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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

My friends already get that I am, but I just can't seem to tell them I'm bisexual. And don't even get me started in my family! I believe they're extremely homophobic. How can I tell anyone that I'm bi when I can't even seem to tell myself that?

First of all you do not have to tell anyone anything about your sexuality; it is none of their business. This includes your parents.

Now I'm going to have to guess at your age since you did not include it. I'm guessing you are a teenager somewhere in the early stages of puberty. If I'm correct do not be so fast to pin a label on yourself. I don't understand why everyone today is in such a hurry to label things unnecessarily.

Teenagers, both boys and girls, going through puberty, the greater majority of them will experiment sexually with in their same sex. This does not make them bisexual, gay or lesbians. What it does is make them perfectly normal.

When learning about yourself, your body, your sexuality it is a lot safer to do so with someone of the same sex than it is with someone of the opposite sex. Parents are not concerned when two teenagers of the same sex are in a room together with the door closed. Maybe they should be but since no one can get pregnant the don't.

If I am correct and you have had some type of sexual intimacy with a girl but still like guys. That you are a young teenager and still in the throes of puberty and have yet to experience sex with a boy. Don't stick a label on yourself for I don't think you are truly, at this time, bisexual.

I knew girls in college that spent a great deal of time having sex with other girls. Why? First: It was safer as you can't get pregnant this way. Second: It relieved the Sexual tension we all get without having to go through the rituals of dating. Usually they had sex with a roommate. Third: The male population was far less than the female population so it was easier to find a girls to have sex with. When these girls left college few if any continued there bisexual or lesbian lifestyle.

Moral of all this is: IF as I believe you are young and in the middle of puberty. Relax, give yourself time to experiment with your sexuality. Finish puberty, then is you still feel you swing both way, then label yourself.

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To sum it all up, my mom remarried a man she knew for a year after being married to my dad for about 30 years. This was only 2 years after they got divorced and at the time of the second marriage, we were struggling FINANCIALLY (By the way, the man, Carlos, is a WEALTHY pilot...you can understand where I'm going with this). Anyways, my brother and I liked him at first, but obviously that didn't last very long.

My brother eventually grew so much hatred towards Carlos that refuses to come visit us or see us unless he's gone on one of his trips. This aggravates my mom because she doesn't understand why my brother hates him so much, even though we've explained it to her countless times. She will always take Carlos' side rather than her son's and obviously that pisses him off.

I can't even start to explain why we have so much resentment towards Carlos because there's just too many things to say, but because of him, my brother and my mom are always mad at each other. Then, they talk to me about each other and I'm just stuck in the middle of all the arguments. I'm 18 now and I have my own car so I'm usually never home because honestly, I just can't stand to be here. But yesterday, my mom and Carlos got into a fight with me (one of the first nights in over a week that I actually decided to come home early and eat dinner with them) so I was being pretty nasty cause he was already pissing me off and now I don't even want to come home at all. The worst part of it is, I have the most guilty conscious ever and whenever I'm rude to someone, I feel like shit afterwards. So right now even though they treated me unfairly, I still feel like crap for talking back. Atleast to my mom. (And by the way, I never got into fights with anymore, never got into trouble, never disobeyed my parents, never talked back..till I moved in with him.) So now I'm just angry, upset, depressed, all of the above, and I just don't know what to do anymore and I don't know what's right or wrong. I can go live with my dad or my brother and feel guilty for leaving my mom (and probably become like my brother) OR, I can just suck it up for two years till I move away to a college that's a few hours away. What should I do? :(

Not knowing exactly what the problem is the advice I can offer is going to be limited.

First: Understand it is wrong of your mother and brother to put you in the middle. I understand they both feel the need to explain themselves to someone and see you as the conduit to the other. Still it is not right to use you in this manner and is probably causing more problems with your stepfather than you should have of your own.

Second: Legally you are an adult know. With being an adult comes certain rights and responsibilities. While you may be an adult you still are dependent on your parents for most of your basic needs. Call this being an adult with training wheels.

Now regardless of whether you live with your mom and stepdad or with your father. When you live under someone's roof dependent on them for that roof then you must be respectful of their rules. Some how I feel this is part of the problem. IF Carlos is providing for you needs while you live under his roof then you owe him a certain amount of respect for doing so as he has no legal need to do so. He is doing so out of love and respect for your mom and in his own way for you.

That is about all I can tell you as to what to do without knowing the full story or even parts of it. If living with Carlos is so unbearable for you, you do have an alternative to live with your dad.

Even though it may hurt your mom you do have a right to be happy. While there was a custody agreement in place you had no choice; you lived where the court ordered. You're 18 now and that agreement is no longer in effect. If your dad is willing to let you live with him then do so. Just explain to your mother why. Fact is she married Carlos, you and your brother did not and you do not have to love him. You should respect him though if he is being kind a caring to your mother and not abusive in any way.

Most important is for you to tell both your mother and brother that you refuse to be a conduit between them any longer. To do so will make your life much happier and you relationship with your mom better in many ways. I would venture to say it would even improve your relationship with Carlos.

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My "ex best friend" is named Lucy. Well me and her aren't talking anymore. However, she's now friends with a few girls I don't like.
Those girls messaged me today saying all this stuff, telling me to "not talk shit"...? So now I deleted my account. I'm not on any social media, and I am homeschooled. Is there any other way for these girls to find me? They don't know where I live or what school I'm at or anything. We do live in the same town, though. Is there any kind of way they can find me and hurt me or anything if I cut out any connections they can make to me?

