First of all, I'm 5'5" and 135 lbs., so I know where you're coming from! (Except that I'm ten years older so anything I suggest will work tons faster for you, so take heart my friend!) And like the previous responder said, your height/weight ratio is totally healthy and normal and cool.

Basically: weight loss is all about portion sizes for your meals. I mean: yes, of course, go exercise. That's healthy, that's important, that's awesome.

But you won't start to *really* see a difference until you change your diet. Sure you'll build endurance, build muscle tone under the fat, etc., but it's the change in what you *eat* that will make the most noticeable difference.

I had an event coming up last spring that I had to lose about 10 lbs. for. (A part in a show, the costume was weird, whatever.) I was short on time so I joined a gym for $20 a month and went there every other day to work out on the elliptical machine for about 20 minutes, then I went around to most of the weight machines, then I hopped on one of the bikes for about 10 minutes before heading home. Didn't seem to do much for weight *loss,* but oh man did I feel great and energized! And I know that it helped raise my metabolism, which I ten supported with (ta-da!): changing what I ate.

To change my diet I started swapping out meals of my usual junk foods for things like tuna fish on Wasa brand crackers and things like that instead. Bolthouse Farms makes some awesome juices that are super thick and full of really healthy ingredients so I drank those a lot, I drank tons of water, I cut out soda completely, and that was it. I really didn't change that many things about my diet. Just cut out a few things that were easy to let go of, traded in a handful of new things, and instantly started losing weight.

You really can do it, it really is possible! You just have to stick with it and remember that whatever you're about to eat may taste awesome, but in about a minute that taste will be all over. There's no sense in starving yourself, and there's no need to padlock the refrigerator, but there's no need to sabotage a plan to eat healthily either. :)

Good luck-- you can totally do this!!

Google is only your friend if you read the websites it gives you or, at the very least, read the summary text it provides!!

I Googled "Roman mock sea battle" and the top result was http://www.historylearningsite.co.uk/roman_entertainment.htm which says: "The events staged at the Colosseum were many. Nearly all of them involved death and destruction. There were the well known gladiator fights and the feeding of Christians to lions. There were also a number of lesser known events such as mock sea battles involving ships, animal circus acts, animals fighting animals and animal hunts."

So now I know "Roman mock sea battles" took place in the Colosseum and involved ships.

Beyond that I didn't even have to click on any of the links on that first page to learn what "Roman mock sea battles" involved. From the text excerpts Google provided for the content of the linked sites, I learned that the Romans would flood the Colosseum and *stage* battles with ships that sailed on the water filling the arena. I also learned that slaves were often used to enact the battles, and that many drowned in the reenactments because the "mock battles" were apparently pretty realistic and vicious.

This took me a minute and a half.

Google loves you!! Love it back!!

:D

You have a lot to deal with that you can't control (your parents' divorce, etc.), and a lot of things that you can (who you choose to spend your time with and what you do during that time). If you can make 50% of your life stable while the other uncontrollable 50% is in total chaos, then go for making that 50% as good as possible!

Your decisions, your responses, your actions, your attitude: they dictate so much about the happiness, contendedness, and success of your own life. If your own actions aim to throw you down (illegal activities- whether in general of for minors- which follow you whether you're caught or not ), and the actions and circumstances of those around you (divorce, rape, cancer) are also working to destroy you, then all you've got left are the gestures of others who try to help as best they can (like the person who told the guidance counselor at school). And those people will only try to help for so long because eventually they will either 1) see that you're rejecting their help or 2) see you're beginning to help yourself so they can now fall back into the role of a supportive friend rather than one of doing damage control.

Alex may be able to relate, but that's a sign that he needs help too because that's a hard life to juggle with school, friends, depression, etc., so having something in common that only brings you down isn't going to do either of you any good towards bringing you up.

Surrounding yourself with people who will hold you accountable for you actions, support you in doing those things you know to be best, and encourage you in all good things is, about the best thing you can do for yourself right now. And in the beginning it will probably suck in many ways (ex. the guidance counselor is required by law to notify certain folks when they know a student is endangering their own life, the lives of others, or engaging in illegal activities). But working with those who are genuinely trying to help you (as opposed to the sappy brain-washing shrink types) will make it suck a lot less and for a lot shorter amount of time. And the results will be as dramatic as you will let them be.

