Gender:
MaleMember Since:
June 18, 2009Answers:
8136Last Update:
May 26, 2019Visitors:
139777Favorite Columnists
karenR
AyyItsKristen
Erinn_the_bamf
Xui
storageanddisposal
lvr
Smartone
bewise
GradingCurve
anonymous99
HildaJrCarter
more...
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Abusive Relationships
Cooking
View All
about
My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
It seems like every day I go through the same issues. I feel like the whole world is against me and I feel useless and unwanted. I'm homeschooled and don't live near my church so am away from people my own age 90% of the time. When I am around people my own age, I always try to be the person they want me to be. I just realized that I don't know who I really am and don't know who the real me is. I don't get calls very often, but when I do, I always go over how I'm gonna act. I always act super happy, even times when I'm not. I've always felt like outside of family, there is no such thing as a true friend. Those that I get real close to that I'm not related to, always seem to let me down in the end. i used to feel I could trust everybody, but now I feel I can trust no one. For the past few days, I've just felt like crying. I'm always worried about how my life is gonna end up. I'm always worried that I'll fail at a job, relationship, friendship, family relationships, marriage, parenting, everything. I'm 16 wanting to move out when I'm 18, and constantly worried that I won't be able to pay the bills and will be a burden for my roommate, I don't even know how To move out. I feel like the whole world is against me, and it's become where I feel the only one I can truly depend on is myself. My cousin is the only one I believe will always be there for me through to the end of time. I know I don't have depression, because I'm not unhappy 100% of the time, it's just gotten where I go through major mood swings, and they are really hurting me. I'll be happy one minute and I tend to overthink things and it causes me to lose it. I usually keep my true feelings bottled up till I'm alone. I'm constantly thinking of moving out and feel very unhappy with my life. I feel helpless, unwanted, and trapped. I go through major mood swings over little things and its made me lose control of my thoughts causing me to feel like hurting myself even over the little things. Sometimes I do hurt myself. I usually try not to let things bother me, but lately I've been helpless. I feel I will never make friends, and that my life will be a total failure. This isn't something I will ever tell my parents, and I don't want to talks someone over the phone because it makes me uncomfortable. I am fine using websites though. There are many times when I'm happy so I have to ask...Whats wrong with me? And how can I get help without anyone knowing?
Having struggled with undiagnosed depression for most of my life; both in my youth and into my adult years. I can say that what you have written fits the diagnoses of a severely depressed person. When you wrote that you have thought of hurting yourself and also doing so at times moved you into the area of a severely depressed person.
At some point you are going to need to tell your parents but that does not have to happen right away. At 16 years of age you're old enough to go see a doctor on your own and I suggest you do so to be properly diagnosed.
We are not doctors and while what you have written has all the indicators of depression you need to be screened by a doctor for depression. Make an appointment with your family doctor for a physical. You will need one anyway to rule out any organic cause for feeling as you do. While with your doctor ask to be screened for depression and tell the doctor what you wrote to us.
If as we suspect he diagnoses you with depression you can ask the doctor to inform you parents. Your parents are going to want to know how or why you have become depressed. The simple answer is you don't know and that is the truth. Most of us don't know why and will only find out through proper treatment. Which may include both medication and talk therapy with a psychologist.
If between now and the time you see your doctor, you feel like hurting yourself don't do it. Pick up the phone and dial 911. Tell the call taker you want to hurt yourself. They will stay on the phone until help gets to you.
As a former first responder who responded on these types of calls the help sent usually is the closest fire truck with trained EMT's to care for you until an ambulance with paramedics arrive. The police will also be dispatched to make sure your safe and that the firefighters and paramedics are allowed to treat you. Don't be afraid of who arrives first. Everyone who arrives at where you are is there to insure you are safe and can go to someplace where proper help can be given to you.
This is not something that will go away on its own and can only get worse if we are right that you are suffering from depression. Tomorrow first thing in the morning call you doctor and tell them you need to see the doctor urgently.
What do u think of older men that do this? Are they sstrange or is it normal?
I cannot say for certain why anyone does anything. What I will say is most likely people who cross dress receive some sort of comfort in doing so or for other reasons. Among those other reasons would be someone who is transgender. Someone who is transgender needs to cross dress to feel comfortable in their bodies while they wait to make the change to the opposite gender.
People who are transgender are not abnormal in the sense that something is wrong with them mentally. Transgender are no different than Gays or Lesbians in that they are an accident of birth born into the wrong body. Males in a female body and females in a male body.
Just like Gays and Lesbians this is not something they woke up one morning a decided they wanted. IT was in their DNA at birth and most have struggled or fought with the problems of this all through childhood and into their adult lives.
