want and so could we, the only way to a diagnosis and then treatment would be to see a Dr.

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please don't tell me to see a counselor, because ive got two right now who are not helping at all, and ive seen so many damn counselors. counselors are absolutely useless. and im seeing a psychiatrist who prescribes me medication. and all the medication he has prescribed me has never worked.

nothings going right:

my parents and I are always getting into fights over nothing.
I want to kill myself.
my boyfriend is not helping my happiness, but it literally kills me to have the thought of him being with another girl because I love him with all my heart, but everyone around me says hes part of the reason for my depression.
I want to overdose on medication.
spirituality has always interest me, and I don't have any higher being to look up to.
I want to shoot myself.
im never motivated for school, so that makes me more depressed.
I want to hang myself.
im hopeless.
have I mentioned how i want to kill myself?

my body hurts all the time, and the emotional and physical pain is just way too much to bare any longer. I just cant take it anymore. like Ive been suffering all this pain for so fucking long, and I don't know what to do anymore. I strongly believe I have the right to kill myself if ive been suffering for almost ten years. but everyones hanging on to me because theyre selfish bastards. if they knew how much pain I am in, theyd let me go.

if no one tells me at least one way that'll help me, then im leaving!!!

I do not have an answer for you how to find what you are seeking but perhaps the little I share will give you a different perspective in finding your own way that works to fulfill you.

Most people use the word happiness when describing how they want to feel when it's actually joyfullness that they are seeking yet don't know it.
And before you think I can't relate and am just spouting words, actually I can. I used to have to live 30 years with an equally difficult but different circumstances that most people would struggle with as you do. Hopefully I can explain and make it clear and later share what my experiences were. This is the only way I know to give you some hope.


There's a big difference between happiness and joyfulness.

If you trace the word happiness to it's beginnings and the root parts of the word and its meaning, this will become more clear. Happiness root part is Hap as in Happenstance.
Here's Merriam-Websters definition in case you want to look it up.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/happenstance

They explain the word is a combo of
happen + circumstance which is what I am getting at, the circumstances in life that happen to you and around you in ways that involve your emotions and feelings. Other definitions will say happenstance means a chance happening and it can be that too. But a chance happening makes it sound too rare, just a unique situation that occurred once. That doesn't cover the circumstanced part. Since circumstances are things that are pretty regular in ones life, It's much more than what most would say. By the way, I got the basics of this explanation from a church sermon long ago in Pastor trying to explain how having Joy inside whether Joy in the Lord or in Life. It was to explain how truly only those with Joy inside, instead of Happiness will have the greater impact on people around them and of course end result, on themselves. So this isn't something I am making up, and it was what kept me from going into depression.

It was further explained that Happenstance are things that happen outside of you, around you in your life and happen to you and you base how you are going to feel inside, based on outside circumstances. While on the other hand, Joy is an emotional feeling that is not based on what happens around you or to you. I don't think counselors tend to explain this well. Trust me, without detail explanation that I've had experience with counselors for myself, a family member and a caregiver job client who had a counselor to know that yes, they had a set way of working with people that doesn't get through to each one and help them know how to help themselves. This isn't something someone else can do, magic words that make you switch inside to feeling Joy or removing all the circumstances in your life that you don't like. It is actually a decision you make in your mind to do the hard work yourself, taking control over your negative, sad, unhappy feelings and working at retraining your thinking, the way your mind thinks can have bad or good habits. Cognitive behavioral therapy is something I have not experienced in person but read a book on and sorry I dont remember the name but lots of how you feel depends on how your brains thought habits go. And if your cognitive thoughts are always negative and keep growing til they crowd out any positive ones, that's when one becomes so depressed they comtemplate suicide. telling you not to is definitely not a solution.