You're already moving in that direction- let your momentum for making the choices that are smartest for you carry you even further!!

You know why people think Jesus had a beard? Because most men back then had beards. You know why people think he had long hair and wore sandals? Because most men back then had long hair and wore sandals. It's all about why you want things to be true or not and what you're willing to believe to convince yourself...

*****************

Your mom's religious beliefs have nothing to do with you. They do not save you. They do not condemn you. Being "religious" doesn't mean you're on track with your "religion." Going to church or not going to church isn't what makes you a "good Christian." It's your relationship with Christ that makes a Christian what they are. And a lot of people have pretty weak relationships with him so it's little wonder that more often than not it seems like the only supposed Christians we run into are hypocrites living pretty un-Christian lives.

Your age has nothing to do with your faith. You're 15, you're not a kid. You're old enough to recognize questions and confusions and to seperate your wishes from those of your mother: you're old enough to think about this logically and make decisions based on fact instead of opinion and personal desires for what you *want* to be true without really finding out.

You're making a blanket claim about the non-existent proof for things mentioned in the Bible, and I hate to break it to ya', but your claims are just not the case. That and you're painting a pretty broad stroke over a pretty long book. There's more proof out there in history, anthropology, archaeology, ancient literature (from sources that both loved and despised Judaism, Christ, etc.) than there is for so many things we're taught that we just take for granted as being true because it fits what we want to believe about the history of our world. There is so much proof out there for the existence of people listed in the Bible, for the places, the battles, the plagues, the miracles, that anybody who's telling you there isn't clearly hasn't looked mcuh- if at all! That's what so great about it: it's easy to find out about.

You can only claim there is no proof if you haven't looked cause if you had you'd've found loads of it. So: go look! Heck: the Bible even tells people to look; to study and learn and question! The truth will always be found in legitimate study! Embrace your questions, seek peace, calmness and wisdom in your endeavor to Know, and start reading around!

So that's my advice. It's a bit glossed over- sorry. I just hope my haste in writing this when I should'a been in bed an hour ago isn't coming off as-- I don't know. That it isn't coming off hard or something. Ya gotta understand that it's hard to not be passionate about something you yourself have spent a lot of time studying that you hear folks criticize all the time- arghh!! :) He he he- my prayer is for patience ;)

Anyway, lame-o advice aside, here's my recommendation, since advice is rarely worth the bandwidth it takes up: There's a book called "The Case for Christ" by this guy named Lee Strobel. He's one of those *brilliant* types who used to write for- was it the Chicago Tribune? Anyway, he used to be an atheist- and hardcore at that- until his wife became a Christian. He had a lot of questions and thought she was wasting her time because it was something he couldn't believe. He needed proof and evidence of everything. And lots of it. So he compiled a list of in depth questions (hard questions most Christians probably wouldn't want to be asked because they take their faith for granted and are afraid to study!!) and talked to the highest up, smartest people out there to get answers for them. Chairs of theology departments at places like Oxford, folks like that. Protestants, Catholics, Jews- people who spend their lives studying this stuff in religious and secular realms.

What he learned and wrote in this book is amazingly readable, totally interesting, and in a way: maddening. It's maddening because when you read the facts presented in the book you start to pick up on the opinions you've been fed all your life (stuff like: "there's no scientific proof for anything in the Bible") and you wonder how much other stuff in your life you've based on someone else's anger towards a God they refuse to know and bias towards ideas that conflict with their preconceived notions and preferences.

He's got another book called "The Case for Faith" which is also totally awesome and I'd recommend that one too. You can get them for a couple bucks each at www.half.com. Ask your mom- bet she'd foot the bill no problem. Or next time you're stuck at church, duck out of service and hit up the church library and see if they have it. Better than some boring sermon by a long shot. And there are shorter, more concise student editions if you're pressed for time.

