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I'm a 20 year old female. Should I tell my parents about what's been going on with my mental health? Trigger warning engaged: I've been noticing that it's gotten bad and it's gotten to the point where I hurt myself, but I'm not cutting or burning my skin. I feel like I should tell my parents. But I don't want to add more to their plates, especially since my mom has a surgery coming up. I kinda don't want to tell my dad cause he's kinda partially to blame because he's kinda a narcissist and I never feel like I'm good enough for him. A part of me doesn't want to tell my parents because they have said that if I show signs of self-harm, they were going to send me to the hospital. What should I do? (link)
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Dear Ms Mental Health,
First it takes courage when you can admit that you are looking for help because many people get scared and never want to let someone know when something is going on with them especially mentally. With that being said, you should never want to be afraid to talk to your parents but if either of them are part of the cause in what you are dealing with then find someone who you can truly confide in. Someone who will not judge or make you feel less of a person because of what you are going through. The important thing you need to know is that you need to appreciate yourself and the person you are and want to be. Self appreciation starts with never allowing anyone or anything to make you feel less of a person. Especially family when even disappointment comes your way on their behalf, it's important that you stay strong for yourself and have the confidence to love yourself by living the life you want to live. Believe in yourself and don't allow the negative things to infiltrate your mind. Negative people are just hurt people who can't deal with their own issues and pains and try to use other people thinking it will help them but only hurst them more. Don't be afraid to communicate what you are feeling but also know that you have strength and confidence in you. Once you find and harness that strength and confidence, great things will happen for you.
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I have created a really messed up situation with my regional sales manager at work. We both did wrong but now I am stuck and not sure how to untangle it all without damaging my future. Even though I resent some things that have happened I am also not interested in causing problems for her or my company if it can be avoided.
I am 28M (Josh) and a field sales representative for past three years. I am still one of the youngest people with a territory my size and my growth and retention numbers are consistently higher than most. I work with buyers for other companies, so building strong personal relationships is important and my buyers seem to love me a lot and I work hard for them.
The person who hired me is a 38F (Vickie) and she is the youngest regional manager in our company and consistently in the top 5 people in that category companywide. She gets major recognition annually at a company event year after year. She is also incredibly sexy, very flirtatious, and wicked smart. She is also born closer.
So the problem is we have been having a sexual affair since the day I interviewed. We are both single but it is obviously totally unprofessional. For three years now we spend 48 hours in a hotel room twice a month when she visits my territory. We spend 30 minutes going over my sales numbers and projections. We maybe do 6 hours of calls on major clients. The rest of the time it is relentless sex with her in charge. No romance. Just a sex marathon.
I could try and blame her and say she seduced me or whatever but I have always been a more than eager participant so I am just as much at fault. To be honest I found it exciting and I am gym rat when not working at least partly to keep her happy with me. For whatever reason I crave her feedback on my sexual performance just as much as my job performance (which is a running joke between us).
I think I would have been hired anyway but it did not hurt she was into me and I consented to her advances. Even if I had someone else as my manager or we never had a side relationship, I feel I have proven myself on my merits with my growth and retention numbers. The one thing you could call favoritism was when a senior field representative leaves because we are in a hiring freeze my boss gets to re-assign the book of existing business to existing rep’s and I have gotten far more than my fair share of this business. It is easy money as long you take care of those existing clients. I estimate this favoritism has increased my income about 25 percent. As far as the company is concerned though, I make them a lot of money taking care of those buyers, making them happy, and doing my job well.
Here is the dilemma. I have met someone else more my age (Julia) I genuinely like at my gym. She is wonderful, we have so much in common, she is a far better person than I am but makes me want to be better. We have only had one official date but I want to get more serious. There is a lot of sexual tension even just flirting at the gym but she has been very clear she is not easy and is not going to be a “victim” of my charm,” which makes me respect her more. All the normal things I do to impress a girl she sees through and laughs at but does not seem to hold my obvious fails against me. My feelings about her are really growing. Obviously, there is no way I can get serious about Julia if I am having an ongoing sexual affair with Vickie.
I had a direct conversation with my boss, however, and she said there was no reason to stop our sexual activities and when I said I was not “comfortable” with it anymore she was very aggressive and threatened to reassign the clients. I gave in to the normal weekend of sex. If anything, she was more demanding than ever. Being blackmailed took the joy out of it, but I felt desperate to keep her happy at least for now. For the first time though I felt like the shameless man-whore I realize I have been the whole time.
If I complain and go over her head, I would be in just as much trouble. It would also be a lie to say it was anything but consensual until this last time. Plus she is a star inside our company and I am just like a baby star at best. She is more valuable to the company for PR purposes (as a female leader) and because she honestly is extremely good at her job. I am far more replaceable no matter how well I have done so far. She has allies who would help her crush me. If I quit and just walk away, I lose an incredible income which I cannot believe I am earning at my age and I am proud of what I have done in my territory. I am debt free and no one dependent on me so if I had to start over I would not be in crisis. It just sucks. Even if I had not met someone, this sexual relationship with my boss could not go on forever.
If I do get myself out of this situation, how much should I share about all this with my new person (assuming she is willing to pursue a more serious relationship than our one date)? I am also worried I may be less impressive with my current income level. I am not saying she is all about money and in fact she probably is not but I guess a lot of my ego is tied to my income at this point. I am not saying I cannot rebuild and do well at something else it is just discouraging to think about it.
