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I am here because this is anonymous.
First off, I don't need life advice. I would goto therapy if I wanted that.
I want to end my life. This has been a long-time, depressional thought process. I've tried numerous things to find self-esteem. For over 20 years, I have dealt with bi-polar type behavior.
I did some research on one diagnosis. Borderline anti-social personality disorder. Due to repeatedly having the police called on me due to attempts at suicide, I cannot purchase a firearm, legally. So, possessing a firearm would be difficult.
I have come to wanting to go by, "Suicide by cop". At a prison. Where the tower marksmen shoot to kill, not to injure. I'm tired of life.
What are other ways to go, other than by harming someone or by natural means? Something that I could induce during sleep. Force a major aneurysm.
I don't want, "I need therapy help", comments. Just a way to die somewhat peacefully. Just so you know, I understand enough of the human psyche to bring myself towards unrecoverable depression. Which I have been doing for a few months now.
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I have a friend who felt what you feel and was in exactly the same place. He'd tried counseling and nothing seemed to help. He'd left his wife one day wandering into the desert wanting to commit suicide to end his misery but couldn't figure out how he was going to do it. By time he came back home, she had continued in meanwhile to try to find someone, or something different than any of the same old things they'd already heard or tried that failed and she did come across something different, a psychologist who taught people to heal themselves, that it is possible if they just had the tools and where willing to try and desperate enough to do so. She got that persons book, the husband read it and got better. I met him and his wife long after he was healed. He recommended the book to me for my husband. It is called "Feeling Good" and the book helped much more than depression or anxiety for him. However the author, a psychologist who realized the old practiced didn't really work became convinced that most people could become happy and healthy with no lingering trace of their issues if they. You may be beyond wanting to look at 'just one more' possible help, remedy. But it doesnt involve doctors, just you, so I don't see what you have to lose but the price of a book. The author is David D. Burns and he has a other books out too. I will provide his website. Perhaps you will give some of his books a try. But no one on this advice column will give you ideas on how to end your life. Thats not what we are here to do. Help people live their lives better, how to cope with all sorts of life situations, decision making in which they are still alive and doing better in life.
Heres the website: www.feelinggood.com
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I know this may not change your mind but I'd die inside if I didn't try I know that your going through a rough time I can't tell you that I no what your going through but I can try to understand I don't want you to feel as if this is the end for you and that you need to end your life because this is the only life you get I know there are people who care about you and need you in their life and honestly its selfish to want to die when you have others who care for you I hope you make the right decision
You are loved ❤
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If i would tell you that right now i understand exactly how do you feel i would lie to you. My life is going pretty well.
There was a time when i felt extreme depression, when i felt abondoned,when nobody including myself didn`t see me as normal human, when what i wanted to live and what my life was ..was so far from each other,when i was mad on them because of suffer they caused me, when i desperately needed relief and peace and reconnection with my real nature.
I cant tell you what to do because only you can feel your feelings, think your thoughts and do what is best for you.I can tell you what i did in my life.
I didnt kill my self.I am really happy for not doing anything like that because my life changed now.I found another way to feel better. Like i sad I cant feel what you feel. But it can be better. I know that for sure.And i would like that for you.
For some death expirience is that fastest root to feel better.But for so many others there are other paths..less dramatic. Those who you leave behind will be very mad at you but i suppose that is the reason why you wanted that .You want to get even to them in that way.But it wont help they will just be mad at you more.It wont come compassion or understanding of your feelings and your suffering. They will just confirm their bad thoughts that they already have for you.
So instead of giving them that power Maybe it would be better of just take the helm and reject to reply to what any of them think? Anybody who feels this strongly about something as you do posses powerful desire within you ( i believe in that with every my cell) to find a ways to feel better. I promise you ..it is possible !
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