|
how can i be happy?
please don't tell me to see a counselor, because ive got two right now who are not helping at all, and ive seen so many damn counselors. counselors are absolutely useless. and im seeing a psychiatrist who prescribes me medication. and all the medication he has prescribed me has never worked.
nothings going right:
my parents and I are always getting into fights over nothing.
I want to kill myself.
my boyfriend is not helping my happiness, but it literally kills me to have the thought of him being with another girl because I love him with all my heart, but everyone around me says hes part of the reason for my depression.
I want to overdose on medication.
spirituality has always interest me, and I don't have any higher being to look up to.
I want to shoot myself.
im never motivated for school, so that makes me more depressed.
I want to hang myself.
im hopeless.
have I mentioned how i want to kill myself?
my body hurts all the time, and the emotional and physical pain is just way too much to bare any longer. I just cant take it anymore. like Ive been suffering all this pain for so fucking long, and I don't know what to do anymore. I strongly believe I have the right to kill myself if ive been suffering for almost ten years. but everyones hanging on to me because theyre selfish bastards. if they knew how much pain I am in, theyd let me go.
if no one tells me at least one way that'll help me, then im leaving!!!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Him I hope I'm not too late.
I'll answer your questions as simple and straight to the point.
1. Don't kill yourself - Why? Because you'll regret it. Why? Because death is a cowards way of going out in this world.
2. You love your boyfriend but he isn't much of a help to you right now. - Maybe you are not giving him much information regarding to what you're feeling. Or Maybe you are overthinking too much about him with another person.
3.Depression really is hard to fight. believe me I'm also in this situation right now and I've been fighting it for my whole life.
4. I agree with you. Counselors and Psychiatrist won't help you. you need someone who also has depression issues yet knows how to fight it.
Message me if you need more help. I can give you my number if you have viber. I'll gladly help you out!
]
I do not have an answer for you how to find what you are seeking but perhaps the little I share will give you a different perspective in finding your own way that works to fulfill you.
Most people use the word happiness when describing how they want to feel when it's actually joyfullness that they are seeking yet don't know it.
And before you think I can't relate and am just spouting words, actually I can. I used to have to live 30 years with an equally difficult but different circumstances that most people would struggle with as you do. Hopefully I can explain and make it clear and later share what my experiences were. This is the only way I know to give you some hope.
There's a big difference between happiness and joyfulness.
If you trace the word happiness to it's beginnings and the root parts of the word and its meaning, this will become more clear. Happiness root part is Hap as in Happenstance.
Here's Merriam-Websters definition in case you want to look it up.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
They explain the word is a combo of
happen + circumstance which is what I am getting at, the circumstances in life that happen to you and around you in ways that involve your emotions and feelings. Other definitions will say happenstance means a chance happening and it can be that too. But a chance happening makes it sound too rare, just a unique situation that occurred once. That doesn't cover the circumstanced part. Since circumstances are things that are pretty regular in ones life, It's much more than what most would say. By the way, I got the basics of this explanation from a church sermon long ago in Pastor trying to explain how having Joy inside whether Joy in the Lord or in Life. It was to explain how truly only those with Joy inside, instead of Happiness will have the greater impact on people around them and of course end result, on themselves. So this isn't something I am making up, and it was what kept me from going into depression.
It was further explained that Happenstance are things that happen outside of you, around you in your life and happen to you and you base how you are going to feel inside, based on outside circumstances. While on the other hand, Joy is an emotional feeling that is not based on what happens around you or to you. I don't think counselors tend to explain this well. Trust me, without detail explanation that I've had experience with counselors for myself, a family member and a caregiver job client who had a counselor to know that yes, they had a set way of working with people that doesn't get through to each one and help them know how to help themselves. This isn't something someone else can do, magic words that make you switch inside to feeling Joy or removing all the circumstances in your life that you don't like. It is actually a decision you make in your mind to do the hard work yourself, taking control over your negative, sad, unhappy feelings and working at retraining your thinking, the way your mind thinks can have bad or good habits. Cognitive behavioral therapy is something I have not experienced in person but read a book on and sorry I dont remember the name but lots of how you feel depends on how your brains thought habits go. And if your cognitive thoughts are always negative and keep growing til they crowd out any positive ones, that's when one becomes so depressed they comtemplate suicide. telling you not to is definitely not a solution.
