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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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I haven't cut myself in about 2-3 years, but today something happened and my heart is broken and I didn't know what to turn to so I cut again.. And it felt so good, ik ow it's gonna be hard to try to stop now. Please someone talk to me. Idk what to do.

Getting ones heart broken is a very depressing effect on your emotions. It is a loss of some kind, and needs to be thought of on the same lengths as loss of family to death or accident, loss of a job or promotion, etc. There will be a period of time where a person needs to go through all the proper steps of grieving a loss...that part is actually natural. Those stages of grieving are:
1 Denial, numbness, and shock
2 Bargaining 3 Depression
4 Anger 5 Acceptance

Cutting supposedly distracts from the pain of what is really hurting you so in a way, it is avoiding dealing with the feelings and the event, just delaying getting to the point of acceptance or perhaps not at all.
If cutting helped, you would get over it and not be needing to talk to us.
Your cutting may be more of a habit. And habits can be broken. But the biggest problem right now will be dealing properly with your thoughts because our emotions are tied very closely to our thoughts. Negative thought patterns can keep you trapped in a spot where you never get over a hurt, remain anxious or depressed or want to hate or hurt yourself.
Heres a list of what falls under negative thinking:
All or nothing thinking, Fortune Telling (you predict whats going to happen to you), Mind reading(you state what you believe everyone is thinking about you) Magnification(blowing situations out of proportion), Should statements( I should have, you should have which trap you in regrets or blame) Emotional reasoning, Self blame, Mental filtering. All of this involves thoughts and while you still may need to go thru grieving, you also need a healthy thought life, so cognitions being thoughts, CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy would likely help you. The things I've mentioned are in a self help book which you can read and follow through on if you wish to get better. Your thoughts right now are causing you to cut. You dont want to cut if I am correct so it must be your cognitions (thoughts)k that you treat before you get the results you want. It should help with self confidence too. I know of a book called 'Feeling Good' dealing with depresssion and pointing out the negative thinking and giving some exercises on it. Written by David D. Burns. Currently reading his book When panic attacks which is just as good. I suggest going to his website at the very least and look for his books in your library or order from a b ookstore. Heres the website:
http://feelinggood.com/

I don't really know where to begin but i am going to start off by saying i am a 26 year old femaleand awhile back I moved in with my cousin and i think it might have been the biggest mistake I ever made in my life becaus a sonreally who has autisim who is 24black but has the mind of a 2 year old and he is really attached to me ge follows me everywhere. I can't even go to the bathroom without him wanting to know where i am going. I talked to my cousin and explained to jer that I get nervous easily and have panick attacks and just need time to myself amd she wont speak to me .She said that I was mistreating him because I kept avoiding him because I needed a break and I don't want her to be mad at me but I can't even watch a movie in my room without him pitching a fit so I moved in with my mom and now she hates me what should I do?

I think I missed something. Theres a 24 yr old autistic living with your cousin. Either thats her son and she's a much older cousin which puts her at adult age and she should know better than to blame you here, so she is the guardian, caregiver for someone not related to the family who is living with her.
Either way, it is very stressful to live day in and day out with someone who is handicapped physically, its worse when the person is an adult who is mentally handicapped to the point they have the mentality of a child. She probably needs some time to herself and was hoping that you'd be the one to occupy him so she could have a brief bit of time to read a book, go for a walk by herself or enjoy a bubble bath. My guess is that she is burnt out and you might want to bring that up to Mom and cousin. She might see if he qualifys for state help with occasional caregivers to come in for chunks of time so she can get away to do thing just for herself cus being the one to watch over him 24/7 is hard for any person to do. You now know that from what little time you've spent over there. Thats what she faces every day all day long. She needs to stop being angry at you, any family who is angry needs to know that this isn't about you, its about her qualifying for help to get a respite. I used to be a caregiver and several times I was sent out to wives who were the sole caregivers of their disabled/dying husbands who were unable to do anything for themselves and couldn't be left alone. I was their chance to get away and do something for themself for an afternoon. Even if she doesnt leave the house, the caregiver would be the one to watch over, occupy and distract the young man. If I were you, I'd advise them to check with the local department of social and/or health services... like the same place one goes to get on foodstamps. Her son needs to have a caseworker. It may be a long time until her dying day but surely she'll go before him and who will watch him the?l So its a good thing to have him in the system and to qualify for some additional care for him so she can have some time alone, or even to go shopping without him.
In lthe long run, if your family continues to act like children and blame you or harbor anger towards you, then its time to find a roommate, a girlfriend, not family and share the rent somewhere

i am 13, and i live with my adoptive parents. my real mom had me at 16 and got me token away when i was very young. i have always said that i would not be a teen mom, that i would wait for after marriage. but yesterday i found out that i am pregnant. how do i tell my parents? and i will not get an abortion and i don't want to give my baby away. so how will i tell my mom( that is 6 months pregnant) and dad that their 13 year old daughter is pregnant and wants to keep her baby?

You just tell them. If you don't, a big tummy later is a dead give away. So they will find out one way or the other. Its best in your interest to tell them now so you can get medical care immediately. There can be complications for some teens so best to have a Doctor aware of your pregnancy and have you on prenatal vitamins. You need to also get hooked up with a teen support group of other pregnant teens and the leaders who will give you all the details and choices that you have. They can explain the steps that you would need to go through regarding any path you choose. Since you are a teen, you will need to finish school and its not like dropping out a year early and going for a GED. The parents/Guardians would end up responsible for the raising of both your and their own baby. IT would be almost like having twins for them so thats a big hardship on anyone and something they may not be willing to go along with. You'd need to be in contact with the professionals whose job IS handling pregnant teens and all the rules that apply there. You may have some choices as birth mother but it may be limited so the sooner you tell, the sooner you can get the real help you need. Then you can also learn about open adoption and knowing the couple who adopt and your child getting to know you growing up as birth mother and being part of the family who adopts your child. I feel for you but please tell them. They will be shocked and maybe angry but they have that right, wouldn't you feel the same if you were your mom, also expecting and now have a pregnant teen? But they love you and will want to work something out. Fight for getting all the knowledge and facts available to pregnant teens but the decision may or many not be all yours depending on the state you live in and so on.