P.S. Please don't tell me to call the cops on them or to tell an adult or anything. They haven't threatened me or anything but I just don't want to be contacted by them anymore.

While luchia94 has given you some good advice. I do feel you must be feeling unsafe or you would not have written us for advice.

As far as finding you? Anything is possible today depending on their computer skills. Just by knowing your family name and the town you live in it is possible to zero in on you even if there are multiple same last names as yours. You just have to know where to luck and how to use the Internet.

That being said and the fact that you are feeling unsafe I will disregard your asking us not to say anything about contacting an adult or the police. For if you feel these girls might harm you if they find you, which I think is your concern, then the proper thing is to tell your parents of your concern and let them handle it.

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I'm a 15 year old girl, and my boyfriend is 17. We've been dating for 6 months, which I know is a short while for what we did.

A few days ago, we were fooling around (not having sex) and we got really worried that I might be pregnant. Looking back on it, there was absolutely no way that it could have happened, but we got concerned and purchased a Plan B pill. For some reason, I saved the receipt and my mom found it. She got highly upset and yelled for a while, refusing to listen to my apologies or let me explain what happened. Then, she made me tell my dad explicitly what happened between my boyfriend and I and then forced me to break up with him, and to never see or talk to him again.

I know that this seems a lot like teen angst and maybe it is, but I haven't had the energy or motivation to get up or do anything except sleep or cry ever since it happened. I know that I shattered my parents' trust and that I broke their hearts, and I can't begin to tell them how sorry I am for that.

I know that regaining my parents' trust is my first priority, and that after that I may be allowed to see him again. What can I do to show them that I'm truly sorry, and that I am a child that can be trusted?

This is going to take time. One reason you are banned from seeing your boyfriend is your parents know that he is at the very least 50% responsible for what they assume happened.

There is no way to prove to your parents you still a virgin if you're a virgin. Even your doctor cannot tell. All a doctor can tell them is whether or not your Hymen is still intact. A missing Hymen does not mean a girl is not longer a virgin. Also your parents, now that you are 15 cannot force this type of examination on you for under a law called HIPPA you have total confidentiality over your reproductive system. No doctor will perform this procedure unless you consent.

Give your parents some time to recover from what they assume happened. while you're waiting for them to calm down you can earn their trust back by being where you say you will be. If you go someplace else call and get permission. Be home when you say you will be home or when you are told to be home. If for some reason you are going to be late call and tell them. Be helpful around the house without being asked.

You did good by not trying to lie your way out of this such as say it wasn't for you but you purchased it for a girl friend. This has to be points in your favor. As the saying goes; time heals all wounds and time will heal this. Just give mom & da time to calm down then you can talk to them about what has happened just do not rush it as this is one of those wounds that they will need more time to get over than other types of wounds.

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Im a guy, i sent a fake picture of a **** to a girl to try and get pics back:/ im a bad person i know. but she saved the picture and is threatening to send those pics to all of my friends. now if i dont do what she says. she'll sned them to everyone. help me please

You really have not supplied enough information to give you a really good answer so I will go on some assumptions in answering.

Lets assume all concerned, including the person in the picture are all under 18. If so then the picture is considered child pornography. While you would be in trouble for sending her that picture, it is called distribution of child pornography. She would be in worse trouble for she too would be distributing child pornography and also would be charged with use of the internet in the distribution of child pornography. This is a form of improper use of commerce charge I believe. She is also guilty of blackmail.

Again assuming that what I have written above is all correct. Then go to her and tell her that unless she deletes the picture and proves to you that it is deleted you are going to the police with her blackmail attempt. Inform her that she will be charged with the following rimes, Possession of Child pornography, attempted distribution of child pornography, blackmail and wire fraud. All of these crimes are felonies and the last one is a federal charge if they want it to be. If she is 16 or older she can possibly be tried as an adult in most states.

Blackmailers count on the person they are blackmailing being to scared to go to the police.
Turn the tables on her. Tell her has, give her a very short time to comply or you are going to the police. Now she is the one who needs to be in fear. She will tell you you're wrong but as I have laid out the scenario you are not she is.

While you were wrong to sent the picture she is more wrong and most likely you will not face any charges as they need you to convict her. IF she is not willing to comply tell her your next call is to 911. she is counting on your fear to comply with her wishes. Don't fear her turn the tables on her. You do not need parental permission to call 911 and ask for help.

If things are different that I assumed write back to me though what I have said to do is what should be done in most any blackmail situation.

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I am married for 3.5 years. My husband thinks i dont deserve him. I am too inferior too him. He is a doctorate nd i am only a diploma holder. Nd moreover he thinks i am dumb which probably i am. He married me under family pressure nd now asks me to leave him. I come from a very orthodox family ehich doesnt accepts divorced ladies. I love my husband a lot nd dont want to leave him. But he is not happy with me. So i dont know what to do. Please advice. I am 26 years old.

Wow; I've seen some table turned in my lifetime but this one has some real spin on it. Usually when someone tells someone else they don't deserve them it is because they are the one who feels inferior or they are feeling lucky to have the other. Your husbands reasoning really take the cake. In fact I would put this under the heading of REAL BASTARD. Sorry but I call them as I sees them.

I understand where you're at in this situation. Your between the proverbial rock and the hard place. You can stay in a marriage where you are not wanted and put up with whatever abuses he cares to put upon you. His possible cheating which is very possible and anything else you might want to add justified by how he feels. You could even be in danger I can't say. Police blotters are full of incidents because of situations like this. On the other hand you feel you will your family will feel less of you because you would be a divorced women.

