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My boyfriend is out of town and is barely responding
22/f, 29/m
Let me first say: I noticed that my boyfriend has been distant lately. I wouldn't say physically distant until now, but I feel that he's been emotionally distant. I feel as if we're not connecting as much as we were. I told him this before, and he told me that he still loves me, and he doesn't think that he is. That he spent a couple of hours watching my favorite show with me and that he made me dinner... But I still feel disconnected from him.
My boyfriend is out of town for some business. He was only going to be there for about a day and a half and he's barely responding to me. He left around 10 PM and texted me around 12-ish telling me that he has arrived at the hotel and told me "good night." I called him to ask if he had locked the back door, etc because I'm afraid at sleeping over at his house by myself (his house is closer to my work, and I take care of his dog while he's out of town).
The next day, I texted him throughout the day and he has barely responded. He doesn't respond to my "I love you's," "I miss you's," or anything like that. But he responds "thank you" when I tell him that I walked and fed his dog.
When I tell him that I'm worried when I don't hear from him for 6 hours or so, I'm afraid that he's dead. He would respond with, "I'm very much alive and I'm being perfect." and send a photo of whatever setting he may be in (we have some trust issues).
Last night, he texted me that he got back to his hotel and still barely spoke to me. He just told me that he was going to go shower and then go to bed. Then he told me the time he will be back at home the next day. So, this morning I said, "Okay" with a kissy face.
This morning I was cramping and told him that I think my period might've started because I was cramping (we were waiting for my period to start. He's worried that I might be pregnant, but I'm not.) and all he said was, "I hope you get well soon."
I'm trying to remind myself that he's probably really busy because he told me that his day was fine but it was really long. And I keep telling myself that he's probably really tired and that I guess he's being picky with what he responds with. But it makes me sad and concerned when he doesn't respond to my, "i love you" and "i miss you." He used to tell me these things all the time, and now he just decided to stop? He told me "i love you" last night, but that was before he decided to end the *barely even a short conversation last night*.
What do you think I should do? Should I just keep reminding myself that he's just busy? Should I confront him? Or should I just leave him and the conversation alone? Or is it because I feel disconnected from him that's why I feel this way?
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I cant tell you why you feel disconnected. I can tell you that nothing you've mentioned that he is doing is out of line or suspicious or abnormal. He actually sounds like a really nice guy by his responses. Is this his first time away from you since you started dating? Its okay to miss someone when they are away. However, constant attempts at contact come across as needy and clingy and the gal not having a life of her own outside of the guy she dates. Its also okay if he's a very important part of your life but making a person the only thing that occupies your life is not a wise thing. You did not mention if he was away to visit his family or on a business related trip. Both are reasons enough for him to not be contacting you. At least he is responding and with appropriate things like thanking you for the care of his dog. Telling him I love you once while he's gone is fine. Telling him twice, 6 times or more is overkill, and won't bring him home any faster, or make you feel any better. He is being very patient with you dear, but if you continue this kind of behavior, it could very well push him away and any man after that whom you treat the same way. I don't think you're a bad person. You sound very nice and its a smart move to ask for the input of others who may have more life experience. Guess what, when I when your age, I unintentionally made some of the same mistakes and others when it came to relationships, the school of hard knocks. I'd wish for you to not experience the heartbreak of knowing you drove a good guy away from you. There is nothing to confront him about. He feels connected to you and he is busy. If you really want some communication with him, ask him to text you some times that might be good to call him and have one nice long convo by Phone, not texting. Texting doesn't work for conversation and frustrates people too much, either thoses sending and not getting immediate response or those receiving texts and their focus on whats going on around them being constantly distracted and interrupted by constant texts.
Maybe you need to share more of what has been going on in your head, the kind of thoughts you've been having that have led to you feeling disconnected. I am available to talk to you further or if you want to tackle the disconnect feeling you have, provide more info to the whole group and see what we come up with. good luck dear
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