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my family is mad at me
I don't really know where to begin but i am going to start off by saying i am a 26 year old femaleand awhile back I moved in with my cousin and i think it might have been the biggest mistake I ever made in my life becaus a sonreally who has autisim who is 24black but has the mind of a 2 year old and he is really attached to me ge follows me everywhere. I can't even go to the bathroom without him wanting to know where i am going. I talked to my cousin and explained to jer that I get nervous easily and have panick attacks and just need time to myself amd she wont speak to me .She said that I was mistreating him because I kept avoiding him because I needed a break and I don't want her to be mad at me but I can't even watch a movie in my room without him pitching a fit so I moved in with my mom and now she hates me what should I do?
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Don't worry about it because she would understand in your situation.
Next time you encounter this situation again, you just keep it to yourself and just let it happen, because that person has an autism, and you should be understandable and be polite to that boy.
Just be nice and let him follow you, and don't be creep-ed out of what he does.
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You have a right to try and find the living situation where you feel safe and comfortable. Your aunt shouldn't be angry with you for leaving, that was the right move.
Truth is, in your discomfort and your inexperience addressing someone with his limits you probably were unkind to your cousin. Now that you have a safe space to go home to, maybe you should make some time for your cousin and watch a movie or have dinner with thier family. He cares for you, and with some boundaries in place, hopefully you can return some of that affection.
As for your aunt, you could try thanking her for letting you stay. Write her a letter or email and sincerely thank her for welcoming you into her home. DON'T complain about her son, ONLY thank her. For that much, she is owed thanks, even tho it didn't work out. It could go a long way towards a better relationship in the future.
You entered that home as an adult person, and you couldn't handle the child in that home - and he will always be a child in that home - with understanding and patience. That okay - it's okay that you couldn't manage that - but you must recognize that your inability may have hurt both your aunt and him. It's a tough situation for them both, and another adult could have added happiness and made it easier, instead it sounds like they both felt rejected and unloved. You need to find ways to tell them you do care for them as family, even tho living with them was a bad idea.
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I think I missed something. Theres a 24 yr old autistic living with your cousin. Either thats her son and she's a much older cousin which puts her at adult age and she should know better than to blame you here, so she is the guardian, caregiver for someone not related to the family who is living with her.
Either way, it is very stressful to live day in and day out with someone who is handicapped physically, its worse when the person is an adult who is mentally handicapped to the point they have the mentality of a child. She probably needs some time to herself and was hoping that you'd be the one to occupy him so she could have a brief bit of time to read a book, go for a walk by herself or enjoy a bubble bath. My guess is that she is burnt out and you might want to bring that up to Mom and cousin. She might see if he qualifys for state help with occasional caregivers to come in for chunks of time so she can get away to do thing just for herself cus being the one to watch over him 24/7 is hard for any person to do. You now know that from what little time you've spent over there. Thats what she faces every day all day long. She needs to stop being angry at you, any family who is angry needs to know that this isn't about you, its about her qualifying for help to get a respite. I used to be a caregiver and several times I was sent out to wives who were the sole caregivers of their disabled/dying husbands who were unable to do anything for themselves and couldn't be left alone. I was their chance to get away and do something for themself for an afternoon. Even if she doesnt leave the house, the caregiver would be the one to watch over, occupy and distract the young man. If I were you, I'd advise them to check with the local department of social and/or health services... like the same place one goes to get on foodstamps. Her son needs to have a caseworker. It may be a long time until her dying day but surely she'll go before him and who will watch him the?l So its a good thing to have him in the system and to qualify for some additional care for him so she can have some time alone, or even to go shopping without him.
In lthe long run, if your family continues to act like children and blame you or harbor anger towards you, then its time to find a roommate, a girlfriend, not family and share the rent somewhere
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