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Q: Me and my boyfriend are planning on having sex soon. Neither of us have ever done it before, so we have no idea what you are supposed to do without getting hurt. I am 13 and he is 14, do you think that it to early, even with protection?? Any advice would help.

Don't do it. You're not ready. Yes thats right, I said it. It is too early for the both of you. Consider the consequences and complications. If you really feel "ready", then by all means go ahead and use your protection of all sorts. Just remember that its not something you can undo. You could save yourself the risk of STDs and pregnancy by waiting, but it's not up to me, it's up to you. Hope I helped - just think things through.

Q: i am really good friends with this family, theres 5 kids. four sister and im friends with all of them the oldest sister is in 10th grade then 2 twins who are in my grade and a younger one whos in 6th [im going into 8th]
im really good friends with all of them
anyways so lately the oldest one has told me that she wants to start smoking/pot and stuff
she asked if i would think of her any differently/etc i said no i wouldnt think of her different although i dont think smokings the best thing.
she just messaged me that her and this guy [who i also know, not really friends with or anything] are going to meet up next week and smoke. im not sure if its pot but it might be.
i wasn't exactly invited to go with them but like if i really wanted to, i could and it wouldnt be like a big thing.
but im not really sure what i wanna do because as i look at it i know a lot of people who smoke/drink and other stuff.
i kind of do want to see what its like but im an athlete and im afraid it would mess me up too much.

i really dont know what to think anymore.
sorry, kind of long.
13/F

Don't do it. Thirteen is too young for that. Physically, emotionally,and mentally, it will do you no good. Do not let your curiosity get the better of you, or feel that just because enough people that you know do those things its ok for you to. Think things through and realize that it is not worth it, especially with any consequences that might occur because of it. Hope that helped.

Q: 2 guys asked me out yesterday and I don't know which one to say yes to. I like them both the same and they both have really good things about them and some things arn't so good.

Guy 1 Good things :
hes really funny
hes super cute
he really loves me
hes got a nice personality
we have so much in common
hes only 1 year older then me
hes like an older version of me
hes a virgin
he lives near me

Guy 1 bad things -
he wants sex i'm not ready
he tries to act gangster but hes white
he used to smoke i dont know if he still does
sometimes i feel like he uses me
he invites me to his house every day and it gets annoying
alot of people hate him they say hes a poser
he gets pissed off easily and starts cussing me out

Guy 2 good things :
hes really sweet
hes romantic like me
he likes to kiss
hes really hott
he tried to finger me but i said stop and he listened
he respects me

Guy 2 Bad things -
everyone says hes litarrly special ed in 1 class but he says he isnt
he stayed back 3 times
hes 3 years older then me
hes not a virgin
he smokes
he stutters a little when he talks

...
I really like them both in different ways. Guy 1 is more like me but Guy 2 respects how far I'll go sexually. But Guy 1 is closer to my age. I really don't know who to pick. If you had to choose 1 according to those facts, who would you choose?

Alrite so before my answer, I see two people saying guy one and two people saying guy two. Not much help right? Well those four people have different personalities, and they are all different from yours. Who's to say that what they or anyone else likes about these guys i

Honestly, you know what I think? Leave them both. Definatley not what you wanted to hear. Why do I say that? From my point of view, the 'good' things that you listed about each of them don't out weigh the bad things. They both don't have enough good things that would hold through a relationship for that long. The choice is ultimately yours. If you really want to, just go with the one you know more and are better friends with. Hope that helped.

Q: alright so me and my boyfriend have been going out for several months now and i love him alot, and he says he loves me and he said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and so do i, but when he talks to like any girl even my best friend i get really paranoid and he gets even more paranoid if i talk to a guy. how can we both stop getting paranoid with each other when we talk to the opposite sex?

Nah it's good that you want to fix the problem, but it shouldn't be a problem in the first place. I mean really, don't your parents and his parents have friends of the opposite sex? Duh! I think you should go out in groups and both talk to everyone. Like you should talk to him and a girl and you should both talk to the same guy. That way at least you can see that it's really not a big deal. What if he was talking to a really good friend of yours that just happend to be a girl? Shouldn't be a problem with that. Both of you should talk it out and need to try talking to different people together to get over it. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: me and my bf still haven't kissed yet and I don't know why, but for some reason...I want him to do it first. Do you think he'll kiss me anytime soon?

Also, how could you tell if your bf really loves you?

