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I cheated.
To make it simple: I cheated on my boyfriend. Twice. Once was with a boy I took a trip to Europe with. We made out after having a few too many drinks. This was back in April. Just a few nights ago, my friend and I went to our friend's apartment and we also drank, so I ended up sleeping on the couch with one of the guys, and we also made out and he tried to finger me but I didn't let him.
I feel like pure crap. I've been with my boyfriend for over three years. I don't even know why I did it, but I'm guessing it was just the thrill of being with someone other than my boyfriend for once (since we've been together so long and that 'infautation phase' has passed). I love my boyfriend more than words can express and he loves me too. There are very, very, very slim chances that my boyfriend will EVER find out about these mistakes. So, I chose not to tell him. These hook ups meant absolutely nothing to me, and were mostly the result of too much to drink (which I have only drank one other time besides these two).
Any advice on how to cope/what to do? I am not going to tell my boyfriend, but I just need some general advice and to know I'm not the only one in this situation. Thanks in advance.
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Hmm. I was going to say don't tell him, but you beat me there.
Let it hurt.
I'm serious. Don't "deal" with it. Don't try to feel better. Remember what you did and let yourself remember what it feels like to betray a loved one.
Its a great way to not do these kinds of things again. Sometimes pain is the best teacher, and to be honest, as someone who has done things he is not proud of the best way Ive found to not repeat the behaviors is to sit there for a short while and think about how truly fucked up of a person I can be if I don't control myself.
So now, I do control myself. Alot. And I'm a much better person for it.
Modify your drinking habits. Don't share couches with friends. Pay attention to yourself and your behavior.
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Tell him and he will dump you. Yes, even if he has cheated on you as well. Guys in particular have a huge double standard and their egos while seemingly larger than life, are fragile as eggshell. Guilt is yours alone to deal with and move on. Dumping it on the other person is just not going to make it go away. The truth is that you are not ready for a serious commitment and should not pretend to be. Drinking is never a good excuse or a believable one. The truth you should tell your boyfriend is the one you first need to quit denying to yourself. You do not want to be in an exclusive relationship. You don't love him, you are using him to fill an emotional need and when he is not around you use someone else. Your behavior demonstrates this fact and you feel crappy because you are trying to fake something you really are not ready to commit to. That is okay, just be real about that...but spare him the whole confession for his sake.
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You're not the only one in this situation, no. But that doesn't make it okay. You cope by resolving the issue and obtaining closure, and you get that by coming clean. Until then, you're going to continue feeling like crap (Unless you somehow manage to convince yourself that what you've done is okay or acceptable, in which case you're beyond redemption)
tl;dr -- Tell him, or the guilt will continue.
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The best advice I can give you is to stop drinking. It makes you make bad decisions and puts you in these situations. Also, you need to tell your boyfriend what happened. If you love him you shouldn't be okay with lying to him. He will either forgive you or not, but he deserves to know the truth no matter what.
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