Thank you for your help. Josh.
(link)
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Dear Mr. Office Affair,
It's not that you can't give up this affair is that you won't. If you are proud of the work that you have done then take it to another company that would appreciate your talents. You are not wanting or needing this type of stress and what you do by allowing it to happen is devalue yourself as a person and as a rep. You are looking for reassurance and satisfaction with someone who empowers themselves with manipulation and threats so even so, why would you ever want to be in a relationship with someone like that. You have the opportunity to change your life and possibly find something special with someone else. There are many jobs out there and companies that ate looking for strong talent but there is only one of you and allowing yourself to fall in this type of pattern will make you lose and question who you are. It's not about betting in risking your job or your relationship, but betting in yourself that you can move on and not worry about what someone else says or does that you think will affect your life. It is your life to live and control. Not anyone else. If you want to start a new job, start a new relationship or even a new life then do so knowing that you are living your life and not one that someone else manipulates or controls. And just because a person has power or control in a company doesn't mean they have those things over you.
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I'll be honest. I have plenty of friends.The problem is none of my friendships are very deep.Some of them I will get closer to and feel like our friendship is doing great, but then when any of their other friends are around they completely ignore me! But if I start talking to someone else because they are ignoring me, they will start trying to get my attention. What should I do? (link)
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Dear Self Choice,
You don't need the attention of others to make yourself feel good. It's important that friendships are not based on having attention or being ignored. You need to appreciate yourself first. Enjoy the people around you and make conversations but don't allow yourself to feel like if none are talking to you at the moment that it means you are not worthy of their friendship or they of yours. It's important that you never let yourself get sucked in to a place that makes you fell less worthy. Be positive and have a mindset that whether you are talking to friends, acquaintances or even other people that you know that appreciating yourself and being a good person will catch attention to others who will want to be around you more.
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I am a 25 year old engaged to a man whose mother makes it very clear to me that she is absolutely in love with her son. Her son is “the love of her life, the only love of her life, the light of her world, That even though he’s almost 30 she still sees him as the little baby boy in all those pictures, he will always be my baby boy” and she makes very odd comments such as “he is so good looking he’s even good looking with his shirt off.” Although her and I have a very good relationship, pretty much since we’ve gotten engaged she makes these comments towards me that make me feel like the two of them are the dynamic duo. I’ve been planning a surprise 30th birthday for him for about six months and I included his mother because I knew it would make her happy and just having a conversation with her yesterday she said “I don’t think he would think that his mommy wouldn’t do something for his 30th, you know I’ve done something for his 18th birthday 20th 21st I’m sure he knows mommy is going to plan something for 30“ but this is my party for him, this is my gift to him and I did let her invite almost 20 of her friends, because she’s paying for them. But she’s making this party that’s all about him all about herself, and what she is doing for him and what she is planning for him, when she isn’t doing anything except inviting her friends. I should also mention that he has lived with her his entire life because she financially depends on him. We are moving out, we plan to buy our first house in about six months. But until then how do I cope with someone who is so obsessed with her son, I feel like she’s constantly having a pissing match with me but I’m not pissing back. I try to talk to him about it and his solution is to tell her not to talk to me anymore, which isn’t what I want, I just want her to loosen her reins on him because she puts so much stress on the relationship sometimes that neither one of them are aware of and I feel like I am the only one who feels it. and by no means am I an emotional person but I am just so fed up that when I really sit here and think about it I could cry. She’s not a bad person, she’s actually a really good person, but living with her and having to constantly hear how much she loves him and everything else it’s really draining. Like when he comes home with a new car she’s always the first one out the door being his cheerleader and I want to be his cheerleader but his mother is too busy doing it that I don’t get the opportunity too. let it also be noted that he is an only child, and I do understand that, but I need my space, he’s going to be my partner for life just me and him, not me him and his mother. If anyone has any suggestions or advice I could really use it. Thank you. (link)
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Dear Non-Codependent,
In life when we are in a relationship with someone there will always be other people in their lives especially their mother. That doesn't mean that they should have input on every aspect of that person's life, especially when they are about to be 30. It seems that you have been together for awhile and now being engaged gives you more of a say but also the right to communicate with his mom on how you feel. You can talk to her without hurting her by reassuring her that you are taking care of her son and that you have made plans for his birthday. Lots of moms baby their sons for the fear that no one can take care of them better than them. By reassuring her that you are able to do so will help her back off and have confidence that he is in good hands even after she is gone. Communication is important in all types of relationships even with future mother-in laws. You can start by telling her how much you appreciate her love and devotion to her son but also let her know that it is your time to show that for him. If you don't communicate with her she will never know or feel that her son has someone looking out for him. Be the one to do that and she will be love you for it because she knows that you are looking out for him.
