i dont know what to do
he always says he hates his life and wants to die
there is stuff EFFED up in his life but not to where he should die i mean its not THAT THAT BAD considering his mom died and his dad sometimes beats him. but his dad really loves him a LOT he can just be an asshole to his dad.
hes like 'im going to cut myself like rite now' and all this stuff because it "RELIVES STRESS FOR HIM" i dont know what to say
First and most important, you need to be there for him. Be there to listen if he wants to talk and show him that you're not going to just leave.
Second, you have to understand some misconceptions about cutting. It is NOT a suicide attempt, it is a method of coping, however it is not a good method of coping. Although to people who do it, it does offer a release from tension and overwhelming emotions for a period of time, usually those emotions come back accompanied by guilt, shame, and/or anger with onesself for giving in and cutting. Cutting is definitely a cry for help. In your boyfriend's case, it sounds like he is doing it at least partially because he needs someone to notice what he's going through and help him. It shows signs of a deeper depression that needs to be treated before it evolves into something even more serious, such as suicide attempts.
Okay, now for what to do.
1) Don't freak out. Ask him why he's doing it, what he's feeling about it, and ask him if he wants to get help.
2) Tell a counselor. Generally I do not like school counselors, and I would say tell his dad, but if his dad sometimes beats him that is NOT okay, even if his dad seems to love him a lot at other times.
3) Encourage him to get help. The only way he is going to get through the depression behind the cutting is to go to therapy and possibly get medication, depending on how serious it becomes.
4) Understand that this problem is going to take some time to get through. If his mom died and his dad sometimes beats him, he has to be under a lot of stress and tension. There are no easy solutions and he's probably going to have a hard road to recovery ahead of him.
I'm going through a similar situation right now and I also used to cut myself and be seriously depressed, so I've learned a lot about these kinds of situations. If you need anything else email me at Nevaeh314@gmail.com
Hope life starts looking up!
Love,
Nevaeh314
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my bestfriend is a girl & we used to be together but my gf now gets mad cuz i put my bestfriend first. my bestfriend will always come first, before any1. any girl. i told this to my gf & she wasnt happy. she said it feels like shes "sharing" me with my bestfriend. ive had to cancel with my gf a couple times for my bestfriend but i dunno wat to do. my gf is gettin rly mad & hurt but i don wanna lose her. i rly care bout her but i also wanna hang with my bestfriend. how do i split my time with them? to make em both happy
You're with the wrong girl hun. If you were really into your girlfriend and truly cared about her, you'd put her if not first, at least equal to your best friend. But that's not the issue, I don't think. It sounds like you've got some strong feelings for your bestfriend, and if that's the case, don't lead your girlfriend on. She has the right to be mad if she's really into you and she's getting the response that you like your bestfriend more than you like her, especially if that friend is a girl. Just face it, because it's the truth: Girls are very jealous creatures.
I say you should really consider who your heart's telling you to be with. If it's your girlfriend, give a little more of your attention to her and a little less to your bestfriend. Put them on an equal level. But if it's your bestfriend, then don't lie to your girlfriend, and most importantly don't lie to yourself, and tell your bestfriend you still have feelings for her.
Hope this helps!
Love,
Nevaeh
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Do hickies hurt when people give them to you? I'm so confused about it...
Nah, it doesn't hurt. The mark is created because the capillaries (tiny blood vessels) are being brought to the surface. Watch it though, especially if the hicky is in an interesting place, because they usually don't fade for 1-2 weeks, depending on how dark it was originally.
Love,
Nevaeh
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My boyfriend and I are in a rut about this summer. We live about 30 min away from each other but my parents work and neither of us drive. We are desperately in need of ideas on how to see each other and what we can do to make it last. Any good idea will get a 5. Please respond
30 minutes isn't too bad. Make it a plan to email/call/IM eachother when you can't see eachother, that will help. Do you have friends that drive? Maybe you can pitch in a bit for their gas money and see if you could set up a day, say once a week, where you, your boyfriend, a friend, and a date could all go somewhere together and have fun.
