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Should I give up?
The guy I'm talking to and I have been quite rocky the past few months. Now I'm not entirely sure whether or not I should continue to hold on...
A few weeks ago, he mentioned to me that he was going to another state for a "job". Now, let me just mention this other state is quite far away from where I live and the idea of a long distance relationship isn't quite pleasing.
The thing is, he's 24, and he doesn't quite have his life figured out, I mean who does at that age but, he doesn't know what he wants to do, in all honesty. He could have already been established or in school to become something more than what he is today, but he did not take those opportunities at the time. Now, he realizes the importance and wants to do good for himself, which I commend. The problem I see is that, anytime he's presented with a job, he immerses himself into it, only to quit a little bit afterwards. He runs from opportunity to opportunity, never really fulfilling anything to it's max.
He wanted to become a dental hygienist, and he has a lot of experience being a dental assistant. Now, I thought the plan was to go back to school to pursue the degree in hygienist. Next thing I knew, he took a job at AT&T. It didn't last long, and then I heard he applied elsewhere. I finally realized that he did start his education again but only to discover that he was presented with a chance to go to NY to get a job. And now he tells me that he has an opportunity to become a dentist, go to dental school and get it all paid for, if he stays in NY.
My concern is this, he told me he went to the other state to "clear his mind". He just dropped everything and went. He already got back into his dental hygienist program but the next thing I hear, is that he's spending a month in another state. How can you just drop that and leave??
The few times I've spoken to him, he seems to be doing well and has gotten himself a job, but nothing relating to his line of work. Yet somehow, he was offered a full-pay dental school? How does that make sense? Maybe I'm missing out some details. But, who goes to another state for a month and only works for a month? I understand the idea of clearing one's mind, but how can you afford to that when you've just started to make an attempt back at a future?
I know his head gets filled with all these ideas and he jumps on them like his life depends on it but I feel like he doesn't really take the time out to understand what it means. And then my issue with this is, because he's so unstable about his future, and I'm pretty confident in mine, should I continue to have hope that one day, we will both see life walking down the same path together? Because right now, if he chooses to stay in that other state, I don't see how its going to work out. It's not fair to me and we haven't been together long enough in my opinion to make it work out if it happened.
I really do like him, but I know I would want to have my life figured out enough to know whether or not I plan on living around the person for the next few years. But because of his instability, maybe I'm just headed for disaster. The only thing that really keeps me going is knowing how I feel for him and I really want to see him happy. But I need to know I can be happy too. I've done a lot for him and I kind of want to just tell him but I'm afraid I'm being selfish at the same time. I know I deserve to be happy but the thought of losing him just kills me inside. What should I do? I'm sorry if I seem confusing. My mind is just everywhere.
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Let it go.
It's not that he 'doesn't have his life figured out'. It's that he can't commit to even the most basic things, like what state he'll be in next week. Lots of people don't have their life figured out at 24, or 34, but they are still people you can rely on to tell you what is going on. You can't rely on him. You don't trust what he is telling you about what is going on in his life (and you shouldn't, it sounds shady).
If you are just 'talking to him' then start talking to other people. If you don't owe him your fidelity, then don't give it to him, because even if he isn't talking to any other woman, he's not investing in you either. If this isn't really a relationship anyways, then just start to take some steps back and open yourself up to other friends and encounters. You can't put all your eggs in this basket - there is too much reason to believe he's a basket case.
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I once knew a young man just like this young man. He spent his entire life chasing a dream, trying to find that shortcut without having to follow a proper and true path. Like your young man he spent his entire life jumping from one job to another and from one place to another chasing his dream, chasing that short cut.
I don't think he ever found his dream though it was not for the lack of trying. I'm sure if it was not for being struck down by disease in the prime of life he would still be chasing that dream. Some people just never grow up and some people just cannot follow the rules. They know that a shortcut exists and they work to find it. The funny thing is if they put as much effort into going by the rules as they do into finding the shortcut the would have obtained their dream and would be living it long ago.
I can't say your guy is like the guy I knew though they sound very much alike. You on the other hand sound very mature and are someone who knows what she wants from life and will be dissatisfied with anything less. In this instance you have every right to be a bit selfish for while opposites do attract; in this type of attraction it is a recipe for disaster in the long run.
It would not be proper for any of us to tell you what to do. In fact I think you know what to do and you're looking for validation. As I see it this match is one that is made far below heaven and no one should hold anything against you if you were to turn away from it and find someone else. Neither should you be upset if you do. Their are better men out there, men who share the same goals in life you do. These are men who you may write to us and say you love with all your heart not just you have feelings for.
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