Long distance relationships don't usually work out for a couple of reasons. First, the two of you should be getting to really know each other and in the day to day real world everything is different than just talking on the phone and seeing each other whenever. Second, the longer you invest in this long distance relationship, the more likely your perspective of who the other person is will be based upon hopes and desires, and not facts. This will lead to disappointments later if you two do stay together, and find out eventually that you are not a good match. For you there is a third issue. Although the age difference is not great, two years is a big jump when you are just barely an adult and you two are not currently working on the same goals. I generally think that you are better off in fun and less serious relationships when you are under 25. The reason is this: You are just beginning to develop your sense of self as a very young adult, and being preoccupied with someone else to fill the voids in yourself and your life, will delay your own growth. Don't ask him to make promises he cannot keep and tell him you would appreciate it if he kept things honest and simple. This way, he won't feel pressure to tell you what he thinks you want to hear and make those false promises and you won't be as disappointed. In the meanwhile, work on filling your own life up with enriching positive things that will help you to become your best self. Bless you on your journey.

I agree that you need to be honest here, but I have to warn you that it will come with a price. However, the price you pay for keeping this secret will be greater to yourself. A sixteen year old girl does not have an affair with a teacher who is her first love...a sixteen year old girl is seduced, exploited and used by an older, experienced pervert who uses his position of teacher and mentor and father figure to manipulate and rob a naive child of her innocence. He is a rapist by statuatory law and should never have gotten away with what he did to you. It may take a lot for you to realize what he stole from you and how wrong it was. It is not unusual for young impressionable kids to have crushes on older people, but it is always wrong and abnormal for the older person to take advantage of that crush. Always. I would seek therapy or counseling of some kind to really talk about this experience and how you can heal and move on and try to talk to your current boyfriend about this. I wish you all the best.

He is slime. Maybe you thought it was working in the beginning and he was treating you half-decently, but now it is clear he was only doing that to get what he wanted and now that he had it, you are not even worth acting for. Consider this to be the very last time you ever put up with this kind of crap from anyone. I don't know what friends with benefits means to you, but it obviously does not mean the same thing to him. There is no friendship here and never was. Demand more than what you put up with even in the beginning with this creep, from the next guy. Looking back, maybe you will start seeing where you could have taken clues of what this really was to him and use this experience to avoid future mistakes. A booty call is never about friendship or respect. Why girls and some women ever started settling for this and accepting such low opinions of themselves is beyond me. When you learn to value yourself more, you will not ever let anyone treat you like trash, again. Don't waste another minute on this sleazeball and don't waste another minute blaming him either. You are the only one who can take control of her body and life. What you believe about yourself will manifest itself into reality in your life. Respect is not something others give you and they certainly can't take it away without your permission. To thine own self be true...respect yourself.

You yourself would know more than any one else what you are inside. If you are not feeling overwhelmingly homosexual, and you have not acted out any homosexual behavior, then who is anyone else to say? A lot of people do not date until much later into their twenties, and it is not because they are confused about their sexual preference or gender identity. Shyness, lower levels or hormones, having lots of other interests, being busy with other priorities and other factors can delay dating. Sometimes the homosexual guy who is in denial of his sexuality will be the one trying too hard and dating all the girls and acting the most macho. If you are comfortable with yourself and happy then that is really all that matters. People say stupid stuff and everyone has an opinon. Learn to filter out the stupid stuff and not take every opinion personally. Sometimes people blame or accuse others of what they themselves fear about themselves. You should continue to do only what feels natural to you at the right time for you, period.

Tell him and he will dump you. Yes, even if he has cheated on you as well. Guys in particular have a huge double standard and their egos while seemingly larger than life, are fragile as eggshell. Guilt is yours alone to deal with and move on. Dumping it on the other person is just not going to make it go away. The truth is that you are not ready for a serious commitment and should not pretend to be. Drinking is never a good excuse or a believable one. The truth you should tell your boyfriend is the one you first need to quit denying to yourself. You do not want to be in an exclusive relationship. You don't love him, you are using him to fill an emotional need and when he is not around you use someone else. Your behavior demonstrates this fact and you feel crappy because you are trying to fake something you really are not ready to commit to. That is okay, just be real about that...but spare him the whole confession for his sake.

