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What are you upto
I have known this guy for 3 months now.We started with friendship. He has been dating for a while. I have been single recently so have not really dated. He looks very easu going. Earlier he was so much interested - msgd daily till we kissed and got intimate.Its been a week - I believe in equal relationship so I really did nt care who is asking whom. Earlier he used to ask ...now I stared asking. I asked him once - his reply was already plans to night...next day he has some plans so he said how about weekend. I did nt reply. Friday he went to city and next noon msgs me what are you upto. EVening he asked the same questions. What does he mean? After all this, I dnt even see him as a friend...because I feel its all when he is available he asks him...he never makes plans he used to do. Like in noon he could have said lets do something in evening. WHen I asked him in the evening...he said he is with a friend. I am confused...where is this going?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I could be wrong but if you mean by intimate, you became sex partners, then the attractions to you might be over. For lots of guys, it's all about the hunt and once they've caught their prey, even tho you were willing, the challange that made it exciting to continue, is now gone. They will 'woo' the girl. see defintion here:
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Usually its meant to pursue someone to win over their affection or support but the definition explains that it doesn't mean strictly pursuit based on love and that's what I am hinting at.
Another possibility? I don't know him. Maybe this is his true character you're seeing now and the one he showed you was a pretend front to impress you and win you over...it worked. Once people get comfortable feeling they've caught the other person, then they relax, letting the false front slip and become more themselves. If at any point you don't like what you see now, you need to talk and let him know what you are feeling. Find out if this is his real true character because if he's just being himself which could be focusing more on his needs than giving you what you need, then there's a problem.
I knew a guy once who did the same thing every time he was horny, it didn't take long to put 2 and 2 together. What are you up to right now or What are you doing tonight. He only asked those questions when he wanted sex. If I said it was okay to come over, the minute he got in the door, it wasn't about friendship and just hanging together, he found a way to get to sex asap.
Since he asked "how about the weekend" and you gave him no answer, he probably made other plans to hang out with friends, with the gang. But if he is really all that 'into' you, he would have asked if he or they didn't mind him asking you to join them. Or he might have told them he had to leave early and then come to see you. There is always the possibility that if he is a player, and he didn't have a definite promise from you, that he filling the evening by going to see another girl and has several he rotates through. You can't know this all for sure. He may be innocent of such things as pursuing you just for sex, he may really have been with a male friend shooting pool or some such thing. On your part, you waiting until evening to ask what he's doing instead of giving him the same courtesy of asking ahead like around noon so he truly may have committed to something or someone else. If he's a good friend and notin character for him to stick with his appointment or plans with friends.
I think the best thing is to sit and tell him how you are feeling but be careful to own your feelings and not blame him for making you feel this way. We choose how to feel or react. So a possible thing to say, in your own words might go like: Chad I need to talk to you a minute and need your full attention. I know we havent known each other wrong so perhaps I dont know you as well as possible to feel really secure and comfortable but I am struggling with some feelings and would like to tell you about them to get it off my chest. I may be wrong, as its just how I am feeling but I 'feel' that in the 3 months til now, that there has been a big enough difference in how we interreact that it is bothering me. Do not use words like You are making me feel unimportant since you don't message me as often as you did before. That accuses him right from the bat as being at fault and no one likes another throwing their faults, even if true, in their face. They will close down and shutter you out instead of remaining open minded and wanting to help make things better. This gives you both a chance to talk things out without becoming automatically defensive. Hope this helps.
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Men are pursuers. They're designed to chase and conquer. It's always best to prolong the chase long enough to make sure that he is someone by whom you would like to be "caught." It takes a lot of time to see how much of a man's behaviors and attention is based on who he is or how much he simply wants to win the chase. Allowing your man to "catch" you too soon, only makes you vulnerable to disappointment and rejection. At the end of the day, men want a woman who will make him earn (and deserve) your love and affection.
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