Seriously: study. Talk to the atheists and the bigoted Bible-thumpers and you're gonna be fed a bunch of prejudice and bias. Talk to the folks who study the hardest questions they can think of an ask them no matter what the answer might do to their worldview, and you're gonna find yourself a lot closer to learning what this "God, the bible, heaven, hell" is actually about.

And good luck to you. You're in a world full of folks who care about your questions being answered more than you can shake a stick at! :D

I want to write something, but I also kind of want to wait and see what kind of crap gets posted first about how "Life's not that bad" or "Oh honey people love you!" or "Cheer up things always get better when you put on a smile!"

What a bunch of crap.

Not that I disagree really. There's just a time and a place for saying things like that- and this ain't it.

I'll be back.

I'm with devilspawn_666 on this one. Yeah it might be nice to use the interview tactic to make light of what happened, but it also leaves you with a situation where people are remembering you for having your eyes closed (oh god!!!) AND for trying to play it off like it didn't bug you with a joke in the yearbook. Not that that's a horrible thing or anything- better to laugh than cry about it, right? But to miss out on an awesome opportunity to show who you really are in a picture where you're having a blast with your friends- that's more of who you are than some joking "oops" statement is!

The parts of feng shui that do people any good are the same things that interior designers/decorators have been working with for years. Things like having your chair (in an office) or bed (in your room) face the door are tips you don't need feng shui to dictate for you.

You may have more luck if you just head to the library and pick up a few books on interior decorating and see what ideas you can swipe for your own space. There are loads of books on decorating on a budget, working with small spaces, etc. And they'll take into account the fact that you need to find a way to work around phones and lights if you're evre going to get anything done in there or have any kind of privacy in a house you share with other people.

Ditch what you don't need, paint your walls in a color you enjoy and can live with, keep things at least semi-organized in a fashion that works for you so you feel like you're running your stuff instead of your stuff running you, and enjoy your space!! :D Leave the hanging of mystical upside down bamboo and strategic placing of beveled mirrors to someone who has the time, money, and patience to deal with aligning their budget and limited free time with their out of whack ch'i...

Part of why we feel bad when we lie to people we care about is because we fear losing their trust.

And rightly so. I mean: if you found out a friend of yours lied to you, you'd still care about her and want to be her friend (depending on what she lied to you about, I suppose), but you'd probably find yourself hesitating to believe her again when similar situations came up. She'd have to do something to regain your trust. And depending on the nature and size of the lie, she might have to do a LOT to regain your trust!

Show your parents they can trust you. Be the kind of daughter and person you yourself would trust. Let them see that you have it in you to be responsible and that you understand the value of honesty and integrity. Let them see that you appreciate their trust and respect and that the idea of losing either is worth the sacrifice of having to fess up from now on.

And yeah, maybe they'll get suspicious at the sudden turn around in your behavior, but if they can compare two lies to a mountain of mature, loving, respectful behavior, then hopefully they'll see that the lies were the exception to the rule when it comes to who you are, and not the norm.

Good luck!

Any chance your mom will settle for a compromise?

It doesn't sound like you've got anything you can really ditch, it's true. You've got to set your priorities and stick with 'em and it sounds like you've got yours set on some pretty solid ground. But- the class! They're so useful! And getting a high score on those kinds of tests is worth so much more than most folks realize. (For those of us that got the bulk of our scholarships based on those results, we understand their importance oh so well...)

If your mom will allow you the weekend to do as you please, can you offer to do something else instead to get ready for the test? There are some AMAZING SAT prep cd-rom sets you can pick up that will do everything for you that a class would do except that the cd-rom is cheaper and you can use it on your own time. I used one and it helped immensely because it isolated the exact types of questions I had the most trouble with, and focused on tutoring/prepping me only in those areas where I was weakest to maximize the most efficient use of my time possible.

Buy the cd-rom, take the practice test, do the exercises, and prepare to be amazed with the results. Cheaper, faster, and easier than a class, and when you're done you can share the program with friends who are looking to bump up their own scores. And it seems like being there for your friends is pretty key for you, so this might just be an option worth looking into anyways, even if the weekend doesn't go as you'd hoped...

