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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

I'm a 14 y/o female and there's this boy in school and I've talked to him a few times in person (once for an entire lunch hour :$) and we text pretty often (even tho he's not that great at texting) and whenever I walk through the school hallways I tend to look down and avoid eye contact with other people but lately when I walk through the halls my eyes often meet his, him looking at me first. he seems to get nervous around me now and he used to not get so nervous around me and he doesn't have a flirty personality in general so I just can't tell if he likes me or not. what do you think? could he like me? he's kinda shy so should I just tell him I like him or would that make things more awkward?

People are calm around those that they aren't trying to impress or get the attention of but tend to be nervous around those that really matter, the ones they have an interest in. They can be found staring or looking at often, trying to have eye contact and if we really don't like someone, we don't agree to trade cell numbers, we only are willing to trade numbers with those we have an interest in hearing from. Lets say he didnt want to say no to taking your number. If he really didn't want to communicate, he wouldn't be texting you or talking to you in school. If the two of you could sit and talk a whole hour without getting bored or running out of things to say, I would say he is definitely interested and attracted but this is the stage at which you both need to spend more time together, hang out to get to know each other more to decide if you really really still like the person enough to perhaps be boyfriend and girlfriend. Shy guys won't do more than he is doing. He won't be the one to make the first move as far as asking to sit with you more often and talk long times together. You need to make the move. Boys can fear rejection even if a girl is friendly towards him, mainly because at this age range, no one really has much experience being able to pick up the signs that the other person is open to becoming friends and later maybe even more. Even if you don't end up dating or hanging out for long and moving on to someone else later, this is a good opportunity to begin learning how to understand the opposite sex a little better and you do that by becoming friends and talking alot and asking lots of questions. I understand how young people love texting but if you want a way better chance at friendship or more, then I suggest that half of the time, you talk face to face and not rely as much on texting. You both need to get familiar with each other as to when each other is serious, teasing, and other feelings and tone of voice, facial expressions and body language are all missing in texting. A phone call is next best cus you still have tone of voice and constant answers back and forth without having to wait for text answers.

What you can say instead of "I like you" which can make a guy even more nervous, is to say things that encourage him to become friends first, by saying, "You know that time we talked a lot at lunch time, I really enjoyed that very much. You are a very interesting person to talk to, you have a good sense of humor and I'd like to do that more often. Would you like to start hanging out together more?" If I like or I love is mentioned, a persons mind is apt to click into the mode of thinking, "Uh oh, this girl wants to be my girlfriend and I don't know what I am supposed to do, how to act, this is scary. " And I can say I remember that age, the person feels pressure, can be nervous or so terrified that they clam up and don't talk much at all giving the impression they aren't interested which isn't true. So wait to tell him you really like him until you've have a couple weeks of talking lots daily and spending time together in person as it will seem more natural and have given him time to lose his some shyness and fear around you. A good way at this age to spend time together and going to visit at each others houses when the parents are home with parents permission. I told my girls to offer this to the guys interested in them but not one was brave enough to come hang out at our house. Good luck dear.

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Early 20s/F

I have been married for four years to my partner. Due to some tricky circumstances, we got married very soon after we started dating. We moved in together very quickly, merged finances, etc. I have a kid from a previous relationship that now calls him dad as the child was very young when he entered the picture.
When we first were together, he had jealousy/control issues that he worked on and overcame. We were both sexually attracted to each other and I felt like I was in love.
Fast forward two years from then, I begin to feel that my romantic and sexual attraction for him beginning to fade. Even though he worked through the jealousy/control issues, it was something always in the back of my mind that still hurts me to this day. I speak with my mom, and she basically tells me that I would be an idiot to leave him because he is such a great guy. I pretty much swallowed my "pride" and things seemed okay for a while.
Two more years later, I've now reached a point where I don't even want to kiss him or hold his hand, let alone have sex with him. My temper with him has gotten shorter and shorter. I try all the time to make plans with friends or be away from him. I explained to him how I felt about our love life, and he said that he didn't feel the same way and that he would try what he can to make it better. This was two months ago, and I feel the same if not worse. I can tell he is getting very agitated at the lack of intimacy, but I can't bring myself to barely even say "I love you."
I feel trapped, alone, empty and sad at the whole situation. He is a great guy, who loves me and my daughter very much, and I would consider him my best friend -- but I feel that I no longer have what it takes to be there for him as a wife. Our lives are so intertwined: we work together, drive to and from work together, live together, split finances, share parental responsibility. I do not drive, so taking a "break" from the relationship would basically be impossible. I was 18 when we got married and I feel like a completely different person now than I was before, which may be why I do not feel fulfilled anymore.
I am completely lost and do not know what to do. I have reached a part where even going to couples therapy seems makes me cringe. I don't want to ruin his or my daughter's life, or break his heart, but I feel like I am going insane.

Thank you.

Due to the ages, it could be he innocently had no idea he was going about things wrong when he hurt you. I don't know if your "tricky circumstances" would shed more light on the real issue here. But I can only go on what you've shared. If his bad behavior was present for the first two years before he began to change his behavior, then thats a long time of him making 'withdrawals' from your 'love' bank but no deposits. Let me explain. A relationship is like a seedling, needing tender loving care to keep going. If the way he treated you was more often expecting you to have love to give him, but he wasn't making even more deposits into your life of love, care, sensitivity, support, respectfulness, etc. then whatever love was there before, is like a bank account that is empty. After a while of being empty, that part of you with feelings for him just shriveled up and died and that is like closing the bank account. So now, no matter how much he does right, trying to do the right things, he thinks he is making love deposits into your life/bank acct. when in your mind and heart, theres a disconnect, no bank acct exists so you are unable to recieve his love.
I was verbally abused all my marriage to my ex, 30 yrs. A year or two in, I still was devoted but I didn't feel in love with him anymore but wanted to be. He said nothing was wrong with him so he wouldn't attend counseling. I have since our divorce discovered through being with other men and now a new husband that he and I were also sexually mismatched, not same libido's and wanting different things and there was no chemistry, that spark that makes one desire the other. Sex is exciting in the beginning of any new relationship I learned. But new relationship energy can mimic having real sexual chemistry and one can float on that for months, and for some I've learned, even up to a year but its unusual to take that long for this new relationship energy to fade. Its possible this is a part of your situation but I don't know. The only person who can help sort this out for you so you can make your decision to stay or leave would be a counselor.
Late in marriage, an ex counselor friend I spoke to, suggested I talk to my husband again about going to see a psychiatrist because even he had begun to see issues with my then husband. I broke out crying knowing of the inevitable angry response I would face for bringing it up so He spoke to my husband. He finally went to see a Dr. not a marriage counselor as his issues were entirely his but I went along for the first five visits. When I had a chance to speak to the Dr. alone, I asked what the prognosis was for him to get better? Dr said it depends on the person and their willingness to really apply the treatment and change. At this age, too many are set in their ways and Drs cant do miracles. So either they change only a little or not at all. He asked if I felt there was hope for our marriage. I told him My love for him as a husband ran out a couple decades ago and since I haven't recieved good treatment since then, I no longer loved him that way, only loved him as a fellow human being and thats not enough for a marriage. Dr. agreed with me. And I left the ex.

You also need to consider the effect upon your child by staying with him. I forced myself to stay with the husband cus of being CHristianas and the church frowned on divorces. Now that my daughters are adults, I can see how each of the 3 were affected by what they witnessed between us, the abuse and the lack of romance and love. For you, just the lack of romantic love, even tho kids usually say 'Yuck and Ewww," it warps their ability to know how to relate the same way to a potential mate. I see that in all my kids and wish now I had left him earlier while they were little cus now I have to live with seeing them choose poor destructive partners, and others shy away from committing to any relationship or trying to be the only one in control in a relationship to avoid the treatment like I got. Its a mess. It may be more harmful to stay in a loveless on your part, marriage.

As for yourself, sweeping your feelings under the rug or the fact of lack of feelings, is already causing you stress. You mentioned swallowing your pride or your feelings and trying to make it work because mom says he's a nice guy. LEts take that idea and run with it. Lets say you are single and met 5 really nice guys who would all make good providers and fathers. So what is it that would make you choose one over the others? A person can go through the motions of having sex with each one but if that sizzle and sparks are missing, its just an act, not an outpouring of desire and love as it should be. Many people especially of the older generations were taught that it was better to go with a good provider you didn't love cus you could grow to love him, than to marry for love and do what you both could to make ends meet. Lots of people have made that theory work for them but I know some of them. They live under the same roof, are best friends in a way, but live their own lives, sometimes have separate bedrooms, take separate vacations, have their separate hobbies/clubs and only have sex if they ever do when the frustration or need to grows too strong, just to relieve some stress. I worked in a small office where all my 5 coworkers no longer had sex with their husbands and all had kids under 18. Society doesnt see the importance of the need for a great sex life when most women have never had an orgasm ever and married couples are thought to be normal if they have sex and enjoy it once a week or once every other week. Heck, I like it every day if not every other day and we're both in our fifties (my 2ns husband) We don't have much in riches and still homeless due to an accident he had a yr ago Dec. but I work part time and live in our van andd we are very happy because we have each other. To some people security is worth more to them than love. To me, living 30 yrs without and abused on top of it, Love is worth more to me at this stage of my life. In the past the stress of my lack of love and good sex plus abuse, had to go somewhere. After a handful of years, the body can no longer resist the strain and you begin to break down emotionally, mentally or physically. For me it was physical. So denying your own feelings here, could have adverse affects on you if there isn't something a counselor can do to help you. In the few short years, since you're so young yet, and a person is still seeking theirself and who they are to themselves, not to other people and what their purpose in life is, so you may have grown apart from him in ways not even related to the former controlling behavior of his. Most people become who they'll be for life by late 20s or age 30. You are still changing and becoming a little different of a person. Whether those differences may also be effecting your marriage I dont know but it helps to have someone skilled to meet both of you and hear both your stories to sort things out. If a year hasn't brought any progress of just discovering what your core issues may be and whether they're something that can be addressed and changed to have a great relationship or not, then personally, if it were me, I would not waste more time over counseling that may not be able to help. Counseling can't fix two people who or have grown apart, or do not have chemistry or have similar pheremones which people emit like animals and which create the desire and attraction to the opposite sex. Good luck dear.