So this will be long but i will honestly share everything I know. I have a hunch that you are someone who much like me is determined to succeed and overcome and find a way to have your own personal joy and all you need at this point is a ray of hope. This was my ray of hope, that kepts me fighting until I succeeded. You can't just decide to have joy, as you already known it's not want to be joyful of Full of Joy, then more people would be and there'd be no depressed people in the world. It also takes lots of hard work and lots of time. Those who don't want to put in the hard work or feel there is no ray of hope, something they can actually work with to get out of this hole, they will commit suicide. So if you don't want to put in hard work for the rest of your life to CHOOSE how you will emotionally respond to your circumstances, then I guess you don't need to read on and hear of my circumstance n my life that were and currently are enough to make me major depressed or want to give up on life. Not making this up just for you. So here are my circumstances:

At 20 I married a man from church I thought was a solid good Christian man. turns out he changed as soon as we married and became verbally abusive. wHILE he didn't start to become physically abusive until the end, 30 yrs later, verbal abuse is just as damaging. Ever meet someone impossible to please? I'll explain:
You do exactly what they said following every last detail of what they expect of you and then they tell you did it wrong or it is unacceptable
and begin to berate you and verbally cut you down and call you all sorts of belittling names for following their wishes to the exact detail in the first place. there was never any pleasing of this husband. Only my family knew how bad he was and yet I stayed with him because I was afraid I couldn't survive financially on my own with kids and partly because I was believing what the church taught, Let God heal your marriage. Well, that doesn't take into account that God gave each individual a personal will to make their own choices whether positive or negative or whether they affect anyone else therefore in a negative way. He won't interfere and stop only those doing wrong because then that means, the Will he gave us was conditional, based only on if you choose his way, the positive ways, and he takes back the gift of will he gave to only the people who choose negatively and begins to control them only. God doesn't work that way. Or if you don't b elieve in God, well, universal reality doesnt work that way. this is not about religion dear, just trying to make a point. That whatever forces are out there greater than us, won't step in and control this greater force will not interfere and physically stop you from ending your life, that is being left up to you as is any and all of choices regarding your life. No one can say or do anything, or wave a magic wand that will affect a positive change in your head. If medications aren't helping, its more than that, it is something in your control to change or not.