I can only advise you on what might be in store for you such as physical and mental abuse if you stay in a loveless marriage. On the other hand I think you might be over thinking the other part.

As a parent if you were my daughter and came to me with this story. My first instinct would be to want to go and knock some sense into your husband for thinking you are inferior to him. For taking advantage of you while he completed his education. When I was finished grinding him into the ground I would pack your things and bring you home. Religion is one thing but blood and paternal instincts can and usually are stronger than religion. As for the extended members of your family; hopefully they would take their lead from me and understand that this is not your fault, that it is your husband who is breaking his vows not you.

Just based on the few lines you used to describe your marriage and why your husband wants to dissolve it I truly fear for your safety. If he feels superior to you then he must feel superior to all others. If so then that this where your safety is endangered for if he is truly feeling superior than he will feel he can do what he wants and get away with it.

In this instance I feel it is better to face possible shunning than the possible alternatives in not giving him a divorce. I also feel your parent will understand if you tell them what is happening and what could possibly happen to you if you do not give him what he wants.

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I am a 26 year old woman and I get so frustrated with myself because I have quite a few irrational fears. What doesn't make sense is that I KNOW they're irrational and I'm still afraid of them anyway.

My sister's getting married Saturday and insisted that I get a tan for the wedding. My choices were to get a spray tan or get a real one. Since spray tans aren't really my jam, I chose to get a real one with the use of a tanning bed. Today was about my fifth day to do so and its so hard for me to relax in those beds. I keep thinking about getting overheated, getting burned, getting skin cancer, damaging my eyes and most ridiculously, the plastic over the bulbs breaking or melting or one of the bulbs exposing or something.

My biggest problem with spray tans is that I wouldn't be able to shower, wash my hands, or use hand sanitizer for a certain amount of time and I'm WAY too germphobic for that.

I'm afraid of all kinds of things. Food poisoning, riding on an airplane, going outside alone after dark, anesthesia wearing off at the dentist's office, bugs crawling on me while I'm asleep and all kinds of other things.

I know I probably need counseling, but please give me some other advice as well. Also, are any of these fears as irrational as I think they are?

Some of your fears are not all that irrational. The fear of going out alone at night is unfortunately a justified fear for any woman. It is an unfortunate sign of our time that a woman is not safe alone on the street in her own community or town. Your fears concerning the Tanning bed, many of them are things to be concerned over.

Being a germ phobic, riding on planes anesthesia wearing off and food poisoning are irrational to different degrees. Germ phobic is greatly irrational. Food poisoning does happen if you do not cook certain foods properly or wash vegetables properly. When eating out choose restaurants carefully and you can even check their ratings with your health department.

Your fear of planes is actually not a fear of flying it is the fear of crashing. Given the safety record of todays passenger airlines and the planes being built today this is too becoming an irrational fear. You are much safer traveling by air than by Rail, bus or by car. I don't have the actual statistic or I would give it to you but it is multi-million times safer to travel by air than any other mode of transportation.

Yes you do need counseling and I would advice you seek out a good psychologist to work with to control these fears. For if you let these fears control you, you will have a very fearful and dull life stuck behind closed doors.

As for getting a Tan for your sisters wedding. If you can do so without getting a sunburn fine. If not don't do it. The last thing you want is to be standing there either all red or peeling.

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Imagine that you had triplets, one boy and two girls. You made it through an entire pregnancy and gave birth to three 6-ish pound babies. The girls, Amy and Elizabeth were healthy, but tragically the boy, Matthew was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and the doctors couldn't get him out fast enough, so he died at birth.

You buried him in a certain cemetery out of three total that you could choose between. The one you chose is called Memorial Park and the only other one you'd have really considered is called Parklawn. Parklawn is where a few of your spouse's relatives are buried, which is why your mother in law wanted him buried there, but you and your spouse chose Memorial Park because it was in a more convenient location, it was nicer, and it was taken better care of. It also had a section called babyland where the plots are smaller and cheaper than adult plots.

His headstone is dark gray around the borders and light gray in the center. It has a sketch of three triplets holding hands at the top. It has his full name, date of birth and death, triplet son of (dad's name and mom's name) and at the bottom it says, "God's hand reached out and took Matthew's hand from ours at birth."

Almost twenty seven years later, you lose your other two triplets on the same day in a car accident. You want to bury them in Memorial Park, but you mother in law is having a fit because she wants them in Parklawn and you're afraid she'll make your life miserable if you refuse.

Since they were adults, they need adult sized plots. You consider exhuming Matthew and re-burying him by his sisters, but you're not completely sure. It would be expensive, but you really, really want them together.

You want to buy Amy and Elizabeth a companion headstone like the ones that are used for married couples. If Matthew is buried by them, you wouldn't do that because you don't want him to be left out and you like his headstone too much to get rid of it and use a triple headstone for all three of tbem. Companion headstone or not, what should it/they say? You are a devout Christian and you want Elizabeth and Amy's headstone(s) to say something about how they've been reunited with Matthew in Heaven, but you don't know what words to use. You also kind of want a Bible verse, but which one? You want to make sure you use the best. You almost exclusively like the flat, light gray headstones with the dark gray borders and definitely want one. Since they have the same date of birth and date of death, you want to make it clear that they were triplets and you kind of want the triplet sketch on it/them, but would that make theirs too close to Matthew's? Does it look uncreative? You also like flat black headstones as well.