So i'm 14 years old and have never been in a relationship. 3 years ago boys started paying attention to me because I guess "I look mature (big butt) for my age". Anyway I attended my neighborhood school for a month and most of the guys in 8th- 10th grade paid attention to me. I am very shy So they would try and grab my butt or rub my waist. I would get them to stop. But one of the boys he would treat me differently.He's 16 and When i transferred i told him about how boys in that school were and he said he would protect me. Well for some reason I fell for him.Me and him would kiss and do innocent stuff, but we said we would start a serious relationship. My best friend who lived near me told me he was a manwhore and not go for him. SO 3 days ago I was walking past my old school and they were getting out. He walked me home and was all kissing me on my neck and groped my boobs. It felt good but i felt kinda wrong, well i guess I just went with feeling good and me and him went to his house.when we went there no one was there. We sat on his bed and just watched tv. After that we were just kissing and cuddling, after that he started sliding his hand up my skirt and touching my butt. I got up and said "i should go home" he was like "babe... just 10 mins" I said ok. Those 10 mins may have ruined my life. I had sex with him. I feel very awful and don't know what to do I don't know why I did I just need some advice

Well first of all, its unlikely he planned ahead and had a condom on. So if not, and you are not on birth control, the first thing is to take the plan B Morning after pill which can be still taken a couple days after and be effective against pregnancy. There is no way to go back and undo and be a virgin again. If it makes you feel any better, the majority of us, do not have fond memories or good experiencesd with our first time having had sex. It's better if you are older and more mature and if both of you are in love. As to why you did it, likely you did not have any strong convictions of your own. You had not thought ahead in advance of situations like this and how you would handle it if and when it happened. When one has no convictions or plans, its more likely to cave in to peer pressure and go with the flow. I'd advice in your case thinking ahead now on some scenerios and how you plan to respond and stick to those plans.
Like what if other guys hear about this somehow and all of a sudden you have the guys at school thinkin you are easy and at that age, they all want to experience sex so they will think youk can provide the experience for them. Dont think they wont try to touch and pressure you for more or try to trick you into being somewhere where all the others disappear and you're alone with them. Plan to never be alone with a guy. At parties, never leave your drink unattended so no one can put the date rape drug into it. If you have to leave the group, have a girlfriend accompany you to the bathroom and wait outside the door, take your drink with you and this way no guy can catch you leaving the room and drag you back in alone with him. Think of these things now. Its important if you dont want a repeat performance with some other guy. Word might get out and fellow students girls too start calling you names like slut and whore. Even if you know its not true. You need to be prepared as to how you will respond. Don't hate yourself though cus when we are teens, we all make our own version of bad choices and mistakes and have regrets and its much due to both being naive, our inexperience in the world and also having the part of brain responsible for good decision making not done growing and not mature yet and it won't be until your mid 20s so you have a lot of time to be wary and on guard about not making any further bad decisions. So in the moment, if you can't have the advice from an adult beforehand, back out of the situation or deal. Don't guess and go along. If you are uncomfortable, stop, leave if possible And if you do find a guy in the future you think you might like to explore sex with, it would be better to talk to trusted adults first and get their perspective and things you maynot have thought of. I know its hard to talk to Mom but perhaps you have an aunt your close to or a friends mom, or write to us here first before doing anything next time.

I recently purchased the Fitbit charge. I just got it in the mail yesterday. I set it up and linked it to my Fitbit app on my phone. I then plugged it in to charge and kept it on my nightstand. I woke up and it said that I already burned 637 calories and I wasn't even wearing the Fitbit overnight. I know that it calculates your BMR in there. But I was not even wearing it. Can anyone explain this to me?

Maybe someone on here has used the item and knows. But I think you'd get quicker answers if you called the company you bought it from. There must be an 800 number or even an email where you can voice your questions or problems. It sure sounds like it is malfunctioning, not something you did wrong. All electronic items have a small percentage of those brand new that have bad parts and wont work even if new. You may just have got a lemon and need to exchange it for a working one.

My mom tells at me constantly, then pretends like nothing ever happened. She calls me names, one time she kept screaming that I'm pathetic, over and over again, I just can't take these insults anymore. I started cutting every time she breaks me down. I don't make them very deep, but just enough so they bleed. I just hate her so much, if I could, I would try to get some space for a while, but I can't, usually when she does this is at night, and I can't get out because of my curfew. I did try to talk to her about it, but she said it was my fault. I have really bad grades, I just don't care about them anymore. Sorry if there are so many questions in here, but I just really need to vent, and get some advice. BTW I'm a 13 year old female, if that helps.

There may be other factors to why your mom is behaving this way. It doesnt give her an excuse, just saying she may be undergoing great stress. You dont mention any other family members. If theres no dad and shes a single mom, and finances are tight or she had a recent breakup/divorce or never healed from some traumatic/emotional change in life, even death of a loved one, she could be suffering depression or such and not getting any better. So yes, follow the advice given to talk to school officials. Both Mom will need counseling to get better and you will for the verbal abuse you've endured. I was in a verbally abusive marriage and can tell you that indeed it does take its toll on you. YOu can't escape without any effect upon you. The stress has to go somewhere, either emotionally or physically. I got many stress related illnesses. For you it seems to have hit emotionally as in the loss of good grades, feeling hate towards mom and of course the cutting. Please do not be embarassed to mention anything to other adults who can help because of your cutting. That is a natural release due to the stress of what you're going through. And they wont think any less of you for it. So do get help. If you have grandma's or aunts you are close to, I would let them know in addition to talking to school officials who are more likely to get CPS involved.

