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Boyfriend currently celebrating birthday abroad without me
Me and my bf have been together for 2 years. At the moment he's gone to a different country on a lads weekend to celebrate his 21st.
He's not bothering to keep in contact with me but I feel like I need to make the effort with him when he gets back and do something nice.
However I feel very much like a second option that he values his mates more than me and thought he'd have a better time/celebration with them than me.
His birthday is tommorow but he's upset me so should I even organise anything when he gets home in two days or leave it?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
After 2 years together, you must have decided this guy is the perfect one, the one to spend the rest of your life with. Unless he is nothing more than a person to do social activities with while experiencing the bonus of romance such as a committed couple have. I don't know what your relationship with him is. Perhaps the two of you do not communicate well, perhaps he isn't making you one of his top 3 prioritys in life. A male can and is able to juggle, multi task as well as women. However, as to where your importance to him falls on the totem pole is important as to whether he loves you or not. To men, important things to put their attention to fall under: work, school, buddies, family, sports team they may be on, and a wife or girlfriend. A girlfriend/wife should be one of the top 3 if she is to have the quality time and attention from him. If his buddies are one of his top 3, then there is nothing wrong with him wanting to spend time with them for once on his birthday, especially something like a trip to another country which sounds like something that has been planned for some time, YOu just don't plan that kind of thing overnight. So is your issue that he kept this secret from you? Or is it that he did announce he was going there with buddies and said nothing about spending time with you to celebrate his birthday after he got back. Guys might not think to mention such a thing not realizing how important it is to you. Thats for you to share with him and come to a compromise on. You basically train him on what you do like in a boyfriend and don't like. If its basic relationship stuff, hows he to learn without being told. But if it involves him totally changing his personality and his character to be perfect for you, then maybe its time to wake up and realize he's not the right guy for you.
If you were his wife of 10 years and he told you he was going on this vacation with buddies and you weren't allowed any input, then he'd be operating as a single guy, not a married one. Whatever commitment he has made ,if any to you, it is not in his mind the same as being your husband. A wife would and could expect her husband to take her on a vacation before he ever made a trip off alone with buddies. If a couple is truly in love and want to spend every possible moment with each other, of course they would plan something like this. If I were you, I think my issue would be feeling jealous of his friends, that I couldn't be on this trip either, its not so much about a birthday when he's got lots of years of birthdays left in his life to celebrate.
Jealousy is an emotion that comes from a deep down fear of being replaced, losing something or someone. In your case IF it were jealousy, it would be a fear that his buddies will always be top priority over you. A guy needs alone time as well as time without his honey and guess what, so do women. I like my alone time or time spend with my daughters. But my 2nd husband and I are so deeply in love that any decisions we make almost always include time spent together. But we are not clingy, able to give each other space as we need it and there are other priorities in life but I know I am a top priority.
Then theres the different styles of love languages. Perhaps quality time and words of affirmation are what make you feel like you are loved and you expect him to feel your love and feel loved by you expecting and doing the same for him. However there are other ways people naturally show love. One is giving of gifts, acts of service, physical touch. We tend to use the love language that means most to us on others. ANd if it is not your boyfriends love language too, then the quality time you give him or your words of affirmation, affection and so on wont register much with him if at all. I have a sister who loves to give me gifts to show she loves me. I could care less about the gifts as often they were things I really didn't like or want but its her way of showing she loves me. When he gets back, give him a birthday celebration belated. But you might want to also go online and both of you take free tests to discover what your love languages are, then tell each other what actions translate to you as feelings loved. He and you will both most likely need to give to each other the actions that don't translate as love to you when received. Its just as important to give exactly what the other needs. Hopefully that will help your relationship out some.Good luck.
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In a perfect world, this would be something you'd discuss with him before he left, that you were both on the same page and knowing you were respecting the other wishes and feelings.
Do you want to organize anything? Do you want to celebrate his birthday with him? Are you excited to see him? If not, what do you want to tell him or do?
Really, this is up to you.
Is totally fine for someone to want time with their friends, and sometimes the girlfriend or boyfriend should be left at home. Friends are an important part of a person's life, and you can't expect to have your partner all to yourself all the time.
But that doesn't mean you have to be okay with what happened this weekend. If you want to celebrate with him when he gets back, do that. If you don't, don't do it.
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let him have some space. Maybe he thinks you're too clingy or maybe he's just one of those guys who just loves his friends more. Let him breathe but when he comes back, sit him down and tell him how you feel but don't loose your temper. I'm going through some things at the moment and I know where you're coming from a little. I can only imagine how you feel and I know that it does not feel good to be excluded by the one you love. I hope it really works out. Thanks for your time.
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