about

I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

Well ive had a b/f for 11 months now and i do love him or else i wouldnt be so confused....Theres no spark anymore because hes so up my butt lol...He doesnt leave his dark room to hang out with anyone else because he said he might miss my call and he hates everyone because he said he doesnt need friend he only needs me and im only 17 so i dont want a relationship like that. and there is this guy and when ever he flirts with me or even talks to me i get excited.....and smile but i know if i break up with my boyfriend he'll fall hard and cry n stop going to school and do stupid things and i wouldnt be able to handle that! what should i do?

I think what you should do in this situation is talk to your current boyfriend about it. Tell him everything. Let him know that you're not ready to be that serious yet and you're worried about him. Tell him that you're finding yourself interested in other guys. Tell him the spark is gone because you want a fun relationship instead of a serious one at this point in your life. Tell him what's bothering you about him. Let him know that he could lose you if he doesn't give you what you need. This could either a) tear the relationship apart, b) change absolutely nothing, or c) actually make it better! If nothing changes, with a sufficient amount of time for him to get over being upset, calm down, and try to change, then it would be best to break up with him. Break ups happen and he'll be able to handle it. Don't put yourself through lots of pain just to keep him from feeling any...that's just not fair! Talking about it first though is the nice thing to do. He deserves a chance especially if you've been with him for almost a year. I hope that everything turns out the way you want it to because, remember, your happiness comes first. He can take care of his own. Good luck!

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What is a Godmother/Godfather?
Example: When your friend has a baby and wants you to be the Godmother.
Thanks in advance!

Godparents are people that parents pick to raise their children if something were to happen to them. It's a Christian practice and the point of it is to make sure that your children are raised to know God. Parents can be sure that if they were to die their children would be raised in a Christian way because they choose people that they know well and trust to do this. Not all Christians have Godparents and I believe that Godparents are chosen at Baptism, but I haven't been to one in awhile so I'm not completely sure on that. I'm sure you can look up "Godparents" or "Baptism" on the internet to get more information on the subject. I hope I helped!

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im lesbian,but i dont know how to tell all my family.

You don't necessarily have to tell them if you don't want to. You didn't specify, but my guess is that you're relatively young. Sexuality is something that you are discovering at this point and you can't be 100% sure that you are 100% lesbian even though you have certain feelings towards girls and everything. You could very easily date a girl and your parents would think that you were just really good friends. Try to stay open to the idea that you may not be completely lesbian. It would be silly if you told your family that you were a lesbian and then a year later your feelings changed and you really weren't a lesbian, or wasn't one anymore. If I was incorrect in guessing your age and you're in your mid 20's or older, your family doesn't really need to know everything about your personal life anymore and telling them just isn't necessary.

If you WANT to tell them, it's a different story. It would be best to tell them you'd like to talk to them about something, get them together and alone, and just say that you think you're a lesbian. Keep it simple and try not to let them get into a conversation about it. It's important to know how they feel about it, but you don't want them to make you uncomfortable or anything like that. Be understanding towards them because it may be hard for them to accept it.

I hope I helped and good luck!

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This isent really a question, its more of a statement..Im from Canada, and over here we dont use AOL, which would explain why i dident know what aim was.
Back to my question..it doesnt matter to me, but I was just wondering why some people in here laugh at people when giving answers, I thought this was an advice colum.
So whats the deal with that, i personally dont care, however some people might take offence to it.

