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Issues with my older brother
I’m 23 yrs. He’s 33 yrs.
A few days ago, I suddenly get a call in my mom’s phone from some online gambling game company. They wanted to know why my account has been inactive. I don’t gamble and have no idea what they are talking about. I asked them to verify my information. They have my first and last name, my mom’s phone number, and my brother’s email address. My mom barely knows how to work the computer. I think it was my brother who did this but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. My brother called me one day with an attitude b/c he wanted to talk to my other brother who isn’t home. He gave me one of his lectures about how naïve I am, which always leaves me upset. I asked him about the online gambling company and the fact that I know it was him. He admitted to using my name and started defending himself. He’s reasons: it was a time ago and is it hurting your financials? When I told him I am hurt by his stealing my identity, he went off on me. He tried to flip it around. He’s saying he’s hurt by me being angry over something this little. We hang up the phone. He called me back a few minutes later and apologized to me. I don’t think he wants to be in bad terms with me since he is currently in prison. Before that, he had a falling out with most of our siblings. Very few of us still talk to him on the phone, visit him, and send him books.
In the past, he had stolen my debt card and went shopping with it, spending over $300. Now, I have my card with me at all times. I knew it was strange when he suddenly gave me $200 out of the blue. When I got my bank statements it showed someone had purchased clothing and had massages. I was the one picking him up from a massage parlor twice a week. I thought it was strange how he would tell me to pick him up down the street, preventing me from seeing the parlor’s sign. I finally drove pass it one day and saw the name. It matched the one on my bank statement. I was so angry. My mom reminded me that he paid me back and I should let it go. I did but I asked him about it once but he denied everything and claimed it was someone else. I would give him money if he asked me. I hate that he would steal from me. Now, he is doing it again. I don’t know what to say to him. He is very manipulative and uses his authority as the oldest to control everyone or gain their sympathy. It seems that I constantly have to turn a blind eye to his bad behavior and let him walk all over me. I’m scared that one day I won’t be able to take him anymore and snap at him. What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Well you should at least try to fight back even though you are family because you are already being stepped on so he'll at least know you are not something he can push around.
Tell him that even though you are siblings he can not use you like a walking atm machine.
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The first thing you need to do is to notify the credit bureau's of what has happened. They will put a watch on your account so that any time anyone including yourself applies for credit in your name you will be notified before the give out any information. When you are applying for credit, say for a new car, just explain this to them and they will understand the delay while you receive a phone call.
Now as to what to do with your brother. Since he is in prison at this time your finances should be fairly safe from him. While he has committed identity theft on you in the past there is nothing to say he won't do it when he gets out of prison. He has also committed theft by using your debit card without permission. To what degree depends on the laws in your state. In some states as little as $500 is considered Grand Theft which is another felony which could keep him in prison much longer than his present sentence.
Your mom was wrong in telling you just to let his stealing from you go, though I understand. She is his mother and no mother wants to see her child in prison. The fact that he repaid you does not make it right. He would have been ordered to do so by the courts if he had stolen from anyone else.
You have some choices to make as to what to do about your brother. HE has committed several crimes against you. Each of these crimes have a statute of limitations under which he can be charged with the crimes. Yes I know he is your brother and possibly the last thing you want is to see him in prison for any longer than his present term. Fact is though by stealing from you he most likely took this into consideration plus every criminal thinks they will never get caught. You did catch him and only after you caught him did he make Restitution. What does this tell you.
I suggest you find out what the statute of limitations are for each of the crimes he committed against you are in your state. Then decide if you want to prosecute him. This will be a hard but necessary decision for you but may be the best thing for him. Remember that when his present prison time comes up for parole if granted he is going to need to live with someone. If mom is still alive he will need to live with her or you, for as you say the rest of the family is not talking to him. What do you think the chances are he will revert back to his old ways if they are left unpunished are.
If it was me; after finding out if charges could still be brought I would have to give it serious consideration. You were lucky with the identity theft the last time. If he has the opportunity to do so again he could do serious financial harm to you and your future husband and your mother depending on whose identity he steals next time. It is very possible if he gets a hold of your mothers bank accounts he could wipe out all her savings. He has done it once the chances are extremely high he will do it again if the opportunity is there.
Given all of this to take into consideration. I believe as painful as it would be for me and the rest of the family I would have to bring charges against while I still could.
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