So to sum it up:
1. How do you get your mother in law to leave you alone about the Memorial Park/Parklawn controversy? And is that the right decision?
2. Would you exhume Matthew or leave him in babyland?
3. Would you buy a double headstone or two singles?
4. Gray headstones or black ones?
5. What should the headstones say? Would you make the similar to Matthew's or would you want them to be different? Would you include in them that they were triplets or not?
6. What would the epitaph say? Any suggestions for things relating to them and Matthew being together in Heaven. Any Bible verse suggestions?
7. Triplet sketch or no triplet sketch?

I hope this doesn't sound rude, but please don't just tell me that it's up to me or that I should ask my funeral director or anything. I need real help and real suggestions. Imagine yourself in this position and tell me what you'd do. Any ideas will be appreciated.

I am so sorry for your loss.

The answer to question one and two is simple. These are your children and you should do what is right for you and your husband and them. I believe burying the children together is the right thing to do. Your Mother in-law has no say and in my mind it is very wrong of her in this hour of your grief to be insisting you follow her wishes. You are doing something no parent should ever have to do. You do what feels right for you and your husband and what your children would want do not listen to anyone else.

As for questions two to seven these too should be what you feel is the right thing to do not what I feel or anyone else think. I will add this; that if you have to go into financial debt to exhume Mathew at this time don't do so. Just buy a big enough plot now to accommodate his reburial at a later date. After you have paid and recovered from paying for the two funerals you now have to pay for you can then move Mathew. Until then a simple marker will suffice and when you move Mathew to reunite him with his siblings you will have had time to answer questions three to seven.

Once again my deepest condolences on your loss.

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I am married w/2 girls 21 & 16. My oldest doesnt ever come around and I am told that is my fault. My husband calls me names, disables my car, when I can leave he shows up so I go back again. I recently had my 3rd back surgery, cant find a job, and am pathetic to my family so my girls go to his mother even on Mother`s Day!..I just want to fall asleep and die but do not know how to do it. I have tried, so need to know what/how many do I need to take?...NOT 1 PERSON would care if I wasnt around. dont judge I get enough of that

First: None of us here will help you commit suicide that is not what we do here. What we do is help people like you resolve problems so they can have a better life.

Second: If anyone is pathetic in any of what you have written it would not be you. It would be your daughters and your husband.

Third: There are people who care; I care and anyone of us who answer you do care enough to try and help you. So don't say no one cares.

Fourth: People who want to commit suicide are depressed. Why they are suffering from depression is different for each of us who are suffering with it. Yes I said each of us as I too have suffered from depression after a disabling car accident. I know for a fact that when depression takes over our perception is greatly colored by the depression. We do not see things as they really are we see them as the depression wants them to be.

Is it possible that because of your back problems your husband disables your car so that you cannot drive it? That would make a lot of sense to me. Because of the pain meds I'm on my doctor has suggested that I not drive except in a dire emergency. I've listen to her advice and my wife now does most all of the driving.

I can't speak to the name calling other than to say I believe it is the perception working and not really reality you are hearing. Otherwise why would he come and find you to bring you home if he did not have feelings for you.

Is it possible the girls went to their grandmothers on Mothers Day to give you a break and time to rest. I know when my sister and I were younger we would all go to grandma's for mothers day to give our mom a break and grandma a treat to enjoy her grandchildren.

IF you are suffering from some form of depression; which is very possible after three back surgeries especially if they have not been successful then the following are some suggestions you should follow.

1. If you still feel like swallowing a bunch of pill. Pick up the phone and dial 911 instead. Tell the call taker you feel like hurting yourself help will be sent to you.

2. Call this hotline for help. 1-800-273-8255; This is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. It is available 24/7, it is a free call and it is confidential. The trained call takers will work with you to find people in your hometown to help you.

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i use to date this guy named alex a month ago. he's a freshman in college and im a senior in high school.i can say that I was really in love with him enough to lose my virginity to him and he's one those guys that doesn't show his feelings and he hasn't been in many real relationships and I know what we had was real. we broke up because he never made time for me when he came into town for the weekend and we never really had the typical relationship regular people had. all we did was txt and occasionally oovoo. I wanted him to do the simplest things to show he cared and he never did. I cant really explain all the wrong things because no one gets it but me. and I just really got fed up with it all and ended it. and right after I started talking to this guy named allah. he's perfect and he does everything that alex never did and I really like him. the problem is that its hard to let him in because of past things with alex. I told alex everything , our connection was different than ive had with anyone. I cant open up or let myself love anyone else. im even scared to have sex with him because I don't feel right having sex with someone else. if im being honest I still have feelings for alex and I haven't let go of him hurting me so much. I literally just found the guy I want but still stuck on feelings for alex. he was really something special to me and idk how to move on. allah understands it all but why cant I just let go of alex

First loves are always hard to get over. I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I still remember my first love and the first girl I ever had sex with. They just happened to be the same girl. I don't think you ever truly get over your first love as it is a milestone in your life and maybe you should not ever really get over your first love for it is a memory of what love first meant to you.

That last line may be a little confusing when you first read it. What I mean is as we go through life things get blurred even in our love life and even with the person we married. This is when drawing on memories of what love means to us, such as a first love, we can correct the course we may have mistakenly taken. What it doesn't mean is we should sit and pine for a first love lost as first loves are just that, a first a learning tool.

The expression; "time heals all wounds," is appropriate in your situation. It is obvious your love for Alex was greater than his love for you hence the break up and a love not meant to be. Depending on how long ago you and Alex broke up your relationship with Allah is a rebound affair and is why you cannot get comfortable with him.

