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Feel too confused with his ahhh :////
Well it's kind of a long story short, around the beginning of July I met this guy randomly on the street he's from the same country as me and everything we hit off straight away, that day we spoke as if we had known each other for a lifetime, well we swapped numbers etc and we've been seeing each other since. We did speak about each others past relationships because we're still on that stage of getting to know each other, he's told me he's attracted to me and he started to like me and he really wants to continue getting to know me how he would like a relationship with me eventually, we get a long great. He told me he had been with someone for 5 years etc... And I asked him whether he still had feelings for her or not and he said that there was still something there for her because she was the only girl he ever been in love with, to be honest this kind of turned my mood down I even told him I wouldn't want to be with someone that still has feelings for an ex. He said that it was the past that he met me now and how he loves everything about me etc and how he rather be honest with me.. However I don't know what to do don't get me wrong I've been in that position as well but I couldn't be able to see myself seeing someone while I still like my ex, it's a bit like ummmfff cause so far he seems like such a great guy we have nice moments together and it feels so good.. Mmmm I appreciate him being honest but it's just ahhhhhh :/ :( what to do ?!!!!!!!????? Cause I have his feeling he wants to start something with me ... I love how direct he is with me but I don't know what to think please help :/ :(
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Its not a problem, if you spend years with someone, and love them, its not like you're feelings are going to 100% vanish, otherwise it probably wasn't love. Its natural for someone who was clearly an important part of someones life for quite a few years to still be somewhat special to them, they always will be. But the fact of the matter is that relationship ended for whatever reason, hes moved on to the point he wants someone else, he loves everything about you, seems to treat you well, and I find it better that he was so honest with you about his feelings despite knowing it would probably cause a problem with you. Thats a good quality that he would rather you know the truth knowing it might sound bad, instead of just lying to you and telling you what you want to hear while actually having unsaid feelings. I see nothing wrong with him so far, so I'd say just keep hanging around with him and see how things go. Good luck!
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Here's a couple pieces of information that could change the situation for you so you're not leftd guessing.
One thing important is to know not the amount of time he spent with her but how long it has been since they broke up. If it has been recent, then he needs time to get over it first before seeking a close committed relationship with another girl. He doesnt need to shut himself away from the world but anyone he meets needs to be considered just friend material until he is ready to date. Unless you seek friends with benefits, that means, no romance or hand holding and kissing or sex like a committed couple would have. The reason I mention this is that many guys do not require that intimate heart connection with a girl to have sex, so while lust works for him, the girl connects with her heart as in making love and can develop strong feelings for a guy because of it, even if he's not the right one for her, or not available or ready, etc...
If its been a year or more since being with her, he may be ready to date but feel something for her. However as in my and my 2nd husbands case, neither of us felt any longing for our exs once we met. Usually theres a reason for splitting up. One or the other or both did things that created problems in the relationship that they were unable or unwilling to resolve. Some people outgrow each other, one changes so much that their mate is no longer the right match, or the two never were a good match and somehow managed to hange together 5 yrs. My husband was never a good match with his ex but they were together 15 years. In all that time, he came to care about her as a human being and considers her family as they have a child together. But his feelings are more like a brother to a sister no matter that they used to be intimate. What he has with me as a wife is a vast improvement over her in many areas. That is important when moving to the next relationship...that whatever the issues were, you dont settle for the same or less with the next person but look for someone even better for you than the last person. Heck I didn't know this stuff when young and wish someone had told me.
So the other important thing to determine is exactly what kind of feelings he has for her.
Examples: She dumped him and its been a short amount of time, then he likely is still deeply in love and hurt and on the rebound and its best to avoid him. Its been a short time but they both mutually decided to part realizing they weren't the best partners to last lifelong and part as friends and so yes, there can be real feelings there, its someone you care about and love, like your parents or siblings now but not love as for a mate and lover, those feelings can stop and change. Both my husband and I know since we both have exs and there is absolutely never any wish to be close to them or sexual with them, that would be like going backwards to something unfullfilling after gettting to know each other. If its been a long time and he is still crazy in love with her, then he wont ever be good relationship material because something mentally is holding him back from moving on. He may have emotionally issues, be a needy person, or who knows what, but thats not normal. If its been a long time since he broke up with her and loves her as a person, a total change from romantic and lover love, then really, thats a good quality in a man who he is someone who is caring about people in general and doesnt use people or toss them out, he likely is a caring patient person with lots of other good traits as I've found with my husband. Its not selective love to love me as his mate and his ex as family but he is caring to all, helping our elderly neighbors as they have need for example. Thats what to look for.
You did say he said he would like a relationship with u eventually and that means not right now.
So you both need to talk and discuss whether you think you can meet as just buddies, no romance or sex and not growing romantic love feelings for each other. Boundaries need to be stated and agreed to for both of you since "eventually" as he states means not now. So take him at his word and let him know it must be just meeting as friends which means neither has made any promise to the other regarding dating another if the right person came along. Either you learn that you're right for each other just in hanging as friends first and if thats often each week, you should have a good idea by time a month or two has gone by to commit to each other officially as a couple and take yourself off the market, no longer available to date others. Until that happens, he needs to know that as friends, you will not hold yourself in reserve waiting for him someday long in the future. This sort of arrangement causes a man to be less lacksadaisical and lazy about committing. He will pay attention to how well you get along and see if he can picture u both together for the rest of your lives. He knows that if he doesnt takes things seriously that you will be dating and possibly falling for another guy, that he could lose you. So he will decide faster if you are right for him or not.
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