I realize it's important to have some alone time, without friends, too. If your parents don't work weekends, maybe they could drop you off there on a weekend day, and pick you up at the end, or vice versa with your boyfriend's parents.
It might be tough to only see eachother a few times a month, but it's only for the summer, and if you're both determined you should be able to make it last. Hope this helps!
Love,
Nevaeh
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Alright, to start things off, I have been dating my current boyfriend for three years in May, and I love him very much.
But the thing is, I'm getting recurring feelings for my ex-boyfriend. We had been best friends forever, as long as I could remember, before I fell hard for him. I broke up with him because I suspected he didn't really like me--it turns out he did. Anyway, he now has a girlfriend. I feel like I still love him, and I can't remember whether I even really stopped loving him or not.
I don't want to hurt the guy I'm with, because I love him as well! I honestly don't know what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated!
20/f
First of all, tell your boyfriend how you're feeling. That might seem a little strange, but if you're in a loving, trusting relationship then the two of you can work it out together, and he won't be suspicious of things that might be happening and/or hurt if he finds out by some other means. I know I would want my boyfriend to tell me anything like that. Plus, it might help you to figure out if you are happier staying with your boyfriend or if you are really going to dwell on your ex for a long time.
As for what you should do after that, you have to follow your heart. That sounds cliche, I know. But you have to figure out where you will be most happy. Can you stay with your boyfriend and accept your feelings for your ex as a passing phase, since you two shared so much history as friends? Or are you willing to take a chance -- and it is a chance, with your ex, and risk losing both him and your boyfriend. If you think you're truly still in love with your ex, I'd talk to him first before losing all chances with your current boyfriend, because your ex has a girlfriend and may not be as willing to break up with her.
Whatever you do, make sure that you're going to be happy, and that you are changing your situation for the better; that you'll have no regrets. I hope all goes well.
Love,
Nevaeh
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I like this guy and my question is what should i do. we have one class together, we do track together, we flirt all the time, we have a bet as to who will get the higher gpa for the semester, and we are friends (but we just started being friends this past year so not that long). You see the thing is i dont think he likes me, we flirt and hang out but i dont think i've ever heard him talk about girls (in the sense he liked them) except when hes making fun of these two really creepy girls who are like whores in our class together. i have fun with him and i dont know what to do because he also flirts with my friend (but shes a BIG flirt and im not, in fact im pretty shy)! help please, what would you do?
Tell him how you feel, however hard that might seem. Seriously, I had the same predicament for about two years, this guy and I were okay friends, talked in school, in classes, had friendly competition, ate lunch together, that sort of thing. But he never seemed to send any signals that he liked me so I didn't say anything. Then one day I was feeling crazy so I told him. And now he's that adorable columnist on this site called reach28 :). So it works out nicely. Just tell this guy how you feel, and the worst he can do is say that he thinks of you as a friend, but it sounds like he likes you. Hope this helps, and hope everything works out!
Love,
Nevaeh
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So heres the story...
Shes a year older than me, and went to my middle school. we knew eachother then, and werent really what you would call friends, but i was fine with her and we talked during class and stuff. She graduated, and i saw her a few times over the summer. This is after about a year has passed, and we both developed into our own styles and ours have actualy developed very similar. (Music Tastes, clothing, Ect) So we thought that was kindof cool, and were casualy friends, and i would see her around and city events and highschool football games. The usual.
Then i started talking to her on the internet and kindof improving our relationship friendship wise. Soon after that i started to develop a crush on her, and things continued. She would talk to me about her problems, and i had my usual routine of asking her how her bipolar friend was, because from what she had told me, he sounded a bit verbaly abussive to her and overall hard to manage as a friend. She would continue telling me a story how he did this or that. And she would tell me how protective he was over her. I didnt think much of it and continued talking to her.
I had some money saved and i decided to purchase some tickets to an arrosmith concert. I got two, and decided to take her. She willingly agreed and i picked her up and went to a great show. The whole show, she was holding my hand, and hugging on my, and we flirted alot and I kissed her towards the end of the show. She kissed back for about 4 seconds, then pulled away. I found it strange, but thought she was just shy about kissing in public.