So to answer your question I do not think it strange for someone of either sex to cross dress. They do so for their own reasons mostly because they feel more comfortable in clothing of the opposite sex. Who am I to question their reasons for doing so. It is their norm and really no different from my point of view then someone who dress in the Goth style. Not my idea of style but also not my place to question. Live and let live.
Have you ever discovered the recipe for Oregano's spicy serrano dressing?
I live in the Northwest and have visited the Phoenix area a few times and every time I go to Oregano's for this damn salad but I cannot replicate the dressing.
Help please!!
Forlorn in the Northwest!!!
I found this recipe on http://www.yummly.com/ Yummly.com. I hope it is what your looking for.
2/3 cup olive oil ? Tasty tip
Mazola Corn Oil
1/3 cup vinegar
3 tbsps lemon juice (fresh squeezed)
ground black pepper (freshly)
2 cloves garlic (minced)
1/4 tsp dry mustard
1 dash Tabasco Pepper Sauce
1/2 tsp paprika
11/2 tbsps sugar
1/4 tsp basil leaves (crushed)
1/2 tsp oregano (leaf, crushed)
1/4 tsp thyme (crushed)
2 serrano peppers (minced)
Directions
Blend all ingredients thoroughly.
Chill.
Enjoy.
My wife and I have been married for 2 years. I have recently noticed 3 red flags and don't know how to approach the subject without accusing her of anything.
1) She has become very protective of her phone. She brings it everywhere (when she used to leave it everywhere), and even flips the screen away from me if it's sitting on the table. She is texting somebody (I know it's a much older coworker), and will angle the phone away from me so I can't see anything.
2) She turned off "Find my Friends." We used it moreso so I don't text her "where are you" if I can see she's on her way home from work.
3) She's been having ever-frequent work happy hours. She used to have about 1 per month, but she has had a total of 8 this month and they usually go later than normal.
My problem with everything is nothing has changed at home. She's still very friendly to me, initiate's kisses or "I Love You's," and other things. My feeling is that if something were going on, she wouldn't be acting normal at home.
I want to bring it up with her, but don't know how without making her mad or think I don't trust her. However I've been losing sleep over it and am terrified that this is a major issue. Any help would be great.
I believe you are under the impression where there is smoke there is fire. You also feel the need to confront your wife on the subject. I dislike the word confront as it is part of the word confrontation. Whenever you confront someone about anything you can expect there is going to be a confrontation and when this happens nothing gets solved.
To start with ask yourself the following questions.
1) do you have the right to know what is going on in your wife's life?
2) Do you feel she is trying to hide things from you?
3)What has changed if anything in our marriage?
I know you have answered these question in you message to us but you need to go back and reexamine the answer you gave before you confront her.
Even though you are married your wife and you still have the right to a personal life apart from each other. This includes having separate friends and doing things with them apart from each other.
It is possible to have friends of the opposite sex and not be cheating on each other. Is it possible that this older co worker is of the opposite sex. That nothing is going on but a friendship and she hides it because you would not understand her having friend of the opposite sex.
If everything is the same at home, your sex life is unchanged. She still does everything with you she did before theses thing you talk about came about. Do you really think there is more than just a friendship going on with this co-worker.
Once you have reviewed these questions if you still think where there is smoke there is fire then confronting her may be your only option.
The other thing to do is to wait. If there is more going on her you will know when she comes home. She will either have the scent of just having sex about her or will smell fresh from a shower. When that happens if it happens then you have the right to confront her.
I feel like I'm bothering everyone right now and every night I would walk around aimlessly, no specific destination. I just walk around alone. I feel like absolute scum and I really feel like downing my depression pills. I feel like I bother everyone that comes my way. I can feel an end coming, darkness has come already. how can i ever explain that to my friends. the ones who only ever cared about me more than my own family
Depression has two parts to it. There is the chemical part for which the medicine helps and then there is the part that happens because your body was unable to produce the proper amount of these chemicals that are suppose to keep you from becoming depressed.
When a person becomes depressed they fall into what is called the cycle of pain. In that cycle of pain is poor self-image or self-worth. This is what I am reading in what you have written. This poor image or self worth causes pain. Pain causes depression and the cycle of pain continues.
To break this cycle you need to find out what the trigger or triggers what that brought on this cycle. TO do this your medication should be being prescribed by a Board Certified Psychiatrist and you should be seeing a Doctor of Psychology for talk therapy.
Why a Psychiatrist for medication. The Chemicals that control depression are secreted into the brain. There for a psychiatrist is the best doctor to treat you.
A Board Certified Psychiatrist is the best doctor to treat this as he or she has spent a year in a Fellowship Training to be a Psychiatrist and has past all the test to be certified by the College of Psychiatry. Any doctor who has done a rotation during residency in many states can practice psychiatry but a Board Certified psychiatrist is best Trained for this.