Can't or won't? Are you the one who can't get out or the friend that wants the taken one???

Tell him to call a 900 number if you are not comfortable talking dirty. There is no reason whatsoever that you are required to be his own personal phone tramp. He is supposed to respect you and not put you in situations where you are uncomfortable. He is being a typical selfish and immature guy. Hang up on him if he does it again. This guy is so lame he does not even have the balls to tell you what he wants you to say...this is not a guy you should waste another hot deep breath on.

You are young and free to choose to date a million people, so why pursue this??? Get out in the real world and turn off the computer. You want to meet guys, then do it naturally where you normally like to hang out, at church, playing a sport, whatever. You probably have nothing in common with this guy, and calling yourself "christian" means nothing. You do not know him from Adam and he could be a harmless dweeb or a serial killer. Never go anywhere alone with a stranger...even after a few public dates. He has no real connections...no job, no school, nothing to really ground him or for you or the police to track him down if he turns out crazy. Older guys hanging out with younger kids is always creepy, yes very creepy and a bad bad sign of his immaturity at best or bad intentions at worst. Avoid both and date guys that you know through friends and dependable sources for reference and safety. This helps screen out a lot of losers.

Update***
You can still maintain some individualism and keep the faith you prefer. I don't recommend that you convert to please him. Your son needs you to be yourself and a strong role model just as much as he needs an intact family. You have sacrificed a lot to make this work...just don't sacrifice your beliefs...you need to have you still.


You are both pretty young, but the youngest and most innocent here is obviously your son. Being a parent means always doing what is best for your child. Unless you are in a dangerous situation it is best to stick it out. Feelings about being in love or out of love are really irrelevant. Feelings do come and go in most every long-term relationship. You can move beyond this and develop a deeper more meaningful connection with your uh...not spouse, right? ...with your baby-daddy? Why aren't you two married? I think you both should make a commitment to your son and provide a secure and whole family structure. Ask your "guy" to make this a priority with you. Prove your love for your son with actions, not just words. You are both young, but can choose to grow up together and take real responsibility for the life you created by getting married and making your family a daily priority.

If he is everything you are looking for, then you might as well start looking under rocks. There are some nice toads out there in swamps...you could try kissing one. This guy will leave you with more than warts. Gangs are nothing to screw around with...even small pathetic losers can do a lot of damage when they put their tiny pea sized brains together. Why are your standards this low? Don't answer, just listen. Raise your standards. You are worth more than this. The first thing you look for in a guy is that he is a decent human being and respects not only himself but all life. Anyone who fails that basic decency test is not worth spitting on, let alone sharing spit.

Doing nothing but sitting around eating and playing on the computer...that is depressing. Your problem is circular...the more depressed you are the more you withdraw from the real world into computer land and that in turn makes you more depressed. When what you are doing is no longer working for you, then it is time to try something else. We all need to connect with others to feel good about ourselves and to belong. Maybe you should let yourself vent some of that anger in a safe environment to do so. We all walk into dark places, but even when you cannot see the light to guide you out, there is hope. The light that you really need is inside of you. Let it lead you into your new journey. Go to a library, a park, anywhere that you might connect with real people and talk. Don't ever give up on people or yourself. Make new friends without burdening yourself with too many expectations. Just be.

Count yourself lucky...better yet, give yourself credit for doing the right thing. You dodged a major bullet by finding out about the girlfriend before you got played. This is good experience to have and get away with unscathed. Precisely why your mother and other wise women know to go slow and stay in control of the situation and get to really know someone before getting involved emotionally and physically. He is just one jerk in a sea of jerks...now you have a little better sense of what to avoid in the future. If you had jumped into the sack with him the gym would probably be abuzz with that info. but you didn't, so there is really nothing for them to gossip about, so don't "sweat it."

