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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
fuck the bible. i was raised a christian and untill 20, i believed. Want to know why? i have a serious heart problem, and i have died 4 different times for longer then 2 minutes. nothing happens. you just die, and whats worse is i saw my own pastor at a strip club, what does that tell me? all the offereings IN church were carelessly thrown away on worthless hoes. and the fact 60% of rape is by pasters/ priests. the world needs to realize that religion is a fucking belief.Its funny how there are like 20 different types to, like christian, luthren, cathlic, exct. and the all big time woah is, its been thosands of years and not .000000000001 evidence or ANYTHING has been found. its just plain fucking ridiculous. harry potter is a book of modern times, and it has fans. i dont see a difference in the bible/religion, ITS A FUCKING BOOK SOMEONE WROTE, WITH ALL BRAINWASHED FANS THAT CALL THEMSELVES "GODS CHILDREN" i remember the pastor saying how all sinners go to a place where your burned for eternity......God is love? lolololol. i laugh in the face of ANY church. The pastors are just some hustlers taking everyones money because theyre smart as fuck and all the congregation isnt. I would burn a bible in the popes face. good bye.
You are certainly entitled to your opinion. There are many people who agree with what you have written. Some call themselves atheist and some call themselves agnostics. The difference is that atheist do not believe in any god while agnostics believe in a supreme being that for the lack of another term they will call god.
Some people believe that the Bible is a book of Fables. To some extent I agree. I also believe that the Bible was for its time a book of laws as is the Ten commandments is known as "Gods Laws." Back when the Bible was written there were no laws so the Priest, Rabbi's and other clerics made laws and called them Gods will and including them in their Holy Scriptures.
A good example of this are the Jewish and Muslim customs of not eating Pork. Today we know that if Pork is not cooked properly people will get sick and some will die. The Rabbi's and the Imams did not realize just why pork was making people sick just that it was. So they made it a sin to eat pork. Jews do not mix milk and meat or dairy and meat for similar reasons. The real reason as scientist have since found out was not the mixing but the plates. Back then the plates were wooden. The milk seeped into the pours of the wood, turns rancid and sickened anyone who ate off those plates. Once again not knowing why the Rabbi's saw this and made it Gods commandment not to do.
Today when you pit science against the Bible science can explain away much of what the Bible says. That is not really what the Bible or religion is about. We call religion Faith for a reason. People of Faith take comfort in their religion. It makes hurt easier to handle and Joy more joyous for those of faith.
There is nothing wrong with having faith, we all have it in some form or another. Yours may lie in your doctors to keep you alive. There is nothing wrong with that, it is actually good to have. Your doctors may have religious faith for they may feel they are able to do things they are really not capable of doing. Nothing wrong there. NASCAR drivers have faith in their pit crews an crew Chiefs. They have to if they are going to win a race.
Nothing says you have to have faith in a religion or a god, this is your choice. I support your choice and have served this country in support of that choice. The only thing I ask of you is not to condemn those that do have faith in god for it brings them comfort for which they are entitled just as you are entitled not to have faith.
My boyfriend and I know that pre-married sex is wrong, but we can't help it. It's not on our minds all of the time, but we still do it. I've tried down dressing, where I don't look to sexy or not at all. He doesn't dress to impress either, but still..We tried to stop over and over, but can't. I don't know what to do..
As one of the older advisors on this site I will give you my views on pre-marital sex.
I am of the grandparent age and for most of us my age it would be hypocritical of us to condemn anyone for having sex before marriage as most of us have. what is wrong is to have sex to early in life as in your early teen years.
Why? For a number of reasons. First and foremost is the fact that you are to young. You may have the body of an adult woman, most males bodies mature much later in life, yet you have not yet obtained the maturity needed to have a sex life. By that I mean being responsible for the consequences of your actions. The women has the most to lose as she is the one that gets pregnant. She is also the one that has to go through school with a reputation of being sexually available or being easy.
Two things about young males when it comes to sex. First they cannot keep a secrete. They have to tell someone that they had sex with you, especially if it is yours is his first time. That person tells someone else and with the aid of social media today you suddenly have young men lining up at your door hoping you will have sex with them. Even if you don't they will lie and say you did. There goes your reputation. This has been this way since I was a boy and those before me.
Second young males do not have the same definition of love that girls do. For most males love and lust are synonymous. Hence a boys famous line; "If you love me you will have sex with me. Your boy friend may be the alternate of the many given his feelings on premarital sex. If he has said anything like have sex with me or ... Then he is not any different then the rest.
Still at some point it does become permissible to have sex before marriage. When you are old enough to be mature enough to take care of yourself and make your own way in the world. That time comes when you are seen as an adult by the world. This happens when you turn 18. Your parents will still see you as a child though legally they have no hold on you.
Now if you wish to have a sex life before marriage it is entirely your choice based on your principals. Fact is somewhere in the 85% to 90% range most of the adults in your parents and grandparents ages did have pre-marital sex.
Where you parent part of the larger group or smaller group? Only they know the answer and only they can decide to share that information with you. My wife and I decided early on that when it came to sex we would be honest and forthright with our children. When the question was asked we told them how old we were when we first had sex. From that the could deduce that their parents were not virgins when we met. But we were virgins on our 18th birthday.
I cannot tell you what to do or not to do. I can ask you to wait until you are old enough to be responsible and mature enough to be having sex. To me as I said that is age 18. As for having a sex life before marriage as an adult. This is your choice. As a whole society will not hold that against you.
Ok so I have no idea where to start with this its a mess. I'm 15 sophmore in highschool, female, and as far as relationships go I am highly unstable. So I have a boyfriend and our relationship has been up and down mostly on my part since I'm bipolar and he hates it. One minute I'm yelling at him and cursing him out the next minute I wanna make out and another I want to cry alone in a corner. Ugh what's wrong with me. Today he "broke up" with me and I almost broke down crying but then he said he was only joking (it wasn't funny). He also didn't eat lunch with me and instead with one of his female friends alone. He didn't tell me but I knew and I kinda went into his Facebook messages to confirm it and apparently they didnt do anything but he intends to keep it a secret. I know it was wrong to do such a thing but I couldn't help it the temptation was strong. Ive taken him for granted for too long and I want it to work out but he probably doesn't even like me anymore. I don't know if I should talk to him. Thinking about this is making me physically sick. Please help.
