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Stepfather is ruining my family
To sum it all up, my mom remarried a man she knew for a year after being married to my dad for about 30 years. This was only 2 years after they got divorced and at the time of the second marriage, we were struggling FINANCIALLY (By the way, the man, Carlos, is a WEALTHY pilot...you can understand where I'm going with this). Anyways, my brother and I liked him at first, but obviously that didn't last very long.
My brother eventually grew so much hatred towards Carlos that refuses to come visit us or see us unless he's gone on one of his trips. This aggravates my mom because she doesn't understand why my brother hates him so much, even though we've explained it to her countless times. She will always take Carlos' side rather than her son's and obviously that pisses him off.
I can't even start to explain why we have so much resentment towards Carlos because there's just too many things to say, but because of him, my brother and my mom are always mad at each other. Then, they talk to me about each other and I'm just stuck in the middle of all the arguments. I'm 18 now and I have my own car so I'm usually never home because honestly, I just can't stand to be here. But yesterday, my mom and Carlos got into a fight with me (one of the first nights in over a week that I actually decided to come home early and eat dinner with them) so I was being pretty nasty cause he was already pissing me off and now I don't even want to come home at all. The worst part of it is, I have the most guilty conscious ever and whenever I'm rude to someone, I feel like shit afterwards. So right now even though they treated me unfairly, I still feel like crap for talking back. Atleast to my mom. (And by the way, I never got into fights with anymore, never got into trouble, never disobeyed my parents, never talked back..till I moved in with him.) So now I'm just angry, upset, depressed, all of the above, and I just don't know what to do anymore and I don't know what's right or wrong. I can go live with my dad or my brother and feel guilty for leaving my mom (and probably become like my brother) OR, I can just suck it up for two years till I move away to a college that's a few hours away. What should I do? :(
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Not knowing exactly what the problem is the advice I can offer is going to be limited.
First: Understand it is wrong of your mother and brother to put you in the middle. I understand they both feel the need to explain themselves to someone and see you as the conduit to the other. Still it is not right to use you in this manner and is probably causing more problems with your stepfather than you should have of your own.
Second: Legally you are an adult know. With being an adult comes certain rights and responsibilities. While you may be an adult you still are dependent on your parents for most of your basic needs. Call this being an adult with training wheels.
Now regardless of whether you live with your mom and stepdad or with your father. When you live under someone's roof dependent on them for that roof then you must be respectful of their rules. Some how I feel this is part of the problem. IF Carlos is providing for you needs while you live under his roof then you owe him a certain amount of respect for doing so as he has no legal need to do so. He is doing so out of love and respect for your mom and in his own way for you.
That is about all I can tell you as to what to do without knowing the full story or even parts of it. If living with Carlos is so unbearable for you, you do have an alternative to live with your dad.
Even though it may hurt your mom you do have a right to be happy. While there was a custody agreement in place you had no choice; you lived where the court ordered. You're 18 now and that agreement is no longer in effect. If your dad is willing to let you live with him then do so. Just explain to your mother why. Fact is she married Carlos, you and your brother did not and you do not have to love him. You should respect him though if he is being kind a caring to your mother and not abusive in any way.
Most important is for you to tell both your mother and brother that you refuse to be a conduit between them any longer. To do so will make your life much happier and you relationship with your mom better in many ways. I would venture to say it would even improve your relationship with Carlos.
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