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About 2 years ago, my boyfriend at the time of four years broke up with me because I dropped out of nursing school and saw me as 'unstable'. He basically did me wrong and our breakup never had that closure. All of my friends and family knew what he did to me and they all think he's an asshole. Fast forward present day we both moved on and have new relationships. But a couple days ago, my cousin texted me and said that she saw him at a bar with him and his current gf. Apparently he was drunk and thought he saw me. And he also approached my cousin and kept grabbing her face and pushing her, asking if she hated him (I'm assuming because he knows that everyone close to me know what he did to me). Ever since we've broken up I've always wanted him to one day realize how much of a douche he was and understand how bad he had hurt me. Why do you think he kept asking for validation if my cousin hated him? Do you think he finally grew up and had an enlightenment? (link)
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Dear Ms. Closure,
It seems that what we have here is a tale of regret, remorse and ignorance. Looks like he regrets and is remorseful for the decision he made those couple of years ago. His ignorance comes from the actions he did with your cousin. What you need to realize is that his ways will correct him. The fact that you have moved on says that you were never meant to be with someone who didn't appreciate or support your decisions. You won't have to worry about closure anymore because if you learned anything here is that staying with him would have robbed you of the happiness you were meant to find now.
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I am 27 my BF 27.
I am in a long distance relationship for five years. We see each other 2/3 times a year. My boyfriend is very caring and nice. And off course I trust him a lot.
A few months back a saw a girl commenting on few of his post. and by her comment it seems like they chat sometimes. She always reacts with love react to his post. and sometimes comments praising his singing.
Now my BF has other female friends, they are his classmates and colleagues. And I am not insecure about them at all. But this girl is not his classmate or colleague.
Now I am not saying that he is having something with her. Like I said earlier I trust him completely. But I don't know why I have this weird feeling that the girl has a crush on my BF and she is trying to impress him. Should I do something about it? It is bothering me a lot. I didn't ask my bf about the girl yet. Should I ask him? How can I ask him? or should I just ignore it?
BTW we don't share our couple picture online or post anything about our relationship online. As me and my BF both are very private person. Our close friends and family members know about our relationship. But we don't showoff online. (link)
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Dear Ms. Long Distance,
First give yourself credit that you were able to do a long distant relationship this amount of time. Especially if you don’t see each other that many times. Now with that being said the important thing is you have to communicate with your boyfriend on how you feel about this. Keeping this bottled up and not communicating will hurt your relationship more. The other thing you have to think about is where your relationship is going and where you want to be in the next 5 years. Do you want to see each other more or contemplate one of you moving so you can truly be together. These are the important discussions you have to start having. Honesty and being open in a relationship will only help it grow more. Talk to him and let him know how you feel. It’s important. Only then will you know how you have to proceed. Good luck and don’t be afraid to be who you are and be honest on what you are feeling.
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My friend is super insecure about everything and super clingy. She texts constantly and it's not that I don't like hearing from her, but she just makes me SO emotionally exhausted because every conversation we have ends up with her making self-deprecating jokes or her needing constant reassurance that I'm still her friend. Of course I'm willing to reassure her about these things, but having to do it all the time is just really exhausting. I have my own problems and I can't be putting all my time and energy into making her feel better. I know that if I tell her this though, she'll get super hurt and insecure, and it will probably backfire and I'll have to spend even more energy convincing her that just because I think she's being a little clingy doesn't mean I don't want to be friends with her anymore. How do I fix this without hurting her feelings? And please don't tell me "your friend needs professional help" or anything like that because that's not really helpful and she already has a therapist. The problem is she's treating me like another therapist. (link)
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Dear Polite Friend,
Honesty is the best policy for any friendship. It seems the world is full of people looking for reassurance. It's their way to avoid dealing with their true problems. Real friendships will deal with BOTH your problems and issues. Not just ONE person. The question that she needs to answer to you will determine whether or not if she is a true friend. First ask her if she is a true friend. Then ask her that question: Can she make room for your problems and issues to concentrate on as well? If not, then advise her to keep hers to herself and her therapist because there is no room for selfishness in this friendship. You can rely on one another but it is each of your jobs to uplift one another and if you can't help each other with a problem then be honest with it and advise the other to seek advice elsewhere.