I can think of only one more thing. YOu being 13 are likely going through puberty. All girls undergo emotional changes along with the hormone changes. the hormones will affect your emotions so you are naturally more sad or weepy than usual or more easily irritated or angry than usual and girls will lash out at females closest to them, like mom, sisters and best friends. I did it my daughters did it, its part of life. Not telling you this to place blame on you for your problem but it also may be one more contributing factor that has made your mom act as she does. She is the adult, a female and should know that at your age, you will be naturally going through this and need the support, not being attacked and torn down. So no matter is something you do, unintentionally bothers her that much...the real problem is that she is reacting that way and treating you that way and there is nothing you can do to ever deserve such behavior, trust me. So its not your fault. Mom needs help and will get it sooner if you let the right adults know so they can get help agencys involved.

A year ago, I broke up with my boyfriend which is now my ex because I just didnt feel like being in a relationship yet. Now, a month ago I was invited to my friends birthday party. While I was there one of my best friends started talking about my ex and how he was a 'player' to all the people there(Got rejected 3 times). 2 months after the party, my ex texted me on how 'mean I was' because apparently I 'called him a player'. Then he ranted on why he agreed to break up and how 'bad' I was. He's nice and all but he just lashed out at me. What do I do?

For some reason you take things too personally and that is not a good thing. You know the truth, you didnt say anything like that, your best friend did. How he heard that, doesn't matter. What matters is that he believes anything he hears without investigating further. He didn't ask you how the rumor got spread about did he? You didnt write that. Sounds like he made assumptions and accused you. A person in that mindset is believing they are 100% correct in their assumptions and their mind will be closed off to hearing any input to the opposite of what they believe. I lived with an ex like that. You can't say anything to make him think any differently of you. So let it go. What does it matter to defend yourself. What does that get you? You are not even in a relationship with him any longer. If you were dating, or engaged or married, it then is an issue that must be handled, for there needs to be great trust in each other and couple counseling needed. But in your case, you arent in a relationship, so ignore his call, his thoughts and his beliefs and accusations.

First off, I don't need life advice. I would goto therapy if I wanted that.

I want to end my life. This has been a long-time, depressional thought process. I've tried numerous things to find self-esteem. For over 20 years, I have dealt with bi-polar type behavior.

I did some research on one diagnosis. Borderline anti-social personality disorder. Due to repeatedly having the police called on me due to attempts at suicide, I cannot purchase a firearm, legally. So, possessing a firearm would be difficult.

I have come to wanting to go by, "Suicide by cop". At a prison. Where the tower marksmen shoot to kill, not to injure. I'm tired of life.

What are other ways to go, other than by harming someone or by natural means? Something that I could induce during sleep. Force a major aneurysm.

I don't want, "I need therapy help", comments. Just a way to die somewhat peacefully. Just so you know, I understand enough of the human psyche to bring myself towards unrecoverable depression. Which I have been doing for a few months now.

I have a friend who felt what you feel and was in exactly the same place. He'd tried counseling and nothing seemed to help. He'd left his wife one day wandering into the desert wanting to commit suicide to end his misery but couldn't figure out how he was going to do it. By time he came back home, she had continued in meanwhile to try to find someone, or something different than any of the same old things they'd already heard or tried that failed and she did come across something different, a psychologist who taught people to heal themselves, that it is possible if they just had the tools and where willing to try and desperate enough to do so. She got that persons book, the husband read it and got better. I met him and his wife long after he was healed. He recommended the book to me for my husband. It is called "Feeling Good" and the book helped much more than depression or anxiety for him. However the author, a psychologist who realized the old practiced didn't really work became convinced that most people could become happy and healthy with no lingering trace of their issues if they. You may be beyond wanting to look at 'just one more' possible help, remedy. But it doesnt involve doctors, just you, so I don't see what you have to lose but the price of a book. The author is David D. Burns and he has a other books out too. I will provide his website. Perhaps you will give some of his books a try. But no one on this advice column will give you ideas on how to end your life. Thats not what we are here to do. Help people live their lives better, how to cope with all sorts of life situations, decision making in which they are still alive and doing better in life.
Heres the website: www.feelinggood.com

Hi so me and my ex bf were together for 2 months and a couple days the brakeup was bad he was the one who brakeup with me we haven't talked for a month and then he wrote on his Facebook page that he wants me back so I told him that if he really loved me he would've text me or call me so we kept on talking he flirt with me but I didn't he told me to text him I did and then I ask him if he love me he said "you already know... but if you want to hear that then yes I do he asked me if i love him i said "I think so cause I can't get over you" we kept on talking then he said hmu later I said that no that he needs to put some effort too he said okay I'll text you tomorrow and it's been 2 weeks since that I don't know if I should just move on please help!

What do you want in a man, just someone who says they love you whether their actions prove it or not? Do you want just a warm body around for a social partner to go do stuff with? Do you want someone available to call upon when you want sex, just that and nothing else? Do you want a man who can't stand being apart from you and wants to be with your for the rest of your life and have kids with you and be your man, mate, husband forever?

If you want the last option, he doesnt sound promising. If you are willing to settle for just about anything else, then just about any guy will do cus it doesnt require any real commitment, uconditional love backed by actions, or supportive treatment of you.
If you are truly looking for love, dont count on just what your heart feels because its too easy to have feelings for a person, even if they don't deserve them and don't treat us well in return. I know that after loving an ex who was abusive and i stuck with him many many years with no improvement. In time, the love I felt was whittled away slowly by his mistreatment of me until there was no love left. Love is like a bank account filled with money. The partner can't just make withdrawals of love from your love bank but needs to be constantly doing the kinds of things that put in deposit after deposit of love or some day you will run out and decide its time to split up. Your love bank isn't large like a million dollars worth, its just enough to get by from day to day. Its likely why you are questioning whats going on, why you feel like you're the one putting in the effort and perhaps he isn't or not as much and there's one imbalance already. Too many and it won't work. I was the only one putting effort in to make our relationship hold together. Thats not actually a healthy fulfilling relationship.

