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Is this considered pedophelia/sexual harrassment?
(Not quite sure if i put this in the right category, sorry!)
Okay so this past summer, i became close with an older guy, he was 18 and graduated and i was 14 and getting ready to enter high school. He began asking me inappropriate things, such as if i touch myself, and if i've ever thought about being with a guy sexually, etc. I was (and still am) a very anxious person, and was too afraid to tell him that he was making me uncomfortable, and played along instead. He began getting more and more inappropriate as the weeks went on, admitting to liking me in a more than a friend way (which i usually wouldn't have had a problem with, had he behaved differently) and in the heat of the moment in a conversation about bsdm, he offered that if i was ever curious about that, he'd be glad to try it with me, and even tried to kiss me once (note that since i had a problem with telling him no, he had asked me the day before if i would be okay with it, and i had agreed to it) and said that he wanted to go father than just a kiss, saying things like "If i get to do what i want tomorrow, i bet you won't be able to keep quiet ;)" and "We can start small, and see where that takes us" and also keep in mind that while i was against all of this, he had no idea and thought that i was okay with it. The few people that i've told about this have said that he was still behaving inappropriately, as he is a grown man and i am a minor who is much younger than him, and that he shouldn't have made those sexual advances to begin with, but i still think that it was really my fault for allowing him to keep going, and that it makes what he did okay. What do you guys think? (note that he never touched me, only spoke of it and told me he was going to, but he left for the army before he could do so. He did try to kiss me but stopped when my mom came back inside the house)
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I think that the only reason why he's talking to you is because he wants sex. I think you should have told him to back off and threatened to call the police. It is illegal to be in a romantic relationship with someone under the age of sixteen and until both parties are eighteen or old they can only be a year a part. What he was doing was only considered sexual harassment unless you guys were in a relationship, if he did anything to you he then he could have been convicted as a pedophile, if he had raped you, then a rapist. I think that you should tell you parents about this, because he could still go to jail for this, with the proper lawyer. I had went through something similar to this. I was also fourteen, but the guy was twenty one. He was hitting on my former friend that was a year or two younger, and my sister a year and a half older than I. My sister won't stand up for herself so she ended up giving the guy my cell number. I don't like telling people off but I did a little but it never did anything to stop any of it so I just ignored his texts. He still continued to text me. I got fearious and yelled at my sister and told my mother. Later that week our phone were taken into private investigation for a year, but then the case was dropped because my mother didn't want it to take as long as it had. So my advice to you is to talk to you parents and a therapist about this, I hope my knowledge has kept you better informed, and take my other advice if you come into this situation again, and goodluck!
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Hi there. Definitely inappropriate behaviour. If it's making you feel uncomfortable (the chat and the kissing attempts) then it's wrong. He's not that much older than you so one couldn't say for sure that he is a dnagerous predatory paedophile, or even a potential one. Might be just that he sees an opportunity for having sex with a younger and less savvy about sex girl who will be easier to persuade than one his own age? He's trying his luck, as it were. Whatever, he seems rather 'bad news' and it doesn't look like he has anything on his mind other than having sex with you. The bdsm topic is hot at the moment, thanks to the popularity of a certain movie. I doubt he's into the scene. Best idea would be to break off any contact with him, in person and on social media/via your phone etc. I can appreciate that you might not want to go down the path of telling teachers and parents etc and in effect, accusing him of being a paedophile. As you mention, you spotted his behaviour as inappropriate, didn't fall for it and he hasn't touched you in any overtly sexual way. Forget the incidents, forget him and move on I'd say. Best wishes. X
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To begin, while you should have voiced that you weren't comfortable with the things he was saying and doing it's not your fault. If he knew how old you were then he should have never been saying those things. For future preparation... always tell your mom if you feel someone is making you uncomfortable and two be careful who you let get close to you(As in relationship wise). I hope that I helped
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There is something very wrong with this guy. The sooner you can get away from him the better. As others have said it's not your fault. You NEED to tell your parents about him and what he has said, done or threatened.
They will know what to do so that he is dealt with and you are safe. They have to know as do other adults you trust. You have no idea what he is capable with and if he's doing this to others. Telling the truth to family is really your only choice for this to be resolved. He's pretty scary.
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First nothing you wrote about is your fault, everything is on him for taking advantage of a naïve young girl.
Next some states have what is called a Cinderella clause which allows a certain age gap between a minor and an adult in sexual situations. If your state has such a clause it would be 3 to 4 years difference in age that would be allowed before he could be charged with statutory rape.
For a charge of statutory rape sex does not have to take place. It means that one person, in this case you, is more than the allowable years difference in age between the other person. Both people can be under 18 and under the age of consent. The law says that in this situation it is possible that sex could happen or did happen there for the older person is charged with statutory rape. If that person is older than 18 there are a bunch of other charges as well.
The BDSM he spoke about scares me as this is something child predators are known for. Their victims are usually younger than you still their is no reason for an 18 year old boy to be sexually interested in a 14 year old girl.
My advice is not to see him any more. To tell your parents what is happening with him and to call the police. Remember you have done nothing wrong. If you are suppose to see him before you can tell you parents call 911 and tell the police what has happened and what he has said and asked you to do.
He has not hurt you yet that does not mean if you continue to see him that he won't. It does not mean if he doesn't hurt you that the next young girl he goes after won't be hurt. This is definitely a police matter and they should be called.
A friend of mine is a Police Officer and this is what he recommends.
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Depending where you live, he may have committed other crimes such as 'sexual interference with a minor' but those sorts of crimes are very different state by state. It will depend a lot on your state's age of consent.
Pedophilia is the sexual attraction to pre-pubescent children. Chances are at 14 years old, you are well into puberty and don't qualify. Most places use 12 years of age as the legal cut off for any sort of pedophilia charge.
It is not your fault and what he did - although it might not be a crime, or might be impossible to prove - was not okay.
Even if you feel you made mistakes, that doesn't mean it's okay for someone else to harass you, or to use their position and experience as a much older person to bully you. Think of this way: If you, a 14 year old kid, scratched someone's car, would it be okay for that adult to come out and beat you up? Or shot a gun at you? No, of course not. A scratched car is an accident that two calm people can resolve. Beating someone up is a crime. It would not be 'okay' for someone to assault even if you made that sort of mistake.
This is similar thing. You don't have to be perfect. Even if you aren't 100% perfect, you still deserve to NOT be harassed. You ALWAYS deserve to NOT be harassed, no matter what you do. There is nothing you can do that means you deserve to be harassed or bullied, or coerced or made to feel unsafe by a guy who is sexually pursuing you.
So please remember, even if you feel you made a mistake when dealing with a guy, no mistake you ever makes means it's okay for them to bully you or harass you.
You should talk to adult you can trust about his behavior. Someone who can interfere and help you stay safe if he comes back and starts up again. It is scary to say no to someone - it's even scarier to say no to someone who is bigger and older than you. That's why what he did was wrong. He put you in a position, because of your youth and inexperience, where he knew it would be really, really hard for you to actually stand up for yourself. He bullied you.
Yes, you need to learn to stand up for yourself and speak up when you are uncomfortable, but just because you weren't perfect, doesn't excuse his behavior. He was still wrong.
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