How much time did you give yourself to get over Alex? A relationship such as the one you had where you surrendered something special to him needs to be mourned; did you give yourself enough time to morn? I cannot tell you how much time that takes as each person needs a different amount of time. It would appear you have not taken enough time.

My wife would tell you that you need to give yourself a pity party. To sit down with a quart of your favorite ice cream, put on your favorite comfy nightgown, watch your favorite love story on the DVD player and have a good cry. Then go out with you girlfriends and have a good time.

Understand that some things are meant to be and some things are not meant to be. Your romance with Alex was not meant to be anything more than two ships passing in the night; so treat it as such and move on. Your relationship with Allah has to be seen as being with him and not compared to Alex. IF you are comparing him to Alex then this is a rebound romance which says you are not ready yet for another relationship.

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I have been in a very wonderful relationship for about a year and a half that started on Jan 2013. In august, my partner met someone and became something with her. Only a few times. Took her to his house to have sex a couple of times also. We communicated well, texted always, but i guess he did this while he told me he took naps at home or went to the gym. I was not aware, neither was the other girl. December we decided to have a child. January 2014 i found out i was pregnant. Best news ever and we were both happy, he was always showing love for me, very supportive and was saving money for a home and baby things. But he still had someone else. I graduated highschool during my pregnancy and the next day (June 8th 2014) this girl confronted me. He said he was going to sleep around 10 pm but at 12 he called me saying he had to explain. I asked him one question, if it was true. He said yes. I just turned 6 months of being pregnant. He deleted accounts whede he communicated with this girl ; Instagram, kik, and snapchat. They never texted, called eachothed, she never met his family, never went out to places or spoke about deeper things like him and i did. But they were together while we were together. He already wrote to her saying she didnt deserve what he did to her, but she was an honest mistake that he wishes he could take back, and his number one priority is me. I saw the messege and she also told me right after. I wonder why didnt he just let her go. Not even when he decided to have a child with me.

I will assume that you and he are around the same age or he is in his early twenties. Men at that age are always questioning their decisions and looking to see if the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence. Be it work, relationship sex or anything else.

This does not make what he did right or even make a for good excuse. He was wrong he played you and this other girl for what he wanted until he was forced to make a choice. Fortunately at you appear to have won THIS TIME.

Will there be another time, I can't say as no one can predict the future. Statistically speaking the odds are that he will cheat on you again. It appears you are willing to forgive him this time. Since the odds are not in your favor I am going to suggest that even if you do take him back you do what is needed to be done to protect you and your baby.

You need to see a lawyer to make sure your boyfriend lives up to his responsibilities as the babies father. This includes child support for you and the baby, Maintaining medical insurance for the baby and Life insurance for himself sufficient to cover these costs until the child is 18. The lawyer will draw up the appropriate papers which the courts will sign making them court ordered.

He will probably say you don't need them, that he will never stray again and he will be a good father to your child. You tell him that's fine, to consider the legal papers a form of a prenuptial agreement.

I cannot nor should I tell you what to do about your boyfriend; that has to be your decision. What I can do and I believe have done is give you my thoughts and advice as to what you need to do and my thoughts on the situation.

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I had to move in with family last August. I am going threw a divorce which is completely paid for just waiting on paper work. I work very hard. I work full time raising my two children alone. During the divorce my ex took everything and left me alone with the kids. I don't mind I got the better end of the deal. However it has made starting over difficult. We finally have every thing we need to move into a new home. Except a vehicle. I have been dating a guy for several months 7 to be exact we've talked about living together he has a good job he just started about a month ago. He doesn't have kids. He has a very sarcastic personality he makes time to just stop by and sit and talk how ever we had taking about not getting gifts for each other this year for birthdays how ever I still got him something and he didn't get me anything. I don't care about things but it kinda hurt. For no reason he was gonna buy me flowers said the store didn't have any so wrote on a piece of paper iou flowers.. why ever tell me ? Which I no the store has them it's a 24 hour store he went to and they always have them right when you walk in. I just feel I'm leaning more toward getting a place alone with my kids just looking for some advice someone to talk to about this

I cannot give you any real justification for my feelings other than I believe you need more time before you get into a serious relationship. Right now with the divorce still not totally settled, waiting for the final papers. You are still suffering from the upheaval of the divorce without the real closure the final papers will bring. Then you need time to mourn your divorce which I do not believe you have done yet.

To my mind the guy you're seeing is a rebound affair. Someone to hold on to. Someone to provide some form of stability in what is still a sea of instability. He is not a good match for you and I believe you know it but he is providing something you have needed during the turmoil of your divorce. Which by the way is what you tell him when you give him his walking papers.

Once you have the closure of the final papers take some time for yourself. From what little you said about your Ex I have reason to believe you may be suffering from abused spouse syndrome. Your Ex did not have to physically abuse you. Mental abuse is just as abusive and far more harmful. I would go so far as to suggest you seek the advice of a therapist, someone like a psychologist to talk with. You would be surprised how cathartic it is to open up and relieve yourself to a complete stranger of all these things and then let then help you heal.

Most importantly you need some time to relax and heal once you receive the final papers. If possible maybe a family member will look after your children for a week or two while you take a well deserved vacation. Cruises can be very inexpensive if you book late and they are very, very good at pampering their guests. Something you both need and will enjoy.

As for a car, buying a new car may not be affordable. I suggest you look into leasing one. It is much more economical to lease for 2 to 3 years and at the end of the lease you have the option to purchase the car for the about the same cost as you are paying for the leasing.

