|
I had sex with him. I feel very awful and don't know what to do
So i'm 14 years old and have never been in a relationship. 3 years ago boys started paying attention to me because I guess "I look mature (big butt) for my age". Anyway I attended my neighborhood school for a month and most of the guys in 8th- 10th grade paid attention to me. I am very shy So they would try and grab my butt or rub my waist. I would get them to stop. But one of the boys he would treat me differently.He's 16 and When i transferred i told him about how boys in that school were and he said he would protect me. Well for some reason I fell for him.Me and him would kiss and do innocent stuff, but we said we would start a serious relationship. My best friend who lived near me told me he was a manwhore and not go for him. SO 3 days ago I was walking past my old school and they were getting out. He walked me home and was all kissing me on my neck and groped my boobs. It felt good but i felt kinda wrong, well i guess I just went with feeling good and me and him went to his house.when we went there no one was there. We sat on his bed and just watched tv. After that we were just kissing and cuddling, after that he started sliding his hand up my skirt and touching my butt. I got up and said "i should go home" he was like "babe... just 10 mins" I said ok. Those 10 mins may have ruined my life. I had sex with him. I feel very awful and don't know what to do I don't know why I did I just need some advice
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hopefully you took precautions and are not pregnant? If you didn't, you have to find out. If you are then those ten minutes will indeed have a huge impact on your life, which you will have to face and deal with one way or another. I'm hoping that you are not? If not, then there's is absoultely nothing to gain by beating yourself up about it. It happened, you can't make it un-happen. But it will certainly not have ruined your life, however you feel right now. We make connections that we wished we hadn't, do things that we regret afterwards. All our lives. Hopefully we learn from the experience. In future we're that bit wiser, a bit more savvy. Less likely to make the same mistake again. I understand that you're upset and even traumatised about it. But if all it's left you with is an unpleasant memory then it will fade in time, and hasn't "ruined your life" by any means. Not unless you let it. Please don't think I am trivialising or making light of your experience. It's just that 'your life' is and will be a complex, ever-changing, living thing. Made up of a million different experiences, events and emotions. It's just too big and important a thing to be ruined by an unexpected/unplanned sexual encounter. He seemed like one of the good guys, appeared to want a loving relationship, and he turned out to be a bit of rat when he got the opportunity, eh? Don't LET him upset you a single day more. Your life is so much more than him, and this experience sweetheart, believe me.
]
Well as the saying goes, "closing the barn door once the cow has left won't bring the cow back." You know what you did was wrong in the sense that you are way too young to be having sex. I said it that way because there is nothing wrong with having sex once you are old enough and mature enough to understand the consequences of ones actions.
The first thing you need to do is, if a condom was not used is go to the drug store and get the morning after pill. At age 14 you are old enough to purchase this pill on your own. Taken within 48 hours of sex it is almost 100% effective of stopping a pregnancy and within 7 days it is still effective to different degrees.
As to this boy; like most boys his confuses love and lust. To him the definitions are the same. IF he is the man-whore you were told he is then you can expect him to drop you now that he has had you and had you virginity.
Now the next problem you face is your reputation at school. Will he keep his mouth shut or is he the kiss and tell type. IF you suddenly become the most popular girl in school you can expect it to be because he has told all his friends he had sex with you. Worse is no one is going to want to tell anyone that they dated you and did not have sex. So regardless of if you do or don't they will say they did. This does not mean you should, it means your reputation is going to be tarnished.
Because of your age you are too young to consent to sex under the law. In technical terms even though you may not have resisted he raped you. If you want to make sure he never tells anyone tell him that at a minimum for the next five years because you are under the age of consent you can file a rape charge against him and you will if he you ever hear he has told anyone that you and he has had sex. Then tell him to go away and stay away.
He probably won't believe you so tell him to check the law that you did. That you spoke to a police officer. No I'm not a police officer but I have friends that are and you are not the first young lady to write this type of letter. My friends tell me depending on the laws in your state, which really don't differ much. He could face charges of under a rape law.
No one can tell you what to do in the future with boyfriend(s) that is going to be up to you. All any of us can tell y is to try and remember how you feel now and keep that member alive when you’re getting hot and sweaty with a boy.
Sex is a wonderful thing when the time is right, in 4 years or so when you’re older. If any boy says to you something like, "If you love me you will have sex with me, “run don't walk away from him because he has confused love and lust and only lusts for you. Sex is meant to be an outgrowth of ones love for another, not proof of ones love for another.
]
Well first of all, its unlikely he planned ahead and had a condom on. So if not, and you are not on birth control, the first thing is to take the plan B Morning after pill which can be still taken a couple days after and be effective against pregnancy. There is no way to go back and undo and be a virgin again. If it makes you feel any better, the majority of us, do not have fond memories or good experiencesd with our first time having had sex. It's better if you are older and more mature and if both of you are in love. As to why you did it, likely you did not have any strong convictions of your own. You had not thought ahead in advance of situations like this and how you would handle it if and when it happened. When one has no convictions or plans, its more likely to cave in to peer pressure and go with the flow. I'd advice in your case thinking ahead now on some scenerios and how you plan to respond and stick to those plans.
Like what if other guys hear about this somehow and all of a sudden you have the guys at school thinkin you are easy and at that age, they all want to experience sex so they will think youk can provide the experience for them. Dont think they wont try to touch and pressure you for more or try to trick you into being somewhere where all the others disappear and you're alone with them. Plan to never be alone with a guy. At parties, never leave your drink unattended so no one can put the date rape drug into it. If you have to leave the group, have a girlfriend accompany you to the bathroom and wait outside the door, take your drink with you and this way no guy can catch you leaving the room and drag you back in alone with him. Think of these things now. Its important if you dont want a repeat performance with some other guy. Word might get out and fellow students girls too start calling you names like slut and whore. Even if you know its not true. You need to be prepared as to how you will respond. Don't hate yourself though cus when we are teens, we all make our own version of bad choices and mistakes and have regrets and its much due to both being naive, our inexperience in the world and also having the part of brain responsible for good decision making not done growing and not mature yet and it won't be until your mid 20s so you have a lot of time to be wary and on guard about not making any further bad decisions. So in the moment, if you can't have the advice from an adult beforehand, back out of the situation or deal. Don't guess and go along. If you are uncomfortable, stop, leave if possible And if you do find a guy in the future you think you might like to explore sex with, it would be better to talk to trusted adults first and get their perspective and things you maynot have thought of. I know its hard to talk to Mom but perhaps you have an aunt your close to or a friends mom, or write to us here first before doing anything next time.
]
More Questions: |