Are you saying you are bipolar or have you been diagnosed by your doctor and being treated by a psychiatrist for this? I ask this for we have a large number of people writing saying they are bipolar writing to us for a illness that is not that common.
IF you have been properly diagnosed are you on medication? If you are on medication are you taking your medication as prescribed? If you are then you need to talk to your psychiatrist as the medication may not be the proper medication to control your illness.
If you are not taking your medication as prescribed you must do so. I understand that when you take your medication you feel normal You see no reason for taking the medication especially given the side effects so you stop taking it. This is where the problem comes in. When you stop taking the medication you revert back to the way you were and you either don't trust the medication or won't take it because of the side effects.
You must take your medication if you want to control your mood swings and feel normal. The side effects are an unfortunate side of the medication and the illness. One thought that you can and should discuss with your doctor. New medications for this are constantly coming on the market. They all have some side effects but not all will have the side effects affect you as they medication and its side effect interact on your physiology.
Now the above has all to do with if you are bipolar. Bipolar is an extreme form of depression it was once called manic depression. If you have not been diagnose and only based on what you have written. You should see your family doctor to be screened and to have a full physical. The physical is to rule out any organic cause for depression should the screening indicate depression. The screening consists of the doctor asking you a number of questions. Based on your answers the doctor will make a diagnoses.
It is not unusual for a teenage to have what is now being called teenage depression. when I was young and your grandparents were young our parents called this a phase we were going through and we would grow out of it. For the most part they were right. Today the doctors no better and have treatments for this to make it easier on today's teenager.
My suggestions to you are. If you are properly diagnosed and being compliant with your medications. Tell your psychiatrist what is happening as you medications need to be changed. If you are not compliant with you medications start taking them again and do not stop.
If you have not been properly diagnosed see your family doctor and tell the doctor what is happening with your mood swings. Ask to be screened for depression
Hey there. I have a very sensitive issue in my relationship and I do hope you can help me.
My boyfriend and I have dated for well over a year now and things have gotten pretty serious.In that one year, I can say that we have only been in two serious fights. They both have had something to do with me,and something I might have declined to do and he felt that I wasn't being there for him.
The common factor with these two situations have been that he gets so angry,which leads him to be disrespectful to me no matter how many times I try to talk to him.He becomes very cold and un-approachable and this makes me feel helpless because I want to fix the problem and get him to talk to me.
I will mention our most recent argument.We had spent the afternoon together and time flew so fast and before I know it,it's way too late and I have to go.He wanted me to stay abit longer and maybe be intimate one last time before I leave,but at this point my mind was so pre-occupied and the focus was getting home. He took this to mean that I am ignoring him and not paying attention. (Very petty if you asked me.I mean I was there since mid-morning.) I did try to make it right by talking to him and trying to make him less upset,but he wasn't having it. The ride home was awkward because we didn't talk.Just a slight hug when I arrived and that's it.I remember being scared of him at some point because I had never seen someone who goes from 0 to 60 that fast!!
The next day was a Monday.He began by forwarding me an email to a wedding he wants us to go to. He remembered that I like themed weddings,and this was one of them. WTF? It's like the previous day never even happened.
So..anger management.
1.I know we all have our ways of reacting,but what should we accept and should we not tolerate? And with a case like my boyfriend,who lashes out and would rather not talk about it,how can I deal with it? I am one of the emotional types,and I say all I need to say when I'm angry so I appreciate if someone were like to me so that I would know what's wrong.
2.My boyfriend..I feel like taking some time off to get over this incident,but at the same time I would like to talk about this and I would appreciate some responsibility for the part he played in this. Problem is,I don't know how to bring this up.I have been quiet ever since that day and we haven't spoken much in three days.
Anger and anger management are tricky subjects to discuss even with a loved one. From the psychological aspect of anger. It is generally found that this anger comes from some deep seated unresolved issue, which may stem from something as far back as childhood. We can always learn to control our anger, which may be what your boyfriend is doing by becoming non communicative when he is angry. Which as you are finding out is not the best way to resolve or even control his anger issues. Also when we do let our anger out it generally flies in the face of someone we love.
It takes a trained psychologist to help us get at the root cause of are anger issues. To deal with them or it and learn how to move forward. This type of help works as I have been through it. The problem is I had to want the help it could not be forced upon me. I almost lost my family before I asked for this help and the same may be true for your boyfriend.
You can suggest this type of help to him and even suggest joint counseling to make it easier for him to accept. In the end though it has to be his decision to want the help or it will not work. He has to want to work with the therapist, to trust the therapist enough to allow them to delve into areas he has blocked of so as not to hurt him.
There is no physical hurt to the therapy sessions but when you allow the therapist to open what I referred to as Pandora's box it was a bit scary. It had been a long time as I found out what I had locked away and how much I locked away. For me it was mental abuse during my childhood that was the root cause of my anger issues. I had learned to deal with it in my own way, the wrong way, and tried to put it behind me. Now after working with my therapist I can say I'm a different person then I have been and I get along with people better.
Do not badger him to get into therapy as that won't work. Do try to coax him. Also try to get him to have a complete physical as sometimes the anger issues have a basis in an organic cause he and his doctor may not be aware of. What could this be. The biggest one would be a hormone imbalance.
Hi over winter i'm going to Poland by myself for a week and i'm scared.The reason i am scared is that i have no friends there and i speak okay but not perfect!!I do not know what to do please HELP!!
You will do fine. While you may not speak the language perfectly you do understand it. In many of the tourist areas you will find that English and French are common second languages spoken, sometimes German is too. You should have no trouble making yourself understood.