Ah America, the land of the melodramatic, 99.6% inaccurate self-diagnosis. ;)

First off: no harm no foul. I once thought my month long headaches and constant hiccuping were signs of possible brain tumors (http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/007222.htm), so I feel ya'.

Having trouble concentrating, indecisiveness, and a lack of confidence are all common features of:

A) humans
B) women
C) young people still learning the way things work
D) all of the above

And as for option B- accept the stereotype for what is is: a safe generalization made in good fun by yet another woman plagued by bouts of overpowering mind traffic, hiccups of self-doubt, and the kind of indecisiveness that makes women more likely than men to get into totally avoidable car accidents at low speeds...

The odds favor pms over dysthymia 50 to 3.

Self treatment? Well since it's probably not a disorder at all (since, let's face it: most things are usually nothing to worry about), relaxing and getting a better grip on the reality of the issues you're currently dealing with are probably your best bets. Letting time pass will help, as will common sense and patience.

From where you're standing it might seem nice to have something on which to blame certain unwanted behaviors, but from the vantage point of the folks that actually suffer from this disorder, that's a pretty selfish and short-sighted thing to want. Some things don't have medical names, they just have subtle annoyances that last a short while and then, provided you don't dwell on them and blow them out of proportion, are gone.

First off: I have no idea what I'd do if I were in your position. I'm one of those people that can be pretty self-assured most of the time but who crumbles when the attacks get nasty. And boy have the attacks against you gotten nasty. I really commend you for having been able to deal with it as much as you have. That takes a lot of guts, and honestly I liked reading that you fired back at those bullying you but that you didn't like doing it because it's not your style.

And as a side note: My boyfriend was homeschooled, and not only is that great for teasing the crap out of him, it's great for having taught him way more than he would've learned in a traditional school setting 'cause he's just not that kind of guy. ;)

So, since advice is something I can't offer, instead I will tell you about someone I know whose situation seems somewhat related to yours.

*Ah-hem*

About 15 years ago a friend of mine was burned in a house fire. Badly burned. She spent years and years getting skin grafts, etc. to repair the damage done to her body. From her chest to the top of her head and down her arms she is covered in scars. Her fingers are just nubs and her legs are covered in scars from where the skin on them was removed to be grafted onto her arms and face.

I see her every single day and I barely even notice. I stopped noticing after knowing her for about an hour.

She is so easy going and so confident in everything she does that you just really don't pay a lick of attention to anything else about her excpet for who she is, and how cool she is with herself and everyone around her. And she doesn't ignore the burns- quite to the contrary. Sometimes she even jokes about them (but always in a way that's appropriate and doesn't make other people feel awkward). They're just part of how she looks, and their history is part of who she is, but that's it. Her successes and failures are because of her choices, not because of her appearance. And she's surrounded by friends, and has a wonderful boyfriend who met and fell in love with her after the fire.

I think her secret lies somewhere in her being able to let go of what she had no control over, and in her being able to be comfortable with the things she does have control over. She does what she wants to do, makes smart choices, lives her life like any other awesome, mature, responsible person would, and everything else just takes a back seat to her living her life and having her happiness no matter what people may think when they see her.

I'm sorry people have been so miserable to you, and I hope that your new schooling situation allows you the opportunity to grow and move on in spite of their efforts to hold you back and keep you down. I hope this chance for *fresh start* of sorts is a stepping stone for you in getting that confidence boost you're looking for. Good luck, babe. I wish I could say more...

Ha- that is the greatest situation I've ever heard for why a quick-fix apology is necessary. It's almost too perfect to be real :D

It was pretty weird of her to cut your skirt- does she often do things like that? I mean, she vandalized someone else's personal property- that's just not cool. And I think you had a good reason to be upset with her about it when it happened. But if you talked about it at the time and she's a halfway decent human being, there shouldn't be too much reason to fear a repeat performance, right? It seems like the best solution for that scenario would've been to have worked that issue out right after you discovered the *alteration* so that your being a bitch to her recently wouldn't have been necessary. Ah-- but sometimes we need to get a point across and the easiest way is to be, um, pointy.