So this will be long but i will honestly share everything I know. I have a hunch that you are someone who much like me is determined to succeed and overcome and find a way to have your own personal joy and all you need at this point is a ray of hope. This was my ray of hope, that kepts me fighting until I succeeded. You can't just decide to have joy, as you already known it's not want to be joyful of Full of Joy, then more people would be and there'd be no depressed people in the world. It also takes lots of hard work and lots of time. Those who don't want to put in the hard work or feel there is no ray of hope, something they can actually work with to get out of this hole, they will commit suicide. So if you don't want to put in hard work for the rest of your life to CHOOSE how you will emotionally respond to your circumstances, then I guess you don't need to read on and hear of my circumstance n my life that were and currently are enough to make me major depressed or want to give up on life. Not making this up just for you. So here are my circumstances:
At 20 I married a man from church I thought was a solid good Christian man. turns out he changed as soon as we married and became verbally abusive. wHILE he didn't start to become physically abusive until the end, 30 yrs later, verbal abuse is just as damaging. Ever meet someone impossible to please? I'll explain:
You do exactly what they said following every last detail of what they expect of you and then they tell you did it wrong or it is unacceptable
and begin to berate you and verbally cut you down and call you all sorts of belittling names for following their wishes to the exact detail in the first place. there was never any pleasing of this husband. Only my family knew how bad he was and yet I stayed with him because I was afraid I couldn't survive financially on my own with kids and partly because I was believing what the church taught, Let God heal your marriage. Well, that doesn't take into account that God gave each individual a personal will to make their own choices whether positive or negative or whether they affect anyone else therefore in a negative way. He won't interfere and stop only those doing wrong because then that means, the Will he gave us was conditional, based only on if you choose his way, the positive ways, and he takes back the gift of will he gave to only the people who choose negatively and begins to control them only. God doesn't work that way. Or if you don't b elieve in God, well, universal reality doesnt work that way. this is not about religion dear, just trying to make a point. That whatever forces are out there greater than us, won't step in and control this greater force will not interfere and physically stop you from ending your life, that is being left up to you as is any and all of choices regarding your life. No one can say or do anything, or wave a magic wand that will affect a positive change in your head. If medications aren't helping, its more than that, it is something in your control to change or not.
Not done with my circumstance yet, so to continue: I finally divorced him when my kids were out of the house. My first relationship after soon became a nightmare, the guy was narcissistic so it only lasted long enough for me to see a few times what was going on and I gave it more time than i should have cus I had no yet had time for myself to mentally heal from the last so it was hard. I beleive in Angels and so whether from them or somewhere else outside of me came the suggestion into my mind to make a list of my needs and wants in a guy. A friend who used to be a counselor told me about the book on positive thinking, cognitive therapy that a person basically can only do themselves. A counselor can only show you the tools. If all they do is listen to your problems but don't give you the tools to learn how to overcome on your own, then yes, they are useless. I went to a real counselor when leaving husband and during time with the second guy but all they did was listen, give me no tool to work with. Only my ex counselor friend did. Once I read the book I thought back to that long ago sermon on happiness and joy. I had kept pretty sane during the 30 yrs only due to my belief in a greater power that loved me just as I was so I never totally lost self respect or my self image because of it. But right there, I had made a choice, a choice to believe in something to give me hope and that choice made all the difference. Two years after leaving my ex, I found the perfect guy for me and remarried and thought life would be all roses from here on out. Haha, the world doesn't work that way, its a harsh place. But that is needed to turn each one of us into something more precious and beautiful as a person and soul in the end, just like diamonds. They start out as an ugly lump of carbon but due to extreme pressures in the earths crust were turned into diamonds, and so it is for all of us. So fast forward another 6 years. My eyes have consistantly gotten worse, near sighted but with a stigmatism. It was always corrected until my last appt a month ago where the Dr. discovers I have a condition which if caught early could have been corrected by eye therapy rather than corrective lens. Instead, due to others errors when I went in compaining of double vision, I got stronger lens. At my age (in 50's, she says no eye therapy can help any more. If I keep getting corrective lens, then every two years or so it will be even more pronounced an issue. right now my double vision sometimes affects my ability to pour liquid into a cup and it hits the lip of a cup, half spilling on table. as a result it affects my ability to drive unless I drive with one eye closed if its