By being able to speak the native language, even poorly you are a step ahead of most tourists especially those from English speaking countries. So relax and enjoy your trip. Poland is a wonderful country to visit with a deep history. Make sure to bring an appetite with you for I understand the traditional Polish food is wonderful and something you must try while visiting.
i'm a teenage girl. I've been in quiet a few relationships, they always end bad. guys always want me for sex when all the guys in my school knows I'm not sexually active. they always try or try to force me. it always ends like "u won't do anything with me so were done" or "do this or I'm done with u" or "if u do this with me i'll be with u forever". I have a booty and I have boobs they aren't big but they are noticeable. why do guys want that? i'm not going to give it to them so why do they try
Hang on to your principals for in the end our principals are all we have to call are own.
Yes, I'm older than most advisers on this site. In fact I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I will give you a frank answer to your question.
When it comes to love the male of our species while going through puberty, which can last into their early twenties, confuses love and lust. To the male love and lust is synonymous, hence the line, "If you love me you will have sex with me." Love to female of the species has more to do with romance than sex which eventually the male will realize though not during his teenage years.
Sex is not a proof of someone's love for another. In fact sex is the natural outcome of a long lasting relationship. Sex is not a sport to see how many men or women you can notch on your bed post.
Why do guy continue to try? Frankly because they are hormone charged and hard headed. They need to find relief for their raging hormones and would much prefer to find a willing female than to masturbate.
In finding a willing female then can then brag to their friends that they are now a man. Which is another reason a girls should not have sex while in high school. When it comes to having sex teenage boys cannot keep a secret. They have to brag about it. Given today's social media and other forms of electronic communication, pardon my being a bit gross, practically before you have your panties back on you will have a reputation around the school.
Once you have told a boy, or a group of boys as the case may be, no to any type of sex that is it. If they continue to harass you, begging or asking or threatening which saying I will leave you if you don't is a thereat. They are committing a criminal act called sexual harassment. Even at there young age they can be arrested and face, depending on their age, adult court on criminal charges. The same goes for touching. If you say stop or don't touch me and they continue; they are committing sexual assault, another criminal act that they can be held criminally liable for.
Girls need to know these things. Sexual harassment and sexual assault knows no age limits. These acts can be committed by a teenage boy, an adult male or females towards the opposite sex or same sex. Once you say NO!!!! If the person continues they are committing a crime.
I'm sick and tired of the looks and pain my stepdad treats me like I'm the devils child and my mom acts like she doesn't care I've been told all I do is cause pain I'm stupid I'm worthless and no body cares about me I just can't handle this anymore I haven't seen my mom in over seven months and the last time I did she hardly talked to me. I don't know what to do anymore it just hurts I can't go even a month without having a mental breakdown about them or once thinking that what my step dad is saying is right . I'm 15f and live with my real dad and stepmom
To start with I will say we care, if we didn't we would not be answering you. There are others that care as well. Among those who car would be your teachers and school principal. If there is a teacher you trust more then another I suggest you talk with him or her. Tell this teacher what is going on in your life and how it is effecting you. There are procedures in place to help you. While I am a little confused as to just what is happening mental abuse is real and mental abuse of a child can be as illegal as physical abuse. I will give you a hot line you can call for help at the end.
As I said I'm bit confused as to exactly what is happening. Who is saying what to you. I understand you stepdad is saying things to you and the looks you are getting. Is you dad and stepmom also saying things to you that are causing you pain? This is what is not clear to me.
I also understand how words hurt. The saying about sticks and stones is also true. What is also true is if people say these things enough to you, you start to believe them. This though is not true and you should not start to believe them. I can understand why you feel you have had mental breakdowns.
Without further information there is not much help I can offer. What I can offer are some hotlines you can call where you can have one on one conversations with trained call takers who can help you. These calls are free and totally confidential. The goal of these hotlines is to get you in touch with the right people in your home town who can help you or offer you the proper suggestions to resolve your problems.
The first one is called "Kids to Kids help Phone." This hotline is for people under the age of 20. They specialize in areas that I feel you may be having problems in such as divorced families. Their number is - 1-800-668-6868. They operate 24/7 365 so you can call today.
The second hotline is called RAINN. RAINN stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. I am suggesting you call them for I believe you are being abused, at leased mentally. When you call RAINN you will be connected to a crisis cent near your home. They will help you find professional people who will not only help you resolve the issues at home but also help you deal with the issues so that they do not haunt you for the rest of your life. There number is - 1-800-656-HOPE.
From the little you have written let me tell you that I do not believe in "a devils child." What is at work her is a man that married a women who had a child by another man. There are very few men out there that truly will be come fathers to another mans child. For those that do both the man and the child are extremely lucky to have each other. For those that don't it is a constant war and the man takes the position that you should kiss he feet for he is the one that is providing for you. This is so wrong I don't even know where to begin to explain. Your step dad it seems is one of these because he, from what you have written has taken the path of mentally abusing you rather than be a caring loving stepparent.
Call one of the hotlines I offered above. I'm sure one of them can help you.
Well first of all, I'm a 15 year old girl. I've been having a lot of pain on both my sides. (even when I'm not on my period. I don't think period has anything to do with it.. .-.). Sometimes, I can't breathe, I mean when I try to breath my chest hurts ALOT, so I just have to wait a few seconds to be able to breathe normally again. My stomach hurts too, and I've been feeling a bit nauseous ( I'm not pregnant. That's for sure. I'm still a virgin mhm. ). And that's about it, this has been happening for a month i think, it's not CONSTANTLY happening but it happens let's say 3 times a week + I'm tired all the time ( I sleep well though ^^ ). So should I be worried? I've told my mom about it and she said that it's nothing. ((can this be because last year I've been swallowing lots of pills? --I was stupid and wanted to commit suicide, but it was just a few times and each time I did this, I Vomited--)).
I'm asking this just to make sure! ^^ so uhm, thank you in advance!