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M/15

So I have alot of stuff to "come out of the closet" with my parents. But after the first thing I came out about(religion) it did not go well. So im very hesitant. Latly I've been really think about being a vegitarian but I really love sea food. Other meat just didnt taste good to me and I don't feel that its necisary to enslave animals just to kill and eat them. So I did resarch and I took a nutrition class in school and I think its a really healthy diet. So about one month ago I decide I wanted to be a pescatarian(a diet of no meat except for seafood) . I've gone the whole time without eating meat and I love it. No one has actuly caught on. The fact that I don't eat the family dinner Is not strange for I like to do my own cooking and I guess no one paid attention. I cant do this forever. I need to tell my parents so that I don't have to sound like I don't like their cooking but I just don't want to eat meat. So I guess I'm asking how can I talk to them about being pescatarian. I'm kinda worried to do it but I think its necisary. Thanks for the help.

As a parent myself I think the first thing you are going to have to be ready to do is explain what pescatarian is. I had to look the word up myself. Most of us would more readily understand what a vegetarian is which is not what a pescatarian is. In fact after what little I read I think this is a more healthy diet for someone who does not eat beef or fowl.

Right now beef, fowl and most fish are priced about the same where my wife and I shop so I do not see this as costing your family extra to provide this for you. The extra cost will be in the produce, grains, nuts and dairy products which have gone up in price considerably in recent months.

While most of the items may be what mom normally stocks if she must purchase more to accommodate you diet this could be a problem. You may want to have a sample menu for a week of what you might eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner so mom can see how your diet might affect her grocery bill.

The biggest problem you face is asking mom to prepare separate meal for you and the rest of the family. One of my nieces at one time decided she wanted to be a vegetarian. My sister did not have a problem with this other than the preparing of separate meals.

She told my niece that if she didn't want to eat what my sister prepared then she would have to prepare her own meal; including packing her own lunches for school as my sister didn't have time to prepare separate meals. My niece agreed and for 2 years she was a vegetarian until she met a new boyfriend who was a carnivore. You should be prepared to agree to cook your own meals and clean up after yourself.

I know the last part of that is not what you’re looking for. If mom works outside the home she is not looking for extra work in preparing separate meals for each member of the family or just one member. If for medical reason you needed a special diet it would be a different story. You are doing this by choice and it would be wrong of you to add to moms work load.

To put this all in one concise paragraph for you; There is nothing wrong with the diet it looks very healthy. In telling you parents be prepared to have an explanation of the word "pescatarian." Have a sample week’s menu made up so mom can see how your diet will affect her grocery budget. Be prepared to be told and willing to prepare your own meals and not add to moms work load.

Being straight forward and prepared to answer their questions and objections should get you the diet you want. The only object that will be hard to overcome is if this diet adds significantly to moms grocery bill and you are not old enough to have a part time job or do not have a part time job with which to make up the difference to mom.

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hi there iam in the uk and my question to u is my friend has just split from her partner and is now stuck down the south of the uk and has no money and no way of getting home she has no family and iam unable to help her as i dont have the money to spare to get her back i worried that she is going to get hurt and lost as she dosnt know any one down there enuff to ask for help

I have read your post and I am not sure if your friend is still in the UK or not. If she is still in the UK you or she should contact the Travelers Aid Trust, the following is the url to there web site. http://travellersaidtrust.org/

If your friend is not in the UL but in another country she should contact the British Embassy either in person or by phone for assistance.

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How to convince a girl to sex

You do not try to convince a girl to have sex with you. To do so is called sexual harassment; this is a crime. Once a girl’s says NO or STOP and you continue to try having her to have sex with you; you are committing a crime. A crime for which your age does not protect you.

Today more than for any generation in the past sexual harassment is dealt with more harshly then it was for your dad or granddad when they were your age. Boys like to use a line on girls that goes something like this; "If you love me you will have sex with me." This line can get you into more trouble than the few minutes of fun the sex might be. The reason is that this line is seen as a form of coercion as you are forcing her to prove her love for you by having sex with you even though she has said no.

Some prosecutors have been known to construe the use of that line as forcible rape. It is just not worth it. If the girl says no and all you’re looking for is sex just move on to another girl. Until then masturbation is your best answer for the sexual relief you’re looking for.

Masturbation is not a sin, you will not go blind and you will not grow hair in the palm of your hand. What will happen is you will have a safe and pleasurable outlet for your sexual tension in the privacy of your bedroom or morning shower

According to a recent survey 85% of us masturbate, which means in a family of 4, 3.4 of us masturbate. Considering that oral sex, fingering and hand jobs are all considered to be a form of masturbation which most all couple today do as part of foreplay. It is easy to see how 85% of the population is seen to masturbate either singularly or as a couple.

My advice is not to try and force a girl to have sex with you; it is just not worth it. Use masturbation to relief sexual tension. Remember the girl is the one that gets pregnant and has the most to lose in giving you what you want. When you find a girl who is willing make sure to have a condom and know how to properly wear it and wear it during intercourse.

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It's Father's day tomorrow (so advice needed quick!)

This Mother's Day my husband did something really nice for me so I feel obligated to return the favour.

However, yesterday he hit me in the face in front of our toddler and I'm not really feeling "into" it.

How should I celebrate?

1. Ignore Father's Day completely.
2. Give him the card and the one gift I've already gotten which is literally from the $ store.
3. Do something commensurate to what he did for me for Mother's Day.

Your husband is lucky it wasn't me he hit or he would have spent the night in jail for domestic violence. No one has the right to hit another person not even one spouse hitting another. As for a man hitting his wife; our mothers have told us from our earliest days how wrong it is to hit a women. Your husband seems to have forgotten this advice.

