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about my ex bf keep on coming back and leave over and over
Hi so me and my ex bf were together for 2 months and a couple days the brakeup was bad he was the one who brakeup with me we haven't talked for a month and then he wrote on his Facebook page that he wants me back so I told him that if he really loved me he would've text me or call me so we kept on talking he flirt with me but I didn't he told me to text him I did and then I ask him if he love me he said "you already know... but if you want to hear that then yes I do he asked me if i love him i said "I think so cause I can't get over you" we kept on talking then he said hmu later I said that no that he needs to put some effort too he said okay I'll text you tomorrow and it's been 2 weeks since that I don't know if I should just move on please help!
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Dear Waiting by the Phone,
It's apparent here that no communication means no relationship. If someone is not talking to you at all how would expect to grow in a relationships with no communication? Isn't better for you to be with someone who wants to talk or communicate with you. Why put yourself to the trouble of wanting someone who can't even take the time to communicate. A text or call or even a letter would show but it seems like he gave you his resignation of this relationship since its been two weeks anyway. There is no doubt that there is a better person out there who is willing give you their time and even respect you more by communicating what they feel and what they want. Instead of pining over nothing you should be focused finding a something! It's easier than feeling sorry for yourself or ever letting someone ever making you feel that way again.
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What do you want in a man, just someone who says they love you whether their actions prove it or not? Do you want just a warm body around for a social partner to go do stuff with? Do you want someone available to call upon when you want sex, just that and nothing else? Do you want a man who can't stand being apart from you and wants to be with your for the rest of your life and have kids with you and be your man, mate, husband forever?
If you want the last option, he doesnt sound promising. If you are willing to settle for just about anything else, then just about any guy will do cus it doesnt require any real commitment, uconditional love backed by actions, or supportive treatment of you.
If you are truly looking for love, dont count on just what your heart feels because its too easy to have feelings for a person, even if they don't deserve them and don't treat us well in return. I know that after loving an ex who was abusive and i stuck with him many many years with no improvement. In time, the love I felt was whittled away slowly by his mistreatment of me until there was no love left. Love is like a bank account filled with money. The partner can't just make withdrawals of love from your love bank but needs to be constantly doing the kinds of things that put in deposit after deposit of love or some day you will run out and decide its time to split up. Your love bank isn't large like a million dollars worth, its just enough to get by from day to day. Its likely why you are questioning whats going on, why you feel like you're the one putting in the effort and perhaps he isn't or not as much and there's one imbalance already. Too many and it won't work. I was the only one putting effort in to make our relationship hold together. Thats not actually a healthy fulfilling relationship.
I have one more thing to share that may help you decide what to do, Something I picked up on a website and added my own words to, on how to know if a man really loves you. Here it is:
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
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