The psychiatrist monitors your medication, it is the psychologist through talk therapy who is going to be the biggest help. For he or she will help you get to the root cause of your problem. This doctor becomes your new best friend. someone you can tell your deepest darkest secrets to knowing they will never leave the room they are spoken in. Even your parents cannot be told what is said in a therapy session without your written consent regardless of your age. What the psychologist will do is meet with parents or a spouse to tell them what the may do between therapy sessions to help you but will never reveal what is said in therapy.
In short my advice is. If you are not being treated by a Board Certified Psychiatrist then get one. IF you are call your doctor and speak to him about your medication. If you are not seeing a therapist as your psychiatrist to recommend one. If you are seeing a therapist and not comfortable with him or her get a new one. When it comes to therapists you may have to go through 2 or three until you find one you're comfortable with. You may also want one of your same sex. There is nothing wrong with this. Speak up and say what you need.
I have been where you are and there is light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to ask for the help you need.
Hey! I'm a biologically female 15 year old. I've been really confused and twisted on my gender of late and I was hoping you could help me untangle the mess. So I'm a biological girl, and I'm okay with that most of the time. But I dress like a boy and have sudden impulses to cut off all of my hair. I just cut the hair off of old barbies instead because I tell myself that I'll regret cutting my hair. The impulses I feel to cut off my hair can last anywhere from half an hour to a month. I walk around the boys clothes section at stores, wishing I could pull off the guy clothes better. I'm okay with being a girl like I said, but I long to be a boy when I think about both my near and distant future. Let me explain that. I want to start a YouTube channel sometime this year, but I want to be a boy on YouTube and want my followers to see a boy. When I think about being a biologist when I'm older, I think about being a male. When I think about boys that I like, I really only enjoy thinking about being intimate if I think of myself as a boy. It's weird. I feel like if I stayed a girl I'd regret it, but if I transferred to male, I'd regret that too.
I agree it sounds like what it is called "Being gender fluid." Being "Gender Fluid" is not something I am that familiar with to be able to give you any advice other than this.
Gender confusion is real. There are a number of different reason for it including this is the way you were born or how you may have been raised. You do not seem to be in the Transgender stage though it sounds like you might be heading in that direction and I agree until your sure you should not go there.
The best advise I have is to seek out a psychologist who specializes in gender confusion to help you find the real you. To start with you want a Board Certified Psychologist or Psychiatrist as these Doctors have specialized training and completed Fellow ships as well as passed specific test to obtain the Certification. This makes them the best qualified to help you.
It may be easy to find a doctor who specializes in the area as it is a relatively new area of expertise.. I would suggest you call your states local board of psychiatrist or psychologists for a referral. If they cannot offer a specific referral call a company called Magellan Health Services.
Magellan Health Services is one of the biggest providers of Mental Health services in the country. They may be able to find a doctor through their network of practitioners whose practice specializes in this area. The credential doctors, Nurse practioner's and other mental health providers.
This does not mean you are crazy. A mental health practioner are the best source of help for you to come to grips with your sexuality and gender confusion.
I'm a 16 year old girl and I've been thinking about options out of life for almost three years now. I keep finding things to hold on to and I try to look for the little miracles in life but it's getting harder. I'm honestly so sick of living with who I am and things seem to only go downhill. Last year in high school I had to deal with a lot of sexual harassment and was beaten and had someone forcibly remove my clothes in the school. I've always felt sad and upset before that incident, but after the constant torment last year my self esteem has plummeted and I just want to die. My parents don't understand why I'm so upset (especially because I have a loving family) and they make me feel bad for feeling these emotions which only hurts me further. I'm at my last breaking point and I'm not sure where to go from here. I don't want to die, but it feels like the only way out. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Before I answer this question I need for you to answer a question for me.
You are a registered user which means we can look back and see past questions you have written to us. This is helpful in answering your questions as it gives us a form of chronology of events in your life.
You wrote this question just before midnight on March 18. Just 12 hours earlier you write about looking forward to going to the prom with this one boy and talking to another.
What happened in that 12 hours to make you so depressed as to write to us with the problems you told us about at almost midnight? I would really like to know as it would help me tell you what you need to do to put things right with the second question.
Suicide is not the answer, it is the wrong solution to a problem that punish only you and not the people causing you to feel this way. I want to properly punish them within the limits of the laws, which are on your side, and help you feel better about yourself.
You can write me in a private message if you wish. Just follow the instructions how to do so.
is it wrong to want to fuck my man in his ass
What happens in the privacy of ones bedroom stays in the bedroom. Any sexual practice between two consenting partners is never weird. The operative word here is CONSENTING. As long as both partners and adults and consent to what ever the other may want to do or try then it is not weird to them.
If your husband is consenting and enjoys receiving anal sex then their is nothing wrong with it. It is only wrong is you force him or coerce him into allowing you to do so on him.
