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A Fork in the Road
I am an American citizen married to a Mexican citizen, and I live in Mexico City. I work as an English teacher and am very happy with my job and have great friends here. The problem is my marriage of 4 years. My husband is a serial cheater and liar. He has taken money from me, and has racked up so much debt that we have lost our house. He has physically threatened me, and has a Jeckyll and Hyde personality that I am always very careful of. We are currently in the process of divorce. I basically have 2 options right now. The first option would be to take off and bolt for the USA, leaving him to complete the divorce process on his own here in Mexico, and I could start a new life with my mom in Tucson, or go to San Diego with my daughters who study there. The problem with that is..the divorce would draw out to about a year, and of course Hubby would be sure and 'love me again" so that he could come to the USA with my help of course. The second option I have would be to stay another 3 months in Mexico, finish the divorce completely, and then get back to the USA without having any more ties to my husband in any way. This plan has risks to my physical and mental health since he could find me at any time. He especially looks for me when he needs sex, and threatens me if I don't submit claiming we are still spouses. When I go against his wishes, he threatens to call the police with a made-up story and send me to jail. I feel very vulnerable, not knowing what to do in this situation.
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Hi.
I think do what you need to do in order to rid of him. He is already hurting you physically and mentally with his lust and physical abuse. I may be a man, but hell I know women should be treated with respect and love. Go to your mother and stay there. It is much safer than going to your kids. It may lead to another problem if you stay with your kids because he can have the audacity to go without thinking. Because he can act that you should all answer to his wants because he is your husband/ Father to them. at least if you are with your mothers. safety will be implemented at all times.
Hope this helps =)
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Hon, I left my husband before we had a divorce. And I did so also for my health and safety. Even if someone hadn't experienced this like you and I,
they would simply counsel to leave based on the fact that your welfare is at state. What if he didn't mean to kill you but beat you so badly in a fit, that he did?
you know that there is no reasoning with a mentally twisted person, and no...it's not selfish to think of yourself first in this case. By the very way he has treated you all along, he has lost his privileges of any marital rights long before now. Even with a divorce pending, there's no saying he'll stay away because of that when he wants sex. So why wait to find out how it goes. Leave now. Who cares if it takes longer for a divorce. You'd probably be so glad to not have him able to get to you that you would care if it took a little longer than a year.
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It seems your best option is leave, be safe and with family, and then no fall for any change of heart he might have. He cannot force you to support him coming to the US, even if you are still technically married to him.
I'm afraid that part is really that simple. You'll need to remain strong and not fall for any of his tricks after returning to the US and continue to be dedicated to divorcing this abusive man. Hopefully with your family around you, you'll have the support you need to stay strong.
You could try contacting the US Embassy in Mexico City for advice about your problem, however they aren't able to give you legal counsel. They might be able to give you some advice on leaving the country safely and they can recommend Mexican lawyers for you to speak too.
Getting divorced is important, but it's not more important than your physical safety. Remember that martial rape is a crime in Mexico - just because are you married to someone doesn't mean they are entitled to have sex with you whenever they want too. If he rapes you, either by threatening violence or by psychologically badgering you with threats of false crime reports, it doesn't matter that he is your husband, it is still rape.
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Ok what you need to do is get away from him ASAP. I live in san diego too and i know people women who have suffered extreme domestic violence, one almost having her life taken because of it.
You need to contact a place called Beckys house.
Its in downtown and its a place for women suffering from domestic violence can go to in order to get away from people like your husband. they will put a roof over your head, feed and cloth you, everything. Just tell them your situation and they will let you know if they have room for you.
They will help speed up the divorce and help you cut all ties with him asap.
just call and ask for some information about your situation.
This sounds dangerous enough as it is, you dont need to hang around him still WHILE the divorce is happening. If beckys house cant help you then im sure they will point you in the right direction.
good luck
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