Not done with my circumstance yet, so to continue: I finally divorced him when my kids were out of the house. My first relationship after soon became a nightmare, the guy was narcissistic so it only lasted long enough for me to see a few times what was going on and I gave it more time than i should have cus I had no yet had time for myself to mentally heal from the last so it was hard. I beleive in Angels and so whether from them or somewhere else outside of me came the suggestion into my mind to make a list of my needs and wants in a guy. A friend who used to be a counselor told me about the book on positive thinking, cognitive therapy that a person basically can only do themselves. A counselor can only show you the tools. If all they do is listen to your problems but don't give you the tools to learn how to overcome on your own, then yes, they are useless. I went to a real counselor when leaving husband and during time with the second guy but all they did was listen, give me no tool to work with. Only my ex counselor friend did. Once I read the book I thought back to that long ago sermon on happiness and joy. I had kept pretty sane during the 30 yrs only due to my belief in a greater power that loved me just as I was so I never totally lost self respect or my self image because of it. But right there, I had made a choice, a choice to believe in something to give me hope and that choice made all the difference. Two years after leaving my ex, I found the perfect guy for me and remarried and thought life would be all roses from here on out. Haha, the world doesn't work that way, its a harsh place. But that is needed to turn each one of us into something more precious and beautiful as a person and soul in the end, just like diamonds. They start out as an ugly lump of carbon but due to extreme pressures in the earths crust were turned into diamonds, and so it is for all of us. So fast forward another 6 years. My eyes have consistantly gotten worse, near sighted but with a stigmatism. It was always corrected until my last appt a month ago where the Dr. discovers I have a condition which if caught early could have been corrected by eye therapy rather than corrective lens. Instead, due to others errors when I went in compaining of double vision, I got stronger lens. At my age (in 50's, she says no eye therapy can help any more. If I keep getting corrective lens, then every two years or so it will be even more pronounced an issue. right now my double vision sometimes affects my ability to pour liquid into a cup and it hits the lip of a cup, half spilling on table. as a result it affects my ability to drive unless I drive with one eye closed if its an emergency situation and husband cant. so i can't drive anymore. It affects my ability to know where I am placing my foot when going downstairs so if theres no rail to hold onto, i am terrified on falling due to missing the step or placing foot only half on and losing balance. I have cried when I spilled and couldnt see pouring, I cry over the loss of abilities and I have cried in the past and yes I have had many times that I have been depressed. I don't like how I feel when I get depressed so after a handful of days, a week, I am sick of feeling stuck with no choice and no Fairy god mother who can magically make things good for me. I hate how depression feels and so what I have done is to think of how my situation could be worse, during the verbal abuse, I figured hey it could've been physicall abuse all along, with my eye problems, hey I could be blind and that after an entire life of sight would be even harder to adjust to. So in comparison to No sight, having some double vision is better. Even when I have initially thought my circumstances are as bad as they can get, when I really give it my thought, there is always something worse. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you've heard this trick before and it doesnt work for you. I could use this trick until I'm blue in the face telling myself this, but it is merely a thought that comes from the mind, using logic. That doesn't reach my heart where my emotions and my subconscious mind are and my subconscious mind if the one due to the emotions its tied to that reacts with self pity, depression or tears. If I let my subconscious mind gain the upper hand and gain control of how I handle and deal with my life, I probably would be on depression meds by now, or dead. Its important to keep the two minds in balance, balance it important in life for it to go on and survive. Over use of things like germ killers or when my kids were young, over use of amoxicillin and anti biotics for kids had moms in concern when it no longer cured their kids cronic ear infections cus the bacteria's grew stronger. When all the natural good bacteria is killed along with the bad, guess what grows back quicker, the bad, to the point it overwhelms and takes over and a person becomes physically sick. It works the same in our minds. Your good thoughts versus bad ones. And believe me, ALL people will naturally think 10 negative ones before they have one positive one. I dont know why, something in the human makeup. The difference is some of us learn to stop the negative thoughts at some point. Another thing I have noticed is that what ever your conscious mind dwells on the most positive thoughts or negative ones, your subconsciouos will strive to make your thoughts come true simply believing that what you focus your thoughts on is because its something you desire and want and like a fairy god mother wants to make your every wish come through. Leaving that up to your subconscious to do, is about as sane as allowing a two year old to decide major life decisions for you as where to work, who to marry, where to attend college, and other things they couldn't possibly have a grasp on. Sorry but there is no way to disconnect your subconscious to prevent this happening. The only thing you have to keep things in control is to learning to retrain how your conscious mind thinks and retraining it. So if you thoughts of what is happening in your life are of total give up and hopelessness, then your subconscios will force your emotions to follow suit. How do I know this works? Call it bad or negative things, they keep happening to me too. Hubby broke his leg in Dec. He lost work, we lost our apt. and now are homeless living in our van. When we were getting ahead, we got 3 new computers cus of two old lap tops, one had died and the other was old 6 yrs so we bought 3 new, well refurbished ones. We lost the paperwork to proving we purchased them to get repairs and of 3, two were lemons. Hubby used all his geek knowlege to attempt to use the good parts of all of them to make one work cus they were same brand and modle and it didn't work. So we now use the one new this still works but not as good as we wanted and the 6 yr old one thats still hanging in there. The problems with pcs started right after he lost job and broke leg. Use of crutches has actually messed up his bad back worse due to slipping and falling with crutches several times so he's in pain a lot and I have to do alot for him that he can't do while healing from the broken in 3 places leg. I csn't drive. Obama care wont pay for new lenses and he needs better pair to see more crisply to read signs at night but he's still the better choice for driving, and we have run out of savings and now have to borrow from his dad to hang in there longer to scrape by on little until he can get work as he can earn the better amount for our budget than what I can and my eyesight will now limit the jobs i can do. We are both starting to experience consistent problems with hearing which I have found myself being irritated by having to repeat myself and then upset to be losing hearing to that point. So now I choose to find something, one teeny tiny thing in this circumstance that I cant change that makes me laugh. And that would be the nonsensical things I thought I heard or that he thought he heard and when we tell each other what we thought we heard, we fall into fits of laughter. Laughter feels so good to me, so vital for actually staying out of depression that I actually find myself looking forward to hearing the next silly thing we thought we heard only to laugh so hard again. We also find clarity of mind and forgetfulness creeping up faster than what is normal for our age. Silly mistakes I know better in grammer for instance. You'll probably find many typos and such. I see even proof readers getting big stuff wrong like spelling in billboards, on bus's on the net, in advertising whether words on tv, paper, books, magazines, something in our environment is affecting a good number of peoples brains and they don't realize they are making major mistakes like misreading somethig that could be potentially dangerous like the pharmacy handing you the wrong medications. that happened with my care giving client in past. So I now read the bottle of my own medication at refills to make sure its the same one, has my name and open to view the pills, so they look the same, I can't rely on someone else mind getting everything right. That is scary and there's nothing we can do about it. I am still working on a way to mentally deal with our forgetful ness as its irritating, and costly if we lose something and have to replace it when we now take dollar showers once a week at local pool and wash clothes at laundromat only once every 3 or so weeks and rewear the clothes we have multiple times until too smelly to wear, never mind about just too dirty. thats something we have to ignore or not focus on. Most people are not going to be so open and honest about their lives cus most everyone has their own version of tough stuff to deal with or have dealt with. So you may be under the false impression that others all have it easy. A break up for one person is tramatic and stops your life while another person is also hurt by it and yet recovers. It all comes down to choosing how one will react to what happens in their life and everyone has a different level of extremes they can handle before their breaking point of stress. What is easy for me is stressful to another while something I find stressful is going to be easy for someone else. So you can't make exact comparisons, but if somene told you what is stressful in their life to them, then it is, to the point they have to choose their emotional outlook on it, and that starts by using your conscious mind to keep your subconscious mind in check.