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There's a guy I dated a few times who I thought I liked but it turns out it's just attraction and fun (something that is missing in my life). We hang out in the same social circle sometimes and tonight a few of us got together and he was there. We went to a bar and he met up with this girl, whom prior to this he and two of my friends were saying is really dumb and other mean stuff. Meanwhile I'm just sitting there feeling totally awkward and honestly very hurt. I'm supposed to just sit there and be totally ok with it? Clearly this guy is a douchebag and doesn't know how to treat a woman right? Please tell me yes, because if I have to feel for one more second like I'm overreacting I'll go crazy. Please don't tell me that a man has the "right" to be totally insensitive to a woman he's dated before by totally failing to acknowledge her feelings in a situation like this. I still feel attracted to him and like I want him really badly and I honestly don't know how to get over it. How can I fall so hard for someone who does such shitty things? And doesn't treat women with the respect they deserve? Why can't my values dictate my feelings?

Secretwinkie was right that people have a tendency to like what's bad for them. Perhaps if I explain a possible reason why that happens, it may help you to move beyond this place because I agree with you, he sounds like a douche bag. First, you don't discuss past relationships when out with another girl you have dated or are dating. That is insensitive and frankly...bad manners. It is also true that whenever a person is comfortable enough with you to be their real self and show this kind of stuff, you can bet that there is lots more of this type of behavior and possibly worse buried deep inside just waiting for the right moment to erupt and burst out.
So heres how I see things. We all have a subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is witnessing you watching a sad movie. Your conscious mind realizes it is a made up story, and its just actors but your subconscious reacts with emotions and so you cry. I am saying this so you understand that the subconscious mind is where all our emotions reside and flow out from. That isn't a bad thing unless a person has a conscious and subconscious (SC) that are at odds with each other, always fighting each other, or the subconscious as in myself acts sometimes more like a little child. I have heard of people who believe in the fact we have an inner child. My opinion is that the inner child is ones SC. Another thing you nned to know is that the SC acts often like a child and so is easily scared, makes reckless decisions sometimes and sees the conscious mind as being in the parent role and wanting to please the parent. And so, the SC takes it upon itself to try to make what you wish for come true. The bad thing is often the SC interprets what thoughts you dwell on most, even if its a bad person or bad events, that focusing your thoughts on him so much mean you really still want him, just as he is. It also recognizes your want for attraction and fun which it realizes is missing in your life and being like the child it acts as, perhaps has interpreted his behavior, as a possible means of bringing some adventure and fun into your life.
In this instance, you can understand that right now the values of your conscious mind are at odds with what your SC thinks is the answer to your desires. You do know better. So, while it may feel silly at first, I suggest you start talking to your sub. See it like another person, just inside you. Its not a split personality thing so don't worry. But i've found it often helps talking to my subconscious aloud, trying to explain things to it, like when I had to explain things to my kids when they were little.

When I met my 2nd husband, he was a person who had studied the subconscious much and to him it was a given that it existed inside like a totally separate person with its own name. So he asked me what the name of mine was and I sputtered, How would I know that? But instantly in my conscious mind an indignant sounding voice said, " My name is Betty!" (not the real name) But ever since then I address her (my SC) by that name. I acknowledge her trying to help me get things I want but explain that even though i have feelings for a person or cravings for a food, that Its not good for me, for us and so I need to stop going there and ask her to help me stop having feelings for a person for example and she will cooperate and follow through. It may take some time to gain the ability to get your two minds cooperating together and may not work with just a few reminders. Remember, its like training a child and your SC may forget at times and need to be reminded of the goal. I know I probably sound crazy but this works great for my husband and I. I hope it works for you dear.

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Hi! I'm 13 and really like this boy. I have literally liked him since I was 5 years old. We used to be so close, but when I left for a while, we didn't talk when I came back. I really really like him and I know that he used to like me too. We have basically liked each other since we 5. There were some rumours that he liked me a few weeks ago, but I thinks he likes this other girl. She is a friend and likes him. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I really like him. How do I know if he likes me? How can I talk to him without it being awkward?

What he liked in people when he was 5, could have changed since then. I assume he's close to your age. If you were friends, then I see no reason why he could change so much that he wouldn't want you as just a friend now. However since you're puberty age when kids start having attraction to the opposite sex, that changes things a bit if you think you might want him as a romantic interest. In that case, it depends on whether he currently has a girlfriend or not. The only way to find out is to talk to him. I know people your age who are more into texting than talking to people are beginning to have difficulty knowing what to say to others, how to have a conversation. If you rely too much on texting, I suggest that you practice face to face talking in an equal amount to how much you text which may require doing lots less texting.So you need to talk to him. How about: "Hi John, remember me? We used to be friends but then I moved away for a while. Well, I was uncertain whether I should talk to you, to see if we could still be friends. I don't know if you have a girlfriend who might be jealous if I spend time talking to you. To be honest, it feels awkward not talking to you or acknowledging you even though I really know you. I'd like to see if we can both be at least friends again and pick up from where we left off. "
That would be the best thing to finding out if you can be friends again. Do not be afraid to share how scared, uncertain, or worried you are because everyone does at some point and it makes you come across as truthful and genuine, not fake or anything like that, plus facing the fear of talking to him again after a while apart will make your fears disappear after a couple of minutes. Its like facing up to a bully who is all bark but no bite, fear will take off running as you face it and do just that which you are scared to do. Good luck.

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I almost had sex with my girlfriend friend we wer both naked I was trying to penetrate her but it wasnt going in...I tried for 5minutes then quitted....no sperm but my penis was just a little watery not that watery...not sure if its precum or her vaginal gland secretion then she had to rub my dick for like ten minutes while standing and she was fully clothed....she told me she had her last period by September ending not specific....we almost had sex oct9...she had her period 6 days later oct15 which lasted minimum of 3 to 5 days...then she had her next period which was not late by nov10 she said it was heavy nd a bit painful it and it lasted for 5 days...it ended nov16...when I approximately calculate her her cycle I notice it was 27 days cycle nd it shows for her to have had period on oct15...her last period most have ended sept 24 nd her fertile period ended oct3 wic is d day after she ovulated...now in Dec she hasnt gotten her period its gettin due according to my calculation... She feels no pregnancy symptoms nd it has been two months since d day we almost had sex...i havent ejaculated for 3 months before the day we almost had sex...der was no friction...but sperm do come out during excretion but it stopped a month before we almost had sex so is she pregnant or not?

She had a period ending Nov 16. And you haven't yet sex with her or 'almost sex' since Nov 16 so she's not pregnant.
What I recommend is that she go to planned Parenthood to get put on the pill and you use condoms for extra precautions

There is sperm in precum, and while not much sperm, it only takes one sperm and the fact she may be ovulating for her to get pregnant. So any sex play other than intercourse when is the only time a guy usually wears a condom, is like playing Russian roulette...you never know which time is gonna get her pregnant and if that practice is done long term, then eventually at some point if shes not on birth control, she could easily get pregnant from precum.
A female worrying about being pregnant can make her period late, as worry, stress and sickness will delay a period many days and the longer it takes to start, the more she stresses which makes it start even later. Both of you may also benefit from some basic sex ed and understanding of the anatomys which you may be able to get thru Planned Parenthood. If not, start reading books, even at library or surf the web for information.

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Last night after my boyfriend and I had sex I went to the bathroom per usually. My discharge had the faintest red tinge of blood. I am about 5 days late for my period with no systems that it is coming. Last time I was about to get my period and we had intercourse it caused me to get my period but that has yet to happen. I'm wondering if the light spotting of blood could mean. I have taken 3 pregnancy tests all negative. Any suggestions?

Periods can start early or later. One thing that effects both is being in close proximity on a daily basis with other females of an age to have periods. Our bodies naturally self adjust to have periods at the same time as other females we are around daily by starting earlier or later. This could be females at home, at work or in a classroom.
As for being late, there are other things that can make a period late like being ill. Another reason is stress. When a period is late, sometimes but not always, you could get spotting with a brownish tinge first, followed by spotting with a pinkish tinge to it. The pink means its about to start. I've have several days of the brown spotting, maybe even 3 to 5 days if I had been ill and stressed or worried about something at the same time. Sometimes, no brown but just light pinkish to red spotting before the flow starts. When you see any kind of spotting make sure to take supplies with you everywhere cus its about to start soon. Being late doesnt mean being pregnant. But since you are sexually active, it doesnt hurt to get a pregnancy test when you are late although at the point you are late, it still may be too early to detect a pregnancy. Best to use the best birth control possible like be on the pill AND have him using condoms as well. Of yes, and sometimes, having intercourse will help jump start ones period but not always.