None of us are doctors so it is not possible for any of us to make a diagnoses. Even if we were doctors we would need to examine you before we could make a diagnoses and that is not possible over the web.
I do though disagree with your mother that what you are complaining about is not nothing. Anything that goes on for as long as this has is something. Just what that something is I can only guess at. The fact that it is bilateral says it could be inflamed ovaries, muscles strain from over exercise or a problem period you have not experienced in the past.
Since the most probable cause of the problem has to do with your reproductive system and you are over 14 years of age. You do not need parental permission to seek a doctors help for this problem. There is a Federal Law called HIPPA that grants you, at your age and older, the right to seek out a doctor for any problem or question you may have concerning your reproductive health.
Within the HIPPA law there is specific language that spells out the confidentiality granted to young people over the age of 14 for this purpose. Their right to seek medical treatment or have questions answered by a doctor for anything concerning their reproductive health with or without parental permission.
The purpose in writing this law as congress has done is two fold. First so that young people would seek a doctors help for something they might be too embarrassed to ask their parents about. The other is for an instance like yours where mom is telling you not to worry and you feel something is wrong.
I too am an adult and I disagree with your mom. Of course I do not know you as well as your mom does. Still I believe it is far better to seek a doctors opinion for something that hopefully is nothing; then what may be the alternatives if ignored.
All you need to see a doctor is your health insurance card. If you see a doctor who already knows you such as your family doctor or a GYN that has seen you or your mother before, then the card should be on file in their office. The doctor is prohibited by the HIPPA law of discussing your visit with anyone including your parents without written permission from you as this law also grants you total confidentiality.
So it is your choice as to whether or not to see a doctor. IF you chose to do so you can see your own doctors or go to a free women's clinic.
I find this a very interesting topic, because most people willing to thrust their opinion down my through has never even tried it.
I'm a very level guy, totally willing and able to understand most of what people to to each other, but once in a while, and it take persistence and perseverance, someone gets just a little bit too close too... doing what ever they want and when ever they want it.
I do not intent to ruin their lives, but I intend to show them who precisely they are dealing with.
Why is everybody telling me NO.
They say it always backfires, it's wrong, the wheel is round...
The people saying that never seems like the type to stand up for themselves or try to get back, or even stand up for themselves.
When have you taken revenge, when has it not felt good, and when has it back fired?
There is a right way and a wrong way to seek revenge. I have no idea how you were wronged and why you are seeking revenge though I can tell from what you have written you are going the wrong way in seeking revenge.
Yes, you will feel very good when the tables are turned on the one or ones who have wronged you. How will you feel when that person or those people seek to turn the table once again against you. It is the beginning of a cycle that ends with someone seriously hurt or even dead. Don't say that won't happen for it does. As a first responder I have responded too many times to just such scenarios.
The right way to seek revenge is to go to the proper authorities and report what has happened. Not knowing just what happened to you; it can be anything from harassing you, hitting you to destroying property of yours. The proper thing to do is to report the wrong.
Depending on the who, what, when and where the wrong happened depends on who your report it to. The proper authorities to report things to are your parents, the school authorities, meaning a teacher or principal or the Police. You are not being a wimp or any other thing you want to call it by going to the proper authority to seek your revenge. Seeking your own revenge by doing to them what they have done to you or worse makes you as culpable as them.
By reporting what they have done and to what degree they have harmed you. Sets in motion the amount of punishment they will receive and from who. If they have harmed you to the point they have broken a law then they must deal with the justice system. If they are juveniles, which I believe them to be, then their parents have to come up with money for lawyers and anything else the court decides they need to do in the way of restitution. If it is something that happened at school, than their parents will have to take time off from work to came to school.
I have been in the position of being summoned to school for a parent meeting. Fortunately it was not my child who was in trouble. I was there for a arbitration meeting between the two boys. The father of the other child said he couldn't control his son. The boy said he was not afraid of the cops. I told the kid he better be afraid of me for if he touched my son again it would not be jail for him but Boys Town. Unfortunately I never got to carry through out that threat for he was arrested a few weeks later for attempted murder of a teacher. He put something in the teachers drink as a prank. The prank backfired on him for what he put in the teachers drink could have killed the teacher.
Why have I related this story to you. The kid did this to the teacher out of revenge against teacher who was kicking him out of the shop class that started with him hitting my son. The actions of this teacher would mean he would be expelled. The expulsion would mean a violation of his parole and he would be going to jail.
This is a true story and is all the result of the escalation of revenge. This kid was 18 at the time. He will be 33 before he can be released from jail at the earliest. It is stories like this one as to why you do not take revenge into your own hands. You follow the rules of society and let the proper authorities get your revenge for you.
im in 8th grade. im really tall and skinny. I believe I am 5 "7". both my parents are super tall. im flat chested. but all the females on my mom's side have large breast. including my sis. she is like a C or D. my dad has medium to big breasts. So... everyone in my grade has bigger breasts than me. and I haven't gotten my period yet. should I be worried? will my breasts grow?
You are in the 8th grade that would make you 12 or 13 years of age depending on what age you started school. Puberty, which is what causes you to begin to develop your adult body, begins for the average child between 11 and 14 or as late as 17 years of age.
Something's that can delay puberty are being underweight. At your height, depending on your frame size you should weigh somewhere between 126 and 163 pounds. Now this is based on a chart of average weights for height. If you have annual physicals and your doctor is not saying anything about you being underweight or overweight then there is nothing for you to be concerned about as far as your weight is concerned.
Another reason for puberty, especially your periods and breast development to be delayed is if your are an athlete. Have you ever looked at the young female Olympians. Most if not all of them are under developed for their ages and again most if not all of them do not get periods. The reason is the amount of training they do takes away most everything from the body leaving nothing behind for puberty to feed off of and release the hormones needed to start the development into a full women. Once they relax their training schedule or stop training puberty hits them like gangbusters.