I know this has been alot to take in. Give a day or two and read this all again. If someething doesnt make sense or you need someething clarified, which is likely as no one person's comprehends and interprets what they hear or read the same way, let me know by writing to me a new question but from my help column as I cant answer where you put comments on this answer of mine.
I've taken this time with you because despite my circumstances, I am in service while on this earth in this life and that is to help, or encourage others in any way I can. I can't help financially which is actually the easiest and least impact timewise and effort wise but I can do what I can here on advicenators and while I am no professional and no one here is and this is only my personal feelings and beliefs based on what worked for me, this is the one way I can try to be of service whether it helps or not. I do hope this helps you. If you want to fight to regain control of your mind and thereby your thoughts, its gonna be hard work and you'll need someone or several someones who do understand to help be your emotional support in the beginning. If you can research and find someone in your area who specializes in cognitive therapy that would be the best thing right now for you. I am sure you've only seen traditional pyschologists but the name the one I couldn't remember just came back to me, so here is a link to his website. It is David D. Burns MD
http://feelinggood.com/

His site has contact info or where you can ask him on line whatever you wish. If you dont live in his area, I am sure he will take the time to research for you and find Drs in your area who work with people on Cognitive Therapy. I did it alone with his book but its much easier for you to have someone who understands and can be the right support and knows that their method works. trust me it works. Tell him who your currenet therapy and meds don;t work. Please please write him. Once you have a couple names of Drs in your area that do this kind of therapy, let the parents know what you've found and ask them to take you to that Dr. If they won't, ask David which of his books he thinks will help you most and maybe he'll send it to you or you or parents might purchase it and then read and reread each chapter until you can get the stuff in the one chapter nailed down or at least understand it and be working on it before moving on. Good luck dear and you can still write me. I'd like to hear how things turn out for you.