Well, the first thing you should think about is that even though this is an advice site, anyone can use it. This is a good thing, but some bad things do come of it. One of these being that people that are real jerks answer questions. Not everyone takes this seriously, which is sad, but not much can be done about it. The best thing to do about these people is ignore them. Another reason that people may laugh is because they are laughing at themselves. Maybe they are in the same situation and they say something like "Haha wow I'm having the same problem". Maybe they'll say something like "Haha I don't know what you're talking about" because they're embarassed with themselves for not knowing. Sometimes people will laugh at questions that they think are fake, even though they may not be. A lot of times people will type "haha" or "lol" out of habit and they're not actually laughing, it's just a filler like saying "um" or "like" in the middle of a sentence. Very few of us are professionals. I think that most of the time when people laugh they're not trying to be cruel. When you use things like e-mail, instant messaging, or advicenators, emotions are sometimes very hard to portray and can be misinterpreted very easily. Even if there isn't a misinterpretation, the people that sound very cruel and mean to sound that way are probably just fooling around. It's their way of entertaining themselves. I'm sorry if people laughed at questions that you may have asked in the past or if it just irritates you like it irritates me. Columnists do need to try to be more serious. People come here and ask serious questions looking for help and they take what we say seriously so the least we can do for them is to be serious back. If you laugh at someone that says they're depressed you could be the reason that they decide to give up on the world and commit suicide and that's just awful. Anyways, I hope that you appreciate my response and opinions. Have a great week!

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me and my bf had sex for the first time the other night. it was great... but.... when he finished he pulled out and i dont know if the condom was too small or what. but "it" got all over... we were so scared. i wont get my period until the end of the month. do you think there can be a bad outcome. ps. i cant go to a gynocologist cuz my mom thinks im a virgin. well sorta. i was raped. adn she knows that. but not about this. what can i do. and is there a chance of anything bad happenign. please help. ill rate hella high.

If you got your period that's a very good thing. It's rare that you'll have it while being pregnant. If you were one of these rare cases, your period should be a lot lighter than usual and not last as long. If it's light and you get worried there is no harm in trying a pregnancy test just to be sure. Good luck!


What you should have done is gotten a day after pill...they can still work up to three days later so if it hasn't been that long get one immediately! Next you have to realize that sex comes with these types of risks and you should have been prepared for them. The next time you have sex, beforehand you need to make sure you think about all of the risks and consequences and what you need to do if certain things happen. A gynocologist can do nothing for you in this situation. There's no need to tell your mom or anybody about this just yet. The risk of you getting pregnant is very small, but still there. If you don't get your period when you're supposed to don't panic. Wait a few days because it could just be late. If you still don't get it, again, don't panic. If you worry a lot that can cause you to miss your period. You're young and could very easily miss a period and not be pregnant. What you need to do though if you miss it, is buy a pregnancy test kit (they can be found in any regular store). If you come out positive that's when you have to tell your mom. Pregnancy tests aren't 100% accurate and you'll have to be tested by a doctor to be sure. Okay, now that all of that's out of the way I'm going to try to help you feel better. As I said before, the chance of you being pregnant is very small. People that try to get pregnant have a hard time with it. There is only a span of about four days a month when it's possible to get pregnant at all. You were using a condom and "it" wasn't actually deposited inside of you. Sperm doesn't like to climb and will die very quickly when it's not at the right temperature (outside of the body is much too cold). I hope that everything turns out okay for you and I hope that the next time you have sex you're more careful. Good luck!

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I don't think I have an eating disorder but some people say I am on my way onto being annorexic. I mean I am 93lbs and 15 years old. I am always watching my weight making sure I am not over 95lbs. I know it may sound crazy but I don't know.. if I get at 95 or above not usually to 98 though I quit eating till I am back to 93lbs. I don't know why I do this but it is just how I am. I do not eat Breakfast or Lunch but always Supper. So please help me and give me some reasonable advice other than "you need to eat breakfast and lunch cuz its not healty" cuz that is all people seem to say, I mean my boyfriend is worried but to me this is the only way to control MY life.

What you need to do is get rid of the scale....seriously. Your weight doesn't matter in any way shape or form to anything. Stop looking at the number and start looking in the mirror. Ask yourself if you look good. That's all you need to know. You're not a number you are a person. At your age (actually probably closer to 13 or 14) you should be gaining weight from puberty. My guess is that you don't have much of a figure and you should have some of one by now anyways. What you are doing is very unhealthy both physically and mentally. You could actually have stunted your growth by caring so much about your weight, which is VERY unhealthy. You should talk to your doctor about this and please make sure that you get rid of that scale. I hope I helped you and good luck.