There are many different fetishes people satisfy or games people play in the privacy of their bedroom that other people might find weird. That's fine they don't have to they them or play them. If the partners playing them or trying them enjoy them then there is nothing wrong with doing so.
Short answer to your question. as long as your husband is CONSENTING, their is nothing wrong with it.
Do I use ma virginity wen I use ma finger
Today's definition of loss of virginity is: The first time a Penis penetrates a vagina. When this happens if either partner has never had sex before then they have lost their virginity.
What you are referring to is your Hymen which many years ago, really back in the early 1900's and before, was seen as a test of a woman's virginity. If her Hymen was intact then she was a virgin.
Today's modern woman through gymnastics, Ballet and other types of exercise even bike riding or horseback riding can cause their Hymen to dislodge. Tampon use and masturbation can also cause the Hymen to be torn or be dislodge. This is why todays modern couple no longer see the Hymen as a test of virginity.
Note: You should use proper English as taught in school when communicating. While what you wrote was understandable to us all the way you wrote it made no sense. Ma=mom or mother, you meant my, meaning you. Use, was the wrong word and does not belong in the sentence. You meant lose.
As you grow into an adult you will be judged on how you speak and how you write. So take the time to proof read everything you write to make sure your say what you mean. You have used proper grammar, punctuation and all words are spelled correctly. If you do this you will go far in life. Just a few words of advice from someone old enough to be you grandfather.
Can i get pregnant after sex through anus (sperm coming out of my anus)
There is nothing wrong with anal sex if a few precautions are taken. To answer your question though it is highly unlikely you would get pregnant from anal sex for the same reason I am recommending precautions be taken when participating in anal sex.
The anal canal is loaded with inhospitable germs. Germs that can cause your partner a great deal of pain and discomfort if condoms are not used. Even when condoms are used your partner should wash his penis and groin area with soapy hot water to remove any germs that have seeped out during the sex. You should do the same with your anus and the area between it and your vagina. This should prevent any urinary tract infections in either of you and yeast infections in you.
Those same germs are strong enough to kill off the sperm. So they should not be able to cause a pregnancy though there is always a chance. This is another reason for using a condom.
Hello
I am 17 years old and I recently started wetting myself. Not massive wee's but big enough. The other night at 4 in the morning I rolled over and felt this sudden wetness like an someone had just broke my waters. I had to get up it was all over my legs! It happened again today. I'm just unsure what to do I have been on 6 months treatment for thrush so know its not that? I'm just super embarrassed and don't want my partner to find out!
Thank youš
None of us are doctors so we cannot and should not be offering any medical diagnoses.
A long course of antibiotics for Thrush is not the normal treatment. Generally several weeks is all that is needed to wipe it out. I'm guessing that this longer course is because you do not have one of the milder cases of Thrush.
Antibiotics kill off good germs as well as bad germs. Given this longer course of antibiotics you may have picked up a Urinary tract infection. If you are a sound sleeper plus the effects of the medication you may not be getting the signals at night to wake up and go to the bathroom that you are getting when a wake.
My advice is to see a Urologist. A urologist is a doctor who specializes in the problems of the Urinary system. When you see this doctor either bring your medication, prescribed and over the counter medications or have a complete list with you of what you are taking.
In the mean time as another advisor wrote you will find undergarments at drug stores or big box stores that look much like underwear that you can wear at night to absorb the urine and not wet the bed.
(Not quite sure if i put this in the right category, sorry!)
Okay so this past summer, i became close with an older guy, he was 18 and graduated and i was 14 and getting ready to enter high school. He began asking me inappropriate things, such as if i touch myself, and if i've ever thought about being with a guy sexually, etc. I was (and still am) a very anxious person, and was too afraid to tell him that he was making me uncomfortable, and played along instead. He began getting more and more inappropriate as the weeks went on, admitting to liking me in a more than a friend way (which i usually wouldn't have had a problem with, had he behaved differently) and in the heat of the moment in a conversation about bsdm, he offered that if i was ever curious about that, he'd be glad to try it with me, and even tried to kiss me once (note that since i had a problem with telling him no, he had asked me the day before if i would be okay with it, and i had agreed to it) and said that he wanted to go father than just a kiss, saying things like "If i get to do what i want tomorrow, i bet you won't be able to keep quiet ;)" and "We can start small, and see where that takes us" and also keep in mind that while i was against all of this, he had no idea and thought that i was okay with it. The few people that i've told about this have said that he was still behaving inappropriately, as he is a grown man and i am a minor who is much younger than him, and that he shouldn't have made those sexual advances to begin with, but i still think that it was really my fault for allowing him to keep going, and that it makes what he did okay. What do you guys think? (note that he never touched me, only spoke of it and told me he was going to, but he left for the army before he could do so. He did try to kiss me but stopped when my mom came back inside the house)
First nothing you wrote about is your fault, everything is on him for taking advantage of a naĆÆve young girl.
