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Dating the wrong guy?
I am a female in my early 20s and I have been dating this guy, Trevor, in a different city than me for a while so I typically spend my whole weekend up there so I spend a lot of time with his roommates, Brent and Riley. Trevor and I went camping with his roommates not too long ago and I realized that I click with his roommate Riley way better than I do with Trevor. Since then Riley and I have become super good friends and innocently chat all the time. I can tell that he knows we have strong chemistry too and Trevor knows it and gives me a hard time about it. How do I handle this? Do I confront the situation with Riley or just stick with Trevor?
(Names changed for privacy!)
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What adviceman said is what I always say about dating...it is more like investigative period of time during which you either discover a guy is compatible/perfect for what you are looking for, or he isn't. Sometimes, one believes they have found the best person possible until another comes along and once you see the comparison, you realise now that your original partner would be 'settling for less than the best'. Just dating, is not a commitment. If Trevor asked you at any point to be be with him, then you need to do one of two things, either break it off with him to date Riley now or stick to a commitment. If there is no commitment, you own it still to him to say something. The best explanation one can use that seems to make sense and is understood by most is the phrase, "I feel more chemistry and click with ----- more so I am going to explore that. In my late 40s after a divorce, that is what I used when I met and dated some guys until I found my 2nd husband. They all seemed to understand that explanation. Rejection of any kind still hurts so dont expect Trevor to be your good buddy still and it would be extremely hard for you to visit Riley while your ex dating partner is in the same place. Riley might have to make the visits to come see you. Again, just so you understand, dating is an information gathering process, not a commitment. If Trevor is really upset, you can give him that statement. From here out, any guy you meet, make sure you let him know you are intrigued by some things about him and want to date a while to get to know him better and see if there's a possibility to find a long term partner with him. By dating, you are not making a commitment to him. It means both of you are still free to come across and meet others you may like better. However at the point either you or the other guy want to explore someone else by dating, then you might choose to agree to let the other know so they'll understand why they aren't hearing from you. In dating the 2nd person, one may discover that the first was better after all and come back ready to make a commitment and we should always be open to doing so. Let the guy you date know he can always let you know of a change of mind. Until two people fall in love and want to make a long term or life long commitment to each other, they are free to meet and get to know others, as long as they are fair and open up front about it.
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The thing about dating is to find out about each other to see if your compatible. To see if a romance can start and if a commitment can be made. You say you and Trevor are dating, you say nothing about romance or if a commitment is in the offering. In fact you say more about Riley then you do Trevor.
While I cannot tell you what to do. From my view of just what you have written, you are building a stronger relationship with Riley without even going out with him. You have formed, call it, a love triangle where somebody or everybody in the end is going to be hurt.
Someone is going to be hurt because of the situation and it is very possible you will all be hurt if Riley decides that his friendship with Trevor is more important than a relationship with you. What you have to decide is if you want to ignore your feelings for Riley and continue dating Trevor or talk, with Trevor and see if he wants to take your relationship beyond the chatting stage.
If he does then to be fair to Trevor you must break it off with him. This will create an awkward situation for you and Riley as Trevor being Riley roommate is still in the picture.
You have a lot to think about and you should make a choice for right now you are not being fair to either of them.
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