I have one more thing to share that may help you decide what to do, Something I picked up on a website and added my own words to, on how to know if a man really loves you. Here it is:

7 Questions to know if he really loves you

1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.

Most dairy cows get turned to beef once they stop producing enough milk. Also, in order for them to produce enough milk for humans they get artificially inseminiated to produce more children than necessary, their baby boys get killed and turned to veal, while their baby girls are prepared to one day take on their role. Cow milk is for cows, like human milk is for humans. Humans are the only animal species that drinks the milk of another animal. Chickens can live pretty horrible lives, too. It's said that a woman having 1 egg a day shortens her life as having 5 cigarettes a day. So how can a vegetarian truly be ethical? They can have just as much cholesterol as a meat eater, or even more, too. And before you say that plants have feelings, no, they don't, as they don't have a nervous systems or brains. You can get every nutrient you need from plants, there are even plant based b12 supplements, as b12 comes from soil enriched with cobalt. The nutrients you think that just naturally occur in animal flesh are really through the animal eating plants, so why not just bypass the animal, and avoid dying from the world's biggest killer, heart disease

there are different types of vegetarians for example those who eat no meat but will eat by products from animals such as milk and other milk products like cheese and yogurt. Some in that catagory eat eggs too. Others won't as the egg if not eaten might have had the chance to grow into a chicken. Some choose to not partake of milk or eggs for whatever their personal reasons. Some vegetarians won't eat just any veggies but only those organically grown or gmo free.

If the argument is to not eat anything that is a living thing, then vegetarians are as guilty as meat eaters for it is a fact that grasses that produce grains are living things, bean and vegetable plants are grown to be consumed, they are still living things too. About the only thing one could not argue against might be fruit and nut trees. You pick the fruit and nuts to eat but the tree goes on living. thats unless one has a problem with eating nuts that could have become a new tree, same thought as not eating eggs that could have become a chicken. That would then leave only fruit for a diet for human kind. You
may have heard the saying, "man cannot live on bread alone" part of a bible verse, but it is so true. take one thing and eat only that and our diet is so unbalanced that we become susceptible to ill health. In the end, depending on what ones argument is, really, there's nothing left for humans to eat to survive. YOu've heard of the food chain? There are birds who need to eat worms or insects or seeds to survive. They eat living things and the same for owls who eat mice. So really, even the animals could not survive if they didnt eat other living creature, flesh and blood or vegetation. It is how nature is set up and how it works. If all creatures and life on earth could survive on only air, water and sunshine, then it would indeed be a very different world but thats not how it is made up.

So if man must eat to survive, he should grow only what he needs, not harvest excess and let it rot and die. Man can live on a lot less meat than many eat, we can get our protein in many different ways. I like the native Americans old culture ways of when they hunt for food and many still believe and do the same, when food is needed and they go fishing, they thank the fish or the chicken for giving up its life so that they can eat and survive. What man does is over harvest from the earth and certain fish have become extinct or an endangered from that and our pollution. that is where the real problems lie, more so than our need to consume a balanced diet. Eating is not the problem, its how we grow our food, our mistreatment of animals raised to provide meat, our polluting the planet etc. and just not being very good caretakers of our planet which God gave Adam and Eve control over. Maybe once upon a time, man was mindful and not wasteful and caring of all living things. But it isnt so any longer.

I'm 14 and my friend is a year older than I. We've been friends since we were little kids and our parents are close friends. Awhile ago my dad was on Twitter and he saw her page and it said stuff like "I like sex". I told my dad it wasn't hers because I didn't believe she would do something like that plus when we hang uo she doesn't seem like that. So today my friend from church was on Instagram and she showed me a picture of her in only her bra (it was a top of the body picture) and I was like wth. I need to know if I should tell my dad he was right and tell him to talk to her parent or if I should try to talk to her myself or if I should just leave it alone. If I tell my dad I'm scared she might be mad at me. And if I talk to her what should I say? Please help!

Know that if you mention the photo of her in a bra she'll likely fight back that it isn't pornography as she had her bra on and that it covers as much or more than a bikini bathing top. However she is playing a dangerous game. Its one thing if she is secretly sending more and more risque photos until she is nude to just one boy. But one boy is all it takes to have it go viral around school not to mention the internet. I've heard the true stories of a guy bragging to his friends and later his friends grabbing his phone and sending a gals naked or suggestive pics to other boys. In some cases, indictive girls who felt they had a claim on a guy were the ones to find those photos and send them on. The kind of ribbing, teasing, hateful bullying, name calling and people avoiding her or guys trying to force her for sex thinking she's easy game for everyone and likes it, is very dramatic and has in many cases led to the teen girl commiting suicide because she couldn't handle it. So I also agree to talk to her and if she doesn't quit, then her parents need to know and your mom or dad would be good ones to do the sharing of such information after you've shown them proof of what she's doing.

Hi,
I'm Taylor and I'm a sophomore in high school. I have a boyfriend and I've known him for over a year. We started as best friends and then we fell in love and now we're dating. He makes me so happy and we share a lot in common. He understands my depression unlike any other guy, he's sweet, caring, he looks out for me and he means so much to me. My biggest issue is though...he's biracial. I don't see why my dad is so fucking judgmental of his skin color. He calls him ugly, and a nigger (even though he's actually not fully black he actually looks more white then he does black). Last night, I had a bad day at school. I was on the phone with my friend Haleigh , my dad found out about me dating AJ and he snapped...he said things like "my shit looks better than that ugly nigger" , "you only hang with your friends so you can hang with him, I saw on Facebook" , "you lied to me about your feelings (which in fact I fucking didn't, I told him we were friends a month prior but things have changed since then), he said he doesn't want zebra babies for grandchildren, "you're a princess and he's a frog", and more other hurtful things. My mom said that if AJ leaves me, no white guy will want to date me because I dated a half black guy. I just don't fucking understand why my dad is so fucking judgmental of race, he judges the outside but not the inside and it hurts me very much. After me being upset with school, and then my dad getting into me about something I can control, it was unnecessary. After he found out I was dating a biracial guy , my dad said "I'm no longer his daughter and to not say shit to him and that my boyfriend had mental issues". (Which in this case, no we both have depression and we support each other) I've already lost so much. It hurts me. Later that night, my boyfriend and I talked about what happened on the phone. We talked about the things my dad said and my boyfriend said that I shouldn't let my dad get to me that way , and I agreed. I spent a lot of time crying over my dad yelling at me. I still love my dad, but I don't know anymore honestly...what can I do to get him to fucking realize that my boyfriend is a good person even though he thinks he's "ugly". Please help...any advice would be appreciated. Thanks. And God bless.