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hey there. so, i've asked a smilier question a few times... but it was more geared around whether or not I should actually break up with him considering that there were so many factors to the equation and I didn't really know if that was what I wanted to do for sure.
But, now, I'm sure. I need to break up with him. At this point, I'm completely checked out of the relationship. This is going nowhere. And I've fallen in love with someone else. I'm not the type of person who will naturally be attracted to other guys when i'm in a relationship. I'm not a cheater. And I would never leave a relationship because i have feelings for someone else. Because... if I made a commitment to the person I am with, I have to recognize that these are emotions and they may come to pass. I would make a conscious effort to try to rid myself of those feelings and honor my commitments.
But, this goes much deeper.
I hope that someone can help me with this. I'm not looking for a response like "you just have to do it" but maybe an experience, an alternative way of doing this, I don't know. I mean, I know I owe him the truth, but the truth may be too hurtful. I just wish that I could wake up tomorrow and it would be done. I just don't want to do the act. I wish I could get on a plane and just leave the country and he just doesn't hear from me again lol. I want to avoid it. Can someone please offer me some advice on this? Thank you!

Breaking up will always bring hurt and or disappointment to the one being broken up with. It can't be avoided as it is a part of life. I don't remember if you were simply dating him or whether a commitment was made to be a couple and only be with each other. I also don't recall if you have been dating long. What you say could depend on those two pieces of info. Sorry, this will be much longer as I have to guess each scenerio.

For example: short time dating, no commitment-- if you understand that dating is only a way to gather info and get to know someone you're attracted to better to see if they'd be a good match for you, then you can say, “Ron, we've been dating 6 months now. For me, dating is a way to learn I've given this a lot of thought and have decided that we don't have enough in common or chemistry to make this work. I'm truly sorry.”

If short term dating but commitment was made: “Ron, we've been together for 6 months now, 5 as a committed couple. I didn't know enough about you at the time I committed to be your girlfriend. In the remaining months, I've gotten to know you better and have come to realize we don't have as much in common as I thought, we have different life paths and goals and I just don't feel the kind of chemistry needed to make this a strong healthy relationship, so its time for us to part.”

If long term dating, commitment or not: “Ron, as you know, we've been together a year now/ 2 ½ yrs now, and in all that time , no matter how much time or effort I put in, I've not felt like we really worked out together. I actually realized this a long time ago but was confused for a while and I am not one to quit easily when the going is tough. You and I are too different for me to be able to be content in the relationship. And no one should ever have to change who they are and pretend they are something different that goes against their whole character and personality. You only weaken who you really are by pretending to be someone you aren't just to please or keep me. It would be unfair of me to accept that or expect that of you. You should be perfect just as you are cus you're a really nice guy, you are just not right for me as far as I am concerned. But you will be right for another gal who loves you just the way you are. You deserve that and so I need to break up with you.

Notice no mention of a new guy cus he isn't the issue of the break up. If he see's you with a new guy shortly after the breakup and confronts you about it, tell him you met the guy shortly after the breakup.

In my explanations, I mention the purpose of dating which people assume means you are commited to a person or its a way to have a partner for social purposes only, not with life long commitment together. This is one thing that gets people stuck staying in the wrong relationship, cus of feeling guilty when they shouldn't because its natural to check something out and give it a try before we decide on it. You can't say you dont like a new ethnic food until you've tasted it, so you give it a try and then decide. When purchasing a car, you usually take it for a test drive first. Relationships are more complicated and require more time and energy to really discover if you like the person beyond the initial attraction enough to be a fit for a life long relationship.
Chemistry is another real reason person don't match. It takes being each others best friend and having the right sexual chemistry for it to work. Cant make it work with just one. If sex is great but arent best friends, then the only time you dont fight is when having sex. If best friends but not compatible in sex, then, one or both go outside the relationship secretly so as to not hurt their best friend and have sex with anothers. That does still hurt. If both your pheremones are too vastly different and don't match, then sex relations will suffer. This is all real reasons for not staying with someone.

What I suggest you do is write a list of the qualities you are looking for in a guy to confirm them in your mind. It will help you to determine more quickly if a guy is right for you and if you are able to communicate right up front when you first meet, what exactly you are looking for in a guy, it lets him know whether he should even pursue you to begin with. Say you meet someone at a party and both of you never end up talking to anyone else, cus there's a strong attraction. That as you know isn't enough for long term. So just ask him, “Tell me, what would be the ideal girl for you, describe the character, personality of what you are looking for.” Make him really think and dont accept, “Its you, you are my ideal girl” cus thats a cop out from really thinking this out. It's not like you're making a decision on which of 21 flavors of icecream you want tonight....a relationship is much more important.

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Saw my ex bf 2 weeks ago havent heard from him for a week texted him twice but no response and he is almost always online texted him yesterday but i lied and made up a story cause i wanted to see if he was going to mayb reply i told him that he must let me knw when he wants the learners bonks cause im moving today and then il just fetch it at home (this was a lie) few minutes later he replied saying that that he wl be needing it soon i then said ok he mst let me knw then il drop it off during his lunch time he then asked where im going (i had to continue the lie) i told him 3weeks in PE he then said i must njoy it and im going to misS the mountains alot i then said that the time will go kwik and me going away will do everyone good including myself he then said I must let hm knw how sucky it is i told him yeah i will,text hm once a week and if it dont suck he must make me coffee for the last time he then said yeah u do that and his allergic to coffee i then asked him since when and he told me since i dont feel like making for you i then said so i guess thats a bad thing right he then said for you i guess so i then asked why so he said coz your not getting coffee duh i then said oh thought he was going to say something bad he read the message but didnt reply so i havent heard from him since then...do you think that even though he knws im 'leaving' will he miss me cause i dont think i will text him..i dont know what to do cause lately he would ignore me so much it gets to me i would text him so bad eventhough ie dont reply but then a few days later or whenever he would randomly show up and stuff..should i just stay away and not text him do you think i would ever hear from him again..we exs we broke up twice but last year april started speaking again its been a year and 7months we see each other ona monthly basis once or twice but this past few months us taling everday went to us speaking wheneva i dont knw why he changed yes we do have sex but when i saw hm two weeks ago we kinda ddnt have..dnt knw whys he acting so if the is someone else why not tell me wheneva i mention him gttn a gf he kinda gets worked up says he dnt have time for woman so what does that make me a booty call i just dont know anymore he was never mine but my heart is broken do you think im just overthinking things any decent advice that would help please im kinda scared he will forget bout me i want to let go but my heard will not allow me to cause mayb therz still hope i dont know..what do u think

When a female is into a guy, she wants to talk often and see him often, and guys if they are into her, are the same way. However they priortize things of importance to them as to how to spend their time. If a guy makes you one of his top 3 priorities, then nothing is wrong as he will be giving equal time and energy to whatever else is most important, school, job, friends or family. So if he's in school, and working, those will likely be the other rwo spots. Spot #3 should be you if hes crazy about you but if its filled with friends or family, then you are not as important to him as you think or wish for. He's been around you long enough to determine if you are the only one for him. Although seeing each other only 2x a month if I understand correctly is not enough to build a relationship. If you find yourself lying to have opportunity to just talk to him, you are weakening your own true self and that is a sign that something is wrong within you. Not that you are a terrible person, just that something is a bit off balance. My guess would be that either you don't feel complete as a person if you don't have a boyfriend in your life paying you attention or something else is missing in your life, maybe a past hurt or something from childhood, something you have lived without but want alot and so subconsciously, your mind makes you choose to desperately go after him, unable to let go of someone not showing much interest anymore. I can't say why he changed and there isn't a way to make someone who's lost interest in you to miss you and want you back. If its not meant to be, you can try to win him over til the day you die and it won't make a difference.
You ask why he wouldnt come out and tell you if he's no longer interested and he's found someone else. Heres some of the biggest reasons, the guy is a coward but to give men credit, many have already learned that there are more weak and desperate emotional women out there who can't take the truth and in their wish to avoid an emotional outburst of tears and crying and desperate pleas from the girl to stay with them, they avoid saying anything at all. I can understand that. I am a confident woman and instead of chasing after guys, I spoke bluntly and to the point in a dating site, saying what I was like as a person not hiding even traits that can drive some people crazy but others like, I listed what I am looking for in a guy, specific like non smokers as I am allergic to the smoke. And I had guys applying for the job to be the new sweetheard in my life. I was the one in control. Right now, you don't think you can find anyone else. Maybe it's what your heart feels. Women get feelings and emotions wrapped up in a guy, whether he's right for them or not, even if he's lost interest, all because of having sex with them. That is something we all seem to do that leasds us off track. You have to rely on morethan that to determine if theres a chance with him or not. By what you've written, I'd say there is no chance cus even if busy or separated by distance, two people in love will find time to talk and meet and thats not happening so its likely him hoping that this subtle way of non interacting with you is getting the message across. It does with woman who are in desperate mode but my guess is its time to take the hint. Sorry it didn't work out.

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I have always been a very weird person.

I am loud
I laugh loud
I laugh long
I dance through the hallways at my school
I love to sing
I suck at singing
I'm extremely clumsy
I am very bothered by certain things, to the point where I get emotional (when I feel disrespected, when things are very, very unorganized, when I feel excluded)
I would delete and add my ex's number from and to my phone a lot of times
I'm just a generally over-the-top happy person. But something makes me think there is more to it than just that. Something happened to me 2 years ago that just fucked me up.