I've been rotten to my sister for much smaller infractions, (much MUCH smaller infractions), and the best outcome we ever had to any argument came when one of us approached the other, laid everything out on the table, and apologized. No tears, no Lifetime Movie moments, just simple, boring honesty. And usually laughter, 'cause most sisters argue over some pretty lame stuff and when it's spoken out loud the lameness is unignorable ;)

Apologize, tell her that you've been unable to forgive her for that action in the past, and that you're applying that past frustration to her even when she hasn't done anything again yet to merit it. Tell her you like being able to share things- skirts, designer shirts, guys- and that you hope you still can 'cause these shirts are great and your skirts are just hanging there waiting to be worn and you losing your cool and her doing something freaking weird are just not good enough reasons to stop perfectly good clothing from being swapped.

Let her know that you were pissed at her this weekend, but that you didn't want to feel that way and that you regret expressing that pissed off-ness the way you did. Yeah she might not believe you because her forgiveness may result in a great payoff for you, but honestly- even if she accepts your apologies and then BURNS all the shirts: sisters last a lot longer than the amount of time you've got left to fit into those tops.

I mean I'm just sayin'... metabolism... the Freshman Fifteen... Ben & Jerry's... Those shirts have nothing on what you can have with your sis if you two can work things out as they come up.

That said: I hope she forgives you and lets you wear the shirts and that they look incredible on you both ;)

Okay okay: it's not technically a "stupid question," ;) but the fact that you seem to already know the answer does make me wonder why you're asking...

I also am curious what you think "feeling bloated" means. Because if "feeling fat" and "feeling bloated" are different enough feelings to merit a question asking for an explanation, then millions of women have been calling what they feel every month by the wrong adjective!

"Bloated: adj. abnormally distended especially by fluids or gas."

What you're feeling is bloating. And being more hungry than usual is normal and common. You're right to "hold back" a bit on eating right now, but not because you feel too fat to eat so much. A slightly more healthy and helpful reason to hold back a bit right now is because, and you nailed it, you're feeling hungrier than you usually do, and you're right to identify that that is not reason enough to eat more than you usually do because that extra hunger is period based, not activity based.

Maintain your normal eating habits (keep 'em healthy, avoid excess salt, and don't try to drown out the hunger with too much water!!), and you'll ride out the week ending right back at the weight you were when your period started.

If it's a regular doctor s/he'll check your eyes, ears, nose, throat, heart beat, breathing, reflexes, and yes: s/he might ask you to pee into a cup ;)

If it's a gynecological exam, you'll be asked to remove all of your clothing, put on a hospital gown, and lie on a table, all while the doctor is out of the room. They will come back in, put a sheet over you, help you put your feet into the "stirrups" at the end of the table, and will begin the examination (which is not neeeeearly as bad as people joke that it is!!). I guess I could go into more detail about it, but I'd probably forget some details and it's nice to have as much info as you can get before something like that.

So, for a basic overview, try http://www.shs.unc.edu/library/articles/gynexam.html or http://www.estronaut.com/a/first_gynecological_exam.htm

If you're old enough to be having sex, you're old enough to work on your grammer, your punctuation, and on spelling words like "conversation" and "minutes" correctly. Hon: you should've stopped at going to the game.

"Having feelings" for someone is as much a valid reason to have sex as "having hunger pangs" is a valid reason for buying a farm. Just as the second is a waste of your money, the first is a waste of your body, emotions, pride, honor, and friendships.

You need to tell your friend what happened instead of forcing her to live your lie, and you need to know that she has every right to be upset with you and want to discontinue the friendship, because honestly: what you did was pretty rotten. And I know that of course you didn't do it to hurt her! I honestly believe you didn't mean to hurt anyone! But if you had been thinking of how much it would've hurt her, if you'd have been thinking about anyone but yourself (ex. the guy, your friend, your future boyfriends/husband, etc.), you wouldn't have done it ("it" being sleeping with some guy for no good reasons but a lot of bad ones). So if she can't trust you to think of her feelings when she has the potential to be incredibly emotionally and socially injured, then why should she bother continuing to be close to you if all she's doing is continuing to run that risk?