There is not written rule that says the guy needs to kiss first. Any idea how nerve-wrecking it is for us (the guys). If you feel like you have the confidence then just go for it - it will make next time a lot easier. It doesn't have to be perfect.

It's tough to tell if he really loves you. Depends how long you two have known each other, how long you've been dating, and where the base of your relationship is. Some relationships aren't as strongly based on feelings and caring and respect and responsibilty as much as they are on getting physically intimate and doing sexual things. So if you got the first part down, care, respect, responsibility, and also knowing each other pretty well, then I would say so. You gotta really get to know him to know if he loves you.

Q: hi...ive recently jus started goin out with this guy, and i realli love him.
the problem is .. he isnt the type of guy (looks wise) i wudda gone for .. the only reason im goin out with him is because of his personality and caring side...is this stupid?

Nope. You're doing the right thing. Looks don't matter on a phone call. They don't matter when you write each other letters. Go with it, because looks can change overnight, but a personality can't.

Q: well me and my boyfriend have been dateing for 6 months im sure hes the one i want to spend forever with. But theres only one problem, i feel terrible all the time, i mean when we fight i always feel like its my fault,when he talks to other girls and i tell myself there just his friends it still makes me feel horrible,and even little things if like he doesnt say bye b4 hanging up the phone and i dont want this terrible feeling to go on. any advice on if this is normal, and how to fix it.
anything is apreciated

Of course it's normal. I'll put a lucky guess and say you are a teenager and you are in high school? How could I have possibly guessed? A lot more people than you think go through that. Don't set your mind on just this one guy, because [no offense], if things don't work out then it will be a lot harder to move on - I've seen it happen.

Anyways, you have to talk to him...like sit him down and talk to him about how you feel. You guys fight a lot, why is that? You feel like you are always guilty, how come? Talk these things out with him and get some feedback on his feelings. See if it really is worth going on in the relationship. Seriously, at your age you should not be going through so much stress. You should reconsider everything and if it seems like too much trouble you should call it off. So settle things with him, see how he feels and communicate - then go from there. If talking to him about it and asking him to do his part while you do yours does not give you results after maybe 2 months or so, call it off - you don't need the stress or trouble. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: hi im 16/f & i have mild ocd. i wouldn't say its too extreme. i have to count things, touch things a certain number of times, do rituals, fix things, etc. i'm not sure what to do exactly. my parents offered taking me to a doctor but i don't think they'd understand. i'm really not that bad, but idk i have to do certain rituals, the same every day. i feel anxious of i don't do them or worried that something will go wrong. does anyone have OCD or know anything about the doctors?? i just want extra information & what they did or just good suggestions/ideas.

thanks!!

One of the treatments is what they call a behavior treatment. How does it work? Well lets say that if you closed a door for example, one ritual could be that you would have to go back to check it was closed or locked. Well in the behavior treatment they let you close the door, but they make you walk away without checking. That is just a rough sketch of how they could help you (over time).

Basically once you are exposed to the anxiety of not doing the rituals or anything else over and over and over and over and over again, you psychologically start to realize that you can overcome it. It's almost like your mind/body says 'hey I didn't do it but that wasn't so bad after all'. In most cases the anxiety and OCD of having to perform the rituals and have things a certain way will lessen and diminish. I would consult a doctor, they are trained to deal with this. Don't be afraid - it's what drives OCD the most. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I'm a 15 year old girl...and i was just wondering how far you think i should go with a boy (please dont say "whatever i'm comfortable with")

and how far did you go when you were 15??

THANKS

Nowhere at all. Sounds rough and probably not the answer you wanted to hear but 15 is way too young. So what if you see 12 year olds doing that stuff. I'm talking about sexual stuff. Why not do anything? Well its just my opinion, but I think that most guys would want to settle down with somebody who hasn't gone around and done things with other guys...as I'm sure you would want the same from another guy.

Draw the line. Thats how you will really know if a guy just likes you. I don't know if you were talking about doing things with guys just for fun or because you are in a relationship. If you like the guy and the guy likes you, then thats where you draw the line and don't do anything like that - even if you both want to and feel ready.

Why do I say that? I go to an all guys high school and every now and then I'll hear a story about how some guy went out with a girl for not too long, and did stuff with her and after that just got bored or tired or sick of everything and dropped it. Now you tell me, was it worth it? I've also heard stories of guys really liking the girl and choosing not to do any sexual stuff out of respect to the girl and themselves. Those are the guys that last more than a year with the girl, not the average 2 months.