It was officialy, she liked me, i liked her and i was pretty excited. Until I found out by someone else, that she had a boyfriend and didnt tell me. The boyfriend was the bipolar kid that i always asked her about. after nights talking, I told her that i could see myself falling in love with her in the future and I would promise a good relationship. She broke up with the kid, and we continued talking. Our conversations almost always consited of us, and eachother. You know, those conversations you have when you each both discover your liking for eachother, but dont have a realationship. She came over to my house a couple weekends and nothing physical happend because we would go and wonder around town.
She told me that her ex boyfriend just wanted to talk with her because it all happend so suddenly or something, and he just wanted to talk it through face to face. She was ok with that, and so was i. That day, i had told someone how great she was, and how i could see myself definetly falling in love with her. But that night, she sent me a message saying this...
heyy.
so charlie was over last night,
and we had a long talk.
and i guess were back together. for now.
i didnt really see that one coming,
but. it happend...
im sorry you and i never got more of a chance.
:..
im sorry.
___________
Thats the end of it. You might not understand, but i actualy need to find a way to get her back. I have no idea how i can do this. Does anyone have any suggestions on things i can say, Or things i can do to convince her how great her and i can actualy be?
Please, I will be so grateful
Wow, I feel for you. There's no easy solution, like "just talk to her" for this one. My first and foremost advice is to remain good friends with her, especially if you're still seeing some verbal abuse in Charlie. I've been in that situation myself, and I would have appreciated it if a friend had knocked some sense into me and told me to get out of it.
As far as getting her back goes, you're going to have to be creative. If your first date was an Aerosmith concert, pick one of their songs and surprise her at her house by singing it to her. Then ask her if you can talk to her about things and tell her how you've been feeling, show her your question on here if you have to. To me, it sounds like she feels a kind of obligation to charlie, or she wouldn't have had to 'talk through it face to face' or have getting back together with him 'just happen'. She obviously likes you, or she wouldn't have gone with you to the concert or kissed you or given you a chance, even a short one. It sounds like she's confused over what she should do, so she's taking the 'safe route' by staying with Charlie.
If you're not the singing type, or it doesn't work, see if you can't go back over all the tiny little details about your friendship, her interests, the things she and you both love. Get her to see how perfect you would compliment eachother if you were together.
Sometimes, no matter what you try, it's just not going to work. I don't mean to say it won't, I just want to warn you of the possibility. If that's the case, and you don't feel like your feelings for her are going away, then stay with being her friend, and when the relationship with charlie ends, she might give it another chance with you.
I hope everything works out for you, let me know.
Love,
Nevaeh
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is it normal to feel a little jealous or upset if your boyfriend picks up a movie (not a porn) with a very "hot" girl on the cover wearing revealing clothes and says how "oohhh shes hot" and puts it in the wagon to buy?
i dont think he got it because he saw i was kind of upset. but was my reaction normal? and does this mean my boyfriend is a creep or he doesnt like me or anythign? whats your opinions? i definately think he reeeaally lpves me..but its just this one area of "hot" revealing girls that makes me mad. it makes me feel inadequate or something if that makes sense
If you have a very trusting relationship, then he probably feels like he can talk about the physical attributes of other people -- within limits -- without you getting too upset or jealous by it. Remember that it's the person that makes a relationship, and all of the qualities of that person, rather than just looks. He can think a girl is hot and not actually like her, same as I can say Johnny Depp is hot and not actually like him. ;). If it really bothers you talk to him about it, just to get reassurance that he is in this relationship with /you/ and likes /you/.
Hope this helps!
Love,
Nevaeh
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im a guy 15yrs old yes im gay i need your advice. i like this guy well actually i think i love him and im not shore if hes gay or not. now my question is should i ask him and take a risk of him hating me. its not like hes like straight every one thinks hes gay so theres a strong possibility he is. my only fear is that i will ask him and he would say get the fuck away from me and hate me 4 ever and that would crush me. n e imput would b realy helpful.
thnx much
My opinion: If he hates you for talking to him or asking him then he's not worth going after. Before you ask him, though, I would get to know him a little better, just talk to him at lunch, after school, etc, find out his likes/dislikes, and you may well be able to find out if he's gay without even asking him. Doesn't hurt to try, if you keep your feelings bottled up it will drive you to the breaking point. Take it from someone who knows ;)
Hope this helps, good luck!