First, I am so sorry to hear your parents are so bigoted racially. Whats really hard and going to hurt is to continue to watch them do so. You have control and ability to affect change for the better in your life. One can be a good example to others, such as you are being for the parents but as you can see, its making no difference because that age old saying is so true, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink." You can talk the truth to the parents of where they are in error in their thinking but you cannot force them like the horse to 'drink' or in their case, to decide to drop racism and change for the better. Its called willpower and they must want to change to be able to do so.
Another thing that is hard to do with any human and even harder when its your parents is to point out where they are in error. No one likes having it pointed out when they are in error. It is a hard thing to humble oneself and be able to admit that. Worse if your child points out something you did wrong. A parent can tend to think they are infallible (incapable of making mistakes or being wrong)especially in the situation of being a parent and on this planet longer than their child and so are most likely to NOT be open to anything more you may want to share with them.
I can only think that perhaps you may have other relatives who are not racists and are open minded. If you do have any, or if you don't know, its worth checking out whether grandparents, aunts or uncles or adult cousins are open minded and could be a good emotional support for you. That helps to make it a bit easier having someone on your side. Perhaps if there is no other adult to rally your cause, there might be a pastor you know who is openminded. You have quite a few years left before you turn 18 and are an adult. Parents are allowed their beliefs and attempting to teach them to their children or even force them on the kids. You do not have many alternatives. true that some teens get emancipated from their parents before age 18, and take over the role of providing the basics for themselves that the parents by law must do, roof over your head, feeding you, clothing you. So your parents can't legally toss you out of the house and stop caring for you just because you date a biracial guy. Its the law. If they do shut you out of the house, you can complain to CPS child protective services or talk to a school counselor who will contact them. If you think you can handle a job, getting a roommate to share rent and provide all your other needs and finish HS. then you can become emanicipated, meaning the courts take your case and decide if it is in your best interest and that you are capable of looking after yourself financially from this point on. If so, the parents no longer have to do anything for you and you are on your own, able to make your own decisions. That is hard for any teen to do so it seldom becomes a real working option. All else I can think of is whether anyone is willing to take you in and care for you. I worked with a lady like that, she had many kids who were not emancipated from the parents but the parents were glad to be rid of them for whatever reason and it was like a halfway house or haven for teens, an alternative place to live. The parents are still responsible if it comes to your medical care should you need hospitalization or seeing a doctor and such, providing you some monetary support for clothes, school supplies but they just dont have you living there. It may be different in other states but you could check with school counselors asking them to look into it for you or point you in the right direction of who to ask.
I also am concerned over the depression both of you have. And yes, I know lots of teens get a form of that these days. What I don't know is whether it is clinical depression and something that will need medication the rest of your life due to imbalance in brain and body incapable of producing what is needed, or whether the depression is something that can be treated without medication. If non medication work for you, then it makes sense to try it first. that is easily done by reading a self help book on CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. I have read this one particular book i will mention and it worked for me and the friend who gave it to me who almost tried to commit suicide due to many years of depression and seeing Drs and it not helping. Read the book, both of you, and work on the exercises in it diligently and see if it helps. I have 3 kids. All had battles at times with depression as a teen, but only one couldn't shake it and as she got older was diagnosed with clinical depression whereas the others only had temporary cases.
The book is called "Feeling Good" by David D. Burns and if its not in your local libary system to be ordered, then it can be ordered by your local bookstore for purchase if not currently on their shelves. try it and you'll know in a month or two if its working or not, if not, then I recommend seeing a Dr.

I am a nurse at a local hospital. I had given a patient a steroid injection in the thigh and I noticed there was blood in the syringe while I was pushing on the plunger. I did aspirate. I am worried that I hit a blood vessel. The patient did not complain of pain or any type of reaction even after 15 minutes of giving the injection. If there was something wrong, would he have had a reaction within minutes? Can any medical people help me out here? It would ease my mind. Thank you!

Why aren't you asking this within your hospital? I know even a friend who was diabetic once in a while hit a vein accidently. What happened to her is later in day starting to have a diabetic episode where someone had to quickly go buy her an orange juice at work. The bad shot was AM, her reaction was at 430 pm after I'd left work and the new staff member had no idea she was diabetic. SHe could have collapsed in shock and was unable to speak well at that point. Glad it turned out well.
That said to say that accidents like that DO happen and I don't think it can be held against you.
What can get you in big trouble is not letting a superior know so someone else has knowledge of and can instruct you as to what to do or they keep an eye on the person for a while... depending on what the injection was. One might have a little reaction, another might kill if not treated the right way.

So, first off, I just want to say that I love my son and would still love him no matter what if he turned out to be gay. I ask this because he came out of my room the other day wearing my necklaces around his neck, and my purse over his shoulder. He was also wearing my flats. It just happened; I didn't encourage it, and I also didn't discourage it. I just let it happen until he took everything off. Does that mean anything, or am I just putting too much thought into it?

There are two areas to cover here, one of sexual identity or one of gender identity.

It isn't until children begin to go through puberty that they can have a clue of whether they are attracted to the opposite sex or the same sex or both as in bi sexual.

However, puberty isn't needed for gender identity. Therefore children of a young age 2 or 3 can already feel like the opposite sex of what their body's gender says they are. Lots of kids have learned to keep this a secret in todays world if they see any signs of others being harassed, hated and misunderstood or if they believe a parent wouldn't be accepting.