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Both my brother and I just fought with my mother today and yesterday, and literally right now as I'm typing this, she got into her car and stormed off after fighting with my dad. I know because my dad stormed into our rooms and started blaming us for fighting with her and making her mad. I don't really care how I come across by saying this; I honestly don't give a crap that she got mad and stormed off. She's always been very quick to anger, and is verbally and emotionally abusive to both me and my brother, although less so towards my brother. She calls us things like psychotic, needing to go to the hospital, mentally ill, says there's something wrong with us, things like that. Yesterday, we got into a disagreement. We were talking about something that I was doing, and when I gave my idea about it, both my parents were very derisive and condescending about my idea, so I got defensive, and admittedly, didn't exactly handle the situation that well, but my mom completely flew off the rails. She started screaming at me about my attitude, telling me that no one else would put up with me ever, only her and my dad, and whenever I tried to say something, she screamed at me to shut up, and got literally in my face, like inches away, screaming. She told me to go to my room, and wouldn't even let me wash my hands in the bathroom (I was doing the dishes so my hands were covered in dirty water). She followed me into the bathroom, still screaming at me to shut up and go to my room. My dad had to literally pull her away from me for me to even be able to leave the bathroom. Today, my brother (he's 10, by the way), got annoyed about a very small thing at dinner, and was being a bit dramatic about it, but my mom, again, overreacted a ton. She told him he had problems (she said this in Chinese, so it doesn't translate exactly, but it was implying that he had mental problems) and he kind of mocked her under his breath, repeating what she said, you know? She got super mad and asked him to repeat what he said, and when he wouldn't, she told him to go in timeout. He kept demanding why (bad move, he should have just listened, I know), and she just kept screaming at him and physically dragged him out of his chair and up the stairs. After dinner, I could hear my dad telling my brother that just because my mother says something doesn't mean it's okay for him to do the same thing. They had a small argument I think. Then afterwards, my dad argued with my mom, telling her that she's the adult and is supposed to be more mature and stuff, I didn't hear all of their argument. I heard my mom say that she had enough of this and wasn't going to put up with this, and apparently she left and drove off. My dad came up to our rooms, and you know, started blaming us, asking us if we're proud of ourselves for making our mom mad. How do I deal with this? Honestly, I'm not sure there is a solution, and please don't tell me she needs therapy, I'm aware, but that's totally out of the question because my parents and all my relatives are very set in the mindset that you should respect all adults above all and that adults are always right, parents can do no wrong because they are your parents. I'm not comfortable sharing this with any school counselors and I'm not super close to a lot of adults. I'm not even sure why I'm asking this question, I guess I just needed a place to rant. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, though. (link)
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Dear Brave Soul,
It's not easy to be ridiculed or insulted by the very people who are sworn to protect and keep us from letting the negativity of the world affect us. When we are suppose to feel safe in our own home, we are scared because we don't know what will become of us because of the influences in our lives. If I can tell you anything is to find more positive people in your life but also don't let the negative ones affect you. You give them power when you do and if you are going to be the strong one for you and your brother, then don't allow what they so or do affect the way you want or need to live your lives. If you can find the good qualities in your mom and dad, then cultivate those for your life and learn from the negativity and not let it fester in you. Learning from it will fuel you for a better life. I learned a long time ago that parents want their kids to be better then them so by not letting the negativity that is sent out affect you, you are ahead of the game. Respecting your parents doesn't mean you have to allow what they say to determine the right path for your life. Sounds like a lot pain in them but also know that it is not your pain. Be control of your own power and destiny when it comes to your life and when the time comes maybe there's a way to understand their pain and if they don't want help, keep living your life because the journey is only beginning for you.
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I’m 22 years old and live with my parents (for now). My father constantly torments me. He’ll say I’m worthless, good for nothing and a parasite. He’ll comments things like “you’re not normal” if I make a tiny mistake like drop something or bump into something, making me feel even worse about it. He dehumanizes me often times referring me as an “it”.
My mom often times takes his side, stating he just “cares about me” and “wants me to do something good with my life.”. I don’t know how to feel. I don’t want this man to keep affecting me emotionally anymore, and no matter how hard I try to ignore him, he’ll still make comments.
I also don’t want to feel like his words are true, but it’s hard. I don’t know what to do.. (link)
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Dear Tormented One,
It's a shame that no one taught your father to become a motivator rather than a person who has allowed themselves to be who they are. As for you, many great people have come out of situations like these because they were motivated not to let people bring them down. Fathers are imperfect and have their tendencies to put some of those imperfections on their kids. But now as a grown adult, it is time for you to turn that torment into triumph. Figure out what you have a passion for in life and put yourself in that. Take all the negativity, all the rage you feel inside and turn it into positive energy to achieve what you are meant to achieve. That way when others are going through the same, you will be able to guide them through that road as well. Don't allow yourself to live in that negative world or state of mind but take it as fuel for a better future for yourself.
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Thank you for reading my question.
I am just confused and will like some help on gender identity. Here we go….
I have been assigned the gender of a girl, but I don't always feel that way. Before you start to think "Transgender?", let me get to a point.
For example, one day I feel feminine. I look in the mirror and I absolutely love my body. But the next day I look in the mirror and I hate it so much. (Wait, I'm not done yet.) Then the day after that, I look in the mirror and I don't really care. As in, I don't feel feminine or even masculine. That was just an example. Each feeling could last a few days at the most.
Sometimes, and this just makes it more confusing, I want to wear makeup while wearing a tomboy outfit. Or even the other way around. I want to wear a dress, but no makeup.
This might seem like normal, but I am just very confused on my gender. I think I have one, but sometimes I feel like I don't. But I know that I'm not agender. Please help me.
Thank you so very much. (link)
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Dear Confused,
Sometimes it can seem confusing to one's place in the world because of how people will perceive you. It's not that you are figuring what you are but more of who you are. If you are born a girl, then you are a girl. If you were born a boy, then you are a boy. What you feel doesn't resonate on what or who you are. People in the world will judge and assume that they know how you have to be, feel or act if you are a boy or a girl. Don't cater to those opinions. Now reading what you wrote you seem as if you are a girl who has different feelings in different situations. What you wear is up to you and how comfortable you feel in it. Wearing makeup or not wearing makeup doesn't make you any less of who you are. You just have to feel comfortable with you. Once you do that you can figure the rest out.
