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breaking the news.
To start off, I guess I should tell you I'm 15 years old. My mom is VERY religious. She goes to church every chance she gets. She is one of the strongest believers God and the bible that I have ever met. I, on the other hand, am confused about all of this. My beliefs in God, the bible, heaven, hell are slim. I've lost alot of faith. It's my age, I guess.. I'm to the point where I need proof and evidence of everything. I can't believe in something over what a book says. I need evidence from scientists. From what I know, there has been no proff of the Bible Days. So my question is this.. How could I tell my mom that I don't believe and that I don't want to go to church every sunday anymore? I NEED to tell her, this is important. But I KNOW that it would COMPLETELY crush her if she ever knew. How could I break the news to her? PLEASE HELP! I rate 10's just for trying. But please give me good, honest answers.
Thank you.
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You know why people think Jesus had a beard? Because most men back then had beards. You know why people think he had long hair and wore sandals? Because most men back then had long hair and wore sandals. It's all about why you want things to be true or not and what you're willing to believe to convince yourself...
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Your mom's religious beliefs have nothing to do with you. They do not save you. They do not condemn you. Being "religious" doesn't mean you're on track with your "religion." Going to church or not going to church isn't what makes you a "good Christian." It's your relationship with Christ that makes a Christian what they are. And a lot of people have pretty weak relationships with him so it's little wonder that more often than not it seems like the only supposed Christians we run into are hypocrites living pretty un-Christian lives.
Your age has nothing to do with your faith. You're 15, you're not a kid. You're old enough to recognize questions and confusions and to seperate your wishes from those of your mother: you're old enough to think about this logically and make decisions based on fact instead of opinion and personal desires for what you *want* to be true without really finding out.
You're making a blanket claim about the non-existent proof for things mentioned in the Bible, and I hate to break it to ya', but your claims are just not the case. That and you're painting a pretty broad stroke over a pretty long book. There's more proof out there in history, anthropology, archaeology, ancient literature (from sources that both loved and despised Judaism, Christ, etc.) than there is for so many things we're taught that we just take for granted as being true because it fits what we want to believe about the history of our world. There is so much proof out there for the existence of people listed in the Bible, for the places, the battles, the plagues, the miracles, that anybody who's telling you there isn't clearly hasn't looked mcuh- if at all! That's what so great about it: it's easy to find out about.
You can only claim there is no proof if you haven't looked cause if you had you'd've found loads of it. So: go look! Heck: the Bible even tells people to look; to study and learn and question! The truth will always be found in legitimate study! Embrace your questions, seek peace, calmness and wisdom in your endeavor to Know, and start reading around!
So that's my advice. It's a bit glossed over- sorry. I just hope my haste in writing this when I should'a been in bed an hour ago isn't coming off as-- I don't know. That it isn't coming off hard or something. Ya gotta understand that it's hard to not be passionate about something you yourself have spent a lot of time studying that you hear folks criticize all the time- arghh!! :) He he he- my prayer is for patience ;)
Anyway, lame-o advice aside, here's my recommendation, since advice is rarely worth the bandwidth it takes up: There's a book called "The Case for Christ" by this guy named Lee Strobel. He's one of those *brilliant* types who used to write for- was it the Chicago Tribune? Anyway, he used to be an atheist- and hardcore at that- until his wife became a Christian. He had a lot of questions and thought she was wasting her time because it was something he couldn't believe. He needed proof and evidence of everything. And lots of it. So he compiled a list of in depth questions (hard questions most Christians probably wouldn't want to be asked because they take their faith for granted and are afraid to study!!) and talked to the highest up, smartest people out there to get answers for them. Chairs of theology departments at places like Oxford, folks like that. Protestants, Catholics, Jews- people who spend their lives studying this stuff in religious and secular realms.
What he learned and wrote in this book is amazingly readable, totally interesting, and in a way: maddening. It's maddening because when you read the facts presented in the book you start to pick up on the opinions you've been fed all your life (stuff like: "there's no scientific proof for anything in the Bible") and you wonder how much other stuff in your life you've based on someone else's anger towards a God they refuse to know and bias towards ideas that conflict with their preconceived notions and preferences.
He's got another book called "The Case for Faith" which is also totally awesome and I'd recommend that one too. You can get them for a couple bucks each at www.half.com. Ask your mom- bet she'd foot the bill no problem. Or next time you're stuck at church, duck out of service and hit up the church library and see if they have it. Better than some boring sermon by a long shot. And there are shorter, more concise student editions if you're pressed for time.