Teen boys do not usually wear girly stuff like womens jewelry and purses and clothes unless they are into cross dressing. In cross dressing, you'll likely find all sorts of males, those who feel like a female in gender, those feel like a female inside but at puberty realize they are attracted to both sexes, and even some normal hetero males who simply enjoy the feel of womans fabrics and enjoy dressing up but are in fact very manly males. I've heard of some who pursue a job of playing famous females on stage in drag as an acting job but that is the slimmest possibility.

But can your teen age son if gay have shown signs as a little kid that he is gay...the answer is no because he wasn't of a sexual age yet. That has to do with gender identity which is obvious to very very young children.
I think it would be a good idea to sit down and have a talk. Let him know what you saw and that you love him and are supportive no matter what his preferances and identity is. You just want to know so you can support him so he doesnt feel he has to hide it.
It may end up being nothing more than him flirting with the idea of dressing up as a female for a costume for Halloween next month and he was just trying some things on for an idea. However if so, he should be asking to borrow your stuff for such an event.

I did think that perhaps with your wording that I might have been misled and you are asking this addressed to parents of other gender kids, and meaning that you have a young child or school age child doing this. If so, I am not in that position but have wanted to understand such kids to be able to support and give them advice and have searched online for anything I can find on the subject. I will give you a link to a video on a child born boy whose mom recognized he wanted to dress like his sister and play with her toys and supported her child being raised as another girl. there are many such videos to be found on you tube. You can search for them. In case you discover your child feels the opposite gender, I have a link to a support site for parents of such children.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epDPui27QZQ

http://www.transgenderchild.net/resources/support-groups/

So I'm 21 and I'm looking for a serious relationship and have just recently started dating. I work as a nanny so obviously I can't meet men at my job and the field I'm in for college is female dominated.

I've been trying to find some nice guys online through dating sites, but I just don't seem to be attracting the right guys. A little about me is: I'm not bragging but I've been told I'm very beautiful, I live a healthy life, don't party, I have my own car, I work and I'm in a good field for college. I was raised with good morals, I'm very respectful, soft spoken and an optimist. I have a lot of hobbies like cooking and can have fun doing almost anything.

I'm looking for I guess what's known as a "hipster" guy. I like respectful chivalrous men who wear classy vintage style clothing with their hair slicked back or styled. I want somebody who likes to go on road trips, enjoys comedy clubs, live jazz music, good food and who has an interest in art, photography, reading and who likes things like old classic cars, oxfords and victorian homes or buildings. A good job and an education would be nice too.

All I keep finding though is these guys who lie about who they are, are disrespectful and looking for an easy girl or men who are going nowhere in there lives and their only interests are video games and getting stoned.

When I say they lie about who they are I mean they portray themselves in one way online and then when I get to know them I find out they don't really have any of the interests they say they do and just use those interests to lure girls into liking them. Often these guys seem to just want to sit at home all the time and I'm not really into that.

What are some ways I can make it more obvious what I'm looking for on dating profiles without sounding like I'm being very picky or stuck up?

At your age, guys in that age range mostly aren't serious yet, not mature, not looking to settle down or even date a girl with the intent to marry if he finds the right one. So its already a losing battle unless you are willing to consider guys maybe in their late 20's. Even then, its hard to find a guy who is really mature and ready. But they are out there. I used dating profiles and found my 2nd husband that way. Even so, I literally had hundreds of men write me, went out to meet dozens of them, at least those who seemed promising on line but even at the age range of 40s and 50s mostly, I still meet a lot of frogs instead of my prince and was getting very frustrated. However, I still believed that this hunting for the needle in the haystack was going to be so much more narrowed down by using dating sites. What i did is give a thorough bio of me, what I am like and it wasn't all just about hobbies. But I also put a bit about what I was looking for in a guy. I described much as you did what you are looking for in a guy. But I could put that all out there, I needed to know what my actual needs and wants were. What you have said you are looking for sounds to me like wants compared to needs. Here let me explain.
A need is something that is not negotiable to you. If he doesnt have it, thats a deal breaker. I wanted a man who doesnt smoke as I am allergic to cigarette smoke. If he was a smoker, that was a deal breaker becausse I was not going to make a guy force himself to go thru the quitting process just to get me and maybe relapse later and then we have a problem. I had a bad first marriage where one of the problems were that we werent sexually compatible. At the age range I was looking at, I wanted a guy who had a high libido and was not a selfish lover, making it all about him as the last one did. So I did mention I was looking for my sexual equal and that was important. However I wasn't in menopause yet and didn't want anymore kids and Dr said I was too close to menopause that surgery for tube tied wouldnt be approved and I'd tried the pill but the hormones gave me major problems so I wanted a guy who had a vasectomy or was willing to get one.
Yup, thats a big issue to some guys and I got flack over that, over my no smokers and over some other things that would be deal breakers for me. You probably want kids someday. If a guy comes from a big family and hates kids and wants nothing to do with ever having one, then you are already at odds, there is no compromise. Thats your deal breaker. I had a list of about 7 things that were deal breakers for me. I didnt list no drug addicts, alcoholics or gamblers as it was alot less likely a guy like that was looking on a dating site for a girl but if it turned out so, it would be a deal breaker also.
Yes, I got some guys angry at me. I never responded to them. Others wrote and said they appreciated finding a gal who knew what she wanted and wasnt afraid to ask for it. Since then, I've read some things about attraction and the role self confidence plays in it. There were tests done to confirm this too...a guy when meeting a model type with low self esteem, needy, drama queen, versus the average looking girl with self confidence, always went for the average looking girl because mature men tend to find self confidence very sexy in a female. You may need to adjust a little of whats in your profile. But you;ll still turn off lots of guys and thats good, as you've just eliminated the immature guys who aren't ready to commit and possibly those who have low self confidence to boot and have anger problems, are controller or plain old jerks if they commit rudely to you for your profile set up like that.
I did mention Needs. The wants list is just the icing on the cake. A preference, something that would be wonderful if it were so but not necessary. And so its not a deal breaker. One for me was a guy who either had long hair as I love that, but I was also willing to be with a guy who has a totally shaved head. the only thing I don't like is the ring of hair and balding on top which makes the guy look older and reminds me of my dad. Not dating someone that has something that reminds me of Dad. I had a 'want' of a guy who is a dancer. Didnt get that but am able to live without it. Not a matter of him getting lessons, he is highly functioning autistic but those autistic tendencies make it mentally painful for him to enjoy music and move to it and the beat at the same time. He can't handle it. I am okay with that. YOu may have lots more questions and I'd be willing to help you with the profile more. I still think in your case, if looking for a guy, to just stick with it. It was at the point that I prayed to God saying this isnt working. I want a man who will be loving and supportive, mature, intelligent, etc and if i cant have that in a human man, I'm even willing to take an alien from another planet. Yes, I got that desperate. Then my husband wrote. I knew there was a big difference between him and any guy I'd met with to date. I moved in with him a month later and married 2 mos after that. So it is possible. Let me know if I can be of more help by writing to me from my column.

