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what is wrong with me?
It seems like every day I go through the same issues. I feel like the whole world is against me and I feel useless and unwanted. I'm homeschooled and don't live near my church so am away from people my own age 90% of the time. When I am around people my own age, I always try to be the person they want me to be. I just realized that I don't know who I really am and don't know who the real me is. I don't get calls very often, but when I do, I always go over how I'm gonna act. I always act super happy, even times when I'm not. I've always felt like outside of family, there is no such thing as a true friend. Those that I get real close to that I'm not related to, always seem to let me down in the end. i used to feel I could trust everybody, but now I feel I can trust no one. For the past few days, I've just felt like crying. I'm always worried about how my life is gonna end up. I'm always worried that I'll fail at a job, relationship, friendship, family relationships, marriage, parenting, everything. I'm 16 wanting to move out when I'm 18, and constantly worried that I won't be able to pay the bills and will be a burden for my roommate, I don't even know how To move out. I feel like the whole world is against me, and it's become where I feel the only one I can truly depend on is myself. My cousin is the only one I believe will always be there for me through to the end of time. I know I don't have depression, because I'm not unhappy 100% of the time, it's just gotten where I go through major mood swings, and they are really hurting me. I'll be happy one minute and I tend to overthink things and it causes me to lose it. I usually keep my true feelings bottled up till I'm alone. I'm constantly thinking of moving out and feel very unhappy with my life. I feel helpless, unwanted, and trapped. I go through major mood swings over little things and its made me lose control of my thoughts causing me to feel like hurting myself even over the little things. Sometimes I do hurt myself. I usually try not to let things bother me, but lately I've been helpless. I feel I will never make friends, and that my life will be a total failure. This isn't something I will ever tell my parents, and I don't want to talks someone over the phone because it makes me uncomfortable. I am fine using websites though. There are many times when I'm happy so I have to ask...Whats wrong with me? And how can I get help without anyone knowing?
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I don't know if your male or female, but that can make a huge difference. I can see you lack social skills. You want to gain confidence, feel good about yourself and be able to interact with the opposite sex? Learn how to Ballroom Dance. Problem solved.
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Sixteen is a very difficult time in the life of most people. You are still a child yet on tbe edge of adulthood. In any case, I think you realize you suffer more than most your age. Your self image is very poor and your acknowledgement of that can be the first step to overcoming this painful situation.
For whatever it is worth, someone once told me when I was very unsure of myself, "you are more than your problems; you are your potential." Those words meant so much to me. They represented hope for the future. And a future I realized and now embrace very joyfully.
My simple advice to you is to 1. go easy on yourself. You're not perfect; but who is?
2. if you grasp the concept of love, bestow some of that love upon yourself. Take care of yourself and respect yourself, with your flaws and imperfections.
If you could seek out professional advice, I would recommend that. Acknowledging that you need help can be a big first step toward securing for yourself the help you want and need.
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Having struggled with undiagnosed depression for most of my life; both in my youth and into my adult years. I can say that what you have written fits the diagnoses of a severely depressed person. When you wrote that you have thought of hurting yourself and also doing so at times moved you into the area of a severely depressed person.
At some point you are going to need to tell your parents but that does not have to happen right away. At 16 years of age you're old enough to go see a doctor on your own and I suggest you do so to be properly diagnosed.
We are not doctors and while what you have written has all the indicators of depression you need to be screened by a doctor for depression. Make an appointment with your family doctor for a physical. You will need one anyway to rule out any organic cause for feeling as you do. While with your doctor ask to be screened for depression and tell the doctor what you wrote to us.
If as we suspect he diagnoses you with depression you can ask the doctor to inform you parents. Your parents are going to want to know how or why you have become depressed. The simple answer is you don't know and that is the truth. Most of us don't know why and will only find out through proper treatment. Which may include both medication and talk therapy with a psychologist.
If between now and the time you see your doctor, you feel like hurting yourself don't do it. Pick up the phone and dial 911. Tell the call taker you want to hurt yourself. They will stay on the phone until help gets to you.
As a former first responder who responded on these types of calls the help sent usually is the closest fire truck with trained EMT's to care for you until an ambulance with paramedics arrive. The police will also be dispatched to make sure your safe and that the firefighters and paramedics are allowed to treat you. Don't be afraid of who arrives first. Everyone who arrives at where you are is there to insure you are safe and can go to someplace where proper help can be given to you.
This is not something that will go away on its own and can only get worse if we are right that you are suffering from depression. Tomorrow first thing in the morning call you doctor and tell them you need to see the doctor urgently.
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Everything you are listing are signs of depression. To someone who struggles with depression, I can tell. I suggest you get help for it. You can let these things go by, because they won't, and it will get worse. You should take medication, get therapy, or both. You don't have to tell your parents everything, just that you get really sad a lot and you think you should get help. You may think this is small, but it's serious and can get bigger. You can at least take all natural anti-depressants. I take one called St. John's Wart (not as weird as it sounds) and it really helps me. You should talk about these things to people, it could help. I know everything could seem hard and that it is crashing down, but it will all work out how it is supposed to. The world is not against you and you are not useless or unwanted. Everyone has a purpose, and people want you even if it doesn't seem like it. Things might seem heavy, but you can cross that bridge when you get there. Once you get in college, friends will come easier. You'll be fine, and everything will be fine. You can talk to me whenever if you need it.
Hope this helps~
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