Since it is already Fathers Day my advice is a little late. What I would have done in your place is sign the card from your child and given him the present from the dollar store. If he seemed hurt by it remind him of how he hurt you when he hit you in the face. I would have then told him how lucky he is he didn't go to jail and doesn't have a police record for hitting me.

Do not let him hit you again and get away with it. IF he hits you again call the police and let them charge him with domestic abuse. He probably won't spend more than a night in jail. This will give you time to get a protective order from him while the courts order him to anger management school. Once he's finished the anger management school then you can decide if he is welcome back in the house.

If you let him get away with slapping or punching you he will continue to do so. Statistically speaking if he gets away with hitting you once it will escalate to the point where you might get seriously hurt. Stop him before it gets to that point. He may have apologized, he may have even said it won't happen again. If he is a wife abuser, which he know has shown himself to be, it will happen again.

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I am a 21 year old Asian girl but it seems that whenever I apply any kind of makeup it has the effect of making me look old and harsh-looking, like I'm about 35. (Though curiously enough, when I go barefaced I look about 17) I've been told that it's important to wear makeup to auditions and job interviews and such but why do I look dreadful every time I put it on?

I've tried experimenting with different eyeshadows and lip colors but I look old and washed-out even when it's not dark shades. Like even when I wear a peach or pink lip gloss. Any kind of paint on my visage. Makeup is supposed to make you look more youthful, right? So what's the problem?

I'm a guy so I can't give you really good makeup advice such as what kind to buy. What I can say is you are probably buying the wrong type of make up for your skin tone. While Asians make up a large portion of the population I don't think the makeup manufacturers to the mass market have formulate makeup for the Asian skin tone. Blacks had the same problem for quite awhile before the manufactures started to put forth make made specifically for African Americans.

There is help or hope for Asian Americans looking for proper makeup and advice on what makeup to use. Most department stores such as Macy's and Lord and Taylor employ professional makeup artists or cosmetologist in there Cosmetics departments. These people are generally available on weekends and late afternoons to work with you and will actually make you up to show you which makeup is right for you.

Now understand the makeup they will use will most likely be the most expensive they have. This is what they are paid to promote. I would say this is okay and as a one time splurge it is acceptable. Once you know the type of makeup to use and the different colors and hues you will be able to find less expensive makeup elsewhere.

Expensive does not make it better. In this case it just makes it easier to find once you know what you're looking for. Though once you know what you're looking for you will be able to find less expensive make up that will make you look just as good as the expensive ones.

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I’m 23 yrs. He’s 33 yrs.
A few days ago, I suddenly get a call in my mom’s phone from some online gambling game company. They wanted to know why my account has been inactive. I don’t gamble and have no idea what they are talking about. I asked them to verify my information. They have my first and last name, my mom’s phone number, and my brother’s email address. My mom barely knows how to work the computer. I think it was my brother who did this but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. My brother called me one day with an attitude b/c he wanted to talk to my other brother who isn’t home. He gave me one of his lectures about how naïve I am, which always leaves me upset. I asked him about the online gambling company and the fact that I know it was him. He admitted to using my name and started defending himself. He’s reasons: it was a time ago and is it hurting your financials? When I told him I am hurt by his stealing my identity, he went off on me. He tried to flip it around. He’s saying he’s hurt by me being angry over something this little. We hang up the phone. He called me back a few minutes later and apologized to me. I don’t think he wants to be in bad terms with me since he is currently in prison. Before that, he had a falling out with most of our siblings. Very few of us still talk to him on the phone, visit him, and send him books.

In the past, he had stolen my debt card and went shopping with it, spending over $300. Now, I have my card with me at all times. I knew it was strange when he suddenly gave me $200 out of the blue. When I got my bank statements it showed someone had purchased clothing and had massages. I was the one picking him up from a massage parlor twice a week. I thought it was strange how he would tell me to pick him up down the street, preventing me from seeing the parlor’s sign. I finally drove pass it one day and saw the name. It matched the one on my bank statement. I was so angry. My mom reminded me that he paid me back and I should let it go. I did but I asked him about it once but he denied everything and claimed it was someone else. I would give him money if he asked me. I hate that he would steal from me. Now, he is doing it again. I don’t know what to say to him. He is very manipulative and uses his authority as the oldest to control everyone or gain their sympathy. It seems that I constantly have to turn a blind eye to his bad behavior and let him walk all over me. I’m scared that one day I won’t be able to take him anymore and snap at him. What should I do?

The first thing you need to do is to notify the credit bureau's of what has happened. They will put a watch on your account so that any time anyone including yourself applies for credit in your name you will be notified before the give out any information. When you are applying for credit, say for a new car, just explain this to them and they will understand the delay while you receive a phone call.

Now as to what to do with your brother. Since he is in prison at this time your finances should be fairly safe from him. While he has committed identity theft on you in the past there is nothing to say he won't do it when he gets out of prison. He has also committed theft by using your debit card without permission. To what degree depends on the laws in your state. In some states as little as $500 is considered Grand Theft which is another felony which could keep him in prison much longer than his present sentence.

Your mom was wrong in telling you just to let his stealing from you go, though I understand. She is his mother and no mother wants to see her child in prison. The fact that he repaid you does not make it right. He would have been ordered to do so by the courts if he had stolen from anyone else.

You have some choices to make as to what to do about your brother. HE has committed several crimes against you. Each of these crimes have a statute of limitations under which he can be charged with the crimes. Yes I know he is your brother and possibly the last thing you want is to see him in prison for any longer than his present term. Fact is though by stealing from you he most likely took this into consideration plus every criminal thinks they will never get caught. You did catch him and only after you caught him did he make Restitution. What does this tell you.