It was a boy. Of course. How predictable right? I fell in love with a boy that wants to love someone but isn’t ready for a relationship. He settled for me, let me fall in love with him, kissed me and touched me, and then when he found himself falling out of mild LIKE with me (which he called "love" - he said it before I did, ironically) he broke it off. I was broken-hearted and I still would call him a bunch after our break up. He would always, always answer and we would still talk as if nothing happened. Occasionally I would try to bring US up, and it was just not reciprocated. Then after a while I accepted the fact that he was a horrible boyfriend (because he never loved me) and I let that side of it go. But he was very intoxicating and I always wanted a taste of him. Literally. His saliva was just delicious, and I love the way he kisses me, the way he handles me when we touch each other, everything. So a few weeks after we broke up, I asked him if he wanted to be friends with benefits, never really accepting that I still had feelings (duh) which is the number 1 rule of FWB - never do it with someone you would get in a relationship with) and he said no. Then I continued the really reluctant process of getting over him. And then when I was almost done, he apologizes to me for being so mean. (he had been acting like I didn't exist for 6 months) At that time he was in a relationship with a girl that he really wanted to be with.

A few days later in history class we were assigned to sit next to each other. I stopped trying to get over him. We started having conversations during class (because of me) Then I waited for the inevitable break up (he was too clingy and she was leading him on - the same thing that he did to me, she did to him) and I invited him to a dance. He was heartbroken and saw the opportunity for a rebound so accepted the invitation. He was hugging me a lot and he even bit my neck. I played along - after the dance we walked to my house holding hands and then sitting on my steps waiting for his father, he basically asked me if it was ok if he kissed me right then. (He never used the words, he said "is there anything you want to do right now?" or something like that.) I was very reluctant so I didn't really answer. So then he flirted with me a little bit. I didn't know what to do so i got shy. He coos at me and calls me cute. He asks if there's anything I would change about him (that was the moment I knew he was broken-hearted, his ex's beauty made him feel insecure--he wanted to know how he could change for her. Trust me, I knew the feeling) I say yes, there's one thing but I don't tell him what is ( I wanted to say I wished he loved me. Stupid.) His father comes to pick him up 30 seconds later. I wave at his father and I go into my house.

A few weeks-a month later, I ask him to have sex with me, in class right as i sit down next to him in class. He likes how bold I am. He says yes a few days later over the phone. So for a total of 3 times he comes to my house, and we basically just make out on top of each other half naked, twice. He plays with my nipples a little and then his father would call to say he was outside and he would have to leave. For me, this is very natural, a little nerve wracking, and very exciting. I could tell he wasn't ready for sex. For him it was very awkward, wrong and weird. Around this time he would walk me home a lot, or walk part of the way home until he had to go to baseball practice (always in a group, me, him, his best friend, and this other girl that he was friends with for longer and closer than me that he would later go out with) and he would flirt with me and this other girl. A lot.

I started to get afraid. I didn't want him to use me. I knew that I was just a rebound from the start and I didn't want to be the type of girl that was ok with that. I wanted to be chosen. So the best side of me (the side that makes seemingly horrible decisions that are actually the best decisions possible for future me) decides to call him to tell him this, in a very teary-eyed, emotional, over the top way. I make him feel very, very bad. I tell him that my biggest fear is that he will one day call me (when I have a man that I love, but have settled for because I still loved him, and had a family with this other man and everything) and apologize and want to come back into my life, and then change his mind and throw me away again. I told him i was afraid I wouldn't reject him and the cycle would just never end 10, 20, 30 years down the road. He gets angry and offended (bingo) and he says he cant believe I feel that way, and on top of that I'm crying which he hates because he doesn't know how to handle it. We hang up and I again try to get over him.

A bunch of months pass. I start to go back to missing him and I start thinking about him a lot again. We still talk over the phone. Barely. He still answers when I call. I'm always the one that calls now. He comes up to me one day during an event after school one day and tells me that he is now dating the other girl, something I saw coming and talked about with him before. It doesn't hurt as much, because I know this girl doesn't really like him. I very subtly, yet negatively react when he says this. He notices that because hes a smart boy and he pays attention. I refuse to get over him now, because i realized that his feelings were hurt so much when i called him to tell him I was afraid of him because he was really planning on getting back together with me, its just that he didn't realize that until later and neither did I. So i wait for that relationship to end because i knew it would. I call him every time i get the impulse (a lot of times. About 7-10 times a month) and he reveals to me that he is lonely at some point. I reveal to him at some point that I really called that day and made him want to stay away from me because I was afraid of getting pregnant and I really didn't want that to happen with a boy that doesn't love me. He doesn't believe me. I go on to say that I no longer want a relationship (which was true, and he said he could hear it in my voice that it was true that I wanted no more than sex) but I want to have sex. I don't want to have sex with anyone that isn't him. He says he doesn't think that is a good idea. He says no. The girl that he just got out of a relationship with says that he shouldn't be friends with benefits with his ex. So he says no.

The summer after that ^ I am not sure what I want. Whether i should keep being dumb or just move on. (MOVE ON) I go back into my destructive behavior. I don't talk to him at all. Until November, when I felt the last straw has been pulled. I asked his friend why he was avoiding me. (that day I ended up walking right behind him, and he was walking very fast)
This friend says "I don't know, why don't you ask him"
I say i don't know, I think he just really doesnt want to talk to me at all.
His friend gives me an ultimatum. He says, either you talk to him yourself or I will.
I tell him that if he tells me to talk to him, I will and he will regret that. I dont answer the ultimatum message, and then I get a message from my ex.
I say well shit.
He says "hey kid thats life deal with it" or something
I say im into (insert fetish)
he says really
I say "do you know what im about to say next"
He says "no im not a mind reader"
I say "I want you to be my (insert dirty word)" and then i tell him to delete the messages
he says "i will"
I say really (I get excited because I think he is saying yes)
He says yeah.

I call him and I explain to him that this time it wont be emotional, this time it will just be sex and it'll be great. No emotion, no nothing. I still havent realized that he needs emotion. He says he was saying "i will" to deleting the messages, not to the sex. We talk about the other things that have bothered me that hes done during this time that we havent talked. He tells me he doesnt do baseball anymore, he tells me he's decided he wants to be a teacher. I tell him I have a job. He responds condescendingly, very surprised (he does this. He hurts my feelings unknowingly. This is where everything stems from. This is what makes me think that he loves me. He is mean to me because he doesnt think he deserves me, I loved him too hard when we were together. He tried to love me back and when he "couldn't" he started to verbally abuse me in a very subtle way, and he felt bad and that was why we broke up) and i reinforce in my head that i don't want a relationship with him. Not just yet. Basically i try to tell him it will work if we just have rules put in place. Hes nice about it in his way, but he says no

I call him throughout November telling him in a bunch of different ways that i just want to have sex with him. He doesnt want to. I start to think there is a bigger reason as to why he doesnt want to. He was perfectly happy before. He was happy with my body, and I make him feel good too, so i didnt understand. This makes me curious and here is where the persistence comes in a bit. I call him another day, he says "who is this" (he has deleted my number, its serious that im out of his heart and mind and life, everything) and i dont feel very good about that. But i keep going. (this is why I feel like im retarded, I just keep trying and trying for something that isnt even good for me) and he asks right away why i called, trying to make it as quick as possible. i just say that I want to make it clear that i have an idea that we will be fine if we just make rules to make sure that we dont mess up again. he doesnt want it. There were many other times where I have called or texted, and he would ask again "who it was" and he would just generally not want to talk to me. But i could tell he was trying very, very hard to be nice but he just really really didnt want to talk to me. this made me sad , but i kept going anyway. Another day i called and he answered but he said he was doing something and couldnt really talk. I told him it was fine, but he should call me back afterwords. Then he basically called me unimportant and he said it was likely he wouldnt do that. he didnt call back. a few days later when Mockingjay Part 2 came out i called him and said was going to invite him to go see it, because i had invited a lot of people that all said no but i didnt want to go alone, so i was gonna invite him but i knew he would say no. He says "you have good judgement". Then at school one day I approach him and ask what the real reason is, and why he can't just speak his mind. This whole time hes backing away. he says "because its not nice" and i say "what if i need to hear it" and he shrugs and turns around and keeps walking. another time i called him and I asked him to tell me. he says he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. he doesnt want to be my friend, fuck buddy, friend with benefits, acquaintance, nothing. Because i make him feel like he's a bad person ans he just doesnt want to deal with anymore. He doesnt want to fix it, he doesnt want to figure it out, nothing. I say he never said that to me, but i really meant to say something better. i dont know what yet. I stopped calling him.

Last Thursday I text his friend and ask him to help me. He talks to him for me, since he was already going to talk to him over the phone that day. He mentions me in the conversation and my ex says "no never gonna happen" and this whole time as hes on the phone with my ex he is texting me, telling me what hes saying to what i ask him to bring up, which is just no over and over again. Then his friend says I should send him a nude picture. I reject it at first, but then as i keep thinking about it i think it's perfect so now i want to do it. His friend tells me to do it, and i want to so i do. my ex's friend tells me to call him. So I call my ex's friend. He's giving me tips and advice and soothing my nerves. I take the picture and sens it. I'm embarrassed but i dont regret it. My ex doesnt see that i sent anything until the next morning. He saw that i sent something, and he deleted the message and never opened it. he never sees the picture. I send him a message the next day saying just his name then i add a period so it looks more like the way I want him to read it in my voice (lol) and then he answers "No." just like that, and i say "its ok (insert his name here)" and that i wasn't going to say anything that might have upset him (i wanted to see if he wanted cake, my 18th birthday was December 2nd :) But i didnt say that to him) and he says " ok but stop texting me" and then i say, word for word: "I get that you're just trying to get me to stay away forever but try to understand that I just can't. It really doesn't even matter what you do, how you feel about it, or say to other people, it will just take a long time. So just chill please. Your anger quite frankly is making it take longer, as I've said before when you're angry it's... counterproductive" and he read that message and didnt answer.

