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feeling ugly (sorry about subject)
15/f For the past 9 years i have been constantly bullied and since september 05 i have been homeschooled. the bullying was to much for me to handle it was literally every one! and no im not over reacting. if it was a few people i would of been able to deal with it but it was groups of people from each year in my school.
And i would sit in my classes with every one chanting names at me, dont get me wrong i often fired back with comments about there bad points but i felt so mean, im not the sort of person to bully or be nasty!
I was born with cleft lip and pallette and of course i had operations to correct it but i have a few scars and so on.
I used to get comments like.. fish lips, bulldog, lipricorn, half moon and so on and i still get them every now and again when i go out.
but now i have no friends what so ever except for the people i speak to online as all the friends i did have have now turned against me and joined in with the bullying!! YEH GREAT MATES RIGHT?? erm no.
The thing is i feel so ugly, i know im not ugly ugly but im not exactly pretty either and its getting me down! what can i do to give myself the confidence boost i need?
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First off: I have no idea what I'd do if I were in your position. I'm one of those people that can be pretty self-assured most of the time but who crumbles when the attacks get nasty. And boy have the attacks against you gotten nasty. I really commend you for having been able to deal with it as much as you have. That takes a lot of guts, and honestly I liked reading that you fired back at those bullying you but that you didn't like doing it because it's not your style.
And as a side note: My boyfriend was homeschooled, and not only is that great for teasing the crap out of him, it's great for having taught him way more than he would've learned in a traditional school setting 'cause he's just not that kind of guy. ;)
So, since advice is something I can't offer, instead I will tell you about someone I know whose situation seems somewhat related to yours.
*Ah-hem*
About 15 years ago a friend of mine was burned in a house fire. Badly burned. She spent years and years getting skin grafts, etc. to repair the damage done to her body. From her chest to the top of her head and down her arms she is covered in scars. Her fingers are just nubs and her legs are covered in scars from where the skin on them was removed to be grafted onto her arms and face.
I see her every single day and I barely even notice. I stopped noticing after knowing her for about an hour.
She is so easy going and so confident in everything she does that you just really don't pay a lick of attention to anything else about her excpet for who she is, and how cool she is with herself and everyone around her. And she doesn't ignore the burns- quite to the contrary. Sometimes she even jokes about them (but always in a way that's appropriate and doesn't make other people feel awkward). They're just part of how she looks, and their history is part of who she is, but that's it. Her successes and failures are because of her choices, not because of her appearance. And she's surrounded by friends, and has a wonderful boyfriend who met and fell in love with her after the fire.
I think her secret lies somewhere in her being able to let go of what she had no control over, and in her being able to be comfortable with the things she does have control over. She does what she wants to do, makes smart choices, lives her life like any other awesome, mature, responsible person would, and everything else just takes a back seat to her living her life and having her happiness no matter what people may think when they see her.
I'm sorry people have been so miserable to you, and I hope that your new schooling situation allows you the opportunity to grow and move on in spite of their efforts to hold you back and keep you down. I hope this chance for *fresh start* of sorts is a stepping stone for you in getting that confidence boost you're looking for. Good luck, babe. I wish I could say more...
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I know exactly how you feel. my mom has always told me that i'm ugly and stupid and dumb and worthless and now that is exactly how i feel all the time. when i'm alone i feel pretty but when i'm outside with friends i constanly ask them how do i look. the tell me i'm fine but i still feel hideous. I can't really help you cuz i haven't helped myself but i know how you feel.
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First of all stop apologising. by doing that you are making people expect you to fail. Secondly you know your not ugly, and there is nothing wrong with being different. by not fitting in you stand out. it may sound simple and a bit silly but to get the confience boost you need look in the mirror every day and just look at your self.do this for a few minutes every day and after about a week before you walk away tell yourself you look fine. sounds simple but its effective. try it.
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I was pretty much in the exact same situation -- had to leave school prematurely because of bullying, was homeschooled. Except there wasn't anything wrong with my appearance.
If you are embarrassed about your cleft palate, you might try a reverse psychology approach: don't try to hide it. Walk around with this "devil may care" attitude. People might actually notice the scars less if you do this -- because people always notice what you're trying to hide. It's like in that book "Johnny Tremain" where his hand was messed up and he was always trying to hide it and people stared at him. Then one day he went to a party and had a good time and forgot about his hand being messed up and lo, no one at the party noticed it.
As for finding new friends, that may be difficult. I didn't find any till I started taking college classes, and even then it was slow going. You might try joining local homeschooling organizations in your area, they usually sponsor events for homeschooled kids to get together.
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Well just think of it this way. Kids are cruel and immature and all the people who say things now....After high school you probably wont see any of them ever again. Plus if you do most of them will probably be more mature and feel bad. It would just make you a better person if you didnt say anything back.!
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Kids can be so mean, and immature. A way you can boost confidence is to be around people that love you and don't put you down. Your old enough to wear makeup so go to a beauty shop and get your hair and make up done. I'm pretty sure beauty shops can also give you tips on how to put the right make up on you to make you look attractive. then when your all ready either go back to your school or ask your parents to transfer you to another school.
p.s. I don't know this for sure but doesn't Joaquin phoenix the actor in ladder 49, Johnny cash, and Gladiators, have or had a cleft lip. maybe it was remnants of one. either way he's hot, even with the scar.
just keep your head up!
syireen
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thats horrible. my cousin was born with that but of course he cant be bullied because hes only 10 monthes old! but anyway try to get some makeup that will cover it up.. and get a new hairstyle and clothes.. it will really boost your confidence. maybe you can talk to your parents about either somehow trying to get you transfered to a nearby school where you can get a fresh start or move.. im sure you can barely tell now and they just bullied you because they remeber the old you and dont want to accept the new you. a fresh start would really help you!
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people out there are so mean.
im sure you are BEAUTIFUL.
anyway, confidence can come in all different things. makeup for one. but you dont need to wear makeup to be beautiful. beauty comes from WITHIN.
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