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Hey I'm 16 years old and a guy. I eat lunch at about 12.40, to get out of school at 2.40. I work out after school, mostly cardio workouts that go anywhere from 30-90 minutes. At lunch, there isn't always a variety to choose from, since it's the last one, and I usually get PB&J, but not by choice. I add a banana and some apple juice to keep things healthy, but that doesn't work for me. I either feel sick or too hungry when I work out after school. Any other foods or sandwhiches I should try? I'm not sure what to get to fill me up, not over fill me, but give me the energy I need for after school. Thanks - will rate.

I think what you should do is talk to someone at your school. A guidance counselor, the superintendant, the principal, the nurse or some other authority figure. The school is at fault here for not having enough food available to all of their students. If you're given a hard time get your parents involved. The school will have to listen to your parents. In the meantime, try eating pasta and nuts. The peanut butter and bananas are good choices and are helping a lot more than hurting, so see if you can get two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or something. I hope this situation gets fixed soon and good luck!

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This is going to sound dumb. But every once and a while i get this really sharp pain right under my left boob like behind the rib cage. and it hurts so bad i cant breath. it knocks the wind out of me n i can't move, but this literally 15 seconds later its fine. it use to happen like every couple of months. but its been happening a lot this week.
wtf is this? lol i never bothered to ask anyone cause it didnt happen a lot. but now its becoming more frequent. any one else get this?

Do you sleep on your stomach? That happens to me the day after I sleep on my stomach so I try not to. Another thing that could cause it is wearing a bra that is too tight. Since it is happening so frequently though, you should mention it to your doctor the next time you go in. Maybe your doctor will know exactly what it is! I hope I helped and I hope you feel better soon! Good luck!

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I'm not religious at all. I don't believe in committing 'sins' or waiting until marriage for sex. I've just noticed so many questions about religion and people get so worried they're breaking the law. I go by the quote, "Live and let live" and I don't judge anyone. Masturbate, have sex before marriage, (if you're in love!) curse, support gay marriage even! Shouldn't we stop thinking about making mistakes and just do what makes us happy?

Okay...I want to send you the response I gave someone that was asking about masturbation being a sin.


Yeah, it's a sin, but that doesn't mean you have to stop. Just ask for forgiveness. You're going to sin no matter how hard you try not to because you aren't perfect. Masturbation is better than murder. I think it's silly when Christians go masquerading around as if they'e better than other people, because they aren't. We're all just people with the same sinful desires. I'm Christian myself and it bothers me so much when Christians shove it in the faces of other people that they don't sin. We should be helping people find God, not scaring them away. Who would want to be a part of a religion where they think they have to pretend that they're perfect? Who would want to be a part of something where they felt like God didn't allow them to have, much less fulfill the desires that He actually gave them? It's frightening. If I wasn't raised as a Christian, I would probably run away screaming too.
Lust is one of the seven deadly sins. I don't understand why people treat it as worse than the others. You don't see people react the same way to the word jealous on this site. "I'm so jealous of my sister" gets the reaction "It's okay to be jealous" while "I lust after my best friend" would get the reaction "lust is a sin, stop it now!"
God is about forgiveness and love, not punishment. People come to God so that their sins can be forgiven, not so that He can turn them into Jesus. That isn't possible.
I hope I helped you and sorry if I got a little excited about this, but it seems that so many people, especially people on this site, are really confused about Christianity and many are against it for the very reasons I mentioned.


God is about forgiveness and love, not punishment. People turn to God because He can relieve them of the guilt that doing things that are wrong can give you. That's all. God wants us to be happy. Even though sinning, at the time, can make you happy, God doesn't want us to sin because sins bring unhappy consequences that last longer than the happiness that they can sometimes bring. "Think before you act" is the message. Yes, God will forgive you if you pray and believe, but He'd much rather that you weren't unhappy at all. There are ways to find happiness other than through sin and God encourages us to find as much of our happiness as we can in that way. The Bible is a storybook that is meant to help us define our morals so that we can be our happiest and prevent unhappy futures from the mistakes that we make. I hope what I said made sense and I hope other people that are confused about Christianity will read this and maybe learn something too. I really hope that I was able to help you and that you have a wonderful Christmas :)

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So.. why do you think teens place more emphasis on their appearance?