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Details:
We've been friends for two months before we got together
When we got together, we were separated after two weeks
We are now 5000 miles apart
We always talk and text
We get to see each other only once a year
We love each other so much

Do you think it'll last?

Your type of LDR is really the only type that has a good chanced of making it. What you have that other LDRs who only meet on line, is that you've known each other in person already before hand. That is very important becausae there are too many pieces missing you can't experience in cyber. Though you weren't friends long, it's important that you liked each other as friends as the most successful relationships have people who are both compatible as friends and romantically. If you didn't have chemistry with each other or trust in friendship, you wouldn', will never know these things unless they can meet in person.

Often the biggest downfall to meeting first in cyber is that though there's the emotional connection, a couple misses things that can only occur face to face. Add to it and good chance that they can never get together in real life, and the temptation to get together with an equally nice person who comes into their non cyber life, is going to be the greater temptation to pull them away from a LDR love.

That being said, it is also a truth that some people dont need months or years of dating to know that they have met the person they want to be with the rest of their lives, married or not. It can literally be a month or two, some know already in even less time. A lot can depend on the basic character of two people in knowing this for sure so early and perhaps even in some life experience. For me 2nd time around and my current hubby, it was our character and life experience that made us sure after two weeks from first meeting, that each of us was what the other was looking for and we confessed that to each other.

So in the end, I would say you have a better chance of making it last than most. Only you can know how strong that chance is by how sure both of you are about each other.

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I'm 21/F, my boyfriend is 22 and his friend is 21.

Ok, Story time.

So last night I hung out with my boyfriend of 6 years and his best friend. We played some video games and then started drinking...a lot. At some point during the night, my boyfriend passed out in his bed so his friend and I went back to playing video games for a while. I felt like passing out too but he kept talking to me and shaking me so that I would stay awake. So yeah, at this point we were both really drunk and I was laying on the couch so he sat next to me and told me I could put my legs in his lap and I did (huge mistake, I realize that now). So we kept playing and drinking and I noticed that every time I put my legs on the ground or moved them away, he put them back in his lap. So I was feeling really weird about the whole situation but 'sober me' isn't good with confrontation, so 'drunk me' is even worse. I was just laughing and he was talking about how whoever lost the next game had to take off their shirt. I don't really remember agreeing to this, but after I lost he kept insisting that I did. At this point I was freaking out because we were drunk and I didn't know what to do but I knew this was really bad. So, I pretended to pass out and he passed out pretty soon after. I then left the room and went to find my boyfriend and slept with him. I woke up earlier than both of them and went back to my house.

I am really conflicted. This morning, I got a message from him apologizing and saying that if I wanted to tell my boyfriend then I could but that he wasn't going to tell him. I have always had open communication with my boyfriend about everything but I don't know if I should tell him because A) I don't want their friendship to be ruined and B) I'm positive that this was a one-time thing that will not happen again because I won't ever get that drunk around him again. Also this best friend is a pretty cool guy and it was really uncharacteristic of him to do this. I don't know, I'm feeling really guilty because I probably brought this upon myself by drinking so much and not being confrontational when I first suspected that he was getting too touchy.

Should I tell my boyfriend about this incident or not?

You know that this is going to continue to eat you up if you never say anything about what happened and you also know that if you do bring it up, you'll feel scared as you do it, not knowing what the reactions or opinions of the others will be. But the eating you up inside goes on forever while the fear and uncomfortableness in bringing it up next time all 3 of you are together, is only going to last for the time of length of conversation. Could there be repercussions? Sure, your boyfriend at 22 is an adult but may not handle this like an adult and react with jealousy either dumping his friend or you or both. If he does, that's a sign of how immature he is. YOu're all adults now, YOUNG adults but adults never the less and its high time to learn to handle life situations in an adult manner. Ignoring it like his best friend wants to do, is not the adult response, neither would it be the adult response if your BF got mad or jealous and it certainly would not be an adult thing if you all pretended it never happened that you all drank too much to the point where your judgement and abilites were impaired or you passed out. It would also not be very smart to plan to drink again without coming up with personal limits for yourselves and plans on how to handle drinking responsibly to the point you're still sober enough to BE responsible for your actions. This includes more than just not planning to drive a vehicle when drinking, as you now know from experience.