Next some states have what is called a Cinderella clause which allows a certain age gap between a minor and an adult in sexual situations. If your state has such a clause it would be 3 to 4 years difference in age that would be allowed before he could be charged with statutory rape.
For a charge of statutory rape sex does not have to take place. It means that one person, in this case you, is more than the allowable years difference in age between the other person. Both people can be under 18 and under the age of consent. The law says that in this situation it is possible that sex could happen or did happen there for the older person is charged with statutory rape. If that person is older than 18 there are a bunch of other charges as well.
The BDSM he spoke about scares me as this is something child predators are known for. Their victims are usually younger than you still their is no reason for an 18 year old boy to be sexually interested in a 14 year old girl.
My advice is not to see him any more. To tell your parents what is happening with him and to call the police. Remember you have done nothing wrong. If you are suppose to see him before you can tell you parents call 911 and tell the police what has happened and what he has said and asked you to do.
He has not hurt you yet that does not mean if you continue to see him that he won't. It does not mean if he doesn't hurt you that the next young girl he goes after won't be hurt. This is definitely a police matter and they should be called.
A friend of mine is a Police Officer and this is what he recommends.
I don't want to hear about 'there's always a chance'. I know that already. My question needs a simple Yes or No answer.
Question- If the condom has no breakage, no holes, no leaks, no slip, no nothing and correct usage; Is it possible to get pregnant?
Given the way you posed your question the answer has to be YES. The reason being that a condom, given everything you wrote being true, is only statistically, 85% effective in preventing pregnancy.
Now how they come by that number is not given. Common sense says; no breakage, no holes, no leaks, no slip, no nothing and correct usage then pregnancy is not possible. That the statistics given include one of the things you wrote that didn't happen did happen.
For conception to take place semen has to have entered the vagina. If you are positive no semen entered you then logic says you should not become pregnant.
NOTE: If you are 14 years of age or older you have medical confidentiality concerning your reproductive system under a Federal Law called HIPPA.
This means you not your parents are responsible for the health of your reproductive system and can see any doctor with or without parental permission. You can visit this doctor without mom being in the exam room and you can ask the doctor for birth control medication. The doctor will prescribe it unless there is a medical reason not to.
Since you are sexually active I would suggest you think about visiting your GYN or any women's clinic for birth control medication. The confidentiality you have means the doctor cannot tell anyone why you were there or what you were treated for without your written permission. Not even your parents.
Statistically birth control medication plus condom usage is almost 100% safe for pregnancy protection at less than 1% chance of pregnancy.
My parents give me no freedom whatsoever and it drives me crazy. My friends are allowed to do whatever they want, even the ones with overly strict parents get more freedom than I do. I know right now, there is nothing I can do about it, but when I turn 18 I want nothing more than to move out of my parents house. The problem is I doubt ill have enough money, im trying to get into a very expensive college my parents were planning to help pay for, I don't have a car yet, and I live in Mississippi so the legal age is 21. Can anyone help me with these issues? I read online that there was a way to move out at 18 even if your from one of the states that say to be 21. Would the police make me return home? I know this is many questions, but I'm very desperate
The Federal legal age is 18. The age of 21 is the legal age for other things such as drinking, signing contracts and other things the state may require the age of 21 for. Parents are legally required to support a child until age 18. After that age a child can be made to fend for themselves though most parents do not put their children out at age 18.
You may not legally be able to purchase a car in your state until you are 21, especially if you require a loan to do so. You may not be able to legally sign a rental agreement for an apartment in your state. Both of these agreements may require someone over the age of 21 signing as a cosigner guaranteeing payment. This does not mean you are not legally an adult.
Forall other purposes and respects at 18 you are an adult. If you were to commit a crime at age 18 you would be tried as an adult. If convicted you would be sentenced as an adult.
If you could find a place to live, possibly sharing an apartment with someone. You could move out of your parents home. The police could not force you to return to your parents home because you are legally an adult. Your parents though would also not be required to pay anything towards your college tuition if they were to change their minds once you turn 18.
This is also where it gets tricky. If you do attend college your parents, if it is an in state school and judging by what you have written, you would need your parents to sign the admissions forms for you until you are 21. Signing the admissions forms to my mind would obligate them to paying the tuition until you're 21.
I would suggest you check the law concerning age of adult in Mississippi. For if I'm correct old Mississippi State would have an abundance of enrolment each year.
You can get a proper answer by contacting legal aid nearest you. This is one area you need to know what your legal standing is so you know how to proceed once you turn 18.