He answers me. He still answers me when I call/text him. Someone that truly doesn't want someone in their life wouldnt do that. I have a friend that I have shunned (she deeply disrespected me) and i do not answer her at all. She said happy birthday to me in the school bathroom after school on my birthday and my response was "dont talk to me". So i know what it feels like to really dislike and not want to be around someone. My ex is just not being like that. He still answers me. It makes me think there is a chance and i still think he is gonna come around.

This boy introduced me to a side of myself that I almost hate. I admire it at the same time though, for it made me the type of ambitious I need to be in order to become successful in life in the way that I want to become successful. I obsess over my goals now. Will Smith would be proud (If you don't know what I'm talking about, just watch some interviews of his) https://www.youtube(dot)com/watch?v=ikHyDwyqdRM

Not that I was always calling him and always trying to get him to be with me, but I did call him a lot more than i should have (which is none at all)
But ironically, as i write this, I can feel myself letting go, and I really hope I do a better job than the last time I was almost over him. I hope that this time when he apologizes to me, I would be indifferent and unaffected and want nothing to do with him. I hope that I will be able to say no to anything and everything he would want but based on the amount of effort I put into asking this question i have a feeling that will be a while in the future.

If you have read all of this i really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are an amazing person for that and I thank you. I can give you my email if you want more details because believe it or not there are soooooooooooooo many more.

What do you think? Am i stupid or did i just fall very, very, very, extremely hard? "And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him " or am i obsessed, or what? what is wrong with me? Thank you for taking the time to read this very long question.

You weren't kidding about long letter. I have a feeling you problem solve as I do often, by having a reason to write and ramble on about the issue/problem and as you do, you begin to inadvertently come up with some real good insights and possibly answers to the problem. You did hint at this near the end when you said, "ironically, as i write this, I can feel myself letting go".

Lets start with this statement of yours:
This is why I feel like im retarded, I just keep trying and trying for something that isnt even good for me. You are quite right there. Part of the issue may be your natural personality natures which I am only guessing at here but from all that you wrote, I am guessing you wear your heart on your sleeve, (meaning that all your feelings/
emotions aren't kept hidden or controlled but out there in the open for all to see, you are very dramatic, and also very tenacious(meaning persistant, don't give up easily if at all and stubborn. The thing with these traits, are they can be a good thing if used the right way, and they can also be a very bad thing. How can it be bad? It's too easy for people to hurt your feelings and yank your emotions around, instead of dramatic as in an actress/actors flair in life, one can become a drama queen, too much negative drama with emotions all over the place, and lastly the persistant head butting against all odds, in some scenerios, like when it involves interacting with another, involves their free will/choices/desires which may be in opposition to you. The only times tenaciousness is good is like those who told Mr. Bell that such a thing as the telephone couldn't be created, but he had a dream a vision and kept at it until he succeeded in creating the telephone.

Now you are wondering what may be wrong with you. In reality, you are very common at what a person will find if they do a survey on teen and young college age girls. The way you are behaving are strictly female traits, of females who are young, very emotional but without control of their emotions, need attention and verification that they are beautiful and desireable as a young lady, however words aren't good enough and they try to seek this thru sex. Young girls starting puberty just need supportive comments from a male family member to have this need met. Usually its a Dad. Whether Dad was gone or there, sometimes a girl doesnt hear that, "Wow honey, with that new dress you're wearing, I have to realize my little girl has grown up and become a beautiful young woman overnight. I bet you'll have all the boys turning their heads to look at you." My Dad did that, theres nothing sexual about that. But it is a very realistic need. That could be one reason you can't let go of a guy whose given every sign that he is not interested.
Another possibility is that you may be addicted to drama and not know it. You have mentioned how instead of attempting to control your feelings, you just blurt them out all over whomever has upset you, ex boyfriend or a female classmate. Another Part of of the problem could be the fact that the frontal lobe of the brain which is responsible for good decision making and how we treat and interact with others, judging, etc is not yet done growing in our teens. Look it up online if you dont believe me. Scientists say on an average, it isnt done growng and mature until at least mid 20s although I know plenty in this current young generation who haven't matured mentally until closer to 30. This means you really can't help but be struggling here.
It also means that if you want your life to be smoother right now at your age, that you have to put a lot of effort into learning some things that all of us do not know yet at your age due to lack of experience, immaturity, and just plain old not having enough knowledge on some subjects. They teach math, science, writing in school but theres no such thing as classes to teach a person how to communicate well in their world with anyone, and how to interact and relate to others in their world. Texting and modern devices haven't helped any either but stunted the growth of these abilitys so that people of your generation have even less skills at communicating and relating to others than people of my generation did when we were your age and I know I still lacked much life smarts and knowledge, cus I married at 20 and the guy turned out to be verbally abusive. What I have gained in life experience and know now, I could have used back then and it would have been easy to see the warning signs and know better than to marry him. So hon, I am not looking down at you, but this is a warning that it will take more than just writing to this advice column to get yourself on the right track.

I understand how hard it is to let someone go who is showing no interest in you or making choices that are counter productive in a relationship. After a divorce, I met a man who was split up from his wife and they were going to get a divorce. He and I were in love. However, one day, she came back and said she wanted to give their marriage a try. They were both still in love too and now he loved 2 women, so it hurt him and me greatly but he decided that due to the years they had between them and having young adult kids, that the best was to go back to her. There wasnt anything I could do. She had come to know of me and asked me to stay away from him too. It hurt, cus I loved him, and couldn't see how I could ever find anyone else I loved as much as him or that anyone else could even be better. He knew my story of abusive in 1st marriage and told me to not settle for someone in the future anything less than what we had. I really almost gave up, was semi depressed about not finding someone to really love me and treat me well when I met my husband of over 6 yrs now. Looking back, I am so glad I met him as he is way way more perfect for me than the other guy ever could be. The love was real, but God knew there was someone better for me. At your age, males are not ready to commit to a girl to the degree that you are asking of your guy. Right now, they still are still very confused as far as understanding girls and female traits and just arent really for more than just hanging out, being friends, maybe experiment with dating, and some to experiment with sex. Girls often want way more from a relationship with a guy at this age and it sounds like you want more than he can give.
To help you understand his view, try switching the situation. Instead of him, lets use another male classmate you've talked to and been friendly with. Lets say he is always texting you, phoning, doing the things to you that you are doing with this guy, and lets say he wants to have sex with you and keeps begging for it but you have no romantic feelings towards him, even though you agreed to go on a couple dates with him like to movies and out to eat, what you see as hanging out but he's putting more into it and he won't take no for an answer and keeps pursuing you. In todays world, for women of any age, if a guy keeps pestering a girl for sex, no matter how long she's known him, or under what circumstances, like a school/college mate, a co-worker, neighbor, etc... and he won't stop, she can file a report with the police for sexual harassment. Only when its done it reverse, the girl going after the guy this way, people don't tend to think of it that way cus guys are physically stronger so a girl cant physically overpower him to get it. While on the subject of sex, here'ss something else you need to know of the difference between men and women regarding sex.

This folowing explanation is from a book I read by psychologist Linda Papadopoulos:

'WomEn regard sex as both an accompaniment to a strong relationship and a method of securing that relationship in the first place. For men, its a physical act that can lead to an emotional bond but they often seek sex just for the sake of sex. For women, the emotional bond is tied into the physical act so they have difficulty seeing the two separately and thus have the hard time with still feeling love for a guy who mistreats them or broke up with them.'

I couldnt say it better myself. It may be that subconsciously whether you're aware of it or not, that your desire to want to have sex with him is a way you figured on securing a relationship with him. As you can see by the statement from the book, this isn't how it works in real life.

I will say that I believe you have great potential to find true love someday as you do seem to pick up on a lot of truths such as when you mentioned how his saliva tasted so delicious. There is a scientific fact that when two people have pheremones that are the same or close to the same that ALL their bodily fluids will taste good to each other and each others scent, natural musk and sweat odors are not offensive but actually very pleasant to each other. I met a guy once whose sweat scent I couldn't stand, very stinging to my nose. Otherwise he was nice and he was attracted to me, so I agreed to have some oral sex but when he got undressed and I caught a whiff of his natural musk scent, I just about threw up right there and had to beg off saying its that my headache was so bad I had to go home. There isn't just only one person we will ever meet in life whose pheremones match ours as I've found out, but not all of them will be perfect for us or ready for us ladies. Be patient, in time you'll find someone or perhaps when he's 25 he'll remember you and want to hunt you down and get together. But dont live your life now as if thats going to happen and you wait for him to 'come to his senses' as you seen to currently feel about him not feeling worthy of certain people. I hope this all gives you something to think about. And hon, if you do ever find a guy willing to have sex with him for whom you do have feelings, please go to Planned Parenthood and get on the pill cus there are ways to get pregnant without a guy entering you, by sperm being transfered inside you by other means where a condom won't help you if he's not wearing one until ready to enter you. Thats all I have for you right now. Blessings to you.