This is just how I would go about it, I would pick a time when we're all 3 together and say, I'd like for us all to talk about that night when we all got really drunk. Then tell them what you witnessed, that due to ALL of you drinking way beyond your limits, your boyfriend passed out, leaving you and his friend alone with your abilities impaired by alcohol and his friends judgement impaired but alcohol. You do not blame his friend and there is no such thing as one person to blame but all of you for drinking too much. You are willing to overlook his friend hitting on you based on the fact you all put yourselves and in each in a bad situation. All of you are to blame. All you want to do, is make sure you have this talk and all of you decide to put a limit on how many drinks you have. Some people are drunk after one drink, some at 2 or 3. If you've had so much that you can't remember how many you've had, or your motor control of body is impaired or your speech, then you've already had too much. YOu all need to agree to set limits and help each other by reminding them of the limits. this will not work if you're the only one not drunk but both of them drink till too drunk and something bad happens. What if next time, you try to leave and both of them are so drunk they both force you to do something you don't want to? You'd have to tell them that if drinking is involved, you won't be hanging out with them. Unless of course you like getting that drunk. In which case, carry on and suffer the consequences because eventually, there will be consequences if the drinking to excess becomes a habit. If not with each other, you'll all suffer your own consequences at some point in life sooner or later. I'm not against alcohol dear, my husband makes Mead, honey wine. I only had to pass out once from alcohol to learn not to go there again...I rather prefer to be in control of all my senses and my thoughts. It all depends for me on the type of alcohol or if two different types were imbibed in one night more than the amount of drinks so I don't say I'm done drinking at one or two drinks. But the moment I go to reach for my glass or place it back on table and my movement was off, thats a sign I've already had enough for it to begin to affect me and I stop right then. I don't even finish the glass. It takes will power to do so. It would serve you all well to set such limits for yourself. Another things I've found is if I am sitting, inactive watching TV or on computer, I am affected more quickly by alcohol than if I had the same amount while out dancing and being active. Activity seems to help me stay in control but I won't drink much when active either as I tend to be more thirsty and water helps quench thirst while things like coffee and alcohol tend to dry up your body fluid levels. Learn what your limits are in all situations like I have and what types of alcohol make you drunk faster and perhaps limit or avoid them. You can make suggestions to them all but in the end only have control over what you drink and if they choose to drink to the point of being out of control or passed out, then you'll have to decide whether to hang out with them when alcohol is present. A recovering alcoholic avoids alcohol because one drink will tempt them too much to lose control and go back to overdrinking. If you know you don't have enough self control to handle alcohol properly, it may be best to avoid it.

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why dont i have nippels

Guys usually aren't concerned about this so I assume you are a girl. Yes some girls have inverted nipples that make them appear to not have any. This is like some people having an inny or an outie when it comes to belly buttons, and its just a part of who you are.
this does not mean you are deformed and in most c ases, theres nothing wrong unless you have always had nipple that stuck out and suddenly they are retreating in, it's a sign of possible cancer.
Please see this wonderful teaching site about what is normal in nipples and breasts in females.

http://www.007b.com/nipple_gallery.php#inverted

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It's gross, especially when it's overt and/or persistant. I thought a relationship was meant to be between 2 people? Why do some couples try to get other people's attention? I noticed yesterday at the mall. There was this interracial couple all over each other, as we stood in line at this food place, and i'd focus on other things but they'd sometimes look back with this look on their face line they want their relationship to interest people, incite anger or jealousy, etc. it was awkward for me, directly behind them, and others in line. I have no problem with any couple, interracial, gay, lesbian, transgender, one young and one old, etc. I'm happy others can find love and be in relationships. I'm not jealous either, it's just uncomfortable to essentially be viewing foreplay without consent. There were children in line, too. Some people seem to get a sexual thrill out of people seeing their pda and that just seems sick and self centered. It makes me understand why there are countries that ban it.