I know this is a bit morbid and possibly not something people want to talk about, but I'm worried that my family will hate some of the arrangements I plan to make in my will.
First, I plan to leave custody of my children to my parents and if they for whatever reason can't take them, I plan to leave them with my husband's brother and his wife. My in laws probably won't be happy that my parents are my first choice, but my parents live in town so the kids wouldn't have to change schools and move away. The in laws and my sister probably won't be happy that I'm choosing my brother in law to take them if my parents can't, but I'm worried that the in laws can't keep up with them and I don't trust my sister's husband. He's not the world's greatest guy and I do not want my children to grow up to be like him. Also, he strikes me as the kind of who'd MAKE his kids do the things that HE enjoys and wants them to do. His an avid Hunter and fisherman and I can see him making my sons do those things whether they want to or not. I Can also see him not letting them do things they do want to like football, baseball, etc. I don't want my boys (or my daughter) with someone like that.
Second, I plan to put it in my will that my children Will receive their inheritance over the course of several years AFTER they turn 25 years old. I do, however, plan to leave them each a college fund. I hope this doesn't sound arrogant, but they're each to receive quite a bit of money and I don't want them blowing it. I just want my kids to have a good life and therefore, I don't want them getting their inheritance until they're old enough and responsible enough to use it wisely. I'm afraid that whoever would get custody of them will be a little irritated that I didn't leave them the money right away.
Lastly, I plan to be cremated and I'm sure some people in my family will think it's wrong. I used to not be willing to consider anything but burial, but have grown to prefer cremation by a long shot. Not trying to talk anyone out of burial here, but I've looked at the cost of a burial from the funeral home of my choice and including everything, it should cost about $11,000. Cremation, including everything, shouldn't be more that $3,500. I plan for my own money to be used for my funeral and I'd like to be able to leave my family as much money as possible. I don't want them spending a lot of their inheritance to make sure my dead body that my spirit has already left is comfortable. My mother wants to be cremated as well, but she's on of the only people in my family that I know prefers it over burial and my fear is that everyone else will have a fit saying that burial is more Christian or that it's easier on the family to have a grave to visit.
Now my last issue is one of two questions I have for you. It's about what to do with my ashes. I've considered a mausoleum for cremated remains, but that might be a little expensive. I'd really like them to be spread somewhere, but I don't know where. I really don't know what to put in my will about what should happen to my ashes.
My second question is how to go about talking to my family about this and when. Should I do it before or after I make the will? Should I talk to them all together or one on one? And most importantly, what do I do if they freak out on me? ANY help you can give me will be appreciated.
Hopefully the preparation of a will is just proper planning and not something that is need because of imminent death. Whatever your reasons are for preparing your will remember this one thing; It is your will which states to all concerned what your last wishes are.
The only people who should be told in advance of you wishes are your parents and you brother and sister in-law to see if they are willing to accept your children and care for them as you wish them to. Other than this the contents of your will are between you , your husband and your lawyer. You also have to name an executor to carry out your wishes and to handle your estate. T
The executor must know of your desire to be cremated. This is an arrangement you can pay for now and the Funeral home will know exactly what you want when the time comes. No one will have to make any plans when under the feelings of your loss.
I see no reason why you cannot put a provision in the will that the grandparents, Aunts and Uncles from both sides of the family be granted visitation with in reason. The children need to know their family and more importantly they need the support of their entire family. Unless there is a legal reason you cannot put such a provision in your will, I support your wanting to do so.
As I said in the beginning these are your wishes, you put in your will what you want. The trust for college and their inheritance you can set up now to be funded at your death. The lawyer will help you with this.
Hey there i'm a 22 year old women but when me and my husband proceed to have sex and he enters. It hurts around the rim of me. Like a burning feeling but only when he enters. I can continue to go on but if it comes out and puts it back in it hurts again! Is there something wrong with me?
The pain you describe may be more of a muscular pain from the muscle at the entrance of your vagina being stretched. The head of a mans penis is larger in girth than the shaft so it would be normal to feel more stretched when he enters you then during coitus.
If this is the pain you are having then external lubrication on the head of his penis and the outer ring of your vagina will help some as it will ease him past but you will still be stretched and there will still be some pain.
I would suggest talking to your GYN about this. He or she should be able to help you either with some exercises you can do to help relax that muscle or with a muscle relaxant.
I don't think there is anything really wrong with you. What I think is that you are a young married women who is only 22. Old habits and fears take time to die off. Meaning all the old fears of teenage sex are still with you and you still tense up when you have sex with your husband. My wife was the same way when we first married and she was 3 years older than you being the good catholic girls she was lost her virginity at 21.
But I am not a doctor and you could be having a different problem then my wife so it would be good to check in with your GYN. Don't be embarrassed the doctor has heard this and more long before your visit. Helping you with problems like this is part of what a GYN is trained for.