an emergency situation and husband cant. so i can't drive anymore. It affects my ability to know where I am placing my foot when going downstairs so if theres no rail to hold onto, i am terrified on falling due to missing the step or placing foot only half on and losing balance. I have cried when I spilled and couldnt see pouring, I cry over the loss of abilities and I have cried in the past and yes I have had many times that I have been depressed. I don't like how I feel when I get depressed so after a handful of days, a week, I am sick of feeling stuck with no choice and no Fairy god mother who can magically make things good for me. I hate how depression feels and so what I have done is to think of how my situation could be worse, during the verbal abuse, I figured hey it could've been physicall abuse all along, with my eye problems, hey I could be blind and that after an entire life of sight would be even harder to adjust to. So in comparison to No sight, having some double vision is better. Even when I have initially thought my circumstances are as bad as they can get, when I really give it my thought, there is always something worse. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you've heard this trick before and it doesnt work for you. I could use this trick until I'm blue in the face telling myself this, but it is merely a thought that comes from the mind, using logic. That doesn't reach my heart where my emotions and my subconscious mind are and my subconscious mind if the one due to the emotions its tied to that reacts with self pity, depression or tears. If I let my subconscious mind gain the upper hand and gain control of how I handle and deal with my life, I probably would be on depression meds by now, or dead. Its important to keep the two minds in balance, balance it important in life for it to go on and survive. Over use of things like germ killers or when my kids were young, over use of amoxicillin and anti biotics for kids had moms in concern when it no longer cured their kids cronic ear infections cus the bacteria's grew stronger. When all the natural good bacteria is killed along with the bad, guess what grows back quicker, the bad, to the point it overwhelms and takes over and a person becomes physically sick. It works the same in our minds. Your good thoughts versus bad ones. And believe me, ALL people will naturally think 10 negative ones before they have one positive one. I dont know why, something in the human makeup. The difference is some of us learn to stop the negative thoughts at some point. Another thing I have noticed is that what ever your conscious mind dwells on the most positive thoughts or negative ones, your subconsciouos will strive to make your thoughts come true simply believing that what you focus your thoughts on is because its something you desire and want and like a fairy god mother wants to make your every wish come through. Leaving that up to your subconscious to do, is about as sane as allowing a two year old to decide major life decisions for you as where to work, who to marry, where to attend college, and other things they couldn't possibly have a grasp on. Sorry but there is no way to disconnect your subconscious to prevent this happening. The only thing you have to keep things in control is to learning to retrain how your conscious mind thinks and retraining it. So if you thoughts of what is happening in your life are of total give up and hopelessness, then your subconscios will force your emotions to follow suit. How do I know this works? Call it bad or negative things, they keep happening to me too. Hubby broke his leg in Dec. He lost work, we lost our apt. and now are homeless living in our van. When we were getting ahead, we got 3 new computers cus of two old lap tops, one had died and the other was old 6 yrs so we bought 3 new, well refurbished ones. We lost the paperwork to proving we purchased them to get repairs and of 3, two were lemons. Hubby used all his geek knowlege to attempt to use the good parts of all of them to make one work cus they were same brand and modle and it didn't work. So we now use the one new this still works but not as good as we wanted and the 6 yr old one thats still hanging in there. The problems with pcs started right after he lost job and broke leg. Use of crutches has actually messed up his bad back worse due to slipping and falling with crutches several times so he's in pain a lot and I have to do alot for him that he can't do while healing from the broken in 3 places leg. I csn't drive. Obama care wont pay for new lenses and he needs better pair to see more crisply to read signs at night but he's still the better choice for driving, and we have run out of savings and now have to borrow from his dad to hang in there longer to scrape by on little until he can get work as he can earn the better amount for our budget than what I can and my eyesight will now limit the jobs i can do. We are both starting to experience consistent problems with hearing which I have found myself being irritated by having to repeat myself and then upset to be losing hearing to that point. So now I choose to find something, one teeny tiny thing in this circumstance that I cant change that makes me laugh. And that would be the nonsensical things I thought I heard or that he thought he heard and when we tell each other what we thought we heard, we fall into fits of laughter. Laughter feels so good to me, so vital for actually staying out of depression that I actually find myself looking forward to hearing the next silly thing we thought we heard only to laugh so hard again. We also find clarity of mind and forgetfulness creeping up faster than what is normal for our