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I was working at a store for ten years, so I've gotten to know many of the customers very well. When I heard that an apartment on the same block as my job was for rent, I took it because I thought it would be convenient for me. Shortly after that, there was an incident at my job so I had to quit. My boss accused me of stealing and I couldn't believe that she would accuse me of this after 10 years. I was so offended that I quit. She later apologized when she discovered who really took the item, but I decided not to go back. This situation has left a bad impression of this store in my mind, and I don't want anything to do with it anymore. The problem is, I still see my former customers all the time. Many of them live in this neighborhood (some are even my neighbors!) and I see someone I know every single time I leave the house. After working there for so long, many people want to know why I left, what I'm doing now, etc. I feel like I'm on display because everyone around here knows I used to work there and they're always asking me questions and trying to make conversation. At first I would answer their questions, but now I'm tired of talking about the same thing over and over again. I just want to have a fresh start and forget about everything that happened. Most of these people were not my friends; I just saw them often so we would have casual conversations. Now they are always asking me about my personal life. I don't want to be rude, but at the same time I just want to forget about the store and move on. It's been a few months since I've lived here and I feel trapped. I don't go outside and sit on my steps anymore because I don't want somebody to see me and start asking me questions. In a way, I'm avoiding these people. What should I do? (link)
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Dear Escapee,
Allowing yourself to feel anything about a place that didn't appreciate you just gives them more power. Don't give that power to them. Sometimes life will have you somewhere for seasons or even reasons. You did your seasons there. The best answer for you if people ask is that is was time for you to move on. You worked there 10 years and learned things that will help you find your next journey. Use that to your advantage. Don't let false accusations or the pettiness of others affect how you live your life. It can become a story for you to use as a way to write your own story and building a life for yourself. Be strong and bold and look at the talent you have within yourself and find a place that will appreciate that. You will know within yourself that that store made a big mistake and lost a great employee. Their loss will be someone's huge gain. Believe in yourself and put them in the rearview mirror while you travel to bigger and better things.
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I have been talking to this guy for 4 months over quarantine and we met recently. I had a great time on our first date and we recently went on our second date, which was kayaking. I really like him and had a great time but something has been bothering me... He told me over text that he was the type of guy to always ask permission to kiss or touch a girl in anyway because of how respectful he is. He knows that I really liked that about him. When we went on our second date he had asked me how i felt about a guy slyly grabbing my hand. I said thats fine as long as you don't pull any sly moves with me...
The date goes on and we are waiting for our kayake. He knew I was scared because i've never been so he put his hand around my lower waistline. I was taken by surprise because he told me he was the type to ask... I wasn't uncomfortable with it, let it happen, and thought it was cute but just thrown off a bit. Then as he walked me to my door we both stood their and he went in to kiss me. I instantly stopped him and said "I thought you were going to ask me?" He said "I am sorry you're right and then asked me" I then let him kiss me 3 times (just pecks) and he touched my lower back as he kissed me. Again I thought it was cute but still a little thrown off... I was in an abusive relationship in the past and it has made me become very overly protective with my body. He knows I have been through a lot with guys but i haven't opened up to him about it yet. I explained to him how I felt about this and he was very understanding. He felt very bad and explained to me how it would never happen again if I gave him another chance. He also said how sorry he was and admitted it was a honest mistake and just loves to show affection. He explained how he forgot to ask to kiss me and swore he will prove to me that he is a true gentlemen. I really like him because he is very caring and hes fun to be with... Am i overreacting? should I give him another chance? Would this be considered assult? please help i can't stop thinking about it :/ (link)
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Dear Ms Thrown Off,
It seems that you have the intention on wanting a relationship but are not sure due to circumstances from your past. It's not the answer of if this is the right person for you, but more if is this the right time for this person to be around you. If your intentions are clear and he makes mistakes it's one thing but also are you at that point in your life that you are ready for that relationship? People question themselves and situations all the time but it's only the fact that if they are ready then we those steps can be taken. It's not overreacting if you know exactly what you want and if that person is not doing that, then you walk away. But also make sure you don't let the past dictate your present and hurt your future. Be protective but don't lose yourself because when they right person comes along, you don't want to miss it. You have to be comfortable with yourself first.
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26/f
Almost two years ago, I was living with a guy that I was no longer in love with. Unfortunately, because I left a high paying job because I disliked it and found a job that I enjoyed. The downside was that it was lower pay than I have gotten paid. My thought process was that I had to take a few steps back to take a step closer to where I wanted to be. This was true, because even though my job doesn't pay me as much as I would've wanted, I get a free education and am now earning a Masters in a tech field.
Unfortunately because of the low pay, I stayed in an unhappy relationship. At some point, I had to get out and started researching apartments that were within my price range. A lot of the places that were offered or were looking for roommates did not allow pets (I have two bunnies). And I didn't want to live at home with my parents because it was a toxic household. I refused to put myself in an environment that would effect my mental health.
My sister and her boyfriend helped me and gave me an out. They told me that I could live with them whenever my lease was over. That I could save money and pay less living with them and I didn't have to give up my bunnies. I thanked them and took them up on the offer. It's almost been a year and we recently moved into another apartment complex.
My sister recently went back to my parents house for a little bit because she wanted to save money. During this pandemic she's not sure if she will be able to have a job or not. Her boyfriend wants to buy a house in the near future so he would also like to save money. Just to be clear, my sister makes double the amount of income than I do, and her boyfriend as a software developer makes at least triple the amount as I do. To make matters more clear, they have a fairly codependent relationship. Wherever one person goes, the other goes. Meaning when my sister stayed at my parents house, her boyfriend went with her. They have been coming back here and there and stayed over the weekend and then would head back.