20/f
Chase accidentally deposited $1000 in my account. The day I saw it, which was about a month ago, I called them just in case someone else had access to my account. They said it was an error on their side and they'll take care of it. They never took it out and I called a few more times.
I mean I'd love to keep $1000 but it's not mine and I don't want them coming after me.
Should I just go to the bank myself and talk to them? Or just wait it out?
It's just the bank is a far drive and that's why I haven't gone in myself. I kinda live in the middle of no where.
Anyways, what should I do? I called and each time they said they'll take care of it but they haven't taken it out.
Unfortunately this happens from time to time. A teller makes a mistake on a deposit slip written for a customer who shows up at the window without one and a deposit ends up in the wrong account. This happened to me a teller actually made a deposit to a closed account, how this could happen the bank could not explain.
Unfortunately you are going to have to take your statement showing the date of the deposit to a branch and sit down with a customer service agent or branch manager and demand this problem be corrected before you leave. Removing the money from your account is not hard in fact it is quite simple. The problem is what to do with the money after they remove it.
The funds in each branch have to balance at the end of the day. If they take the money out of your account and have no place to put them they cannot balance the days banking. If they cannot balance the days banking the technically cannot close the bank that day. A mistake on the books of a few dollars is correctable a $1,000 brings in the FDIC auditors.
If a month or more has gone by and someone has not complained that they are missing a $1,000 deposit they may never find where that money belongs. If this is where you are at and they tell you something to this effect then you ask for something in writing stating that these funds are now yours and the bank will not reverse this transaction in the future should someone come forward claiming to be missing a deposit.
At some point if the bank cannot correct their mistake and you have gone out of your way to advise them of them at the mistake. Then at some point those funds should legally become yours. That what this letter should say.
My family has been living in this three bedroom house for 3 months. We started noticing problems like the walls in every room are wet and water is always leaking from the Windows. We called the property owner and he said that they didn't know why the house was like that and they don't know what to do. A lot of water was leaking from the bathtub into the bedroom when people used the shower, they fixed the tub leak, but the shower still has problems.
The mold is every room and its ruining the furniture, Black mold and some white fuzz is getting from the walls to the beds. We wipe it off and it comes right back. I moved my dresser and discovered all this nasty black and white mold eating through the dresser. Its in every room.
We have complained to the property owner multiple times. They said that are house wasn't the only one having this problem. Can't afford to move. The walls are always wet and are starting to puff out. When it snowed last week water was leaking from the ceiling, but we cant see any holes.
Can my mom get her money back so we can move from this place? What can my mom do about it?
From what you describe that house should be condemned. The furniture burned and your family moved to someplace safe. Black Mold has serious health issues related to it.
I have reason to believe you are close to the age of 18 or possibly over 18 though it doesn't really matter in this instance. If your parents will not call the health department you should. Your health as well as the rest of your families health is at risk.
If the health department deems the house unsafe to live in they will move you out, which will void any lease your parents have. They will either force the homeowner to remediate the problem or see to it the house is torn down. Other County and state agencies will assist in finding temporary housing for your family until permanent housing is found.
You should tell your parent of the risks to everyones health is serious and the need to call the health department today. If they won't you should.
I have a job interview for an internship that I badly want next Friday.
Itās working in the controllerās office at a major transportation hub in New York City, easily commutable to where I live in the suburbs. This is a final interview with four people who work in the department where I would be interning. They are looking to hire four interns, and will be making their decisions that day.
One thing that would be great about this, is that itās not only a paid internship but with permission from the finance department, I could possibly get this counted as a finance elective.
I am so enthusiastic because I have heard great things about the company, itās well respected, and in the future I would like to work there. Although this particular branch has had issues with train accidentsā¦ not something that I will mention to them.
Honestly, this opportunity means so much to me. My goal after graduation is to get a job in my field, get myself into a position where my boyfriend and I can live together, and marry. Everything is going to happen quickly because I have this and two more semesters before I graduate.
Truthfully, I would say that I have an amazing background for an internship. I have a 3.93 GPA in college, I am involved in the honors advisory board, I have been accepted into Beta Gamma Sigma, and I was the president of the history club. Plus, Iām attending school on a transfer scholarship at one of the only AASCB-certified schools in my area. This is important because I am a business administration major pursuing a concentration in Finance and MIS.
A major concern for me is the fact that somehow I have not held a steady job since January 2014. I worked two jobs last summer, but one was only temporary and the lady who had worked at the job previously went back to work, and another one I was fired from for not ābeing a good fitā although they would not tell me why. I suspect that I did not fit in at the company, because the hiring manager could not tell me a single thing about what I did wrong.