Hormones are kicking in and as this happens teens start to become aware of themselves sexually. They want to be pleasing to the opposite sex so they turn to the media to help them decide what "attractive" involves. Sometimes teens that haven't quite reached this point will be pressured into it by the media and people around them, which can cause problems for them. If they're not ready and the opposite sex thinks that they are because of the way that they dress and behave, things can go wrong. Other times, those that aren't ready don't give in and are alienated from others. When they reach the point where they want to be attractive, they've already decided that they aren't or that "something is wrong" with them. So, basically it's from hormones and peer pressure. I hope I helped and good luck with whatever you needed that for!

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So I am giving my boyfriend of 6 months this random quiz on like anything and everything. About pleasure,the world,friends,crushes,past,future, anything at all and I would like some question ideas!

Good questions to ask would be what his beleifs are about certain things. It's good to know if your significant other has similar values as you. Abortion, the death penalty, guns, what he expects from a woman in marriage...stuff like that. Other good questions would be how many kids he wants to have, where he would travel if he could go one place and why, his biggest fear, what he thinks happens after death, what foods he doesn't like, the thing that bothers him most in other people, the thing he likes the most about himself, the thing he likes the least about himself, what he likes the most about you, what he likes the least about you...there's so many questions that you can ask and I know you're going to have a lot of fun with this. Good luck!

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For english we have to get verses from songs from other people and try to figure out what we think the song is trying to say. So could anyone who wants to send me their favorite verse from their favorite song? Or just your favorite verse from any song you like? Thanks so much. I need them by tonight.♥

I don't really have a favorite verse, being as it's my favorite song! I sent you three of the verses so you can pick which one you want to do if you choose to use the song at all. I hope I was able to help you and good luck, I hope you do well!

"Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls

and I'd give up forever to touch you
'cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
and I don't wanna go home right now
and all I can taste is this moment
and all I can breathe is your life
and sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight

and I don't want the world to see me
'cause I don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

and you can't fight the tears that ain't comin'
or the moment of truth in your lies
when everything feels like the movies
yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

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I'm 16/f catholic; and I masturbate. Is masturbating a form of lust, thereby making it unacceptable against the commandments? I was just wondering, as I found that I'm virtually addicted, and although it is healthy, I want to know whether it is morally wrong for me.

Cheers. I rate high

Yeah, it's a sin, but that doesn't mean you have to stop. Just ask for forgiveness. You're going to sin no matter how hard you try not to because you aren't perfect. Masturbation is better than murder. I think it's silly when Christians go masquerading around as if they'e better than other people, because they aren't. We're all just people with the same sinful desires. I'm Christian myself and it bothers me so much when Christians shove it in the faces of other people that they don't sin. We should be helping people find God, not scaring them away. Who would want to be a part of a religion where they think they have to pretend that they're perfect? Who would want to be a part of something where they felt like God didn't allow them to have the desires that He actually gave them? It's frightening. If I wasn't raised as a Christian, I would probably run away screaming too.

Lust is one of the seven deadly sins. I don't understand why people treat it as worse than the others. You don't see people react the same way to the word jealous on this site. "I'm so jealous of my sister" gets the reaction "It's okay to be jealous" while "I lust after my best friend" would get the reaction "lust is a sin, stop it now!"

God is about forgiveness and love, not punishment. People come to God so that their sins can be forgiven, not so that He can turn them into Jesus.

I hope I helped you and sorry if I got a little excited about this, but it seems that so many people, especially people on this site, are really confused about Christianity and many are against it for the very reasons I mentioned.

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Well, I've never worn a bra at night, and my boobs seem to be perky enough, but I was wondering what most people do or should do? My mom says its not good, but some of my friends do it.

It doesn't make any difference at all. There isn't any proof that wearing a bra causes back problems or cancer. Logically, why would wearing one at night be any different than wearing it during the day? Do whatever you are comfortable with :)

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My boyfriend of 3 years treats me well, has always been faithful to me, has never said a hateful thing to me, loves me deeply, and has stuck by my side through the good times and the bad. He is the perfect catch. The only problem is... he is sooo nasty sometimes!