Its when all people, you and me included only know how to look at any one situation only from one view-point (our own) that things get messed up in this world. We stress over, make laws, try to ban things, give hateful glares or give unwanted opinions over something that we are only going to see one way. And yes we have a right to our own views but never to impose them on others, no matter how RIGHT we feel we are, and no matter if a larger group of people feel the same way.
Hubby had his arm around my shoulders in church and no comment. But shit hit the fan when once, I innocently rested my arm around his shoulder and absent-mindedly my fingers played with the ends of his hair. I hadn't even known i did that, which i feel is nothing overt in PDA, but some people behind us complained and the Pastor talked to us and told us it was inappropriate behavior and never to do that again. I was offended. From my viewpoint, it was nothing sexual embarassing to others in pda but from the church members view, it was to them and their complaint was enough for the Pastor to make a rule on the spot and warn us not to ever do it again.
If we could learn to put ourselves in the shoes of the other person whether the offender or the offendee to you, you just may be able to understand where they are coming coming from.
If I witnessed what you did and found it extreme, In my mind, I'd try to imagine what possible things could have occurred in each their pasts to come to this point of doing such a thing in public. One thing I might come up with, one grew up as a kid in a home where never told I love u, or hugged or kissed, and now they go to the other extreme to make up for lost time, or one may have been married before to a sexually repressed person, and now like a kid in a candy store, wants it all to the extreme, or both may have been raped or sexually abused as children and people from those backgrounds often have an earlier sex drive and a more pronounced one than others, mixed with immaturity or plain old not caring what others think or they're into thrill seeking so they use this as a way to get their thrills instead of bungee jumping or sky diving.
It helps me understand where they may be coming from and although it doesn't solve the issue, it helps me to not react offended or take things personally when it comes to what others do.
This is an important life lesson for each of us to learn and since you can't change them, only change your self for the better, this is one little thing you can do that helps you deal with the majority of people in life who just don't have a clue.

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I'm still overweight, how does saying that help me? It's weird to me people find it suitable to talk about my weight to my face, too, unless they're my doctor. My boss has done it, dad has done it, "friends" have done it... I've never commented on anyone's weight to their face, it just seems way inappropriate, whether they've lost or gained. Even gossiping about it with someone else is a bit embarassing and feels like something you shouldnt do, you know? But some people are so shameless, lol. I have to lose weight for health reasons, just because I try to avoid chocolates at work or don't bring fast food to work doesn't mean I'm anorexic. I'm still overweight, do I look anorexic or bulemic to you?! Ugh. It's my body and I want to be skinny, why must people try to force me to look how they want me to look? They want a diff hair style, why dont I waste my money getting my nails done, etc. even a trainer at the gym once tried to discourage me from trying to become skinny, cause to him, muscley girls are the most beautiful. Wtf? Thats how I knew he was the wrong trainer, he's supposed to help me look how I want to look, not just what he finds pretty. Help, please.

If you are under Drs. care and your Dr. has periodic checkups with you to see your process and feels your current weight loss is not too much, and that more can be lost yet for health reasons, then go for it.
If the weight goal you're shooting for is Drs. recommendation and fits your height, age, and bone structure (which is valid to a healthy weight for a person) and you are not trying to look like what YOU think is right for you then its fine. I mention this because your words "he's supposed to help me look how I want to look" makes me wonder if you have enough info from Dr. and know how much would be too much loss in your case. You may not be this way at all but too many women have a picture in their mind of what they want to look like and due to age, height and bone structure, it's not possible to ever get there to that image in their mind.