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I've probably asked this question before but I really don't care, I'm a 16 year old girl and I'm tired of people commenting on my voice. In grade 6 a group of guys made fun of me saying my voice was too deep mind you they've never hit puberty yet so their voices still sounded like little girls. Now it's not a problem anymore but now that I'm in highschool people keep saying I'm too soft spoken while others say that my voice is so monotone there's no emotion in my voice. This was news to me cause my family never complained about it but everyday someone new would comment on my voice and if they didn't comment they would mimic it and the way they would mimic it would be in this monotone dull voice. I've had depression from grade 5 to probably grade 10 cause I had very low self-esteem I still do but I just learned to accept it and also with issues at home but once I reached grade 10 I decided I was tired of being unhappy cause it was ruining my life people called me negative all the time and would criticize me but I guess my voice changed as I was in my depression cause I give read somewhere that a monotone or at least dull voice had to do with depression other times it's just that persons voice. What can I do to change my voice to more cheery? Cause when I talk with expression people think I'm about to cry, I used to be able to make people laugh now I just bore them when I tell them stories cause it's not the story that's boring but it's my voice. Please help

Yes , I remember you writing before. This time I did an online search to see what other advice is out there regarding monotone voice and changing it. There is a LOT! I will post a few but you can also do a search under "help for monotone voice" or "changing a monotone voice".

http://www.winggirlmethod.com/how-do-i-stop-being-monotone/

http://www.voicedynamic.com/blog/?p=289

Almost all I looked at mention practicing on your own, either reading a story or poem aloud, or listening to radio talk show hosts and trying to mimic their tone changes in voice as they speak. Or start a video or movie on you tube where you can hit pause while you copy how they spoke.
Having a low voice isn't what makes a person monotone. From what I've read, monotones can also be a higher pitch but same tone, or even very expressive but instead of one or two words being emphasized or expressive, all the words are and that can be boring or sound fake. Watch yourself in a mirror and try saying the same phrase, pick any you want but do it with different emotions, happy, sad and angry will be the easiest. Words are just words until one puts emotion behind them so a person knows if you are happy or not, or making a statement or asking a question by your tone of voice. Here's an easy one:
I won the state lottery. Say the words with excitement as if you really won the lottery. Now try instead of the statement to make it sound like a question, as if someone told you that you won but you aren't sure you heard that right. I won the state lottery? For this question, put emphasis on the word 'won' and on lottery start at one tone and on third syllable go up in tone. Take phrases out of books or poems. Find those easiest for you to practice with. Make your face change too. Raise eyebrows for surprise, frown for angry, a pouty face for sad. Body language is a big part of communication too so you might want to study facial expressions and body language as well to make your transformation a package deal.
Good luck dear.

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So I'm 12 female. At the end of the school year (ik that's a long time from now but I want to make my decision quickly) I want to give a girl my number. I chose the end of the year so if she denys I'll have a long time to not see her and get over it. I'm not going to let her know my intentions, ill tell her it's to be friends, just in case we don't get in the same classes next year. What I'm worried about is she's rich, and has rich friends, in the rich side of town. I'm kind of lower middle class, everyone in my town is lower middle class or poor. We talk and I know she doesn't look down on me, but idk my life is so basic compared to hers. She probably lives in a house rather than a shitty apartment in a house with three bedrooms a bathroom and a kitchen. I wouldn't have a problem doing this to a kid from my town. It's the norm. Lets look at us, we've got one in a shitty apartment, another in a shitty apartment with one bedroom, another in a small shitty house, one who moves 10 times a week, one with a heroin addict mom who got taken away by the state and now lives with his grandparents in a shitty "house", twins who could barely afford their shitty house, and I know what it's like in her part of town...kids live in nice big houses and have nice money and multimillionare parents...meanwhile the wealthiest girls in my town are the ones with actually nice houses and a car that functions and isn't shit...

Idk i guess I'm intimidated by her life vs mine...

Should I still try it out with her?

Sure, you could go with your plan but unless you want a greater chance at her wanting to be friends with you, you will need to cultivate that friendship, plant friendship seeds now. It would be the same thing if you were interested in a guy and make no contact other than minimal talk only in classes but never try to start acting like a friend toward a guy. If you walk up to a guy you'vee never really interacted with much at all and give your number asking him to call, its 50/50 chance that he will or won't. Kids your age, are so afraid of how others see them, being accepted and liked that often they are crippled by their fears and don't try at all. Right now, living in 2 different towns and neighborhoods, the only place you are likely to see her consistantly is school so If I were you, I wouldn't wait. The hard truth in most of our country is that the middle class has been slowly disappearing and its obvious to me that what we have now is the working poor, no middle class, and those who are rich. thats a big gap but we cant let that stop us from having friendships and relationships. When you say she's Hot, My guess is this is more about sexual attraction than a friendship and friendship is the way you've decided to get close to her. Its early for some your age to have figured out their sexual preferences yet. Its obvious when one is straight, but its not always black and white with the other half being gay. It could be she'll discover one day, or you will that you are bi sexual. Become close friends first and some time later when you both trust each other more, start convo's asking what she thinks her sexuality is. If she says she is straight, leave her be, and dont announce how you feel or you will change forever the friendship and scare her away.

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22/f, 29/m

Let me first say: I noticed that my boyfriend has been distant lately. I wouldn't say physically distant until now, but I feel that he's been emotionally distant. I feel as if we're not connecting as much as we were. I told him this before, and he told me that he still loves me, and he doesn't think that he is. That he spent a couple of hours watching my favorite show with me and that he made me dinner... But I still feel disconnected from him.

My boyfriend is out of town for some business. He was only going to be there for about a day and a half and he's barely responding to me. He left around 10 PM and texted me around 12-ish telling me that he has arrived at the hotel and told me "good night." I called him to ask if he had locked the back door, etc because I'm afraid at sleeping over at his house by myself (his house is closer to my work, and I take care of his dog while he's out of town).

The next day, I texted him throughout the day and he has barely responded. He doesn't respond to my "I love you's," "I miss you's," or anything like that. But he responds "thank you" when I tell him that I walked and fed his dog.

When I tell him that I'm worried when I don't hear from him for 6 hours or so, I'm afraid that he's dead. He would respond with, "I'm very much alive and I'm being perfect." and send a photo of whatever setting he may be in (we have some trust issues).

Last night, he texted me that he got back to his hotel and still barely spoke to me. He just told me that he was going to go shower and then go to bed. Then he told me the time he will be back at home the next day. So, this morning I said, "Okay" with a kissy face.

This morning I was cramping and told him that I think my period might've started because I was cramping (we were waiting for my period to start. He's worried that I might be pregnant, but I'm not.) and all he said was, "I hope you get well soon."

I'm trying to remind myself that he's probably really busy because he told me that his day was fine but it was really long. And I keep telling myself that he's probably really tired and that I guess he's being picky with what he responds with. But it makes me sad and concerned when he doesn't respond to my, "i love you" and "i miss you." He used to tell me these things all the time, and now he just decided to stop? He told me "i love you" last night, but that was before he decided to end the *barely even a short conversation last night*.

What do you think I should do? Should I just keep reminding myself that he's just busy? Should I confront him? Or should I just leave him and the conversation alone? Or is it because I feel disconnected from him that's why I feel this way?

I cant tell you why you feel disconnected. I can tell you that nothing you've mentioned that he is doing is out of line or suspicious or abnormal. He actually sounds like a really nice guy by his responses. Is this his first time away from you since you started dating? Its okay to miss someone when they are away. However, constant attempts at contact come across as needy and clingy and the gal not having a life of her own outside of the guy she dates. Its also okay if he's a very important part of your life but making a person the only thing that occupies your life is not a wise thing. You did not mention if he was away to visit his family or on a business related trip. Both are reasons enough for him to not be contacting you. At least he is responding and with appropriate things like thanking you for the care of his dog. Telling him I love you once while he's gone is fine. Telling him twice, 6 times or more is overkill, and won't bring him home any faster, or make you feel any better. He is being very patient with you dear, but if you continue this kind of behavior, it could very well push him away and any man after that whom you treat the same way. I don't think you're a bad person. You sound very nice and its a smart move to ask for the input of others who may have more life experience. Guess what, when I when your age, I unintentionally made some of the same mistakes and others when it came to relationships, the school of hard knocks. I'd wish for you to not experience the heartbreak of knowing you drove a good guy away from you. There is nothing to confront him about. He feels connected to you and he is busy. If you really want some communication with him, ask him to text you some times that might be good to call him and have one nice long convo by Phone, not texting. Texting doesn't work for conversation and frustrates people too much, either thoses sending and not getting immediate response or those receiving texts and their focus on whats going on around them being constantly distracted and interrupted by constant texts.

Maybe you need to share more of what has been going on in your head, the kind of thoughts you've been having that have led to you feeling disconnected. I am available to talk to you further or if you want to tackle the disconnect feeling you have, provide more info to the whole group and see what we come up with. good luck dear

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About 4 months ago, I lost my poppop to cancer. As it has definitely been hard for me to lose him, it has been exceptionally hard for my mom because she was very close to her dad. Long story short, I want to make her something very memorable for her this Christmas that she'll love to have forever to always remember him. I remember her looking at something where I could sew a flannel shirt of his on to a pillow so she would still have a piece of him always. She already was gifted a quilt of some of his clothes and pictures of all of us so nothing quite like that, please. I'm just looking for memorable, cute DIY gifts to make her smile and remember the good times with him instead of his last few days suffering. Any help or ideas is greatly appreciated!! Thanks!