Now nothing says you will follow mom and your sister and be big breasted or that you will be small breasted either. If by your age your sister already started to develop and everything else is the same between you. Then a gene from another part of the family is controlling your development. Either one from moms or dads side. Somewhere in the family gene pool there was a late bloomer, as people who go through puberty later in life are called.
That person may have had an AA cup or a FFF Cup bra size. Nothing says you will follow her genes in total. What is unique about the human animal is we are a total mixture of our family genes. Some are more dominant than others. The dominant Genes are the ones that determine how we turnout on the other side of puberty.
A slight oversimplification though I believe you understand what I am saying. I am also saying you should not be worried. Puberty will happen in its own good time. If you're concerned; talk to mom about scheduling a physical with the family doctor or your pediatrician.
Talk to the doctor about your concerns. Let the doctor examine you and check your hormone levels. Once the doctor has completed your physical the doctor can tell you if anything is wrong and what needs to be done to correct it. If you're underweight a higher calorie diet will be recommended. If you are hormone deficient pills can be prescribed. If you're an athlete the doctor will explain why this is stunting puberty and what if anything you might want to do about it.
Most of all what you have written to us about; at your present age is not anything to be worried or concerned about. More importantly and the grandfather in me requires me to say this. Please do not fixate on body image.
Your body is only an outer shell it is not who you are; that comes from within. I'm sure you have heard the dumb blonde jokes. Well they may be jokes but they also demonstrate the fact the physical attributes only go so far. At some point you have to show you are able to communicate and perform at different levels to meet society's demands. Never dumb yourself down to match your physical image to attract a mate. Always be who you are and you will go farther in life then if you played at being what people think you are.
ok hi, so I'm 15 and I decided I don't want to have sex but I don't mind giving oral sex like blow jobs. I am just really scared of STD's and so my question is "is there anything to look for before I do it? Like is there any signs that this person has an STD" this might be a dumb question but I just want to be careful. Please give me your opinion and facts.
I typed the following into as search engine,"what are signs of STDS in men?" It returned a number of sites to look at. The site I have included below had 23 pictures of things to look at. I will warn you they are graphic and gross but I believe this is what you are looking for.
http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/ss/slideshow-std-pictures-and-facts
Everyone always assumes that I'm married or have a boyfriend. When I tell them I'm single they are so surprised like 'why are you single' and I just say i dont know. To be honest im 26 years old and Ive never had a real serious relationship. When ever i am interested in a guy I either get rejected or something else happens where it doesnt work out. So it always surprises me when people assume im taken because of all of the bad luck ive experienced. And if all these people assume this does this means that they are guys that like me but wont approach me because they think I'm unavailable? What do you think?
The fact that people assume you're married tells me a bit about you, still there is information missing that I would need to really answer your question. For instance what career field do you work in. Certain career field are a turn off to the opposite sex.
For instance; people who work in the emergency service field. Police, Paramedic/firefighters, these career fields take a special kind of person to be with them due to the inherent danger of the work. Few people can live with sending their spouse off to work in the morning knowing that there is a greater chance of them not coming home again then say a plumber or accountant.
Then for women there is still the double standard and the glass ceiling to contend with. The fact that people assume you are married tells me you are a very pretty young lady who should be able to attract any young man she pleases. IF you are not only beautiful but well educated and have a high powered high paying position. This is where that double standard, caveman mentality comes in. A great many men cannot deal with a women earning more than they do; they have to be the breadwinner or at least the senior breadwinner.
These are just a couple of reason that I can think of as to why you might be having trouble with men. Beauty and sex only go so far in a relationship. At some point you need to communicate and it is at this point you find you have nothing in common.
My son is an emergency service provider being a Paramedic/Firefighter. He has no trouble attracting women, keeping them is another story. As I said when it is time to get serious the stumbling block is do they really want to be with someone who may leave in the morning and not come home again.
I suggest you do as I have suggested he do. Try a good dating service, especially if you are in a powerful career field. The dating service cuts out the awkward part of dating where you feel each other out to find out if a relationship is possible. If you have both been honest in your bio's as to who you are and what you are looking for in a significant other or spouse then it works more times than not.
13/f (Ik Im young, but I have been through a lot for a 13 year old. This is just a part)
So over the summer me and my crush had a summer romance, we dated for about 2 and a half months then since we didn't go to the same school he broke up with me just saying we should take a break and that it might be the biggest mistake he has ever made. So then about 2 weeks later one of my guy friends asked me out and I said yes but I couldn't help feeling like he deserved better because I was still heartbroken over my ex. So I told my bf about this and he understood where I was coming from so we broke up. And about a month after that I was doing pretty good. But one day I was helping my friend after a breakup and I was trying to help him get over his ex and I kept mentioning my lost love (ex 1) like I got over him u can get over her.. Well.. I realize Im not over him and I miss him a lot. My heart is still in ashes and I don't know how to fix it and I dont want to talk to him about it because Im afraid he doesn't feel the same way even though he told me it might be the biggest mistake ever. I want to be someone's special someone- some of my friends are in there first relationship and it is already like 7 months and I wish it worked out so well with me. I just want to be in his arms and be together with him. He was my first kiss and the first one I said I love you too so he is super special to me. What do I do? Could he still like me? Should I talk to him? Any advice in general about how to get my life together?
I am old enough to be your grandfather and I will let you in on a little secret; you never really forget or get over your first true love.
Even and old guy like me remembers my first love. My wife thinks it's a girl I almost married but she would be wrong. My first true love was a girl I met in high school. At the moment I can't remember her name, it will come to me, but I can see her in my minds eye. We were 12 years old going to the same junior high school. I remember walking the halls in school holding hands, the first time we played spin the bottle, yea I'm that old, and the first time we made out.
Now I have been married to my true love for 42 years. We raised a family together weathered both rewards and hardships together. Today because of an unfortunate accident my wife has to care for me as I am disabled. As I think about my first true love I'm not sure she would ever have been strong enough to put up with what life has put my wife and I through.