I feel like, when it comes to hygiene, my boyfriend is worse than a 3 year old, when actually he is 20. He can go 3 days wearing the same outfit, I have to remind him to brush his teeth and shower, he picks his nose all the time, and he smokes cigarettes. I have talked and talked and talked to him about these things, and I'd admit, he's come a long way. But sometimes it absolutely drives me insane and makes me lose my attraction to him.

Since he has improved a lot so far, I'm hoping that he'll eventually get over these nasty habits. I'm hoping that when he gets a little older that he'll be more mature and take pride in his appearance a little more. However, I'm worried if we get married, will he let himself go?

I can't describe to you how good of a person he is. I have dated a few jerks in my life, and my boyfriend is the most caring, loving, and devoted person in my life. He is smart, witty, friendly, and sensitive. It's just this one problem that keeps tripping us up. Sometimes I feel more like his mother than his girlfriend.

Sooo what should I do when talking to him about it just doesn't seem to be enough? Am I being too critical? Should I just love him for who he is and not bother? Should I give up because I can't change a person?

I know you may not like this, but I think you need to lay off of him a little except about the smoking. Yeah, his habits are disgusting, but first off he's a guy, and second off, it's part of who he is. People don't just change. He's trying really hard to make you happy and it doesn't sound like he's getting irritated with you for pushing him so that's good. Even so, there's got to be at least a little give and take. Try one thing at a time. Get him to quit smoking first and give him some kind of reward for it, money, tickets to a game, I don't know him and you can probably come up with something better. Once the smoking is gone, which may be pretty difficult, move on to something else, but remember to make sure you're focusing on only one thing at a time. I think you'll accomplish more in the long run that way. One last thing. You're probably not going to get him to change completely. If you're out there looking for perfection, you're not going to find it. You have to live with a few quirks. Try to be more understanding and accepting of his habits because he is such a great person and a great boyfriend to you. He has to give up all these habits and that's going to be really hard for him, he shouldn't be the only one in the relationship making adjustments. Think about which of his habits you can live with and try to do so. I hope I helped and good luck!

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I have a question, and I know it's gonna sound stupid, but you know how when you were little and got all excited about Christmas? You'd count down the days and get up early to open presents, and you just had that special feeling that you only get around Christmas? Well, I don't get that anymore, and I haven't for a while. Why is that? Is it just cause I'm older and more mature? I still love Christmas, but I don't get that special feeling anymore. It's like Christmas is gone or something, and I just feel so weird. I want that feeling again. Can anyone help? I know, dumb question, but I needed to ask. Thanks.

This happens to a lot of people. You're definitely not alone. I didn't even want to have Christmas this year because my uncle died. There are lots of reasons why you could be feeling this way, but be assured that you won't feel like this about Christmas forever. If you have kids when you are older, you'll get just as excited as you were when you were a kid. You'll pick up on all thier Christmas energy. You'll be happy for and with them during Christmastime. Also as you get older, people tend to move away. During Christmas you'll be able to see most of these people and get excited about that. One thing that you can do is try something new for Christmas. Organize a game or a food contest. You could have a food eating contest (who can eat something the fastest) or a food baking contest where everyone brings a pie or cookies that are tasted by a panel of judges. My family does something called candy boxes. Everyone brings a bag of candy and a tin box. The kids put a piece of each kind of candy in all the boxes so everyone gets to go home with a box of candy. You can do the same with cookies or whatever you want. Snowman making contests would be fun, snow castles...the ideas are endless. Just try to spice it up and get excited about organizing events for the party. Anyways, I hope I helped and good luck!

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im tryin to upload a photo onto myspace. but it wont take it because its BPM and they only take GIF or JPG. do any of you guys know how to change it? or if i can change it? i just downloaded IrfanView its a photo editor thingy. if you guys know how to change it on there that would be great!
i rate 5s!!
i need an answer quick too!
thank you!

Wow those answers were confusing! I have Irfanview and I use it all the time it's wonderful. Changing your picture to a JPG file is really easy, don't worry. What you do is open the picture in Irfanview. Click on "File" then "Save As". Just below where you type in the File name is a box that says "Save as type". Click on that and choose "JPG - JPEG files" then click on save. If you have any other questions about using IrfanView inbox me and I'll try to help you out as best I can. Good luck!