You were given great gift ideas for gifts that are around all year long. My idea is one focused only on Christmas season, a time when it is hard to enjoy the Holiday now without loved ones for the first time. It is hard, it won't be the same and yet you want to hang onto somehow including them still in your Holiday celebrations. When I lost my parents, mom first....I didn't to purchase ornaments where you can insert a photo of the person and then hang it on your Christmas tree forever after each Christmas. My Mom was born in Germany and the Gingerbread house photo ornament I saw reminded me of her, I added a photo and have enjoyed bringing it out every Christmas. Selections aren't great for store bought photo ornaments as I discovered 10 yrs later when Dad passed. SO a DIY is perfect. I did a search online for 'DIY Christmas photo ornaments' and you can do the same to see what appeals to you. Here is the easiest one I am posting link to:

http://dearcrissy.com/diy-christmas-photo-ornament/

If Mom has a set theme for tree decorating that does not include a hodge podge of differing ornaments, then it might not work for a tree. Instead you may want to create a Christmas themed photo frame that can stand on a table top as part of her Christmas decorating stuff. It can be a regular photo of Poppop or perhaps a good one of him where someone you know who's good with photo shop adds a santa hat on him if you don't have a good holiday pic of him in a santa hat or Christmas pullover. Or if you think she'd prefer a framed photo of him for all year around, make two, one especially for Christmas. If he liked beach combing, fishing, its easy enough to glue shells, beach glass and mini toy fish of items from the scrap booking section of craft stores onto a frame with a photo of him at the beach. Carry out the theme of the photo onto the frame. If doing so, go to your local craft store, mention what you make to make. And ask for suggestions there. I hope this helps.

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what are some songs to tell someone you are not interested?

The problems with hints is that often the other person doesnt get them, especially if it were to be subtle, the way you want to try, playing only songs about break ups and not being interested.

So its best to be direct and get it over with rather than chance dragging this out by not being honest. Her suggestion of what to say is a very good one. It does not say that the other person is lacking in some way or doesnt measure up, just that you don't feel a romantic connection. I would make sure that whatever you say, you use the same techniques as any couple would use for proper problem solving together. You use 'I and Me' statements and avoid saying 'You' statements. The you statements places blame or the lacking or problems with them and is hurtful to the other while using I and me statements places the focus on you and wont be hurtful to another. They may be disappointed but will get over it.

Here's an example of using a you statement.
"You are a smoker Joe and I just can't get into a relationship with a smoker, so I'm not getting together with you." While it may be true, it isn't the main issue of not feeling romantic towards him or any chemistry. The danger with trying to use this 'you statement' is 2 fold.
1. He can get angry that you find him lacking cus he's a smoker and takes it as a personal affront. Some people stew over it a while and get over it while others are immature and get vindictive by slamming you with insults, trying to break up your next relationship, stalking simply to torture out of revenge are a couple of possibilty. I used this example as I had a guy lie and say he wasn't a smoker, that his son was. In the end, he reached for and pulled out a cigarette while with me, catching himself and putting it away but not quick enough for me to see it and when I questioned him about it, he made excuses. When I didn't accept his excuses and told him I dont expect him to quit and I also am allergic to cigarette smoke and that its not him, it's my problem. As nice as you are, I just won't get into a relationship with a smoker. Notice I used I statements. It still didn't work. For a few days, he left a bunch of hateful phone messages for me and then I never heard again. If you do what you are supposed to do and do it right, then at the least, even if the other person reacts, you won't have to live with guilt of knowing you botched it up and did a bad and hurtful way of breaking the news to someone.

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There's been something that's been bothering me for a while. Almost my whole life I've wanted to be a vegetarian, but come from a family of big meat eaters. I guess this is kinda my conviction. I know what animals go through in those slaughter houses and feel it's animal abuse. Hunting is one thing but I feel slaughter houses are too cruel. I don't want to support something like that. I know the bible says you can eat meat and that's why my parents make me eat meat. But it doesn't order you to eat meat. In Romans 14 it says not to judge those who choose to eat meat and don't those who choose to eat vegetables. But it also says that those who are weak in the faith eat vegetables. I'm wondering if that means I'm spiritually weak or its referring to a certain group of people? I don't know I'm so confused! I don't like to see myself as spiritually weak, but to try to eat meat I told myself I just woldnt care anymore, and I feel it made me be a monster. I would constantly get mad at animals for acting on instinct and it's something I don't want to be again. When I do care on the other hand, I feel sick for eating an animal, but I'm also much kinder. The bible also says not to put a stumbling block in your brothers path, and that's what meat is for me. Is there any more scripture to back me up? And can anyone tell me what the clean and unclean animals are in the bible? Any advice would be very much appreciated. I can't tell you how much time I've spent researching these subjects:(

THere are natural vegetarians like myself like that as a little child, never able to get used to the texture and taste of meat even tho forced to eat. I believe the meat vs veggie eater story is an analogy to point out that those with more spiritual growth and maturity should not look down on those who don't have it yet, the vegetarians. It was not meant to be taken literally.

As for clean and unclean animals, God was simply sharing basic info to keep people healthier in a time when there was no such thing as refrigeration. Some meats preserve well with salt or dried and others don't last even a day before harmful germs in it can make you really sick. He had no way to explain germs and micro organisms in a time of little medical advancment and no microscopes.

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I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 24. We just started dating about 3 months ago but recently started becoming more intimate. The thing is that when he fingers me he puts his actual fingers in and is kind of rough which I don't like. I'm definitely clitoral so I just like it rubbed. How can I let him know this without it being awkward or making it seem like I don't like when he puts his actual fingers in me especially so rough? I don't want to make him feel bad.

You are very intelligent to realize that there is a certain way to speak to ones partner when wanting to change something sexually or ask for something. Critisizing is not good as it discourages him. Pick something you can tell him you do like. Watch how you phrase it. Like: I like it when you finger me, but I even like it when you work on my clit more.'
or try "I like when you finger me but I want to try it a lot slower and gentler."
See, every woman is different so if he's ever had sex with others in the past, some may have liked it rougher. He's only going with what he knows and its a matter of learning what works for you and what doesnt. At some point soon, you need to establish a safe word that when you use it, he stops immediately what he was doing. I know its a practice you may have heard people using if they're into sub and dom, s and m sort of things but its just as important for those who don't do that. Using words like yes and no and dont or stop can be confusing as women tend to use those words like 'oh no, no...as they get closer to climaxing and you would not like it if he stopped. Then the words, don't stop to encourage him to continue have a totally different meaning if you hesitate between the words. Don't......stop. which is interpreted to the partners mind as Don't do what you are doing and stop it at once when it may be the opposite of what you meant. I simply say ouch if he gets too rough and it happens often enough especially when he gets excited as he sees me becoming more aroused, he'll tend to go faster and harder and we're talking a couple in our 50's. He knows well to be gentle and knows what I like but gets carried away at times. When its due to his excitement when working on me, the simple 'ouch' makes him stop immediately. I tell him I liked what he was doing, just that he changed from gentle to too hard. So with any correction, make sure to give plenty of kudos on everything else.

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Me and my bf have been together for 2 years. At the moment he's gone to a different country on a lads weekend to celebrate his 21st.
He's not bothering to keep in contact with me but I feel like I need to make the effort with him when he gets back and do something nice.

However I feel very much like a second option that he values his mates more than me and thought he'd have a better time/celebration with them than me.

His birthday is tommorow but he's upset me so should I even organise anything when he gets home in two days or leave it?

After 2 years together, you must have decided this guy is the perfect one, the one to spend the rest of your life with. Unless he is nothing more than a person to do social activities with while experiencing the bonus of romance such as a committed couple have. I don't know what your relationship with him is. Perhaps the two of you do not communicate well, perhaps he isn't making you one of his top 3 prioritys in life. A male can and is able to juggle, multi task as well as women. However, as to where your importance to him falls on the totem pole is important as to whether he loves you or not. To men, important things to put their attention to fall under: work, school, buddies, family, sports team they may be on, and a wife or girlfriend. A girlfriend/wife should be one of the top 3 if she is to have the quality time and attention from him. If his buddies are one of his top 3, then there is nothing wrong with him wanting to spend time with them for once on his birthday, especially something like a trip to another country which sounds like something that has been planned for some time, YOu just don't plan that kind of thing overnight. So is your issue that he kept this secret from you? Or is it that he did announce he was going there with buddies and said nothing about spending time with you to celebrate his birthday after he got back. Guys might not think to mention such a thing not realizing how important it is to you. Thats for you to share with him and come to a compromise on. You basically train him on what you do like in a boyfriend and don't like. If its basic relationship stuff, hows he to learn without being told. But if it involves him totally changing his personality and his character to be perfect for you, then maybe its time to wake up and realize he's not the right guy for you.

If you were his wife of 10 years and he told you he was going on this vacation with buddies and you weren't allowed any input, then he'd be operating as a single guy, not a married one. Whatever commitment he has made ,if any to you, it is not in his mind the same as being your husband. A wife would and could expect her husband to take her on a vacation before he ever made a trip off alone with buddies. If a couple is truly in love and want to spend every possible moment with each other, of course they would plan something like this. If I were you, I think my issue would be feeling jealous of his friends, that I couldn't be on this trip either, its not so much about a birthday when he's got lots of years of birthdays left in his life to celebrate.

