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My BF's best friend hit on me while we were drunk
I'm 21/F, my boyfriend is 22 and his friend is 21.
Ok, Story time.
So last night I hung out with my boyfriend of 6 years and his best friend. We played some video games and then started drinking...a lot. At some point during the night, my boyfriend passed out in his bed so his friend and I went back to playing video games for a while. I felt like passing out too but he kept talking to me and shaking me so that I would stay awake. So yeah, at this point we were both really drunk and I was laying on the couch so he sat next to me and told me I could put my legs in his lap and I did (huge mistake, I realize that now). So we kept playing and drinking and I noticed that every time I put my legs on the ground or moved them away, he put them back in his lap. So I was feeling really weird about the whole situation but 'sober me' isn't good with confrontation, so 'drunk me' is even worse. I was just laughing and he was talking about how whoever lost the next game had to take off their shirt. I don't really remember agreeing to this, but after I lost he kept insisting that I did. At this point I was freaking out because we were drunk and I didn't know what to do but I knew this was really bad. So, I pretended to pass out and he passed out pretty soon after. I then left the room and went to find my boyfriend and slept with him. I woke up earlier than both of them and went back to my house.
I am really conflicted. This morning, I got a message from him apologizing and saying that if I wanted to tell my boyfriend then I could but that he wasn't going to tell him. I have always had open communication with my boyfriend about everything but I don't know if I should tell him because A) I don't want their friendship to be ruined and B) I'm positive that this was a one-time thing that will not happen again because I won't ever get that drunk around him again. Also this best friend is a pretty cool guy and it was really uncharacteristic of him to do this. I don't know, I'm feeling really guilty because I probably brought this upon myself by drinking so much and not being confrontational when I first suspected that he was getting too touchy.
Should I tell my boyfriend about this incident or not?
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I honestly think you should, but also tell him that you were both drunk. And also explain to him that nothing happened between the both of you. You won't ruin their friendship if you would just explain to him everything, things will change between them, yes, but it's better than keeping something from your boyrfriend. But out of this, always be ready for whatever reaction you may get from him and from his friend. I think they're both nice guys and that they'll both understand if you would just explain to them properly. I hope my advice will help you in some way. Things will be better soon.
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You know that this is going to continue to eat you up if you never say anything about what happened and you also know that if you do bring it up, you'll feel scared as you do it, not knowing what the reactions or opinions of the others will be. But the eating you up inside goes on forever while the fear and uncomfortableness in bringing it up next time all 3 of you are together, is only going to last for the time of length of conversation. Could there be repercussions? Sure, your boyfriend at 22 is an adult but may not handle this like an adult and react with jealousy either dumping his friend or you or both. If he does, that's a sign of how immature he is. YOu're all adults now, YOUNG adults but adults never the less and its high time to learn to handle life situations in an adult manner. Ignoring it like his best friend wants to do, is not the adult response, neither would it be the adult response if your BF got mad or jealous and it certainly would not be an adult thing if you all pretended it never happened that you all drank too much to the point where your judgement and abilites were impaired or you passed out. It would also not be very smart to plan to drink again without coming up with personal limits for yourselves and plans on how to handle drinking responsibly to the point you're still sober enough to BE responsible for your actions. This includes more than just not planning to drive a vehicle when drinking, as you now know from experience.
This is just how I would go about it, I would pick a time when we're all 3 together and say, I'd like for us all to talk about that night when we all got really drunk. Then tell them what you witnessed, that due to ALL of you drinking way beyond your limits, your boyfriend passed out, leaving you and his friend alone with your abilities impaired by alcohol and his friends judgement impaired but alcohol. You do not blame his friend and there is no such thing as one person to blame but all of you for drinking too much. You are willing to overlook his friend hitting on you based on the fact you all put yourselves and in each in a bad situation. All of you are to blame. All you want to do, is make sure you have this talk and all of you decide to put a limit on how many drinks you have. Some people are drunk after one drink, some at 2 or 3. If you've had so much that you can't remember how many you've had, or your motor control of body is impaired or your speech, then you've already had too much. YOu all need to agree to set limits and help each other by reminding them of the limits. this will not work if you're the only one not drunk but both of them drink till too drunk and something bad happens. What if next time, you try to leave and both of them are so drunk they both force you to do something you don't want to? You'd have to tell them that if drinking is involved, you won't be hanging out with them. Unless of course you like getting that drunk. In which case, carry on and suffer the consequences because eventually, there will be consequences if the drinking to excess becomes a habit. If not with each other, you'll all suffer your own consequences at some point in life sooner or later. I'm not against alcohol dear, my husband makes Mead, honey wine. I only had to pass out once from alcohol to learn not to go there again...I rather prefer to be in control of all my senses and my thoughts. It all depends for me on the type of alcohol or if two different types were imbibed in one night more than the amount of drinks so I don't say I'm done drinking at one or two drinks. But the moment I go to reach for my glass or place it back on table and my movement was off, thats a sign I've already had enough for it to begin to affect me and I stop right then. I don't even finish the glass. It takes will power to do so. It would serve you all well to set such limits for yourself. Another things I've found is if I am sitting, inactive watching TV or on computer, I am affected more quickly by alcohol than if I had the same amount while out dancing and being active. Activity seems to help me stay in control but I won't drink much when active either as I tend to be more thirsty and water helps quench thirst while things like coffee and alcohol tend to dry up your body fluid levels. Learn what your limits are in all situations like I have and what types of alcohol make you drunk faster and perhaps limit or avoid them. You can make suggestions to them all but in the end only have control over what you drink and if they choose to drink to the point of being out of control or passed out, then you'll have to decide whether to hang out with them when alcohol is present. A recovering alcoholic avoids alcohol because one drink will tempt them too much to lose control and go back to overdrinking. If you know you don't have enough self control to handle alcohol properly, it may be best to avoid it.
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well, it seems like you ALL brought it upon yourselves by getting drunk with each other. When you do this, theres really no telling what can happen. Your boyfriend passing out and leaving you alone with another guy (even if hes a good guy friend) could still pose a risk.
He shouldnt have drunken himself to the point where he could no longer handle the situation, he left you vulnerable with another guy ALONE. So in doing that i'd say this is partially your boyfriends fault. sorry but thats just how i see it. He will probably feel guilty for passing out once he knows.
TRUE, his friend did hit on you and get a little too touchy feely, but he should have remembered that your his friends girl and no one elses and should have respected his boundaries, BUT again he allow himself to drink around you and you around him so this is really everyones fault on a certain level if you think about it.
Lesson learned, you all need to be careful about drinking with each other, your man shouldnt have drankin himself silly, and your friend shouldnt have touched you and you should have been maybe more on guard. but now you know and BECAUSE of the current feelings your having, youll be more careful next time right??
; )
good luck.
everyone gets a little stupid and or weird when their drunk thats why its called drinking yourself stupid. at least thats how i would look at it. If you can get your boyfriend to see things this way then i think everything could turn out ok and not ruin anyones friendships at all.
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