I am now in a different relationship. It hasn't been that long and it's not the healthiest of relationships. My sister messaged me and mentioned that if my boyfriend was going to be over most of the summer, why doesn't he take over her boyfriend's side of the lease? I asked her if it was a joke and she that it wasn't because her boyfriend's work from home was extended to September and he didn't really want to pay for rent and everything else if he wasn't here very often.
I was slightly annoyed because they were the two who had looked for this apartment for all of us. Mine and his name is on the lease. I looked and paid for the movers. And a week after moving in, they wanted to back out of it. I mean, I get it because they want to save money and to buy a house and I am thankful that they had originally taken me in, which is why I'm feeling a mix of guilt and annoyance.
I told my sister that I understand if her boyfriend wants to do that and end the lease, but if he was going to do that, he would have to pay for the fees because I'm not the one who was backing out of it, I told her that I wasn't comfortable committing to a guy for an entire year if we had only been dating for only five months and that I wasn't planning on putting myself in the situation I was a year ago, and that he would have to pay for his own movers. I also mentioned that if they wanted to find a roommate for me, that wasn't my job to find someone to cover for his side of the lease. Last but not least, I said that if he was to cancel, to let me know way ahead of time so I could find another place to live.
They have decided to stay but the fact that she had this conversation with me, I can't help but feel guilty.
Do I even have the right to feel guilty? Should I have said what I said when they took me in? (link)
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Dear Ms. Full of Guilt,
Taking a step back and looking at the full picture should be a priority. Sure it's understandable that they want to move home and save money, but also making a commitment to something is important for their character. Their fear might be because of the pandemic, things are changing but doesn't negate the fact that you are in this with them as well. The fact that you communicated to them what you were feeling is very important because of the journey you have been on, especially in your relationships. You should not feel guilty for making the commitment you did on your end and it's important that they live up to theirs. If the relationship does work out then you can discuss that as it gets closer to renewal. Then that gives you a chance to make new plans. Don't feel guilty about what you believe and feel. It's who you are and never let anyone or anything make you question that.
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For year’s iv’e thought my father has been verbally abusive to me our relationship has never been the way a father daughter’s relationship should be recently iv’e thought he is a narcissist father in public in front of people he act’s like the perfect father everything is fine but behind closed door’s that isn’t the case he has told me “I’ve got no brain” “I’m going to end up on the unemployment line and on food stamp’s” “He doesn’t care if he hurt’s me as long as he get’s his point across” “I’m losing at life” He like’s to put the blame on me make thing’s seem like they’re always my fault he rarely admit’s when he’s wrong he has also lifted up the table while i was eating dinner and got in my face
I feel like because iv’e reached the age i am no longer a child or minor that he feel’s like he no longer has to be a parent father to me he can stop i feel like he expect’s me to teach myself everything guide myself through life he has thrown it in my face that he teaches me everything when he is my parent father? He act’s like when it come’s to me everything is tough to do he doesn’t want to be bothered he act’s as if i’m a burden to him inconveniencing him because of him i am afraid to do thing’s around the house even something as simple as laundry i feel as if i am walking on eggshell’s i never know when he’ll strike he’ll abuse me one day then the next day he’ll talk to me act as if nothing happened don’t apologize he’ll act as if it didn’t affect me it’s like a reoccurring cycle he also like’s to mock me whether it’s mocking my word’s or action’s
Moving out isn’t a option moving in with friend’s isn’t a option either i also can’t move in with family because we all don’t live in the same state (link)
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Dear Eggshell Walker,
This is where you have to decide what type of life you want to live. Living in fear and letting yourself be manipulated is not a path you want to take. One of the fears is that we expect our parents to be the guidance in our lives. What you have to look at is that if that guidance is helping or hurting you. If it's hurting you, it's not somewhere you want or need to be. Sometimes writing your goals and aspirations for your life can help you because you will begin to develop ideas and plans to help you reach those goals and aspirations. It's not a destination, but a journey that you must go on. Not allowing yourself to be manipulate dor affected by the negativity is a start. I know it may not be easy at first but as you continue to grow and start to believe in yourself more, the cycle of doubt and despair that has been inflicted on you will start to go away. It is up to you and no one else to decide what's best for your life but also you have to be willing to go on that journey, do the work and be resilient when overcoming any obstacle in your life. Trust in yourself and don't let anyone or anything stand in your way of being happy in life.
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I have been going through a really tough time. My serious relationship of 3 yeas ended. The guy ditched me just before marriage. This my 3rd relationship failure. I'm 32. People around me are getting married and kids. I don't have many friends. I'm alone ans cry everyday. My confidence is shaking. I don't hv anyone to share my deepest feelings. I regret many things in life. I feel anxiety thinking about
Read more: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=666294#ixzz6HK8mB7m2 (link)
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Dear Ms. Tough Time,
First don’t beat yourself up here. Life is full of roads and obstacles where you are in a relationship or not. Even at age 32 you are young and have lots to live for. Just because people around you are getting married and having kids doesn’t mean that you are not meant for that if it’s what you want. The confidence you has to reach out and ask for help takes more courage than other people may ever do. You don’t have to have many friends to express your feelings, just one that will be willing to listen as you will do the same for them. Your regrets in life should be more like lessons you’ve learned and not use them as a crutch. Anxiety only comes from allowing those emotions to rule your life. Appreciate yourself and think about the things you have to offer someone so the right person and not cowards will want to be with you. Don’t let anyone ever tell you you’re not worth it because as long as you know that you are, no person can take that away from you.