It is unfortunate but losing your first love hurts. Losing the next love and ones after that will hurt almost as much. The reward comes when you find your life partner. That person who is willing to overlook any shortcomings, we all have them, and work with you to build a life together. To grow old with you and still see you as the beautiful young woman he first met all those many years ago.
I know I sound somewhat like a romance novel. My dad sounded that way when he spoke to me after Jenny, that was her name, and I broke up. Now many decades later I have said this to mine and now to you. Sometime in the future you will say these same words to your son or daughter. It is part of the cycle of life.
As for getting your life back together. You are 13. You have many, many years ahead of you and many loves to experience. Somewhere between now and the time you finish college you will most likely find your life partner; your real true love. Do not dwell on the past, I'm sure he hasn't, move forward experience new things and new people. This is what your teenage years are all about.
Hi :)
The thing is that I really really like being sick. (Having a cold/fever etc.) It worries me a little. I don't really get much attention to be honest so I don't think that it has to do anything with that. My mom works most of the time so nobody takes care of me. But I still love it. I currently have a cold and I don't want it to go away. I actually kept my old tissues so I can sniff them to keep my cold ._. I know it's weird, please don't be mean about it :/ Whenever someone close to me gets sick I get really jealous :( I do admit that I don't like myself very much so is this some sort of self harm? I do have the feeling that I have more of a right to live when I'm sick. Usually I'm just ashamed of being there but when I'm sick it's not that bad ._. When I'm sick I don't feel as empty and sad as I usually do. But I've had this since I was really young. When I was a child my mom used to take care of me and I liked that. But now she doesn't do that anymore so I don't think that I like it just for attention. Can anyone help me? ._.
I wish I knew how old you were so I could tell you just who to go to or how to go about getting help for this. You like being sick because you get the attention from mom that you do not get when you're not sick. It really is that simple.
This can be good and bad and to an extent has some dependency on your age. When our children our younger they need more of their parents attention and guidance. Part of being a parent is to give our children the attention and guidance they need when they need it. As our children grow older they should not a generally do not want as much of our attention as they received when younger.
This is considered normal as children get older and reach certain ages they do not need mom constantly watching over them nor do they want it. This is part of the maturing process. Most parents understand this and give their children the space they need to grow and mature while being their for them. Some parents do not understand this and we receive letter asking how to handle an overbearing, smothering parent.
Now there may be a few parents who for reasons of their own may force certain freedoms on their children before they are ready. This would probably fall to those children who we call latchkey children who come home to an empty house after school. These children can be as young as 1o years old in some cases and maybe even younger.
Should you fall into the above scenario then this is why you like being sick as mom has to take time away from whatever is taking her away from home to care for you. It may also be that for a simple cold mom does not take time away from whatever is taking her away from home and when she is home she smothers you with affection. Now where normal and abnormal come in depends on your age and other factors.
If you try to get sick and stay sick so that you receive moms affection and over attention then if say you are a mid to older teenager; this may not be seen as normal. If they cannot help you then you have no other choice but to sit down and tell mom what you wrote us. you're a young preteen or young teen then it might be seen a normal.
What to do about this. Short of telling mom the what and why of this; at least for the moment. Make an appointment to see your school guidance counselor. Tell him or her what you wrote us and ask for help. If they cannot or will not help you then you will need to talk to mom and ask her for help. What you have written is not totally normal or abnormal. It does need to be discussed though with someone who can help find out why you are this way and help you find a better way. This would require working with a psychologist.
You're not crazy; psychologists help people get to the root cause of problems like this. Once you find out why you are this way. Changing is made easier.
Alright first off I apologize in advance and please reply nicely.
I'm very nervous. I've been taking sooo many preg tests and I'm beyond paranoid. I've been getting cramps and some soreness in one breasts.
Had sex and he wore a condom. Didn't break!
I took two equate tests and both negative!
I also took a bunch of cheap ones and a bunch of them were negative. I also stored one in the car and since it was cold later on I looked at it then had another line. Test not to read after ten minutes.
I took another this morning and it was negative.
I also took a different one and read it within the 2 minutes it said then I think I saw another line.. Not sure
I'm so confused I thought you shouldn't read the test after so long
Please say I'm not pregnant!! But good thing is I've been getting cramps
First off with taking all those tests and they are all negative stop worrying, you are not pregnant.
It is not as easy to get pregnant as one might think. It is actually very complicated. Condoms are 85% effective in preventing pregnancy. In order to get pregnant you must have unprotected sex during a specific time of your cycle. This is the time you are most likely to be fertile and for 80% of women it is the middle two weeks of their cycle from the 7th day to the 21st day of a 28 day cycle.
It is some time during these 14 days that your ovary ejects an egg. When it does you are fertile for a 3 day window. Since sperm only live for 3 days couples trying to have a baby will have sex every third day during this time period or more often. Getting pregnant is more luck than rocket science.
You don't mention your age but if you are over 14 and having sex then you should be on birth control. There is a Federal Law called HIPPA which allows you to ask your doctor for birth control. This law affords young people total confidentiality over their reproductive systems. Your parents will never know your doctor prescribed the medication. All you need say to the doctor is you invoke your rights under HIPPA and if mom is in the exam room she will be asked to leave. This is when you can talk to the doctor about anything concerning your reproductive health including birth control.
This law was not passed to give teenagers free license to have sex. It was passed so they would seek medical help for anything related to their reproductive health that they might be too embarrassed to speak with their parents about. You do not need parental permission if you are over age 14 to see a doctor for anything regarding your reproductive health or system including questions you might have.
Some grandfatherly advice here. You should be placing more trust in the home pregnancy test. Taking two or even three to confirm the tests is I would say being cautious. To take any more is bordering on paranoia. Not knowing your age limits me in how to say this next thought so I will just say it.
From what you have written I would think it is in your best interest to refrain from having sex until you are older and more mature. If you had sex because some boy said something to the effect, "If you love me you will have sex with me." That boy did not love you; not by the same definition of love you have for him. He lusted for you that is way different than love.
