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Really Need Advice About Funeral Arrangements
Imagine that you had triplets, one boy and two girls. You made it through an entire pregnancy and gave birth to three 6-ish pound babies. The girls, Amy and Elizabeth were healthy, but tragically the boy, Matthew was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and the doctors couldn't get him out fast enough, so he died at birth.
You buried him in a certain cemetery out of three total that you could choose between. The one you chose is called Memorial Park and the only other one you'd have really considered is called Parklawn. Parklawn is where a few of your spouse's relatives are buried, which is why your mother in law wanted him buried there, but you and your spouse chose Memorial Park because it was in a more convenient location, it was nicer, and it was taken better care of. It also had a section called babyland where the plots are smaller and cheaper than adult plots.
His headstone is dark gray around the borders and light gray in the center. It has a sketch of three triplets holding hands at the top. It has his full name, date of birth and death, triplet son of (dad's name and mom's name) and at the bottom it says, "God's hand reached out and took Matthew's hand from ours at birth."
Almost twenty seven years later, you lose your other two triplets on the same day in a car accident. You want to bury them in Memorial Park, but you mother in law is having a fit because she wants them in Parklawn and you're afraid she'll make your life miserable if you refuse.
Since they were adults, they need adult sized plots. You consider exhuming Matthew and re-burying him by his sisters, but you're not completely sure. It would be expensive, but you really, really want them together.
You want to buy Amy and Elizabeth a companion headstone like the ones that are used for married couples. If Matthew is buried by them, you wouldn't do that because you don't want him to be left out and you like his headstone too much to get rid of it and use a triple headstone for all three of tbem. Companion headstone or not, what should it/they say? You are a devout Christian and you want Elizabeth and Amy's headstone(s) to say something about how they've been reunited with Matthew in Heaven, but you don't know what words to use. You also kind of want a Bible verse, but which one? You want to make sure you use the best. You almost exclusively like the flat, light gray headstones with the dark gray borders and definitely want one. Since they have the same date of birth and date of death, you want to make it clear that they were triplets and you kind of want the triplet sketch on it/them, but would that make theirs too close to Matthew's? Does it look uncreative? You also like flat black headstones as well.
So to sum it up:
1. How do you get your mother in law to leave you alone about the Memorial Park/Parklawn controversy? And is that the right decision?
2. Would you exhume Matthew or leave him in babyland?
3. Would you buy a double headstone or two singles?
4. Gray headstones or black ones?
5. What should the headstones say? Would you make the similar to Matthew's or would you want them to be different? Would you include in them that they were triplets or not?
6. What would the epitaph say? Any suggestions for things relating to them and Matthew being together in Heaven. Any Bible verse suggestions?
7. Triplet sketch or no triplet sketch?
I hope this doesn't sound rude, but please don't just tell me that it's up to me or that I should ask my funeral director or anything. I need real help and real suggestions. Imagine yourself in this position and tell me what you'd do. Any ideas will be appreciated.
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I am so sorry for your loss.
The answer to question one and two is simple. These are your children and you should do what is right for you and your husband and them. I believe burying the children together is the right thing to do. Your Mother in-law has no say and in my mind it is very wrong of her in this hour of your grief to be insisting you follow her wishes. You are doing something no parent should ever have to do. You do what feels right for you and your husband and what your children would want do not listen to anyone else.
As for questions two to seven these too should be what you feel is the right thing to do not what I feel or anyone else think. I will add this; that if you have to go into financial debt to exhume Mathew at this time don't do so. Just buy a big enough plot now to accommodate his reburial at a later date. After you have paid and recovered from paying for the two funerals you now have to pay for you can then move Mathew. Until then a simple marker will suffice and when you move Mathew to reunite him with his siblings you will have had time to answer questions three to seven.
Once again my deepest condolences on your loss.
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