Love,
Nevaeh
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Ok, so I'm 16. My boyfriend is 17. It's getting increasingly harder to be anywhere alone with him without parents getting paranoid and feeling they have to "check on us". We're both responsible people who make responsible decisions and although both sets of parents know that I feel quite sure there's nothing that will make them feel differently...so that's not what I'm asking. I'm beyond trying to change them.
What I want to know is how to get around it...
I just need some sneaky ideas =P
lol, "sneaky ideas." I have this problem as well. Try to find a time when your parents or his parents aren't home, and then you can go to eachother's houses. Just be sure you have a pretty definite time that they're going to be back and/or an excuse ready for if they get back early. Otherwise, tell your parents you're going shopping, to a movie, to a park, etc, and then go somewhere where you actually want to go. I know both of these involve lying a little bit, but as long as you guys aren't doing anything dangerous or delinquent (and it sounds like you're both responsible people) I don't really see a major problem with it. Hope this helps!
Love,
Nevaeh
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Hey everyone, I'm 14/Female in eighth grade...
Anyways, at my middle school we have a Valentines' Day Carnation Sale, and with every carnation you send sort of this "note" type thing with a message on it for the person you want to receive the flower. A really nerdy guy sent me a carnation today! Like, your typical violin-playing, huge glasses-wearing geeky dude. Even worse: on the note he asked me out! I don't know how to say "thanks but no thanks" nicely. I really don't want to break the kids' heart, because with his social status it must have been really hard to work up the courage to do something like that. I admit, it was really, really sweet of him! I just don't like him in that way. For one thing, I barely even know the kid...and I guess I would be kind of embarrassed to be even SEEN with him. Wow, I sure do sound stuck up =[. I just don't know of any nice ways to say "no". Anyone have any ideas? Thank you so much.
**RATES 5's!!**
Sounds like this guy is a hopeless romantic :). Seriously, though, sometimes "nerds" can be the sweetest, most caring guys ever, because they're not all that worried about their social status, looking cool in front of their friends, or 'getting' the hottest girls. And they're generally smarter than the average jock who's gotten tackled one too many times. (I don't mean to come down hard on jocks, there's a lot of nice ones too.)
But my advice is, before you say no, go on one date with him. It doesn't have to be anywhere majorly public, you could just get together at yours or his house and just have pizza, talk, play board games, w/e. It sounds so cliche, but you might find out that you really do like him if you just talk to him. And in that case, you shouldn't worry about what your friends at school will think.
On the other hand, if you don't like him after that, just tell him that you don't think things really clicked and you don't really have similar interests. Then you'd have a reason for saying no besides the fact that he's a 'nerd.'
If you don't want to spend any kind of time with him, just talk to him, and say that you think it's really sweet that he gave you the flower and you think he's a nice guy, but you just don't like him the same way. As harsh as it sounds, and I know how hard it is to do, you just have to tell him. It'll hurt more if you just ignore him.
Hope this helps!
Love,
Nevaeh
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ok so my boyfriend always asks me what i like about him and why i like him. but come to think of it i can't really put it into works like hes always there for me hes caring.. but i cant put it into words its actually really hard. i know this probably sounds corney but do u have any reasons why u like your bf or whatever just to sum it up?
I love my boyfriend because he's my best friend, my companion, the person I can talk to about anything, the person who knows exactly how to cheer me up when I'm upset and how to calm me down when I'm angry. I love him for his sense of humor and the times we've laughed together, the crazy, random things we've done together and how much closer we've become over time. He's always there when I need him and he's the person that I want to be close to and love with all of my heart.