Never have sex to prove your love for someone. Sex is the result of a loving relationship not the proof of one. The next time a boy says something like that to you, and there will be more times. Send him on his way, he does not love you, at least not the way you love him.
Can i get pregant if I masterbate (fingering) with vaseline and there was possibly sperm in the vaseline. Im only 15 and DONT know what to do! please help!
And Ive missed my period!! Im scared,please help.
First: You cannot get pregnant from masturbating. Second: Sperm cannot live in Vaseline for very long or outside the body very long. So even if there was sperm in the Vaseline it could not impregnate you.
Third: There are several reasons women your age miss their periods. The biggest and most common reason for a women of any age to miss a period is stress. Any type of stress can throw off the delicate balance of your cycle. You are stressing over if your pregnant. We get literally hundreds a letters on this subject. Very few if any turn out to be pregnant and those that do have had unprotected sex.
The next biggest reason for missing a period would be a new medication you are taking or if you have been sick and taking an antibiotic. Then there is exercise. If you have changed or increased your exercise routine this can cause a missed period. If you over exercise such as being in training for an event your period can stop entirely while you're in training. Female Olympic athletes have this problem and the younger ones have their development slowed while in training.
As you can see there are a variety of reasons for missing a period. I would think stress over thinking you could have gotten pregnant is the cause for your period to be missed. If you want to put your mind at rest; take a home pregnancy test. Follow the package directions as to when and how to take the test.
I am very sorry for the length, but please at least read some of this and give your advice. I know this isn't going to make any sense. I care for my dad, but I don't like him and don't respect him at all. I don't think he's a very good father and I think he's a terrible husband.
He actually made me afraid of marriage at one time because I dreaded ending up with a man like him. Everyone outside of our family likes him because he is overly nice and fake to everyone when he's out in public. He acts like this amazing guy to everyone else, and probably did to my mom too when they were dating, but once they were married, he changed. It was like he had her trapped then, so he could be himself around her. I grew a fear of marriage because of that and felt that I'd be better off remaining single because I didn't want to fall into a trap like that.
He's such a jerk to her. He talks down to her, calls her cruel names, makes inappropriate jokes about her, loses his temper with her over nothing and screams like a crazy person, and he does things to make her mad. For example, her birthday sucked this year because she had to go to a funeral. All she wanted was to come home from the funeral and watch some movies that she had on our DVR, but my dad erased them all. This may seem small, but it made her mad and he does things like this all the time, so they add up.
He's also a hypocrite. He can smart off to her and talk like he hates her, but if she does it even a little bit to him, it's war. She has to take all the bs he gives her because if she stands up for herself, it's also war. He gets mad, tells her that she took whatever he said too seriously and feels like HE'S the abused one. I could go on all day about what a sucky husband he is, but these are the basics. I resent the way he treats my mother.
I don't have a good relationship with him because he favors my sister. The universe revolves around her and I'm usually invisible. My sister's a good sister and wants a good relationship with all of us, but my dad wants the two of them to live in their own secretive little world together. At times when we're all together, he makes me and my mom feel like tag a longs who are intruding on his time with my sister.
He's also judgemental. We are Christians and since Nov. 2nd of last year, my relationship with God has changed dramatically for the better. I'm much closer to him, but this summer, I tried to leave our church. I just didn't feel like a Baptist anymore (it was a Baptist church). I went to another church at first, but then decided to research different denominations and decide later what church to go to. My dad judged me for not going to church even though when I was a kid, he didn't go for years. He judged me when he thought I was lying to him when he lies all the time. He's definitely not a man of his word He doesn't see the need to do what he says he's going to do, he breaks promises, and he doesn't hold up his end of deals and never intends to. Yet he's the only one in the family that he's sure is going to Heaven and he stands in the kitchen and almost arrogantly sings, "I'll Fly Away" while he cooks. I don't mean to sound like I'm judging him now, but I find this so arrogant. I typically love being surrounded by other Christians, but my dad acts so high and mighty, but ignores parts of the Bible when convenient.
One on one time with my mom is awesome, one on one time with my sister and almost anyone else is too, but one on one time with my dad is different. Sometimes we bond, but sometimes it's like we don't know each other. Even when we do bond, it never lasts long. Something always happens quickly to screw up our relationship again. I know this is wrong, but lately I've wished that I had a different dad and have even had a specific guy in mind. I don't know if my dad and I will ever be close. I actually enjoy it when he goes on business trips or goes to see his relatives for a week or so. My mom and sister do too. Am I a bad daughter for not being able to bond with my dad?
I wish that you had given your age; not that it matters all that much. It would have helped me in understanding you a bit more.
When I read your I said to myself that I could have been the one who wrote this. Not all children have great relationships with their parents. The old saying that we can choose our friends but not our relatives is very true. It is also the reason why some of us have great relationships with our parents and some of us do not.
For the last ten years of my fathers life I cut him out of my life completely. Why because he tried something he had done to me for most of my childhood. My father was a stubborn man who would not accept the fact that he could be wrong even when proven to him. Well he wronged me this time and when I told him he was wrong and how he hurt my wife, that he needed to apologize to her he refused. I never spoke to him again not even when he was dying. I have no problem with this decision for it was how he treated us as children. I'm not saying that two wrong make a right but in this case it did.
Nothing says you have to love or even be close to your parents. You do have to honor them in certain ways. To that end what I told my sister who unfortunately ended up in the middle. Was that I would not allow certain things to happen to him such as being homeless. Any money that he might need in the way of support though would be funneled through her. That he was never to know where the money came from. As far as he was concerned I had no interest in him and as a fact I didn't.
My wife, son and I went on with our lives. To show you how stubborn he was. Both my son and I were involved in separate traffic accidents while working. Both of us were severely injured. Neither of us received either a get well card or a phone call to see how we were. My son had done nothing to him yet he refused to acknowledge him or his injuries which my sister said he was aware of.
So you see you are not alone in how you feel and neither was I. There are more people out there who feel as you do about a parent or parents. What bothers me about what you wrote is that you are afraid to move on with your own life for fear that you will marry someone like your father.