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I'm a junior in high school and since last year I've seen this guy around school and I've always thought he was just the cutest ever. This is probably the most good looking guys I've ever seen. But I never really had a chance to meet him because I just saw him in the hallways on and at football games. He plays and I'm on the drill team. Well, even though I didn’t know him I did know that he has a girlfriend.


We were both at a part a we weeks back and we officially meet there. We got to talking and not only is this guy gorgeous but he's also a great person. We started hanging out and stuff and it was great. I knew he has a girlfriend so I made sure that I kept my flirting to a minimum (I have a problem with that).


So everything was going great with our friendship and all until last night. I invited him to my dad's Christmas party with a few of my other friends to keep me unbored throughout the night. We ended up alone in my game room just talking and hanging out. He then kissed me. Of course I kissed back because well…duh.


Know I don't know what to do because he still has his girlfriend in the picture. I thought I should just back off but I'm not sure.

Don't tell anyone about it. You should leave it up to him. Don't kiss him again unless he breaks up with his girlfriend, but do try to talk to him about it. Try to convince him that he needs to tell his girlfriend that he kissed someone. Keep yourself out of the picture because that will cause a lot of problems for you. If he won't tell her, do nothing. It would be a mistake to get everyone all riled up over one kiss. I also suggest not to get involved with this guy because he seems to have "cheater" written all over him. Good luck!

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Hi im 14 years old. And on thursday dec.7th i had sex with my boyfriend. We used a condom but it ripped. It had that stuff called spermacide on it. But im not sure if any of his sperm got in me,because there was a not big but a normal sized spot on my sheets. I just got off my period like 3 days before we had sex. Im not having any syptoms that im pregnant but im having little pains once in a while at the bottom of my stomach. Im not only scared that im pregnant but i dont know how to tell me mom && dad. They dont even know im having sex. What is the percent chance that im pregnant? and any other advise will help. Thanx alot. im so scared.

always- scared.confused.

The chances that you're pregnant are very small. You can only get pregnant around the time you ovulate, which is about halfway through your cycle. You did make a big mistake by not getting a day after pill just in case though. It is very important to do that. I think it works up to 72 hours after, so you have three days to get one. If this ever happens again make sure that you do! Try not to worry about being pregnant. If your period is very regular you should have nothing to worry about at all. The more you worry, the bigger the chance that you will miss your period out of stress. Take it easy and if you don't get your next period get a pregnancy test. Please try not to worry though, it's very unlikely that you are pregnant. Good luck!

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okay so my bf of 6 months and i have decided neither of us want sex yet why rush it and take the excitement away for when its time. well all along he has been telling me hes a virgin. till today he suddenly tells me that in 6th grade some girl and him skipped class. he licked all over her upper body and she was like riding him while he was pantsless/boxerless and he kinda went in her like an inch of him then he shoved her off..and she then had a "Reaction" soo what am i to think of this?

Well, it depends on what he thinks of it. If it was an accident I can see how he would call himself a virgin. The licking and the "reaction" don't mean anything. Virginity is defined as not having had intercourse. There was definitely penetration and even though it was an accident it still happened. Both people involved took the risk of it happening. He's technically not a virgin, but if he wants to consider himself one let him. Some people think of virginity differently than others. Be careful with this subject, he may be afraid of sex since it happened accidentally before. Don't pressure him into it. The accident may have made him realize that it's not worth the risk. It's really good that he told you about this, he definitely didn't have to. Instead of thinking "he lied to me" try to think of it as "he told me the truth about something that he didn't want to tell anyone. He trusts me that much now and our relationship has become stronger." Try to think of it from his point of view too. What if that had happened to you? Would you consider yourself a virgin? Would you have told him? Instad of getting all up in arms about it, be understanding and try to help him through this. He probably is suffering from some emotional pain because of it. Reassure him that what happened was an accident, it's okay, and that he is still a virgin. I wish you the best of luck!

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