Go at your own pace and do what you want to. There are no rules except to live by your own standards and be honest about who you are and what you want. You don't need to be committing yourself to a guy just because he wants to, and you don't owe him a detailed explanation. At your very young age you should not be having a serious or physical relationship past kissing or holding hands anyway. A dating relationship needs to be casual and fun. A lot of guys will tell you they love you and other crap just to get in your pants, so until you are much older and ready, make sure to let them know you are not stupid.

Yes, I think I know the feeling. You have been through a major loss and it feels like a death, like part of you was ripped out. This will pass and you will move on. Believe that every moment is a new moment and a new beginning. You will have many more opportunities for love, but only when you are able to let the image of what was slip away. Get outside and walk in the fresh air and sunshine. Go see a friend. Adopt a pet. Do something nice for someone less fortunate. These things help our hearts heal and bring oxygen to your soul, which needs your love and attention right now. Focus on your love for others and for your own well-being everyday. Bless you on your journey.

Yeah I remember Dr. Laura saying that, too. Well, every situation is different and this was a recent event, not something in the past which is what Dr. Laura was saying about something long ago not needing to be dug up years later. It is your burden to bear, however your wife already knows about the affair, just not the details. This means, you have to lie to her if she asks about it directly in order to keep your secret. I don't think that is what Dr. Laura meant at all, do you? It is normal that you both are a wreck, but people survive far worse. Are you really protecting her or yourself here? I don't know what "unstable" really means in your assessment of her. One third of marriages survive infidelity, so your fears are not illogical, but not a certainty either. I want you to do at least three things whether or not you tell your wife. First, get a full panel of sexual disease screening. Do this because you love your wife and her health. Even if you had safe sex, because nothing is 100%. Refrain from sex with your wife until the results are in and you know it is good. Second, go to therapy. Tell your therapist everything in private. Later you and your therapist can decide when and if to ever tell your wife. She will probably enter into therapy with you after a few sessions. Third, do not have any and I mean any contact with the other woman...hopefully she won't come knocking on your door to report a pregnancy. Everyone makes mistakes and you are human. You can learn from this and move on, but not unless you deal with it.

Update***
So, "any advice at all?" is what you asked for but was not what you wanted? If you are looking for a step by step manual on the art of physical affection, I feel sorry for you.
-------------------------------------------------

Kissing is awesome and you should be kissing lots of people and enjoying it. In fact, I would say it is more important to master this skill and really know how to bring it, before attempting any other sexual act. A person can be known through their kiss. Kisses are very telling, so learn to talk and listen to them. Don't waste time on potential lovers that don't pass the kissing test. Bad kisser equals bad lover in almost every case.

You are too young to get married. I don't care what your signs are, you need to be an adult who knows who she is before you give up your self to another in Holy Matrimony. Marriage is about self-sacrifice and losing. Most people won't tell you that, but I make it a habit to be truthful. I would love to see you happily married if that makes you happy, but the facts are not in your favor yet. Learn and grow together without grasping for a piece of paper to convince yourselves or others of your love.

I heard you say you like him, but not love him. Does that matter to you? I really believe that it is better when you are in love with someone and it is mutual without a doubt. You only have one first, and you will never forget it. Make it what you want it to be. Don't ever settle for less. Better things come to those who wait...you can't rush it if you want the best.

Copping a feel is not about respect. Liking you usually means different things to a guy than a girl. Drinking does lower inhibitions, like logic and wisdom, not to mention fear of natural consequences in most people. That is why we love it first and hate it afterwards. The bigger question is why do you think a guy has to be drunk to dig you? If he is going about putting his arms on lots of girls, then he might be just flirty or looking to score. Why bother with that kind of guy unless you are the same kind of girl. To have any other expectations of him will only lead to heartache.

Emailing does not equal cheating. Keep your options open. You are not married for goodness sake! Why are girls always so in a hurry to tie themselves in knots for a guy they just met who probably has three other girls on his mind every day? Have some fun and keep it really simple. You are really young and not likely to wed the next 300 or so guys you have crushes on in the next ten years anyway. Fun!

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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