Jealousy is an emotion that comes from a deep down fear of being replaced, losing something or someone. In your case IF it were jealousy, it would be a fear that his buddies will always be top priority over you. A guy needs alone time as well as time without his honey and guess what, so do women. I like my alone time or time spend with my daughters. But my 2nd husband and I are so deeply in love that any decisions we make almost always include time spent together. But we are not clingy, able to give each other space as we need it and there are other priorities in life but I know I am a top priority.
Then theres the different styles of love languages. Perhaps quality time and words of affirmation are what make you feel like you are loved and you expect him to feel your love and feel loved by you expecting and doing the same for him. However there are other ways people naturally show love. One is giving of gifts, acts of service, physical touch. We tend to use the love language that means most to us on others. ANd if it is not your boyfriends love language too, then the quality time you give him or your words of affirmation, affection and so on wont register much with him if at all. I have a sister who loves to give me gifts to show she loves me. I could care less about the gifts as often they were things I really didn't like or want but its her way of showing she loves me. When he gets back, give him a birthday celebration belated. But you might want to also go online and both of you take free tests to discover what your love languages are, then tell each other what actions translate to you as feelings loved. He and you will both most likely need to give to each other the actions that don't translate as love to you when received. Its just as important to give exactly what the other needs. Hopefully that will help your relationship out some.Good luck.

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Hello everyone!

My mother and my ex-boyfriend (whom I am still very close friends with) are both attending work parties on the same day.

My mom asked me to go with her, because my dad's not a huge fan of these events, and because she thought I would enjoy it. Her work party is large, held at a nice hotel, will feature speeches from the founders, will have music/drinks/food, and is formal. Most of her coworkers are are in their late 20s-beyond, and I'm 20, so they're older than me. She told me that my dad would go with her if I decided not to attend.

My ex-boyfriend's party is smaller and not as formal, but should still be nice. It will be held at a restaurant and will also feature music, food, and drinks. His coworkers are closer to my age. I still have feelings for my ex-boyfriend, but he doesn't have feelings for me, and because of this tension we sometimes don't get along well. I have wanted to go with him to an office event for a while.

I did tell my mom I would go with her first, but she's understanding of my situation with my ex and doesn't mind what I do.

What should I do?

If he had a new girlfriend, would he be still choosing you to accompany him instead of her? I dont think so. That relationship is in the past. Its really hard to spend much time in the company of a once past boyfriend and try to remain just friends. You'd be stuck the whole time just wondering when it was going to get awkward between you.
So whats the bigger concern, age? or some wish you had in your mind to attend such an event with him while he was your boyfriend. We all have wishes and yearning for things that never pan out. You'd be going with him more for experiencing what you wished and hoped for, not to give him a date. So, its like him using you, an ex to have a date, and you using him to fulfill a dream? Doesn't sound promising.

On the other hand, age isn't a matter with Moms office party. You're 20 and it sounds like there are plenty of people who are only 10 years older or less and that is close enough an age gap to find things in common to chat about. If couples can marry and survive 10 yr or less age gaps, you can survive an office event dear. Besided, Mom asked you first and being able to dress up really formal sounds more exciting to me. Enjoy going to Moms office party.

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I'm 18 from a Southeast Asian country where all sort of abuse is common. My parents (real) still abuse me. Earlier my mother slapped my more than 10 times. I have a red mark on my left face. She slammed me on the table then drag me hair. Of course as an 18 who would fight to their rights, I talked back to her. I told her, "is that what you can do? kill me." so see continued so smash my face on the couch. I continued talking back to her like: I'm 18 it's my right not to get physically abused. i even told her that it would be ok if she'd only abuse me verbally because it would never hurt me. I started yelling at her when my back hurt a lot. I have a problem with my vertebral disk so it's dangerous if my spine will be hit.

I cried a lot and she never stopped. It was really embarrassing because we have a guest, my 29-yr old cousin at the next door. After from a loud noise, my father came out with my arnis stick. he smacked me at my back, hips and arms. It hurts a lot really. He even tried to smack me in my head, but I've covered up so my forearm got hit. He ranted about how lazy I am, how dumb I am, how stupid and disabled. It killed me so much because it's 11 pm and everyone was sleeping. Our loud noise was heard by the neighbourhood who are just 2 metres away. I told him to stop because i can no longer breathe due because I was crying too hard that I couldn't catch my breath. He never stopped to smack me with his hands. I yelled that they have no rights to physically abuse me. They laughed sarcastically and said you're our child in my house with my rules. I even told them that I'll report them to women's desk and or tell my dad who's on a business trip (my 2nd father who's like my real dad and raised me until I was 13), but they just laughed and said go ahead that it killed me more. I told them that no one will hurt me no one will physically abuse me except myself but they kept on ranting on how lazy I am how different i am from my 5 siblings (i'm the 3rd child). My mother even told me that she regret making me alive. They even told me that I'm boastful about my achievements because of course that's just how I make myself better when they tell me how weak i am academically. I punched the wall and my pierced hand on it and it bled, but I can still type but can't write. I'm so desperate. I can't moveout I'm still in college and so poor. What will I do please help me. i tried talking about this to my friend but she didn't even empathized, she just laughed. I'm so tired but I won't sleep til I dry out my tears. I have a class tomorrow. My marks are visible especially on my face. plus I don't know what to do with my life. I don't know how to deal with the embarrassment of this to my neighbours, the marks on my skin, and the pain all over my body. I want to die since I'm feeling useless but I need to be alive for my dad(2nd dad) who cared for me and would be glad to see me as a doctor. I wanna die but i can't. They abuse me every couple of weeks. I don't know what to do. I'm 18. useless and weak. I can't stop from crying. I'm mentally destroyed from all of this plus I got dropped in my PE class this morning so that made me so destroyed.

I'm planning to stay up late and won't go home and perhaps get drunk. I wanna die. Please help me. what should I do. And also, I won't do any sort of reportings to authority that would humiliate them at any cost because my parents are professionals and I'm afraid to destroy their reputation. but I want to end this. I'm so sick of this physical abuse. i had no one to talk to. Please.

I dont know what agencies are available in your country but there must be laws there too as in the US where it is a felony to hit anyone, even your own child, and it being their home and their child shouldn't make it an excuse to get away with it. My guess is there is something very wrong with your parents, either mentally unstable, or anger issues, all of which would require they see Psychologists for help but that wont come to the knowledge of those who could help them unless you report them. In your culture, pride, and family name is very important. They know you wouldn't want to humiliate them but there would be no need for that to happen if they treated you well. It is not you humiliateing them by reporting them and getting the medical and mental help you need. They put themselves in this position by the choices they make. I was married to a man who was verbally abusive to me for 30 yrs, yes even in the US. I chose to stay for my own reason which were different than yours. I was a church goer and church teaches to not divorce and trust God to heal your marriage. God gave each of us a free will. I forgot about that. And that free will is what caused my problem and same for you.

God said to me, if I take away your husbands free will and force him like a robot to treat you nicely then he no longer has a free will. I will not take away a free will even if someone uses theirs to make bad decisions, to hurt others, kill, steal, destroy. If he were to allow free will only in those who were doing the right thing, then even good people who've done some things wrong in life would be robots. God doesnt work that way. He told me I have a free will to choose to allow myself to stay where I am mistreated or to leave. So I left my ex husband. After 2 years he realized I wasn't coming back and agreed to file a divorce. If you will not report them, you need to leave home. You need to find a safe place to stay while you try to get your life in order. If no friends or other relatives can take you in, check with a school counselor and mention you really need to find another place to live as home life is affecting your ability to do well in school. You dont have to give details unless they ask for it and require it to get you the help you need. If you choose not to leave them, my guess is you wont live long as its a matter of time before they do something that kills you, or you get so depressed and feel theres no hope that you kill yourself. We can't choose our parents, but you can choose at 18, who you will associate with and its best you get as far away from them as you can. Even if they both got treatment from a Dr. its a long process until they become normal caring people if ever so even then, its not a good place for you to live. I wish you the best in finding an agency that can help take care of you.

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My boyfriend is 25 years old (so am I) and we have recently started dating. After becoming sexual I've realized one thing - he's having trouble getting hard. We haven't had sex yet, well because he hasn't been able to get hard. We will be making out and he will be fingering me and still nothing. Last night he even tried to do it himself and it didn't work. It's frustrating for both of us but he says he just needs lube and he can get hard in seconds. Is this normal? I've never had this problem with past boyfriends. He said he swears its not because of me he's just always needed lube to get hard.

Its not you. Theres something going on for him and though not many at this age have such problems, it is not uncommen and Drs. see young men often enough for this issue. The greatest cause at this age is not enough male hormones. Secondly might be any medications he is taking daily that hinder a mans ability to get hard.
If he drinks heavy to feel comfortable and uninhibited before sex, alcohol can tamper with ones ability to get hard.
Circulatory issues are another cause of the problem as well as prostate which are issues more specific to older men. Those are the issues of which I know and there could be more. So as you can see, the best thing is for him to see a Dr. so if its hormonal, he can be given something that fixes that issue. If its due to medication he takes thats interfering, then his Dr. will try him on other meds to alleviate this issue. The worst thing he can do is not go see a Dr. as any medical reasons will not go away on their own. The only other reason would be a psychological one, involving his thought life and since our brain is our greatest sex organ, it can definitely have an effect on a mans ability to get hard. Encourage him to see his doctor.

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