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Should I do it?


Question Posted Tuesday September 8 2015, 3:35 pm

One day at the animal shelter where I work, I met this very nice boy who immediately asked me out. WE agreed to take our dogs out the next day and get to know each other better. I was hoping that this boy would be someone I could have a relationship with, but it turns out that he only asked me out for sex. I text him saying I can't talk or text him anymore if that was the case, but he says that he would still like for me to text him. Should I do it?

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Dragonflymagic answered Tuesday September 8 2015, 9:53 pm:
So the issue is do you want a friend with benefits situation or not. From what you said you texted back, you never outright said, No I am not looking for a sex partner. No means no and lots of people get that. But if you never said the word No, he may be taking what you said to mean, No for now but later maybe when I get to know you better and thus him asking if its okay to still keep in touch by text.
This guy is not looking to collect a string of female friends. He is looking for sex partners. He was honest about it. You need to be honest and very clear back in your communication with him. Continueing to talk with him isn't going to change your mind is it? So don't string him along giving him false hope that he can talk you into it later. Make it clear now and also tell him have a policy to not accept friendship with any men who are interested in you for sex. End of story.

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Razhie answered Tuesday September 8 2015, 4:25 pm:
No.

If he was clear and honest and said he'd like to have sex, thats a good thing for him to talk about. It's a decent thing for a guy to just say straight up that is interested in sex and not relationships.

If you've been clear and honest that that doesn't work for you, that you don't want to hang around with someone who wants to have sex with you, but not a relationship, then you need to follow that up with your actions and not speak to him anymore.

Men are dumb about this, and our culture encourages their ignorance when it comes to women who say 'No'. So if you mean 'No' you also have to live by that 'No' and not suggest to him that your No might magically turn into a Yes if he just keeps on texting back and forth with you.

Neither of you should be imagining that the other person might change their mind and give you what you want. That is crazy, and disrespectful. You should both be honest, and assume that the other has been honest with you.

It would be different if he had said "Oh, that okay if you are interested sexually, let's just be friends." but that isn't what he said, is it?

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