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Hi I don’t know so much about my desire to be under 90 lbs for the remainder of my life and I’m concerned I might be anorexic or worse and wanted to seek your advice on what could I possibly be facing. (link)
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People look at life in all different ways. The one thing in common is that how we perceive ourselves. It’s one thing when it comes to our self image but never put yourself in a situation that can endanger your body. The world has cruel and judgmental idiots out there . Well I say ignore them and don’t give them any power to look at you that way. The reason why you would feel that way is because you worry about what they think and can cause stress and pain that makes you do things to alter your image. The important lesson here is that appreciate yourself and be the good person you are meant to be . Taking care of yourself by being healthy and safe gives you the power to be in control of your own life. Your desire here more like fear and it’s something you can overcome. Either seek a professional who specializes in this or take control yourself, do the research and figure out where you need to be in regards to your weight. Don’t let anyone else take your self worth away from you. You can do this. Be strong and those that tell you differently are weak themselves so don’t listen and do what’s right for you.
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Hey everyone I just need some feed back and advice. My cousin and I are really close she’s younger then me 21 and I’m 27. She was hooking up with a guy who was hooking up with her and other people being shady. She found out was hurt but continued seeing this guy behind my back and behind other friends back. This guy then gets a beautiful girlfriend who I see out at the bar many times. I do not like this guy for the way he treats woman and for the way he treats my cousin. Him and this girl date and the whole time he is with the girlfriend he is hooking up with my cousin. As far as I know now my cousin is not Hooking up with this guy and I saw the girlfriend out Friday night. I was super drunk and could not be fake to her I said hi asked her if she was still dating the guy she said no and I said thank god he sucks he was hooking up with my cousin while you guys were dating. This then got back to my cousin and now she is not talking to me. I apologized it wasn’t my place or my relationship. I was called fake I didn’t defend my family. I’m not sure where to go from here. I’m upset for hurting someone I love. Help advice ? Will this blow over. What should I do i know I’m in the wrong and I feel guilty as heck. Telling her did not make me feel any better it made me feel worse. Thanks guys (link)
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Dear Devoted Cousin,
It's not always easy to keep quiet especially when you know someone is hurting a person you love and care for. Unfortunately in this situation it makes your cousin seem like she was the bad person because she was hooking up with someone who was already with someone else. I think if anything you write a letter explaining your actions and knowing that you did not mean to expose your cousin or make her feel less of a person but just wanted people to know this guy couldn't be trusted. Granted even if you went about it the wrong way telling her that you did not mean to hurt her even with a letter you are starting to make amends. If she has a big heart she will forgive you. Hopefully she as well learns from this that she should never put herself in that position and reiterate to her that she is better than that. Be her biggest advocate.
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27/f he’s 28/m
Hey guys! I just need some advice on my current situation. I met this guy online about 2 years ago. We talked a lot at this time and I went to his house to hang out we didn’t do anything sexual.. New Year’s Eve of 2018 we were both drunk and I drove to his house after late at night and we had sex. The sex was amazing it was passionate. After that he kind of would ignore me and our relationship turned into only having sex on his terms. I got attached and I got feelings. The things he would say to me while we were in person I believed. That he’s not seeing anybody else, that he’s into me. But then once I get home doesn’t answer my text doesn’t talk to me. He’s had sex with me while he has had a girlfriend also so I almost feel like he always comes back to me and that there will always be hope. The most recent situation was back in June we had sex I ended up wearing one of his t shirts home and I forgot my shirt at his apartment. I joked being like yeah just give me a shirt that you don’t care about because I know you won’t talk to me after this.. he reassured me I worked hard for that shirt blah blah blah. I accidentally left my shirt didn’t talk to him for a few months because he wouldn’t answer my texts Snapchat whatever. I was drunk one night and messaged him saying hey do you still have my shirt? And this mofo said no it’s been 7 months I threw it away like first it’s been 3 months . Wtf!!!!! I don’t wear cheap clothes threw my shirt away???? I texted him flipping out saying how much I have feelings for him and he actually hurt me and treats me like nothing. Like I would have given you money to mail m6 shirt back... He wrote back that he was sorry he was selfish he had no idea I felt this way. “I know your a great girl I didn’t know you felt like that and I’m sorry for hurting you it wasn’t intentional” a few weeks later.. my friend and I went to this bar right across from his apartment I texted him saying that we were at a bar and if he wanted to meet up. He was like I thought you hated me bc I basically ripped him apart when I last texted him. I told him but I wouldn’t mind seeing you. He invited us over his apartment i think he was already drunk I’m not sure.. we drank and smoked and he kept complimenting me in front of my friend and made eye contact. My friend even kept calling him out being like Steph he doesn’t stop talking about you. We ended up going upstairs my friend and I decided that if we kept drinking more we both wouldn’t say no to a 3 sum... we were in his room and he put the song on “yours” by Russell Dickerson and said that he put this song on for me. Kept saying all these things that he’s into me. The three of us were hooking up and then before we could even have sex this kid Falls asleep!!!! I think he was so drunk and stoned he was hard then went soft and fell asleep. He slept with his arm around me all night and then in the morning kissed me.. that was my night. I went home in the morning texted him at like 4:00 being like I had fun with you last night. HE DIDNT ANDWER then I texted him back at 10 pm and I said I hope you did too. HE STILL HASNT AND DIDNT ANSWER. How is that fair???? (link)
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Dear Miss Back and Forth,
It seems this guy has that simple little fear of Commitment especially with the fact that he turns to you on his own time. Why would you ever want to make yourself feel 2nd to anyone when you should be first to the one you are meant to be with. If he is the type who doesn't answer than he's not a man. It's more of you dating a scared child. Real men tell you how they feel even if it's not the answer you want to hear. Why continue down a path that leads you to the same dead end? Maybe it's time to take a new road and find your happiness somewhere that doesn't constantly lead to the same place.
