|
I am married. but my husband thinks i dont deserve him. what should i do?
I am married for 3.5 years. My husband thinks i dont deserve him. I am too inferior too him. He is a doctorate nd i am only a diploma holder. Nd moreover he thinks i am dumb which probably i am. He married me under family pressure nd now asks me to leave him. I come from a very orthodox family ehich doesnt accepts divorced ladies. I love my husband a lot nd dont want to leave him. But he is not happy with me. So i dont know what to do. Please advice. I am 26 years old.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Abusive Relationships?
Girl move on wit your life, live for you, go back to school get a degree and shove everything he ever said to you back in his face, As for your family, talk directly to your minister and request to rededicate yourself to your religion, if not join another type of religion , because they not a god loving religion if they do not not ever accept you back into their synagouge, you get a divorce, move foward, start living your life for you, pray and pray that God will guide you to the right people, matter of fact start allowing the lord above to be closer in your life. Trust me everything will turn out in your favor, you will shime. So move forward, Make preparations to reshape the course of your life, everything will be fine.
]
It doesn't work to beg for respect, begin with a sense of your own worth and expect to be treated in accordance with that high value. If you genuinely want to stay with your husband and feel safe with him, you need to start by not putting yourself down. Don't ever call yourself dumb. Everyone has gaps in knowledge, this is something you can change and improve if you work hard. Think about all the ways you know you are already intelligent and capable of learning, even if you haven't yet achieved the educational goals you're capable of. Once you are convinced of all the skills you've learned and ways you have already solved problems in the past, don't back down in your own belief in yourself. Maybe it's hard to feel confidence in yourself at first; you have to "act as if," which means that you will carry yourself in such a way that the intelligent, capable, and respected woman you want to be (and deep down already are) would carry herself. Set goals for yourself besides pleasing your husband, be motivated to get more educated or to start a business to make yourself proud and self-reliant. Think of a role model, a woman whom no one would speak to the way your husband has spoken to you in the past, and emulate her.
Your husband may treat you with more respect of his own accord once you respect yourself, or if he doesn't, you'll be strong enough to insist on better treatment, or if he is still unkind, strong enough to leave him and make the self-respecting life that you deserve. You may also want to look into what leverage you have in the relationship: property you may be entitled to in the event of a dissolution, how to improve your standing financially if leaving him becomes more attractive to you. It's easier to command respect from a point of strength whenever possible. Many blessings!
]
It shocks me that you're husband would actually say that he is too good for you. Right then and there I would have left. And for what reason, because he has a higher degree? If intelligence is all that matters in your relationship, then it shouldn't even been considered a relationship. I think you deserve better, not him and if he wants to leave, then so be it! Makes it easier for you. Think about why you love him. You're feelings can be deceiving and if the only reason you want to be with him is because you're family won't approve, then it's not meant to be. I would think you're happiness is more important than anything to them and how can you enjoy you're life with a man who doesn't want to be with you? You are young and there's plenty of men who won't put you down like he is. Don't settle for someone who doesn't feel the same way you do. And don't ever let anyone make you feel inferior to themselves. You are not better than anyone and no one is better than you.
]
Wow; I've seen some table turned in my lifetime but this one has some real spin on it. Usually when someone tells someone else they don't deserve them it is because they are the one who feels inferior or they are feeling lucky to have the other. Your husbands reasoning really take the cake. In fact I would put this under the heading of REAL BASTARD. Sorry but I call them as I sees them.
I understand where you're at in this situation. Your between the proverbial rock and the hard place. You can stay in a marriage where you are not wanted and put up with whatever abuses he cares to put upon you. His possible cheating which is very possible and anything else you might want to add justified by how he feels. You could even be in danger I can't say. Police blotters are full of incidents because of situations like this. On the other hand you feel you will your family will feel less of you because you would be a divorced women.
I can only advise you on what might be in store for you such as physical and mental abuse if you stay in a loveless marriage. On the other hand I think you might be over thinking the other part.
As a parent if you were my daughter and came to me with this story. My first instinct would be to want to go and knock some sense into your husband for thinking you are inferior to him. For taking advantage of you while he completed his education. When I was finished grinding him into the ground I would pack your things and bring you home. Religion is one thing but blood and paternal instincts can and usually are stronger than religion. As for the extended members of your family; hopefully they would take their lead from me and understand that this is not your fault, that it is your husband who is breaking his vows not you.
Just based on the few lines you used to describe your marriage and why your husband wants to dissolve it I truly fear for your safety. If he feels superior to you then he must feel superior to all others. If so then that this where your safety is endangered for if he is truly feeling superior than he will feel he can do what he wants and get away with it.
In this instance I feel it is better to face possible shunning than the possible alternatives in not giving him a divorce. I also feel your parent will understand if you tell them what is happening and what could possibly happen to you if you do not give him what he wants.
]
Ask your husband if he loves you. If he does love you, then try to see if your educational background is the only reason he wants to break up. If it is, maybe you should consider going back to school. If your husband has a steady income and you could afford to further your education, this could be a good solution. If he doesn't love you though, then break up with him and find someone who appreciates you.
Toodles,
Miss Piggy
]
More Questions: |