One day at the animal shelter where I work, I met this very nice boy who immediately asked me out. WE agreed to take our dogs out the next day and get to know each other better. I was hoping that this boy would be someone I could have a relationship with, but it turns out that he only asked me out for sex. I text him saying I can't talk or text him anymore if that was the case, but he says that he would still like for me to text him. Should I do it?

So the issue is do you want a friend with benefits situation or not. From what you said you texted back, you never outright said, No I am not looking for a sex partner. No means no and lots of people get that. But if you never said the word No, he may be taking what you said to mean, No for now but later maybe when I get to know you better and thus him asking if its okay to still keep in touch by text.
This guy is not looking to collect a string of female friends. He is looking for sex partners. He was honest about it. You need to be honest and very clear back in your communication with him. Continueing to talk with him isn't going to change your mind is it? So don't string him along giving him false hope that he can talk you into it later. Make it clear now and also tell him have a policy to not accept friendship with any men who are interested in you for sex. End of story.

hi, my fiance touches his penis on my anal and vaginal region, he didnot penetrate nor ejeculate. but from next day im having light brown discharge continuesly, the discharge is very thin absorbable and the symptoms like periods is occuring. the date is far but still having discharge and very slight cramps. why it is occuring?

If this occurred just once and the next day you have brown discharge, its likely a sign you are about to have your period. When a period is late due to illness or stress or worry like worry over getting pregnant when you know you are taking chances, then a period is easily going to be delayed for those reasons and a typical sign when having a delayed start is starting with brownish discharge, later changing to light pink and then the usual red flow.

If he has been doing this practice for a long time now, then there's always a chance you did become pregnant but are also having a spontaneous early self abort which would come across as a delayed period and finally a heavy flow.
You mention cramps. Have you ever had cramps with periods before? because if so, cramps aren't anything unusual just because a period is delayed.
When you say the date is far, I am not sure what you mean, if you mean this has been going on a long time, you may want to go see your doctor as you may be pregnant or may have some other problem, something your Doctor can best discover. If you are saying that it is a far time yet until your next period is due and that this is occuring, then depending on how long you have been having this type of sex without him entering, there's still a chance you became pregnant if sperm was present in the little bit of precum at the tip of penis when he touches the lips. Thats enough for sperm to survive long enough to enter the vagina using your fluids too to gain entrance swimming in. So if you are starting bleeding long before next period is due, either again something is wrong that you need a doctor for or you may already be pregnant and having any early abort. You really need to see your doctor to be sure.

(Hope I categorized this properly)

Alright, so when I was about seven... I all post went deaf. (I was diagnosed hard of hearing.) Since then, I have a hard time hearing, have to use captions with movies... the thing is, I can blast music very loudly all the time..

But with noises like fireworks, guns, obnoxiously loud moterbikes.. nope. It hurts my ears.

Why is this?

You never mentioned being diagnosed by a Doctor for your hearing problems. Lots of people who write in here with the gamut of mental issues to physical ones have often only done some research on their own self diagnosing so I feel its important to stress that a doctor is the best person to not only diagnos a problem but to answer any further questions about it or make any recommendations.

I will say that I knew a neighbor born with almost deafness in one ear as a baby and as a child always wore a hearing aid. As an adult, she learned to not wear it in certain circumstances like going to a concert, loud tv show, etc because she could only turn it down so much and the ear piece amplified sounds to the point it almost hurt. Can't say why, she didnt know either. So if you are wearing a hearing aid, it might be best to ask the doctor if you are having troubles like this with it, or even without a hearing aid. good luck.

How much heavy oil does the laundry machine (Beatty)gearbox require and can it be poured into the wringer spindle tube?

I would advise talking to any older handyman fix it type person at shops that carry second hand and appliance repair and upkeep. When I had trouble with grandma's old electric singer sewing machine, I called to sewing machine stores until I found one with a person familiar in working with the older and antique models. All it needed was a proper cleaning and new lube. I would suggest doing the same with your washer. I understand it doesn't need repair but the same person who'd know how to repair such a machine is also going to know the upkeep and lubricant needed and most people don't mind giving that advice away for free over the phone.

So I know this might sound weird (because I think it does) but I've only met my boyfriend twice since I started dating him less than a week ago.

He asked me to be his girlfriend on the 2nd date and I said yes because I really liked him. I'm 21 (so is he) and in the past I've been in a LTR for over 2 years and after that ended I went on probably around 12 dates and I just didn't really feel like I "clicked" with any of the other guys but this guy was different. It was like we were meant for each other. We think the same way, we're looking for the same things in a relationship, we have similar life goals, we have chemistry. It was crazy, I kept telling my closest friends how bizarre it is because it's literally like we're soulmates.

Fast forward and it's been 5 days since I've seen him. He's really busy working this week but he texts me consistently, always calling me darling, babe, ect and saying he cant wait to see me again.