I suggest you find out what the statute of limitations are for each of the crimes he committed against you are in your state. Then decide if you want to prosecute him. This will be a hard but necessary decision for you but may be the best thing for him. Remember that when his present prison time comes up for parole if granted he is going to need to live with someone. If mom is still alive he will need to live with her or you, for as you say the rest of the family is not talking to him. What do you think the chances are he will revert back to his old ways if they are left unpunished are.

If it was me; after finding out if charges could still be brought I would have to give it serious consideration. You were lucky with the identity theft the last time. If he has the opportunity to do so again he could do serious financial harm to you and your future husband and your mother depending on whose identity he steals next time. It is very possible if he gets a hold of your mothers bank accounts he could wipe out all her savings. He has done it once the chances are extremely high he will do it again if the opportunity is there.

Given all of this to take into consideration. I believe as painful as it would be for me and the rest of the family I would have to bring charges against while I still could.

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I'm on the trigestral pill for a month to regulate my periods but I stopped taking it on friday the 13th and had unprotected sex over the weekend is it possible that I could fall pregnant

If you have been taking the pills as directed you should be fine. Trigestrel is not only a medication used as birth control it is as you stated used to regulate your periods. Once each month you take a different colored pill which is a sugar pill. This is done to allow you to have a period. This is how the medication regulates your periods.

While missing a pill is not a good thing it should not result in the user getting pregnant. Continue to take the medication as directed and check with your pharmacist as what to do concerning missing a pill or contact your GYN for information.

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The guy I'm talking to and I have been quite rocky the past few months. Now I'm not entirely sure whether or not I should continue to hold on...
A few weeks ago, he mentioned to me that he was going to another state for a "job". Now, let me just mention this other state is quite far away from where I live and the idea of a long distance relationship isn't quite pleasing.

The thing is, he's 24, and he doesn't quite have his life figured out, I mean who does at that age but, he doesn't know what he wants to do, in all honesty. He could have already been established or in school to become something more than what he is today, but he did not take those opportunities at the time. Now, he realizes the importance and wants to do good for himself, which I commend. The problem I see is that, anytime he's presented with a job, he immerses himself into it, only to quit a little bit afterwards. He runs from opportunity to opportunity, never really fulfilling anything to it's max.

He wanted to become a dental hygienist, and he has a lot of experience being a dental assistant. Now, I thought the plan was to go back to school to pursue the degree in hygienist. Next thing I knew, he took a job at AT&T. It didn't last long, and then I heard he applied elsewhere. I finally realized that he did start his education again but only to discover that he was presented with a chance to go to NY to get a job. And now he tells me that he has an opportunity to become a dentist, go to dental school and get it all paid for, if he stays in NY.

My concern is this, he told me he went to the other state to "clear his mind". He just dropped everything and went. He already got back into his dental hygienist program but the next thing I hear, is that he's spending a month in another state. How can you just drop that and leave??

The few times I've spoken to him, he seems to be doing well and has gotten himself a job, but nothing relating to his line of work. Yet somehow, he was offered a full-pay dental school? How does that make sense? Maybe I'm missing out some details. But, who goes to another state for a month and only works for a month? I understand the idea of clearing one's mind, but how can you afford to that when you've just started to make an attempt back at a future?

I know his head gets filled with all these ideas and he jumps on them like his life depends on it but I feel like he doesn't really take the time out to understand what it means. And then my issue with this is, because he's so unstable about his future, and I'm pretty confident in mine, should I continue to have hope that one day, we will both see life walking down the same path together? Because right now, if he chooses to stay in that other state, I don't see how its going to work out. It's not fair to me and we haven't been together long enough in my opinion to make it work out if it happened.

I really do like him, but I know I would want to have my life figured out enough to know whether or not I plan on living around the person for the next few years. But because of his instability, maybe I'm just headed for disaster. The only thing that really keeps me going is knowing how I feel for him and I really want to see him happy. But I need to know I can be happy too. I've done a lot for him and I kind of want to just tell him but I'm afraid I'm being selfish at the same time. I know I deserve to be happy but the thought of losing him just kills me inside. What should I do? I'm sorry if I seem confusing. My mind is just everywhere.

I once knew a young man just like this young man. He spent his entire life chasing a dream, trying to find that shortcut without having to follow a proper and true path. Like your young man he spent his entire life jumping from one job to another and from one place to another chasing his dream, chasing that short cut.

I don't think he ever found his dream though it was not for the lack of trying. I'm sure if it was not for being struck down by disease in the prime of life he would still be chasing that dream. Some people just never grow up and some people just cannot follow the rules. They know that a shortcut exists and they work to find it. The funny thing is if they put as much effort into going by the rules as they do into finding the shortcut the would have obtained their dream and would be living it long ago.

I can't say your guy is like the guy I knew though they sound very much alike. You on the other hand sound very mature and are someone who knows what she wants from life and will be dissatisfied with anything less. In this instance you have every right to be a bit selfish for while opposites do attract; in this type of attraction it is a recipe for disaster in the long run.

It would not be proper for any of us to tell you what to do. In fact I think you know what to do and you're looking for validation. As I see it this match is one that is made far below heaven and no one should hold anything against you if you were to turn away from it and find someone else. Neither should you be upset if you do. Their are better men out there, men who share the same goals in life you do. These are men who you may write to us and say you love with all your heart not just you have feelings for.

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