This does not have to be so. Back when your parents married people did not live together before they married. Today it is very common to live together for a while before marriage. Call it a trial marriage if you want. If the man you intend to marry is going to be like your father it will come out during this trial marriage.
We as a species are meant to go through life in pairs with a significant supportive other. Do not let your father further ruin your life by measuring all others by him. There are better people out there than he. Trust your instincts and know what you are looking for in a significant other. Then do not settle until you find that person.
As for bonding with your father. In a perfect world it would be nice if we all had TV families. This is not a perfect world. You have to make your part of this world perfect for you.
Ok hey guys
I was wondering if it was a bit weird that I like it when my bf gets a boner
I mean when he hugs me from behind I can feel it and it feels so good
I'm 14 and my bf is 15
Please no comments about age
Should I say anything to him about it and if you have any suggestions what could I say
Thank you for answering🎀🎀🎀
No its not weird at all. In fact it is quite normal for you to feel as you do. I would suggest you not say anything to your BF though as getting hard is something that happens quite a lot to a 15 year old boy.
First you and your feelings. What is happening to you as I said is quite normal. What is happening is you are starting to feel your sexuality, that you are no longer a child. You are becoming a woman. Now do not read anything into this meaning that you are ready to have sexual intercourse with anyone; YOU ARE NOT. In fact at 14 while your body is developing the features of a women your sexual organ, your vagina, is also developing. Your reproductive system and sexual organ need time to develop properly in order to function properly. This could take some time a year or two or even three.
The nasty trick of this is if you were to have sexual intercourse you could get pregnant. The intercourse could be very painful and the pregnancy very problematic. Even the delivery could be more painful than need be as the muscles required are still developing.
As parents we tell you not to have sex out of fear of pregnancy. This is not only the major reason for saying not to. The other reasons include your body truly not being ready and the fact that until you are much older you are not really mature enough.
Now for the boy side of things. Boys will get erections with or without stimulation. The male of the species has been getting erections since birth. Their mothers notice this when changing their diapers. This is normal as and not a sexual response. When they go through puberty they will have several erection in an hour without thought. It happens mostly because of hormones.
Now when they are with a girl friend the girl may give of a scent which contains pheromones. These pheromones are the females way of attracting a male. Remember that basically we are the highest animal on the food chain and pheromones are a part of our animalistic instincts. Males also give off pheromones to attract females.
When your BF is near you it is your pheromones that cause his erection. Your pheromones are part of your sexuality.
All my friends went off to college two years ago and I stayed home and I commute to my college. I work a lot and get good grades but my social life is lame. I get so depressed when I see my friends are partying every week and I'm watching tv with my mom. I beat myself up over it but honestly nothing makes me feel lower than that feeling.
Has anyone else ever felt like this,?
I'm sure there is a very good reason you elected to commute to school rather than go off to a school far from home. One thing to think about while you're feeling sorry for yourself is this. When they graduate they will have upwards of $120,000 or more in student loans to repay unless their parents footed the entire bill for college. Today about 80% of college graduates are graduating deeply in debt. Of the remaining 20% most have some sort of student loans to repay.
You may have student loans to repay though by commuting and attending an in state school your debt will be or should be well less than half of theirs. While they will be struggling for the next ten to twenty years with their student loans. You could be debt free in under five if you wanted to be.
Know as far as sitting home on Friday and Saturday nights watching TV with mom. Just because you commute to school does not mean you cannot participate in campus after school activities. Even community colleges have after school activities for the students.
There is no reason you cannot join a sorority if you chose to or participate in any one of the clubs that are on or off campus. No one will seek you out you have to seek them out. As for the different clubs, look for the ones that you have an interest in. In fact sit down and make a list of things you like to do.
These things could be cooking, Art, Nature, Reading, Knitting Photography, Debating. Whatever you would find pleasurable doing as an after school activity. Then look in the school newspaper to see which of the things on your list are having meeting or outing. Go to some of the meetings. If you like what you see join the club or activity.
The nice thing about these activities or clubs is that the activity or club gives you something in common with everyone else who is there. The ice is already broken as the activity or club brings you together and gives you something in common to talk about. This is the relationship starter. From this point relationships grow. It may be coffee after the meeting, then maybe meeting on campus for lunch and then maybe a real date.
The first step though is yours. You have to put yourself in a position to meet people and you cannot do it sitting on couch watching TV with mom. I've given this advice to other who have written back to say how well it has worked. So it is really all up to you and the effort you put into your social life.
19/f
I have an interview tomorrow at Buckle. It's a clothing store.
On the phone she told me not to bring anything because they have all the information on my application and to dress like it's my first day of work.
The employees all wear clothes from that shop. Buckle is known for their jeans, so all the employees wear their jeans. For my last interviews I've worn a nice top with a black skirt and flats but I'm confused on what to wear to this interview.
I also don't own any of their jeans because they are too expensive for me.
So what should I wear?
Since you do not own any of their clothing you should dress as the manger said informal. In this instance informal would means business casual. A nice pair of slacks with either a blouse or polo shirt or a nice dress with blouse or polo shirt. If you chose a dress make sure it is not to short. For business a dress that might be acceptable length for social wear may be too short for business wear. The hem should be no higher then 3' above your knee. If you do not have any dresses of that length I would suggest wearing slacks. Hopefully you have a pair that are not too tight.
When speaking with the interviewer somewhere in the interview you will be asked why you want to work there. You can answer the question as to why you dressed as you have and the question they asked with this one answer. "I love your clothes and would love to wear them. Unfortunately I have not been able to budget for them as of yet. Working here will let allow me not only to wear your cloths but to help others make the right choices for them." Words to that effect should help you get the job.
Whatever you do, DO NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THERE CLOTHES BING TO EXPENSIVE. You can say things like their cloths are up market or trending or trendy. Words like expensive or cheap when talking to retailers about their product in an interview will sink you on the spot.