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Fingering
I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 24. We just started dating about 3 months ago but recently started becoming more intimate. The thing is that when he fingers me he puts his actual fingers in and is kind of rough which I don't like. I'm definitely clitoral so I just like it rubbed. How can I let him know this without it being awkward or making it seem like I don't like when he puts his actual fingers in me especially so rough? I don't want to make him feel bad.
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I don't want to tell you what you must do, you can do whatever you want to do, but your boyfriend wants to put something inside you, and right now it's his fingers. If you want to make things easy on everyone, next time you are together alone in front of the fireplace, trim your nails and then his like it's a cute game. Later, when you're making out on the couch and he reaches under the pajama shorts you are wearing, he will only feel the skimpiest thong you put on for the occasion, and you will stop him for just a second and present him a bottle of Astroglide, and he will love being able to slide his fingers inside and out of you, and you will love it because it won't hurt. And who knows, you might feel your boyfriends finger up your tight little butt hole if you're lucky. Get used to that lube and somebody will soon fuck your cherry away.
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i agree with the other posters here, also while your sitting together watching a movie or something like that where you know something will probably happen, gently grab his hands like your just rubbing and admiring therm and look at his finger nails. Make sure they are clipped and clean, and theres no places where he can snag and hurt you.
If he has nail clippers or you have a pair you carry in your purse, just take them out and be like:
"oh you have a snag here, lemme get that for you, you might snag yourself on something babe"
Then go over all his other nails "just to make sure" ; )
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You are right to be concerned that you could make him feel bad if you use the wrong words. When it comes to sex the male ego is very fragile. All males think they are dynamite in bed. Fact of the matter is sex like everything else in life is a learned experience for the most part. Sure we all have an inherent ability when it comes to actual intercourse, foreplay is a different story.
Most men are not aware that many women cannot be aroused through vaginal stimulation. This is because everything we have learned about sex comes from what we read in porno magazines or see in porno films. Most parents do not tell male children how to make love. They tell them about sex and pregnancy and to keep it in their pants until they are married.
You do need to have a conversation and tell him about the fact you are clitoral not vaginal. I would suggest this conversation take place when you are pleasing him. Ask him where he likes to be kissed and touched. Ask him if he likes his nipples sucked. Yes some men do have sensitive nipples and tell him it is okay if he does like his nipples sucked and nipped it doesn't make him gay. Ask him if he likes the way you stroke and suck on his penis. Is there anything you could do to make it better for him. Does he like his sack and testicles sucked and licked.
If your into it does he like to have his anus licked. Will he let you penetrate him with your finger and stroke his prostrate. You can give him a mind-blowing orgasm if he let's you should you want to do this.
If he is smart and you ask these things of him he will ask you the same questions of you. This is when you can tell him you really get of having your clitoris stoked and licked. How you like it done and that vaginal stimulation doesn't do it for you but clitoral stimulation does get you up for intercourse.
Just remember one thing when you do talk to him. There's nothing weird that happens in the bedroom between two consenting adults. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom.
This includes the fantasies most of us have. If you trust your partner there's no reason not to explore your fantasy with them. These are the things you should to get across to your boyfriend when you do talk to him. He may not be the man you marry but if you have an open and frank conversation about your sexual needs you will be doing both of you a favor. This is a conversation every couple should have before having sex or shortly after entering a sexual relationship.
My wife and I did and that was 45 years ago.
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Show him what you want him to do. As in, grab his hand with yours and basically rub yourself with his hand and encourage him to do the things you like or the ones you like best.
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You are very intelligent to realize that there is a certain way to speak to ones partner when wanting to change something sexually or ask for something. Critisizing is not good as it discourages him. Pick something you can tell him you do like. Watch how you phrase it. Like: I like it when you finger me, but I even like it when you work on my clit more.'
or try "I like when you finger me but I want to try it a lot slower and gentler."
See, every woman is different so if he's ever had sex with others in the past, some may have liked it rougher. He's only going with what he knows and its a matter of learning what works for you and what doesnt. At some point soon, you need to establish a safe word that when you use it, he stops immediately what he was doing. I know its a practice you may have heard people using if they're into sub and dom, s and m sort of things but its just as important for those who don't do that. Using words like yes and no and dont or stop can be confusing as women tend to use those words like 'oh no, no...as they get closer to climaxing and you would not like it if he stopped. Then the words, don't stop to encourage him to continue have a totally different meaning if you hesitate between the words. Don't......stop. which is interpreted to the partners mind as Don't do what you are doing and stop it at once when it may be the opposite of what you meant. I simply say ouch if he gets too rough and it happens often enough especially when he gets excited as he sees me becoming more aroused, he'll tend to go faster and harder and we're talking a couple in our 50's. He knows well to be gentle and knows what I like but gets carried away at times. When its due to his excitement when working on me, the simple 'ouch' makes him stop immediately. I tell him I liked what he was doing, just that he changed from gentle to too hard. So with any correction, make sure to give plenty of kudos on everything else.
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