If your boyfriend asks you, say what you just said. Just tell him what's in your heart. Tell him that he's caring, thoughtful, and he's always there for you. Tell him he's your best friend. Just say whatever you feel and it's not going to sound corny, because he obviously cares about what you think and feel. Hope this helps!
Love,
Nevaeh
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i cannt stand my mother any more, she is fucking crazy. she randomly get all mad at me and screams and will fight with me, and im no person to just sit there and take it. a few examples, this morning i went to sit and watch tv in her room and she was flipping our sayin i dont want you in here get out! telling me to "go FU** my self" and if im in the bathroom, doing my makeup or either going to the bathroom she comes in like shes allowed when im in there! and she`ll yell at me and stuff and if i tell her to get out and like eggs me on and gets in my face saying like " you think your tough??" i hate her shes crazy.. and ya ive known shes been on drugs forever but shes never done anything, like last night at like 3:45 am she was friggen in the bathroom blowing her nose out like it was her friggen job. then after she yelled at me to get out of the bathroom this morning she was fine! she askked me to go away with her this weekend but now tonight shes being crazy
i hate her ,i cant even stand being here? what can i do she doesnt listen.. any ideas what drugs shes using ( im 15)
If you're positive she's using drugs, that's a situation you need to remove yourself from until she can get help. Do you have a relative (i.e. aunts and uncles, grandparents) that you could stay with for a while? If not, I'd see if you could stay with a friend nearby. Is your dad around or does he know about the problem? He may be able to help.
A lot of things can cause such irrationality in a person, including alcohol and some painkillers, anti-depressents, and oxycontin, but my best guess would be it's cocaine, with what you mentioned about her blowing her nose.
You could call an anonymous hotline or talk to someone in social services near you to get more help, I'm not exactly sure what the laws are in regards to your state or what they can do about your situation without knowing a little more about it.
If you need more help, feel free to drop one in my inbox, or you can email me at Nevaeh314@gmail.com. I hope this helps, and I hope your situation gets better.
Love,
Nevaeh
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19/Male...I finally got up the nerve to talk to this girl in a lunch line. She seemed decent and smiled at me while we talked and introduced ourselves. But it was very short (maybe 2 minutes). I didn't get her number or anything but I see her everyday, and I still want to pursue her. It's hard to me to think of what to say and I really want to avoid that awkward silence that sometime happens. Any advice?
Are you in college? See if you can get into the lunchline behind her, and just say hi, ask her how she's doing, what classes she's taking, what she's interested in, etc. See if she wants to eat lunch with you. If it goes well through that time, see if you can have her number or see if she wants to go on a date with you, maybe a date pertaining to some of the things she's interested in? I'm sure, just meeting someone, that you'll have plenty to talk about, and you can avoid most of those awkward silences. Good luck, hope this helps!
Love,
Nevaeh
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alright, firs tof all im prude lol
alright then, well i dont really know what this is, its just a "problem" im having..... All the guys in my school are like obsessed with gurls and getting sex and smokin weed and shit and im not in to that. I am into true love shit and i dont drink or smoke. I never have had like the feeling of wanting a girl like these guys do, i dunno what wrong with me.... i dotn knwo if its caus eim like super prude, like when i think about having sex with a girl i feel like its would "mess up" our friend ship or something, i really dont know. I think it would be wierd to ahve sex with someone your such good friends with, i dunno why i ahve that "idea" in ym head about sex...... can you help me figure out whats wrong with me :-D
Thanks
There's nothing wrong with you. If you're not ready for sex or just don't want it, that's your decision, and don't let anyone at your school bother you or tell you differently. In a relationship, love, trust, friendship, and companionship are the most important things, and that's what most of the guys at your school are missing when they're just trying to get sex.
If you get into a good relationship with someone that you have a real connection with, you may start feeling that sex isn't such a bad thing for the relationship. But really, it's up to you at that point. Sex is an expression of love and it requires a high level of trust, but so does staying committed to a relationship, and there's no need to have sex if you don't want it.
Hope this helps!