Actions have consequences. Period. And I've seen this exact scenario played out in the lives of friends of mine, and every time the guy ended up eventually fading out of the picture (because most relationships just don't last, especially when they're based solely on physical attraction) and the friend ended up feeling wronged and upset and not wanting to be friends with the other girl any more. And rightly so. Your best friend has been totally dissed by you and by this guy. If I were her I'd be angry and embarassed because, essentially, this girl has been cheated on by her best friend.

I mean, rate me a 1, do what you have to do. I log off and your frivolous disregard for your friend's feelings ceases to exist. But somebody needs to start being honest with you about 1. your spelling/ grammar skills, and 2. the way you treated someone you care about, because both are pretty darn low right now.

Forgiveness is never unattainable, mercy is never completely out of reach, but neither can be expected or demanded. If they could they'd be worthless. They are gifts. Be worthy of them. And the worthier you are of them, the less likely you'll find yourself doing things that require them. Ask for her forgiveness, show her you deserve it, and be prepared to live with whatever decision she makes. I hope he was worth it, but I very much doubt he was. And from the guilt you feel, it sounds like you might agree....

Try a Christian chain book store like "Something More" or "Family Christian Bookstores." Their kids book sections are often quite large so you're quite likely to find enough of a variety there that you'll be able to locate something that will focus on the stories themselves over the meaning behind them.

Naturally you'll never be able to seperate the ideas of the religion from its own early writings! But I think you're wise to teach your child the stories and people those writings include so that s/he is at least "in the know" as they grow up about a major part of their culture's history. I mean, I can't even tell you how many college classes I attended- in everything from literature to history to politics to theatre to environmental science to languages- where discussions came to a dead stop so the teacher could tell a 20-something student who Noah was, or about the basic plot line of the story of Adam and Eve.

These characters and stories are so prominent in the history of English, Spanish, French, German, etc. writings that to not at least be aware of the major themes they cover is to intentionally hold yourself back in settings where literary themes are key. The stories are just too universally known to ignore. Not that acceptance of their morality is mandatory- but geez: who wants to be in a college level western literature class at 22 and blurting out that they've never heard of Jesus? That's like walking into a kosher deli and asking who this Hitler fellow is that the History channel keeps going on about...

As for a pagan point of view: the definitions I've heard from pagans I know about how *they* define their beliefs are broad enough that I'm not quite sure how to read the latter part of your question. Do you mean you're looking for earth-based stories? purely science-based stories? If you're looking for the latter, I can't help you. Children's science stories about our world are sort of off my radar. Sorry :/ If you're looking for something based more in the "relationoship with the natural world" definition of paganism, have you tried looking for books of Native American tales and legends? The nice thing about those stories is that they are often featured in story-telling times and special presentations at many local libraries, so you'd have one more way of sharing those stories with her/him.

Seeing sample essays for free to get paper ideas is both a) a cop out, and b) begging to get you busted for (un)intentional plagiarism. You'll learn a lot more from creating an essay from information youv'e gathered than you'll learn from trying to write an essay of your own that you're trying to keep from sounding too much like what you've just read. And you might as well learn something. I mean, you've got to be in school, might as well make your stay worthwhile.

Starting with a Google search is always a good first step. I typed in "arab revolt" and "1916" and got 26,800 results, the first page of which would give me more than enough ideas for starting the paper. Heck, they'd provide enough info to fill the 8 pages and then some.

Wikipedia.com is also a great place to look for info on most topics. Their opening line about this topic reads as follows: "The Arab Revolt (1916–1918) was initiated by Sherif Hussein ibn Ali with the aim of securing independence from the ruling Ottoman Turks and creating a single unified Arab state spanning from Aleppo in Syria to Aden in Yemen." The post goes on to provide links to other related uprisings and political issues of the same time and region.