So I'll leave it up to you, but I would reccomend you don't do anything and wait until you are older, much older. There is nothing wrong with that. No that is not a turn off for guys either - no offense but I don't know who it was that said doing stuff with guys is a plus in our book...cause its not. If you want to avoid consequences and problems, then avoid it all together. It's up to you, just make sure you think about possible outcomes and then decide. Hope that helped and good luck. As for me, havn't done any sexual stuff and still going out with the same girl three years later.

Q: i live in the south, and we always say ma'am and sir when speaking to adults. however, i recently met some students from northern states and they don't say that. they even said that adults from northern states think it's weird when they say ma'am and sir. but in the south, adults think it's disrespectful to not say ma'am and sir. why is this, and should i just say ma'am and sir to all adults because that's how i was brought up?

Yeah stay that way man. Who cares? I'm not saying that in a bad way either. I'm from (big bad mean) New York. It's one huge melting pot over here, you have people from all over the states and all over the world. Don't let anything anyone says change that about you. I wasn't brought up that way, and still say sir and ma'am occasionally to adults too. So stick to it, because being disrespectful is sometimes a bit worse than being weird. Hope that helped.

Q: ok so whats a guys idea of the perfect girlfriend.....

queen hearts has an idea going there. Those first two were wrong. I'm a guy so I'll let you know.

Since for some reason girls think that every guy actually goes for looks, we can start off on that.

Smile - That is probably the most important thing you can wear. Don't fake smile, but don't be afraid to do smile more often.

Eye contact - Self-explanatory.

Make-up - Very little. Most would rather see a girl with no make up than with a ton of it on. So go really light, or even better none at all.

Everything else - Anything goes. It really does depend on the guy. If you dyed your hair bleach blonde, some guys might really like it, but some guys might hate it. You can't please everyone. It depends on the guy, and if the guy depends on your looks well then...he isn't worth it.

Now for the bigger picture, personality.

Sense of humor - Some might say it is the most important, because you should be fun to be around. You should also be able to take a joke.

Seriousness - Have a degree of seriousness, not taking things too lightly all the time, but be able to bend.

Best friend - Some will say that your best friend should be your bf/gf. I guess in a way thats true. So be there for them as a best friend. That has to be mutual, and partially depends on the other person.

Be open - If you are annoyed, say so. If you like him, say so. As much as you don't want to say something that you honestly feel, you really need to. That is what seperates you from being just a girlfriend, and being a good girlfriend. Too many relationships have fallen apart just because they were afraid of saying something.

Honesty - Nobody likes a John Tucker personality. Be trurthful, which will lead to trustworthyness. Any guy, or friend for that matter, should feel comfortable with sharing something personal with you. That is done through trust and honesty.

Be tough - Some guys get really annoyed when a girl is plastic or high maintenence. "Oh my god! I broke a nail!" That kinda stuff is no good. You don't need to have muscle, but just can't be afraid to do or say things if you need to.

Be yourself - you don't need me to tell you how to do that.

There are a lot of things I probably didn't mention, but I think those are the most fundamental. Remember, all guys are different and have different tastes, so if you don't please or fit a certain number of guys, doesn't mean you won't fit for anyone else. Besides, you shouldn't even have to change all that much, because you should be yourself. More than anything, its personality over looks. I'll let you know that no matter how hard you try, you probably won't be perfect, but thats ok so long as your perfect for the guy. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Hey..sorry its soo long i hope you can help im the one usually giving advice if you ever need some ask me!
I hav been going out for this guy let's call him Josh for almost 10 months. We hav an amazing relationship and he really is my best friend. We have one problem his ex girlfriend is insane. She is obssesed with him and there is a long story behind that but just to make it short she is jealous and she wants him and her and I got into a big thing. I don't liek to start things and i do stand up for myself but i don't liek having enemies. About 2 weeks ago. My boyfriend started treating me like crap. This is 2 weeks ago: Saturday night we got into a fight because his ex's friends were starting stuff with my friends. I told him that i didn't know if i cood take i anymore. We weren't on the best page. Since it is summer we don't see eachother that much he went to camp before these 2 weeks and now he's on vacation. SO back to Saturday so that happened then on Sunday we talked and he was mad and upset. On monday we were planning to see eachother on tuesday but my friends messed it up. Also on monday we had a long talk about his ex and hwo i feel like he doesn't stand up for me like he should. When our plans got ruined for tuesday i was upset but it seemed like he didn't even care. On tuesday he called me at night and we didn't talk much but i asked him what he did today and he said nothing and that he's been thinkin about alot. I got a little worried. Well anyways Wedneday came n i went to my friends house with him and all my friends.I decided to just forget about everything because he was leaving that friday and i thought it would be the last time i would see him so i wanted it to be good. It somehow came up and he wanted to talk and said that i don't feel like he is really intersting and all that and he simply told me that he was just thinking that the relationship is getting too serious as in commitment wise. I understood because we are still young but how could he tell me he loves me if he doesn't wanna be with me. Well anyways on thursday i found out that on wednesday night he slept at his friends house and he did a camera thing with one ofmy friends theyw ere all joking but he told her to pull her shirt down more so her boobs would show. It's so hard to even write this because he's so not like this. On thursday night i found out earlier that day his ex adn her friends came over to swim with his friends. Just to amek it short on friday i saw him for 2 minutes and i was planning on talking to him about it but he could opnlys tay for like 5 minutes. He was being an ass and he just left and said i love you bye. He's on vacation right now and i don't know what to do when he comes back. Thanx for reading this .What should i do? I'm 13 almost 14 and a girl.lol

