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I feel very attached to, and envious of a new friend
Is it normal, when you are making a new same sex friend, particularly someone you look up to, to always have them on your mind and feel sad when you have to leave them? I don't mean in a romantic or sexual way; no physical attraction, just emotional. I'm not writing this because I'm worried that I'm gay or anything. I just worry that I'm overly vulnerable and get too emotionally attached to people I'm in the beginning stages of a close friendship with. The thing is, I'm pretty reserved and hold back in showing someone how much I like them because I'm worried about becoming clingy or whatever. This happened to me once or twice before and every time, it's a girl friend who's older or more experienced in life and I find myself wanting to be her, and becoming extremely envious of her life experience, beauty, social skills, etc. Anyone experience this before?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Yes. this is perfectly normal. It's just that most people, some adults included, have no idea that there are a couple of ways to be attracted, attached to another. One is the more obvious sexual ways. And the other is the emotional one.
We all need to be cared about for who we really are inside, our character and personality and usually friends, or best friends are the ones who fill this slot for us first in our lives. People need understanding, support and someone who will uphold what's important to us. It's way easier to treat a friend this way if you feel a strong love for them rather than indifference. It's because of how strong this kind of love feels that we get confused and think it means more when it doesnt.
That is a REAL need and nothing sexual about it.
There are many types of love, all with strong feeling behind them.
If two people have only the emotional rather than romantic love, they are friends, even if opposite sex, and this accounts for how a best friend of the opposite sex ends up in the 'Friend Zone' if the other 'romantic love' is missing.
Those who have the romantic love only, will eventually feel a need for the friendship love from their partner and may always feel unfullfilled in the relationship because of the lack of it.
I hope this explains it clearly enough to you.
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dont know if this helps but know exactly what you are talking about, went through this once with a friend a few years ago and honestly was an incredibly weird expereince being so attached to someone and very very hurtful when our friendship ended. if it helps i did eventyally get over it and now will see her every once in a while and dont feel sad about it anymore, just takes time, these really intense friendships are hard to maintain tho so just be careful and try to keep it a healthy friendship so you dont get hurt.
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This is normal for the most part because you want to gain the life experience and all that you speak of here. the only way to do that though is to go out and gain it like she did. You have to live YOUR life, at YOUR pace and not at hers. She just a little more EVOLVED then you thats all, and it may not have been through just WANTING to but she may have been thrusted into the world of having to do these things herself under "not the best" of circumstances. So the fact that you get to CHOOSE how and when you want to gain your experiences like the ones shes had is BETTER.
Say you make a new friend and she has a job, a car, and a place of her own. You walk into her life and think "WOW shes really got her life together! i wish i could have this" WELL did you ever stop to think that she only has those things because maybe she had no money growing up so she was forced to get a job? and maybe she has an apartment because her whole family was getting kicked out and it was "every man for himself" so she worked herself day and night to be able to afford that place shes got?
Theres always going to be people who's life you walk into AFTER theyve worked really hard and FINALLY caught a break and got the things they needed so when you walk in all you see is a nice life. You didnt see the hardship that came BEFORE all that and how this maybe just maybe this person deserves everything she has but it was only after struggling for along time to get it see?
so in reality theres nothing to be jealous of because you dont have what she has weatehr it be experience or material stuff. The best thign you can do is learn, ask questions, and get her to help you gain those in a positive way.
We're all a work in progress. no one is "better" or any less of a person then anyone else. we all have to start somewhere when it comes to learning things in life. Your just starting out a little later then she is thats all.
; ) good luck
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