Seriously: study. Talk to the atheists and the bigoted Bible-thumpers and you're gonna be fed a bunch of prejudice and bias. Talk to the folks who study the hardest questions they can think of an ask them no matter what the answer might do to their worldview, and you're gonna find yourself a lot closer to learning what this "God, the bible, heaven, hell" is actually about.
And good luck to you. You're in a world full of folks who care about your questions being answered more than you can shake a stick at! :D
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I think pretty much everyone raised in a specific faith goes through a period where they question it. It's an assertion of free will and deeper thinking, and is a healthy and normal behavior. This would be an ideal time to figure out whether or not other religions besides Christianity fit you, and if not, whether you identify as agnostic or an antheist, et al. Sometimes no label fits, and it really doesn't seem important to identify yourself as ANYTHING, and that's also fine. If you want to break it (loss of faith/confusion, etc.) to your mom gently, you should keep the explanation simple; example: "I feel that my religious beliefs are equally meaningful whether I attend church or not." Of course you don't have to word it like that or you'd sound like an attorney. Try making a comment that, while true to what you feel, doesn't necessarily have a religious connotation. The previous phrase is equally true whether you're a Christian or an atheist. If you feel like you have to let her know that you've lost faith, try to focus on the things you still believe in that you and she share. For example, treating people with respect isn't necessarily a religious concept, but it's a large part of Christianity. Try to reiterate the fact that you won't fall into moral oblivion without religion- I hardly think that you're going to immediately start stealing and killing people, etc. Stay away from contradictions of her belief; if she's as religious as you say, you won't sway her. Calmly state that while you respect her beliefs, you don't share them.
Hey, I was raised in a very religious family, and I'm not at all religious. I'm not going to lie to you- separating yourself from her religion is probably going to cause her to be very upset and sad. She may temporarily either reject your beliefs (or you) or pretend that you haven't changed them. She may deny it, get angry, try to use guilt, etc., but she will eventually get the point, trust me, and if she's a good mom, the fact that you're her family will win out over the fact that you don't share her religion. And if it doesn't, I hate to be bleak, but there's nothing you can do except hope that she comes to her senses. I am positive, though, that a religious parent would rather have contact with a non-religious kid than no contact with their kid at all.
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I think the best thing to do is to start asking her questions about what she believes. Don't do it in an attacking way, just ask in a curious way, because you are truly wanting some answers. It's good to know what you believe and why you do or don't believe. If you want to make a fully informed decision though, I suggest that in addition to reading some information that criticizes and questions the Bible (and there is plenty) you also read something written by a Christian that criticizes such criticism. There is a book by Lee Strobel, a very successful trial attorney, who was once a big critic of the Bible's validity, the book makes a logical arguement and provides evidence that the Bible is true. The book is called "The Case For Faith". You may still not believe, but it will give you a lot to think about.
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You are right in thinking there is little proof in the existance of these things.in order to belive in something you will need to see contrast, and not blindly follow.I figure you should just tell yuor mother that.
Solemnstar
PS. ddi you knoe the mesopotamians added jesus's beard as it was a symbol of power?
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First of all it's great that you are worried about your moms feelings even though you are confused about your beliefs. I could go on and on about all the proof around you that God does exist, but that's not the advice your looking for. You have to learn that on your own to believe.
Rather than hurt your mom by telling her straight out that you question her belief in God, use this as an opportunity to possibly get some of your questions answered, AND build a closer relationship with her. You could pick a good time, then sit down and say something like. "Mom, you have such strong faith. How do you know in your heart and mind that what you believe is true?" Don't argue or debate with her. ASK questions and listen to the answers. Then explain your feelings, perhaps tell her that you admire her faith, and wish you could have the same faith but your just confused. This will open up real communication without creating an argument about what is and isn't real.
Good luck in your quest!
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Many teenagers begin to lose faith, I've seen it happen in myself, my friends and my sister. Just tell her that you have been having doubts about your religion, but also let her know that it is very common, and often their faith returns but you need a break from it for the time being.
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i have the same fealing as you.. no matter how hard i try without proof i just cant believe
what i would do is first break it to your mom but make a debate but dont tell her you dont want to go to church... dont crush her all at once
just be like how do i know god is true.. if nothing else she can get you to believe or something again.
just whatever you do try to make yourself believe... dont distance yourself from your church and your faith even if you dont believe everything you can still get something out of it and have a sense of family
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