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Hi Im Jay and Im 15 and my boyfriend who's 17 is forcing me to send him nudes. I told him about 5 times that im not comfortable with putting myself out there like that but he says he doesn't care and that i should do it for him and if i don't I'll regret it big time. I hate how he gets mad at me if I don't do something he wants, and I'm scared of not doing it cuz he'll get mad and hurt me. I just really don't want to send him nudes and idk what to do he won't take no for an answer. I need advice please help. (link)
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Dear Simple Selfie,
If someone is wanting to compromise your morals and values by trying to manipulate you to doing something disrespectful and self-loathing of yourself than that person should not be in your life at all. Why not find someone who will respect you and your morals as well as make you feel like a person and not a cheap floozy? Don't ever put yourself in a position to where you would get hurt and sending him any pics of yourself in the nude gives him power to hurt you. Think better about yourself and don't ever put yourself in that position.
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My boyfriend and I started dating back in June so we've been together for almost five months now. We've talked about sex before and he said he's ready but he's perfectly fine waiting for me. I'm 21 and he's 22, by the way. Our six month anniversary would be on December 11th, his 23rd birthday is the day before Christmas Eve and then Christmas will be here. Then, he is going on a twenty day road trip all around the west coast with his best friend during the month of January to go visit a friend that goes to college out in Oregon.
So, with everything exciting coming up in December, I want for us to finally have sex as it would be a special time with his birthday and our six months together and one of my favorite holidays. The only thing is that I'm not yet on the pill. I feel like I have a valid enough reason to want to go on it after being with my boyfriend for almost six moths, I think it's about time. It's just that my parents are really rather protective, I guess-my dad, obviously, more than my mom. They're getting better with him and our relationship, though, he is allowed to spend the night at my house as long as I ask them and I'm allowed to spend the night at his place as long as I tell them that's where I'm going and when I'll be home, which I can live with.
I just think discussing my sex life is going to be a really awkward situation and I think my mom will just make it way worse. I plan to tell just her but I know she's going to tell my dad and she already warned me that my dad isn't going to be happy about it but I don't think he'd be happy about a baby either so he should really pick his battles. My mom is just a little overbearing in that she tells me all the time that she needs to know when I want to go on it and that she hopes the man I decide to have sex with is the man I choose to marry and I just know she's going to want to talk to my boyfriend about it too.
I've discussed this with my brother's girlfriend and she said to just go and talk to my doctor and do it all myself but my mom has a very uncanny knack of finding everything out and that situation makes me also nervous in that her and I go to the same doctor and I know the doctor wouldn't just tell my mom but she is on all of my paperwork as the person to tell when something happens. Then my brother's girlfriend told me to not even get on the pill, just have him wear a condom and pull out but I don't think I'd really always trust that either.
My mom is great and I know she has my best interests at heart but this is my first serious boyfriend and I know it's hard for her and my dad to adjust. She tells me constantly, though, that when I'm ready, all I have to do is tell her I want to go on it but I know she won't make it that easy. I think she knows the conversation is coming soon because the other day I told her that I went to American Eagle with my boyfriend to pick up some jeans and they were having a deal that with every pair of jeans, you get a free panty so I was shopping for my free underwear and he was being so awkward about it so I was telling my mom that he asked if he should leave while I looked at those and my mom said "come on, are you meaning to tell me that he hasn't seen your underwear before?"
Anyway, I guess I just need advice on how to handle this. What to say to my mom. How to make the situation as normal and not awkward as possible. If you went through it with your mom and want to share how that went, I'd totally appreciate that too. I know she can't really tell me no, I'm 21 and my sex life is my decision, which is why I'm not sure she wants to know so bad anyway but I respect her enough to go behind her back when I know she is just trying to help.
I love my boyfriend, I really do, and I know he loves me too and I'm so ready to take this next step with him, I just want to be safe about it all first. (link)
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Dear Ms Caution,
The fact that you are willing to tell your mother about this shows that you truly have a bond with her others don't have with their moms. Being safe is important and yes you are at an age to make your own decisions. Whether you decide to tell your mom or not doesn't seem relevant as to the fact that whether or not you are ready to sleep with this person. Maybe you are trying to think you should tell your mom to see if she would talk you out of having sex and thus underlining a decision that you are undecided about. If you feel compelled to tell her than do so but know that in the end you have to make a decision that is right for you. Does this person make you happy? Can you see a future with them? Or are you scared that if you are not ready and decide not to do so that he may or may not stray? These become thoughts in many people's lives but to understand them is only to say that we have to value ourselves first before we make any decisions that will affect the rest of our lives.
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