If you don't do some reading about it on your own, you're not going to get very far in this or future papers. The sooner you get used to the idea of looking up the information on your own, the sooner you're going to get better at refining your research methods, using the found information to form paper topics, and churning out quality reports and essays. Writing one paper that you honestly work hard on from start to finish will make every subsequent paper 432% easier. Mmm-- more or less... And all those kind of crappy, annoying things like outlines and notes are so much more valuable than you'd think they'd be considering how much boredom they can sometimes cause.

Once you've got some good starting info, which you'll have in less than ten minutes of good internet searching, you'll be in an infinitely improved position for choosing relevant keywords for searches at your school or public library for books and articles to use on the assignment (since I'm assuming you're required to use traditional resources as online sources are still not allowed in many classrooms).

Best of luck to ya. And hey- let me know how it ends up working out :)

First off: how old are you Alyssa? What year are you in school?

Sorry for the delayed response. I work pretty long hours and by the time I get home I'm totally wiped :) But I really wanted to respond to your question because even though I might not say anything that helps, I know that sometimes for me I feel better just knowing that someone is listening and is at least thinking with me about what's going on.

Okay, if you and Cody were in your twenties or something, I'd say that he sees that you're a person worth being interested in. That he really likes you for who you are, but that there seems to be part of him that's still looking to date around and have adventures and some guys think they can't have adventures when they're "tied to a relationship." [Not all guys think this way! My boyfriend can't wait to marry me so we can have adventures together!! But he's also a lot older than Cody and probably wouldn't have felt the same way when he was in highschool either I'm sure ;)] I'd say that he obviously has feelings for you, but that his preference for doing his own thing is so strong that it's keeping him from seeing what a wonderful girlfriend he could have in you so he's going to keep coming back to you when he needs to feel appreciated, and is going to keep going after other girls when he feels confidant enough to "pursue" adventures of that kind...

I'd say "Alyssa: Next time he's flirting with you, or treating you in any way that's more than how he treats his other female friends, you ask him why he's doing it. Ask him what it is that he wants from you. Force him to think about it, and to say it out loud to your face instead of through friends, before he goes confusing your heart any further. And if he keeps playing that game, let him know you're not interested in playing it. That it's confusing and it's just keeping both of you from pursuing other relationships that could be a lot healhtier and in which you'd know the person you were with really wanted to be with you and wasn't just biding their time until someone else came along that they wanted to "try out." And if he says he wants to be with you, then tell him okay. He's your friend- give him the benefit of the doubt. And the first time he goes back to playing the game of now-we're-together/ now-we're-not, tell him you're not into playing those kinds of games, be strong, and end it for good."

That's what I'd say.

I'd encourage you to be tough, even when he's being super-sweet and his friends are saying that he talks about you and likes you. I'd encourage you to be solid in your words and decisions, even when he invites you over and treats you like his girlfriend. Because he needs to either make the decision to be your boyfriend, or make the decision to just be your friend. But he can't have it both ways at the same time. You're not his toy- you're his friend. And friends treat each other with respect or else-- or else what's the point of having friends? (Bearing in mind that friends last much longer than dating relationships which tend to ruin friendships 9 times out of 10...)

On the other hand, if you and Cody are in your mid-teens...

I'd say "He's clearly too young to be so involved with somebody and shouldn't be dating anybody anyway, let alone dating YOU since you're obviously a bit more aware of other people's feelings when it comes to *liking* and the importance of communication and dealing with friends' emotions when it comes to situations where it's so easy to unintentionally hurt people.

I'd say "Let him keep playing around like young boys do, but make it clear that you don't want to play around with him. That's just so "summer camp melodrama." Let him know you still like him and you'll date him if he's interested, but that if he can't make up his mind and has to date other girls and be hot and cold with you, you'll make the decision for him by moving on.

