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I don't know what to do anymore
My mom tells at me constantly, then pretends like nothing ever happened. She calls me names, one time she kept screaming that I'm pathetic, over and over again, I just can't take these insults anymore. I started cutting every time she breaks me down. I don't make them very deep, but just enough so they bleed. I just hate her so much, if I could, I would try to get some space for a while, but I can't, usually when she does this is at night, and I can't get out because of my curfew. I did try to talk to her about it, but she said it was my fault. I have really bad grades, I just don't care about them anymore. Sorry if there are so many questions in here, but I just really need to vent, and get some advice. BTW I'm a 13 year old female, if that helps.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
There may be other factors to why your mom is behaving this way. It doesnt give her an excuse, just saying she may be undergoing great stress. You dont mention any other family members. If theres no dad and shes a single mom, and finances are tight or she had a recent breakup/divorce or never healed from some traumatic/emotional change in life, even death of a loved one, she could be suffering depression or such and not getting any better. So yes, follow the advice given to talk to school officials. Both Mom will need counseling to get better and you will for the verbal abuse you've endured. I was in a verbally abusive marriage and can tell you that indeed it does take its toll on you. YOu can't escape without any effect upon you. The stress has to go somewhere, either emotionally or physically. I got many stress related illnesses. For you it seems to have hit emotionally as in the loss of good grades, feeling hate towards mom and of course the cutting. Please do not be embarassed to mention anything to other adults who can help because of your cutting. That is a natural release due to the stress of what you're going through. And they wont think any less of you for it. So do get help. If you have grandma's or aunts you are close to, I would let them know in addition to talking to school officials who are more likely to get CPS involved.
I can think of only one more thing. YOu being 13 are likely going through puberty. All girls undergo emotional changes along with the hormone changes. the hormones will affect your emotions so you are naturally more sad or weepy than usual or more easily irritated or angry than usual and girls will lash out at females closest to them, like mom, sisters and best friends. I did it my daughters did it, its part of life. Not telling you this to place blame on you for your problem but it also may be one more contributing factor that has made your mom act as she does. She is the adult, a female and should know that at your age, you will be naturally going through this and need the support, not being attacked and torn down. So no matter is something you do, unintentionally bothers her that much...the real problem is that she is reacting that way and treating you that way and there is nothing you can do to ever deserve such behavior, trust me. So its not your fault. Mom needs help and will get it sooner if you let the right adults know so they can get help agencys involved.
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From what you have written it is quite possible you poor grades are tied to your poor home life. While it may also be possible mom is facing some issues of her own it is not right that she take it out on you to the point that you are cutting. Cutting is serious and is evidence of a serious depression you may be suffering.
Please follow my advice as this is how you can get help both for you and your mother. Tomorrow or Monday, when you are next in school go to a trusted teacher or your school principal. Tell them about your home life and your cutting.
Once you tell them the must take steps to protect you and contact child protective services (CPS). This does not mean CPS will take you out of your home that is a last resort. What they will do is talk to your mother and tell her what her ranting is doing to you. They will see to it that you get help for the depression she has caused you so that you stop cutting. They will try and help mom with whatever is bothering her. They will monitor you home life to see to it you have a proper home life so you can concentrate on what is important for a 13 year old girl.
Getting good grades in school is important. If your home life is bad I can understand not caring about school. This is why it is so important to fix your home life and why your teacher or principal is required to step in and help you once you tell them what is going on at home.
Please do as I advise as soon as you get back to school after reading this.
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Sounds like your mom is going through some issues of her own right now and she doesnt know how to deal with it and because you live with her and your right there, you become a target of it.
At this point theres only so much you can do but im gonna try to help you as much as i can here and i hope that you can pick an option and run with it.
You could try nicely asking her if you can talk (maybe again at a different time even though i know you said you tried) it might not have been a good time.
You need to ask yourself first "do i have the courage to stand up to her and talk to her like an adult?" if the answer is yes or that you willing to try at least then heres what you do.
Walk into the room shes in, if shes watching tv, or reading, get the remote and turn the tv off and say "we need to talk....." and look her straight in the eyes and do not break contact. this is what adults do when theres a serious issue that they want to address with other adult.
(staring and making full eye contact will show her that you ARE VERY serious and that today is the day that your GOING to have some sort of conversation here)
So unless she gets up and walks away, then you maintain eye contact, and tell her that you understand when she gets upset with other things that are going on her life right now but calling people names is not going to fix anything and its not going to "make it better" so lets just stop with the name calling if thats ok.
I think your old enough to be able to say these things to her at this point and have her at the very least take you seriously and think about what shes allowing to spew out of her mouth at people.
If she tries to blame you for everything then just reply with "oh thats mature mom.....cause EVERYTHING is just MY fault ALLLLL the time huh???"
say nothing, stare, and let her decide how she wants to react to that.
If she says she treats you the way she does for whatever reason, say "well your certainly not helping anything get better by acting the way you do" leave or walk away and let her stew on this for a little bit. Sometimes adults need time to process what their child is saying to them because your starting to become old enough now that you can think for yourself and you have your own ideas about things and your going to start voicing your thoughts.
Just because shes had a bad day doesnt make it ok to take it out on other people around her. you can also mention that to her before you leave the room.
just remember adults need time sometimes to think things over before they will be willing to come back and talk about the exchange you just had so after youve said how you felt, be sure to give her a little bit of time, maybe a day or two, to realize what shes done and build up the courage to come to you about it too.
next option. Find a friend of hers (or a family member) that you know really cares about you and tell them about how badly things have been and what youve been doing. sometimes when it comes from another adult, your mom may take it more seriously.
lastly, tell a counselor at school whats going on if youve tried to talk to your mom and she just wont listen. thats a last resort because if your mom doesnt get off her butt and do something they will call CPS and MAKE HER for your sake. dont be afraid, its the schools job to listen and do whats best for you.
I suggest trying to talk to her first to get her to realize whats shes doing, remember that shes not going to make an over night turn around, these things can take time for an adult but if shes been warned about her treatment of you from someone else who is taking notice and is serious then she may rethink her actions.
good luck = )
I want to add here that over the years ive known alot of people who were cutters and one of the things that helped them to stop when they felt like hurting themselves was to put a rubber band around their wrist and just snap it. it can help distract you from the cutting while still giving the sting you are craving. (idk how badly your doing it but ive known some pretty bad cutters and that helped them some, please just try that instead of harming yourself next time ok)
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