I agree with what the person before me said. Let this go. You have so much time ahead of you so you should not let a relationship like this scar you or bring down your self-esteem, especially for your future.

Use this time he's away to really think about things. Don't take this the wrong way but trust me: at 13, especially for a girl, things like that (or even worse) have devastating consequences. I've seen a lot of girls get really depressed...over a guy. I won't tell you who to see/not see, but I will tell you that when you pull a friendship into a relationship, you are taking the chance of losing that friendship if you lose the relationship. Trust me, right now you want to worry about school and family, not guys, its just not worth it.

So when he gets back, sit him down and tell him how you feel. Do you feel upset? betrayed? heart-broken? Be open. If you feel that this relationship is giving you any trouble, I mean any trouble at all, then call it off. Be friends. It really is the best way to go. Stop yourself from any possible or future heart breaks or anything like that. So tell him how you feel and if you feel this isn't going anywhere or is taking too much out of you, call it off.

I mean I can't pinpoint what exactly he feels about you. I will tell you that at that age (assuming he isn't 3 years older than you) most guys don't see 'love' or relationships the same way girls do. You might both love each other, but have different ideas of what that means and what love is. So you too need to communicate and talk to each other before you go any further. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: im looking for a program that makes background designs with different designs, fonts, colors, images, etc. i make layouts for my website & i can't find any. im basically looking for a way more advanced paint program. are there any that are free?? i tried looking on download.com but couldnt find any other than paintshop & photoshop, which i dont really want. any ideas??

thanks!!

just google it duh

Q: does your i.p. address change sometimes? i use dsl but like sometimes when i check it online or w/e it changes...

There is a way to manually change your IP address if you are interested. It does change [for most people] if you disconnect the wire from the modem and reconnect it. But that means doing it in a specific order.

Q: i've been told that if you don't eat enough your body will go into starvation mode, and it will actually cause you to gain weight.

is this true? because i was thinking and then how do people with anorexia (not that i'm going to become anorexic or anything) lose weight. because if they hardly eat anything, won't their bodies go into starvation mode and cause them to gain weight?

THANKS!

To a point, it is true. This does happen, but it does not last forever.

Basically, when your body takes in its normal calories, like say 2000+ (because lets face it, teenagers do need more than 2000, despite what they may think), your body will take what it needs to replenish what you used, and to store some for later. The rest it will get rid of. Sometimes yes, it does keep a bit more than it needs to.

Now, when you dramatically cut down to about 1000 calories a day, your body is like 'hey where did all the calories go!' Your mind and body will panic, so your mind tells your body to keep all of the calories. It's not used to taking in so little, so it feels like it needs to take advantage of what it can and just take in everything instead of just what it needs.

In some cases that causes to gain weight because from that point, you might be taking in more calories than you would have if you just had 2000 and only kept some.

For people that are annorexic, I don't think this applies only because its something that their body is used to almost, get it? Somebody who is used to taking in 3 full meals a day with snacks won't do too well if they dropped down to 1 or 2 meals. Thats when your body tricks itself into taking in everything and yes, putting on weight.

