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Worried Family Won't Be Happy About My Will
I know this is a bit morbid and possibly not something people want to talk about, but I'm worried that my family will hate some of the arrangements I plan to make in my will.
First, I plan to leave custody of my children to my parents and if they for whatever reason can't take them, I plan to leave them with my husband's brother and his wife. My in laws probably won't be happy that my parents are my first choice, but my parents live in town so the kids wouldn't have to change schools and move away. The in laws and my sister probably won't be happy that I'm choosing my brother in law to take them if my parents can't, but I'm worried that the in laws can't keep up with them and I don't trust my sister's husband. He's not the world's greatest guy and I do not want my children to grow up to be like him. Also, he strikes me as the kind of who'd MAKE his kids do the things that HE enjoys and wants them to do. His an avid Hunter and fisherman and I can see him making my sons do those things whether they want to or not. I Can also see him not letting them do things they do want to like football, baseball, etc. I don't want my boys (or my daughter) with someone like that.
Second, I plan to put it in my will that my children Will receive their inheritance over the course of several years AFTER they turn 25 years old. I do, however, plan to leave them each a college fund. I hope this doesn't sound arrogant, but they're each to receive quite a bit of money and I don't want them blowing it. I just want my kids to have a good life and therefore, I don't want them getting their inheritance until they're old enough and responsible enough to use it wisely. I'm afraid that whoever would get custody of them will be a little irritated that I didn't leave them the money right away.
Lastly, I plan to be cremated and I'm sure some people in my family will think it's wrong. I used to not be willing to consider anything but burial, but have grown to prefer cremation by a long shot. Not trying to talk anyone out of burial here, but I've looked at the cost of a burial from the funeral home of my choice and including everything, it should cost about $11,000. Cremation, including everything, shouldn't be more that $3,500. I plan for my own money to be used for my funeral and I'd like to be able to leave my family as much money as possible. I don't want them spending a lot of their inheritance to make sure my dead body that my spirit has already left is comfortable. My mother wants to be cremated as well, but she's on of the only people in my family that I know prefers it over burial and my fear is that everyone else will have a fit saying that burial is more Christian or that it's easier on the family to have a grave to visit.
Now my last issue is one of two questions I have for you. It's about what to do with my ashes. I've considered a mausoleum for cremated remains, but that might be a little expensive. I'd really like them to be spread somewhere, but I don't know where. I really don't know what to put in my will about what should happen to my ashes.
My second question is how to go about talking to my family about this and when. Should I do it before or after I make the will? Should I talk to them all together or one on one? And most importantly, what do I do if they freak out on me? ANY help you can give me will be appreciated.
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My two cents worth: Although changing schools can be upsetting to a child, I don't believe that should be the top reason as to who gets the kids. What if the best people to raise them live in another school district? And how can you foresee whether those getting the kids find a need to move in the future long after you're gone due to a job offer.
As for inheritance for the kids, they may squawk at not getting money sooner but as you said, enough will be available for schooling which matters. As for the rest, I believe it wise to wait until they reach 25. Its a known scientific fact that the frontal lobe of the brain finishes growing long after the body matures in puberty and teen and early college years. So any child before that age is likely to not be able to make the best decisions and judgement calls so I agree here totally.
When it comes to cremation, I've never heard it called un-Christian. I will say though that sometimes people worry too much if they have the belief of the rapture that God can only raise a pile of bones from a grave and not ashes in a graveyard, in an urn or scattered in nature. This type of belief if one is holding to the belief in rapture, is a very limiting one of God's so called abilitys. It is clearly thought processes of humans, that do not make any sense. Now if your concern is that there is no grave to visit, that would only be so if the ashes were scattered in nature somewhere. My mom was cremated and the mausoleum was full so All cremated bodies now end up in small spots buried in the ground with flat markers in the ground. My sister kept a few of the ashes to put in an urn to keep at her home. There won't be much ashes to split between all family members to keep some for themselves in an urn and then there could be fighting as to who gets the ashes, so just arrange for the buriel site for the urn of ashes ahead of time in your will.
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Hopefully the preparation of a will is just proper planning and not something that is need because of imminent death. Whatever your reasons are for preparing your will remember this one thing; It is your will which states to all concerned what your last wishes are.
The only people who should be told in advance of you wishes are your parents and you brother and sister in-law to see if they are willing to accept your children and care for them as you wish them to. Other than this the contents of your will are between you , your husband and your lawyer. You also have to name an executor to carry out your wishes and to handle your estate. T
The executor must know of your desire to be cremated. This is an arrangement you can pay for now and the Funeral home will know exactly what you want when the time comes. No one will have to make any plans when under the feelings of your loss.
I see no reason why you cannot put a provision in the will that the grandparents, Aunts and Uncles from both sides of the family be granted visitation with in reason. The children need to know their family and more importantly they need the support of their entire family. Unless there is a legal reason you cannot put such a provision in your will, I support your wanting to do so.
As I said in the beginning these are your wishes, you put in your will what you want. The trust for college and their inheritance you can set up now to be funded at your death. The lawyer will help you with this.
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