As to a possible reason so many are all saying the same thing to you if you are still in healthy range and according to your Dr haven't lost too much, it could be simply that they are so used to how you looked before and the loss enough to be noticeable, that to them, you look skinny now. But its all in comparison to the 'before' state. Lets say you had weighed even more than you did and lost enough weight to get to the weight you actually started at before losing, you'd get the same comments.

Is it right to make comments that include advice unless asked for? No. But most people today don't know that. I think a part of it may be that the general public has gotten hooked on reality shows and competition shows. The mentality with that is that it is okay to know every little detail of another persons life and have an opinion about it, to be emotionally impacted by anger, fear, etc to the point of taking action to give your opinion. Competition shows like dancing with the stars and America's got talent, make us believe that a person has to be extremely good to be liked and chosen and yet there are many great talents who don't win the prize. And people may wonder if others are going overboard in trying to do better in something, in your case losing weight.

If it frustrates you this much to mention it here to us, I am sure you'd like more than to know why they do it, but how to stop it. If so, read on.

People don't like when the tables are turned on them, and they are put in the other persons shoes, but it is the best way I know to identify with how someone else feels so it should work to help them understand how you feel without you having to sound harsh by saying, "It's none of your business, get a life or mind your own business.
So...next time someone comments that you have lost too much weight, turn the tables on them without commenting on what they just say or answering their question. If you can do the following with your heart in the right place, its the best way for many people to learn. If you do so for a revenge to get back at them, then they will pick up on your negetive energy and likely close up and not learn from what you say. If you do the following with a heart to want to help them learn an important life fact and some manners to help them have better relationships in the future with others, they'll pick up on your positive energys and most likely this will have an impact on them.
So all you have to do is start asking questions about their sex life, something else that is nobody elses business and whether they answer or not or depending on how they answer, then give them your opinion of their sex life. Here's some idea's of what to possibly say:

Ask something basic like how often they have sex or when's the last time they've had sex. If they don;t get the hint and stop there, ask anything else you can think of: do they use the Kama Sutra, do they practice safe sex, have they tried tantric sex, are they into BDSM, if heterosexual, have they ever had sex with the same gender, do they watch porn, are you multi orgasmic, the list of possible thing you can ask that are none of your business on their private sex life just goes on. Some people are easily redirected and may actually answer you while others may not answer, or say it's none of your business. No matter how they respond you move on to the most important step, its' not just asking questions that aren't their business but giving advice that wasn't asked for.
So your next step is to ignore whatever way they reacted and give your advice. For those who didn't want to answer, you tell tell them you believe they need to have more sex. For those who actually answered some questions, you tell them, you think that they should have less sex, they're obsessive with it, a nymphomaniac.

The fact that you're giving them now your opinion about their sex life is enough for them to finally get it, that its none of their business to give you their opinion if not asked it for cus they don't like when the same is done to them. I don't think there are any people who will like this being done to them.
Instead, relax and have fun while making a point and hopefu in manners.

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Well the end of the school year talent show is my friends and I don't know what to do we are girls

And if you don't feel you have any talent or not good enough, consider a spoof on a song. This way you don't need to have a singing or acting talent, just able to be creative and gather needed props/outfits.
Since Laughter is always a good bet, here's something I witnessed and loved. I still remember skits adult women did at a church retreat 25 yrs ago, it was so great.
You may want to suggest this idea. Dressed as close as you can like the California Raisens as you dance along in uniform to the song. Here's a clip of the TV commercial to use to model yourselves after. Find a recording of the "California Raisen Song" to have the school play while you do the dance and lip sinc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM2OK_JaJ9I

The women wore some purple shorts and tee, black tights under the shorts and white short gloves on hands and heavy blue eye makeup. They duplicated the line dance motions of the commercial. It was hilarious and entertaining at same time.
Let me know if you win if you decide to try this.

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