This doesn't always happen. If you decrease it gradually, like a little less of a snack or a bit less of whatever, then it won't have such dramatic effects. When its sharp, like one day to the next, and continued on like that, then yeah it can happen. Hope that helped.

Q: Does anyone know of any good online game sites for when you're bored??? *other than miniclip*

thanks!

www.pogo.com
www.isketch.net

Q: I just met a guy through his mom who is actually a pretty good friend of mine, we've hung out twice and both times we seemed to get along great. But He says he is going to stop by or call me when he gets home and never does. my mom says it's because he's shy and really wants to hang out but cant get the nerve to do it, I just think he is trying to avoid me PLEASE someone give me their opinion.

I don't think it means anything in particular. What I do know is that for most guys (yes even me a long time ago), calling up doesn't really cross the mind. There wouldn't be anything wrong with you calling him up or stopping by over there. If he is shy and afraid (which is most likely the case), then taking the first step might actually give him the boost of confidence he needs. Give it a shot.

Talk to him, say: hey you said you would call but didn't, how come? He might not give you a straightfoward answer (because lets face it, does anyone want to admit they were too nervous/afraid to?) Ask him to try to remember or call or whatever it is. If after a bit things don't get better, then you should ask him if he's avoiding you or something. Don't expect/think the worst either, give yourself some credit. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Okay so I have a new laptop and I was wondering if there is anyway I can transfer(copy) all the songs on my ipod onto my laptop(I know Itunes doesnt allow this, so I wanted to know if there is any other possible way to get the songs off the Ipod)?

Forget all that program downloading. Forget all that junk people said. This can be done simply by plugging in your iPod and changing a few simple settings on your computer.

Plug in your iPod.
Go to Control Pannel.
Click on Appearence and Themes.
Click on Folder Options.
Scroll down and click on the button that says 'view hidden files'.
Go to My Computer.
Open your iPod hard drive.
Open the transparent folder labled Music.
Copy and paste that folder onto the laptop under My Documents.

Depending on how much music you have, it will take a bit. The easiest and most secure way of doing it. Once the music is onto your laptop, they will be in 50 individual folders F00 - F49. Open each folder, highlight all and press open or drag into iTunes to play the songs. If done correctly it should work. Thats it. No program downloading, no google, no buying anything. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: hey i really need your help. i have an ipod mini and i dont have the manual. i bought it like 2 years ago. sometimes when my ipod is turned off and on hold ill hear it playing a random song and it will still be on hold. but it doesnt turn off so it wastes batteries. its sooooo annoying! help

Check to see that you do not have an alarm set to play music at a certain time. Go to the clock to check.

Also, back up all of your data and try updating your iPod. To do that you put in the CD that came with the iPod and plug in your iPod and look for the iPod updater (which should already be on your computer anyway). After its updated, put all of your music back on it and see if it still does that.

If that doesn't work you should call up the company and see whats up. I havn't heard of the problem though, but updating and reseting it completley should work, sorry if it doesn't. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Ok, this question is preferably for guys.

You and your girlfriend are playing a sport (how about soccer) and she's pretty good at it. Do you like a girl who gives it her all and plays like she's one of the boys--even if she beats you? Like if you don't know how good she is until you're playing with her, would you want her to hold back just a little so you both will have more fun and it would be more.. flirty, I guess? Because wouldn't you feel stupid if she was more manly at a sport than you are? And if she played as best as she could and beat you, wouldn't the relationship be more competitive then romantic?

Absolutely not. Why would you want to surpress the talent of your friend like that, even if it is a relationship. Personally, I respect and admire something like that. There are no rules that say its the guys that should be better at the sports than the girls. The relationship shouldn't center on one thing, especially something like that. If you play it doesn't matter if it is just for competition or even for just fun. I would want a girl to do her best at everything, because how would you feel if somebody held back and pretended to be bad at something they knew they were good at just to let you win. I would like things to be fair, and I'm sure you would too, whether a sport, a game, or whatever. So I don't think theres anything wrong with that because there is no set number of things that guys should be better at than girls and vice versa. Hope that helped.

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Feel free to ask me any questions or for an alternate way of contacting me through my inbox.

I really like giving advice, so thats why I have a column here. I've been inactive for a long time, but I'm back and will do my best to catch up. Advicenators is a great site and it is what we make it. Having my own advice column helped me learn a lot of new things, even about myself, while giving me the chance to help others along the way. Thanks.