Love,
Nevaeh
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I have been with my boyfriend with my boyfriend since, but I broke up with him like 2 days ago. I still love him! He cheated on me, but
I think that was my fault. I really miss him, but friends told me to just ignore him. I don't want to! I want to go out with him....what should i do?
Hold up for a second. First, you need to realize that him cheating on you is never your fault. I went through that with someone who (I thought) was very close to me after a year and a half of dating, and for a while I was putting myself down with the "I'm a bad girlfriend" attitude. You have to realize that that's simply not true. This guy chose to cheat on you, when he could have either broken up with you if he wanted to be with someone else or tried to fix things with you if he still liked you and felt he wasn't getting enough out of the relationship.
Either way, before you decide you want to go out with him again, you need to assess whether you think he will cheat again and whether he really likes you or is just playing you.
Then, you have to talk with him and see how he feels about you. If you find that he probably wouldn't cheat on you again and that you can change whatever wasn't right in your relationship, then go for it. But if you think he's just going to keep up the same behavior, I wouldn't go out with him again.
Hope this helps!
Love,
Nevaeh
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help! my girlfirned thinks i'm bi. why is it that she can hug and grope her same-sex frineds, but i can't do the same? It's totally unfair, its a double standard. How can i keep on groping my same-sex friends without my girlfriend getting mad, or thinking that i'm gaelic?
(PS: She also keeps on holding secrets from me, and goes around my back talking about me, what should i do?)
Practicing polygamy isn't good for most relationships, hate to say it but it's the truth. Even if both people swear they won't get jealous, jealousy is, essentially, a part of human nature.
Tell your girlfriend that when she gropes her same-sex friends, it makes you feel left-out and unnoticed. If you want to grope your same-sex friends and enjoy it even while keeping your girlfriend, I hate to say it but you're most definitely bilingual :).
If you are, tell your girlfriend, and tell her that the double-standards on her part aren't fair. If she still doesn't understand, I'd say go for someone who can be more understanding of your needs and her/his own :)
~Sprinkles
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My girlfriend is extremely picky. I never know what to get her for girfts, cuz shes never satisfied with what i get her. Do you have any ideas of what i could get her for valentine's? Something that she wouldn't just complain about or get mad at me about?
If your gf isn't appreciative of what you get her, that symbolizes some deeper problem in the relationship. If my boyfriend gave me something I absolutely hated for Valentine's day, I would still love it just because he put in the time and effort. (Hopefully not /too/ much time and effort, because it's not a major holiday ;)). Still, you should talk to her about why she's so picky and complains about everything. Does she feel that you're not putting in enough time and effort, or is she just too high-maintenance?
For the h-m girl, I'd get her jewelry. Diamonds. And platinum. (Going off my h-m sister ;).)
~Sprinkles
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okay so there is this guy..and i really like him but he flirts with like EVERY GIRL in my grade! like he will put his arm around me but then go and put his arm around some1 else! he is rarley serious.. but a few weeks ago he told me he liked me.. then my friend talked to him and he said that he did like me to her..but then the next day he said he was.."trying to get over me.." okay so now there is this other girl that i have hated for a LONG time because she is like more slutty then anyone in the world..and she always puts her arm around him and he does it back. i` m really confused and i want him to like me..but how do i be more flirty..should i?
PLEASE respond back!!
My advice -- this guy isn't looking for any kind of serious relationship. He likes playing the field, he's a major flirt, and he enjoys that freedom to do what he wants as far as girls are concerned.
If you really like him (and not just because you thought he liked you), then just go up and talk to him, flirt, flip your hair and giggle a lot :). I'd say beware if you're going this route because it doesn't seem like he can stay focused on one person for very long.
Hope this helps!
Love,
Nevaeh
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i really like this guy. and i know he likes me. The thing is he is black and some are my friends are acting weird about that. i mean i don't see anything wrong with it. Is there something wrong with a white female dating a black male??
There's nothing wrong with that at all. As for your friends, I'm sure they're not racist. It's simply been proven that there's certain brain reactions that attract a person to a person of their same race. If you like him and he likes you, then you don't need to worry about anything, and your friends will get over it.
Love,
Nevaeh
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