age. Silly mistakes I know better in grammer for instance. You'll probably find many typos and such. I see even proof readers getting big stuff wrong like spelling in billboards, on bus's on the net, in advertising whether words on tv, paper, books, magazines, something in our environment is affecting a good number of peoples brains and they don't realize they are making major mistakes like misreading somethig that could be potentially dangerous like the pharmacy handing you the wrong medications. that happened with my care giving client in past. So I now read the bottle of my own medication at refills to make sure its the same one, has my name and open to view the pills, so they look the same, I can't rely on someone else mind getting everything right. That is scary and there's nothing we can do about it. I am still working on a way to mentally deal with our forgetful ness as its irritating, and costly if we lose something and have to replace it when we now take dollar showers once a week at local pool and wash clothes at laundromat only once every 3 or so weeks and rewear the clothes we have multiple times until too smelly to wear, never mind about just too dirty. thats something we have to ignore or not focus on. Most people are not going to be so open and honest about their lives cus most everyone has their own version of tough stuff to deal with or have dealt with. So you may be under the false impression that others all have it easy. A break up for one person is tramatic and stops your life while another person is also hurt by it and yet recovers. It all comes down to choosing how one will react to what happens in their life and everyone has a different level of extremes they can handle before their breaking point of stress. What is easy for me is stressful to another while something I find stressful is going to be easy for someone else. So you can't make exact comparisons, but if somene told you what is stressful in their life to them, then it is, to the point they have to choose their emotional outlook on it, and that starts by using your conscious mind to keep your subconscious mind in check.
I know this has been alot to take in. Give a day or two and read this all again. If someething doesnt make sense or you need someething clarified, which is likely as no one person's comprehends and interprets what they hear or read the same way, let me know by writing to me a new question but from my help column as I cant answer where you put comments on this answer of mine.
I've taken this time with you because despite my circumstances, I am in service while on this earth in this life and that is to help, or encourage others in any way I can. I can't help financially which is actually the easiest and least impact timewise and effort wise but I can do what I can here on advicenators and while I am no professional and no one here is and this is only my personal feelings and beliefs based on what worked for me, this is the one way I can try to be of service whether it helps or not. I do hope this helps you. If you want to fight to regain control of your mind and thereby your thoughts, its gonna be hard work and you'll need someone or several someones who do understand to help be your emotional support in the beginning. If you can research and find someone in your area who specializes in cognitive therapy that would be the best thing right now for you. I am sure you've only seen traditional pyschologists but the name the one I couldn't remember just came back to me, so here is a link to his website. It is David D. Burns MD
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
His site has contact info or where you can ask him on line whatever you wish. If you dont live in his area, I am sure he will take the time to research for you and find Drs in your area who work with people on Cognitive Therapy. I did it alone with his book but its much easier for you to have someone who understands and can be the right support and knows that their method works. trust me it works. Tell him who your currenet therapy and meds don;t work. Please please write him. Once you have a couple names of Drs in your area that do this kind of therapy, let the parents know what you've found and ask them to take you to that Dr. If they won't, ask David which of his books he thinks will help you most and maybe he'll send it to you or you or parents might purchase it and then read and reread each chapter until you can get the stuff in the one chapter nailed down or at least understand it and be working on it before moving on. Good luck dear and you can still write me. I'd like to hear how things turn out for you.
]
Please don't commit suicide! I know how you feel, trust me. I know it really hurts and you just want to let go. It might help to stop or try different medication. The medicine might be making it worse. You might want to try to talk to your doctor or even your parents. Are your parents and you really fighting over nothing? I know it may seem silly, but nothing might be a lot more than you think it is. I'm sure if you talk to them about it, they might just rethink some stuff. If your boyfriend is not being abusive, then I think you should stay with him. If he always yells or hurts you, then you need to get away from him right now! He just might be the link to your depression. The people hanging on to you might just want you to keep hanging on. I know it may seem hopeless, but I know you can do it! You were put on this world for a reason, and the reason is not to kill yourself. It might seem dumb, but try watching youtube , it really helped me. I hope my advice helped, and please don't kill yourself it's not the answer. I hope you get better soon. :)
]
More Questions: |