You are NOT "spiraling into an eating disorder" ;) And if you are, the info you've provided here certainly is not sufficient to determine that you are or that you need to seek therapy. Geez! What- are you 14? He he- it's called "puberty" and "growing up" and "the American female body issue." Welcome to the club, we're glad to see you :D

Oh brother: this answer could be 5,000 words and still not say what you need to read, so let's assume you've heard all the speeches on TV and in health class and from know-it-all friends and just boil it down to basics:

So you accidentally found a way to easily make yourself throw up. Does that mean you're going to start doing it intentionally after every meal? Heck no! For one thing, knowing HOW to do something doesn't mean you're going to go out and do it, let alone do it often enough to make it a habit. I bet most girls who've tried it once, or even a few times, swore off it because they just couldn't stand doing it! Besides which, anorexia and bulimia are the two worst ways to lose weight. The pounds come off, but so does the health. How many anorexic or bulimic actresses have you seen look positively atrocious before finally admitting they have an eating disorder and putting the weight back on? Probably quite a few, eh? And it really isn't a pretty look. Even they admit it.

And another thing that seems to be getting overlooked for the sake of jumping to the conclusion that this is an eating disorder (which is so much more exciting to talk about so naturally it must be the case, right?), is that it's not uncommon for women of all shapes, ages, races, sizes, etc. to take issue with the way they look when hordes of other women would LOVE to have that same body. So you don't like a part or two? You don't have to! You do not have to be in love with the beauty and splendor of every last little tiny piece of yourself!

So long as those crazy eyes of yours don't lie to you so loudly that you end up causing yourself harm (and so long as you don't let other people's jabs at you about your size overcome you), don't let yourself feel too threatened by thoughts of "Holy crap- I look huge!!" Now, I'm not saying that's a great way to think, or that it's okay to rail on yourself about your looks or your body. Not at all. What I AM saying is that not being a huge fan of certain parts of your body does NOT mean you have an eating disorder and does NOT mean you're doomed to have one and does NOT mean you're neurotic and does NOT mean you need to take a month off school to attend a psycho-therapy retreat in the mountains. Unless they offer horseback riding, a spa, and a personal shopper.

Take a few steps away from that mirror young lady. Spend a little less time scrutinizing your body inch by inch, realize that in youth we do tend to have some softer spots that are just part of being human, and know that no matter what you look like: if you spend enough time focused on yourself and your body and what you think about every last detail, you're guaranteed to be able to find at least something you don't like.

Cut your losses, eat healthily, stay physically active, crop your mirror time in half, and only pay attention to 20% of what is said by people who feel it's there business to tell you what you look like or to ask you what you're eating. That 20% will still be tired and old and a little annoying, but it might be good for a chuckle when you're downing the next fruit smoothie after a jog with a friend.

Cheers!

Smoking in general affects things like lung capacity, vocal quality, etc., no matter what it is that you're smoking.

And don't get too freaked out about the pot thing. I mean, of course they shouldn't be smoking it- it's illegal and it's unhealthy. But, as with a lot of things, there's more to it than just the celebrity filled commericals and the government campaigns...

Yes THC does affect the brain in some pretty weird ways.
Yes smoking anything is bad for your respiratory and circulatory health and your nervous system, and much of that damage cannot be repaired.
Yes smoking pot can not only get you in trouble with your parents and your school but can also load you down with huge fines and possible jail time, and can keep you from being allowed to have certain jobs (like teaching) or from getting government scholarships for college.

BUT: if you continue doing research on marijuana (which is awesome of you, keep it up!), you'll find that a lot of the flashy ideas presented regarding marijuana are scare tactics aimed at a receptive public all too eager to demonize certain harmful, mind-altering substances while glorifying others. (ie. prescription drugs for anyone with enough money and a drug happy doc, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, etc.)

Not that there's no difference between drinking a Mt. Dew and smoking a joint- 'cause there is! But when you start talking about the differences between the damaging affects of alcoholism (which is legal) and the damaging affects of smoking weed, well... that's where things start to get a little gray and it's best to be as educated as possible so your decisions for your own life, and the advice you give your friends, are based as much in fact as possible.

Encourage your friends to quit. Cheer them on with an open heart and a forgiving attitude. Remind them that the consequences of their actions- whether they're caught or not- are pretty dismal. But don't let yourself get so bogged down in those "Ice Cream: My Anti-Drug" commercials that you dismiss your friends for the wrong reasons. Learn and Discern.

National Institute on Drug Abuse
http://www.nida.nih.gov/Infofacts/marijuana.html

National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws
http://norml.org/

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