I know that this is not a major point in getting an internship, since many interviewers do not expect for college students to have much real world experience. Instead, they choose to look at things, like your GPA, your leadership skills, what your professional references have to say about you (usually professors or family friends at this point), etcetera.
In the past I would say that I have been unsuccessful with job interviews, either that or itās really hard to get an internship. Some might disagree with me, because I only go on a few interviews before getting a job. I have come close to getting the position during internships. One company I just needed to speak to one hiring manager, before they made their final decision, but they chose not to have me speak to her. Another one I did not fit into the culture of the company, but I think that this might have to do with the fact that they seemed to care so much about what your parents did for a living.
Most of my life my mother and father are working class people, who support me in everything I do, but they do not have college degrees.
However, if itās a job that I really want, mostly I get denied for it. Even if the odds look like they are in my favor, and the HR person really seems to like me.
Iāve heard start a conversion with the receptionist, be very nice and polite to him or her, this person is often ignored but they sometimes have a major say over who gets hired.
The obvious wear a business suit, with small accessories, if desired, and closed-toed shoes. I am even going to get the one suit that I purchased last year dry-cleaned.
This is especially important in my field because financial analysts (which is my desired field) are expected to hold themselves to a very professional standard in their dress, more so than with most other positions.
Try to start small talk, either about the weather or something else. Look the person asking the question directly in the eye, when speaking to them. Donāt look at what theyāre writing. Show up 15 minutes early, if earlier go to the bathroom and make sure that you look professional.
Does anyone who has more success with the job market, has direct experience with hiring interns, or who has even worked an internship before graduation have any advice for me? Iām on spring break, so is there a specific site that I should go to, videos that I should watch?
Congratulations for making it to the final interview. This interview is much different than the one or other interviews that came before it. For one thing you will be talking with the people you will be working with.
I can tell this internship is very important to you from the amount of words you used in writing to us. This is point number one to remember when talking to these people.
1) Try not to be too wordy in your answers to these questions. Answer the question and make your point then wait for the next question or follow up question.
2) There will be some open discussions about you and who you are, more of a friendly conversation. Try not to monopolize the conversation but be friendly.
How to dress.
You are going to wear a suit. I assume it is a dress or skirt. You do not want the skirt being too short. Office style is different than casual style. You want your skirt to be longer than what is the standard for your age at school. No more than an inch or two above your knee. You should not sit there constantly tugging your skirt down.
DO NOT WEAR A WATCH. If you are not wearing a watch you have no reason to be looking at it. Worst mistake an interviewee can make is to look at their watch.
I'm sure you are very pretty with out makeup so go easy with any you want to wear. Some lip gloss and eyeliner is all you should need.
Talking to the receptionist is nice but remember the receptionist is there to greet you, announce you have arrived and then get back to the work he or she has to do. Engaging them in conversation is not always a good thing. If you did not do so in the other interviews it is not something you should do now.
Arrive early by 5 to 10 minutes so that you are there when they are ready for you. My Commanding Officer in the Air Force told us if we had an appointment with him and were not there 5 minutes early we were late. I have used that principal my entire life and I have gaged others by it as well. Worst thing you can do is keep people waiting. If somehow you get stuck in traffic, and it happens. You call and advise them with an offer to reschedule rather than keep them waiting. Do not leave them wondering where you are.
Most importantly is to relax and be yourself, they want to see how you will fit in. There is one question I always asked and was always asked when interviewing. If you have not been asked this question already you may be asked it next week. There is no right or wrong answer to this question. Honesty is what has to be the base of the answer to the question.
The question is: Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years? Or Why do you want this position?
Just relax and be yourself.
Good luck.
I am 25 years old and dating a guy who is 35 years old. I love this guy I am dating for almost two years now and he loves me too. I feel like he is not very experienced but has been married for 8months and is now divorced so its not like he hasn't had any experience. I am a virgin and have never had sex yet I don't have any problem.
Every time we hug and Kiss( not french), I see a big large wet spot on his pants (a size of a subway cookie) LOL I am concerned because I want to know if this is an issue that I should be worried about. I just want him to be fine... I care for him a lot
If this happens every time you guys are intimate, non sexual style, then I would guess, since we are not doctors, that your guy has a problem called premature ejaculation (PE).
While there are many theory's for PE there no real medical cause as to the cause for PE. There are a number of different treatments and exercises that can be done as well as creams desensitize his penis to prolong coitus. Some work some don't.
The fact that you care for him a lot is good. The fact that you are a virgin make's it hard to offer a suggestion as to how to help him as in general the exercises require a willing partner. My only suggestion then is to as carefully as possible as so not to embarrass him suggest he see a doctor. There are doctors that specialize in the treatment of PE. Usually these doctors are Urologists.
If you think you will lose your virginity to this man it would be in your best interest to help him with this problem. It would be best that he start by consulting a doctor.