I'm getting worried now as I'm seeing red flags that some of the stories he tells me about himself might not be true. For instance, he claims to have an at-home job teaching people to make money that makes him a lot of money but when I asked him to show me he sent me a screencap of a facebook group that looked like it was something anybody could make up.

He also said he trades stocks but when I asked him more about that he said it's just Apple and Mcdonald's which I think is suspicious because I had brought up Apple stock earlier this week after it was in the news. I asked him to tell me more about stocks and to my surprise he did know a lot about them and how trading works, which of course I expected that he was lying earlier so I didn't think he would.

I found his Tumblr which says he's into modeling (he's not a model) but I suppose I could have mistaken this for him being interested in modeling. He had all kinds of selfie posts including ones from just last night telling people to kik (message) him. I wound up asking him for his Tumblr even though I already had it (to see if he would give it to me) and he did but when I checked his Tumblr again he had deleted all of those posts.

He also says things like he's being signed by a label for music he produces which he really does because I've listened to his songs and seen videos of him performing in the studio but he's not popular by any means so I'm not sure who would sign him.

There were other things too, he said he was going to look for a house and we set a date to see showings (I've worked in real estate so I could help him) and then that never happened after I got in contact with a realtor and everything. He also had me give the realtor all of my information instead of his so I would be the point of contact while looking for a house for HIM. Doesn't make any sense to me.

Of course I don't want to confront him about all of it because then if he is telling the truth I look like I'm paranoid and overcritical.

Am I just thinking too much into things and looking for dirt on him that doesn't exist or do I have something here?

Yes, you should be cautious especially at the beginning of a new relationship when you haven't spent any length of calender time together...I am talking many months to a year.

A good many people when wanting to meet someone and impress them may pretend to be someone they are not, stretch the truth, or lie just to catch the others attention, and admiration. What they pretend may not even be to cover up some nasty personality traits, just be a personality they think is more interesting and likely to find a mate. Since he asked on the 2nd date, sounds like he was/is desperate to have a girlfriend and truly believed that just being himself wasn't good enough for you.
The trouble with this is a person gets used to being false and lieing to you/is a habitual liar. It could also point to having such a low self image that he feels the need to portray a different self image. What you are seeing are definate signs that something is up. And you are doing the right thing is slyly investigating him without letting him know up front that you are doing do. Heck, all people pretty much have their own ways to check out a new acquaintance to see if they can be trusted as a friend or something more. Those who don't leave themselve open to disappointment or being taken advantage of, to unhappiness, etc.

Right now, you can only know the things he had chosen to Show you. What I look for over time is consistancy, the ability to without fail BE all those character traits deep inside the person no matter what outside influence happens, what things from daily life happen to the individual. For example, losing ones job can mean the individual has a right to feel glum, a bit depressed and not their usual self and want your cheering up. It means tho they have no right to verbally unleash all their anger and frustration upon you.
My opinion Hon, if you had caught just one thing he said that seems to not be true, I can see a young school boy doing this to gain a girls attention. But he is doing the same thing in many different situations, that sends up red flags to me. I'd hold off making any real tying commitments to him like living together and I would never have committed to being his girlfriend. My way was to tell guys that I was in the exploratory stage of dating several guys at once until I got to know them all well enough to make an educated decision as to which one I would commit to date exclusively and be girlfriend of. I did this in 40s after a divorce and it worked really well, the guys understood and were not jealous because to the average normal healthy minded person, this makes absolute sense.
I had a vebally abusive ex. So I watched prospective men friends closely and was on a dating site. One contradicted himself many times and I could go ba ck to his past messages to re read and see for myself the inconsistancies. So I did not accuse him of anything in tone of voice, just said I was asking for clarification as somethings he said were the opposite in further emails. And most likely he unintentionally wrote it down awkwardly so I misunderstood. Well, he came unglued and called to start yelling at me that a person has the option to change their mind of they want to, that its not a crime. My reaction, no calls back to him and crosses him off my list. By reacting so sensitively and taking things personally when I did not accuse him but merely asked for clarification, showed he takes lots of things personally and most likly had an explosive temper and anger problem. Two months later he changed his profile name and wrote to me again with all his same pics in there after I blocked him. When I saw it was him again, I blocked his new profile. Another, after many dates that went fine and he seemed a promising guy, invited me to dinner at his house and he cooked for me. When I arrived, he apologized for his house being messy and blamed his hired maid service. The house was immaculate so there was no reason for what he said and his words were actually hateful, spoken with anger and disgust and use of hateful slang towards this person I didnt know. Its true this was the only time I had witnessed it. But in 30 yrs of marriage, I had learned with the ex and how to look for the same in acquiantences, that a person can only pretend to be someone they are not for a short period of time, long enough for them in their minds to hook a person. Somehow they believe once hooked, you'd never leave. The truth is, putting up a false front and trying to constantly remember to stay in that character around you uses up great deals of personal energy and tires one out. So no person can hold this up indefinitely. At some point they crack, and parts of their true character leak out or they let their mask slip.

So whats actually happening when you start to see things that don't look consistant to what they say about themselves or have set up in profiles or even done to convince you otherwise, these not so nice things you see are actually a person's true character coming out. And there is more of that where it came from. When one finds one mouse in the house, there's usually more to be found or there will be more shortly. I have learned unfortunately much later in life and so at your age was taken advantage of and abused in early marriage. I am telling you to let time be the test for him and see if he drops all his ideas of stunts to impress you and just be himself so you can truly get to know him. Worst case scenerio, he is inconsistant, meaning he does not exhibit or ever use any self control, tends to lie if he thinks it will get him somewhere and so is untrustworthy, like to hide and keep secrets as in the removing of posts you'd already seen which he had no knowledge of once you asked if you could be his friend on a site. While not essentially a really bad person in general, these things can play havoc in a relationship over time and cause major problems. Trust and good communication are two important things in a relationship for it to be successful. If trust isn't there or in question, its already a rocky relationship at best.

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