Hi Everyone!!
My name is Brenda, and I'm 34 years young. I've been happily married (to the most amazing man) for three years, and we have three children. My daughter is nine years old (my husband has adopted her), my stepdaughter is eight, and my stepson is six. I am currently a full time college student taking Business Administration specializing in Human Resource Management. I am also a volunteer with the Sexual Assault Victim Support Program with our Regional Health Authority.
My hope with this advice column is that I will be able to help people. I've been through alot in my life, and I decided that if I can help people in similar situations, then that could also help me heal, and move on. I won't go into great detail on here, but my motto has definitely become "what doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger".
I was raped when I was 16, and then continually by an abusive boyfriend when I was 19-20. He was an alcoholic and abusive sexually, physically, and emotionally. He unsuccessfully (thank God) tried to kill me.
I've been cheated on...been the cheater, I've gone through addiction, as well as losing my dad. I have clinical depression. I was a single mom for five years before I met my husband. I became extremely obese, and five years ago weighed close to 400 pounds. In January of 2000 I underwent gastric bypass surgery and have maintained a 200+ pound weight loss. I went through my childhood and adolescense being ridiculed for my appearance. I really want to help people with obesity issues.
Currently, my most stressing issues seem to be dealing with my husbands despicable ex-wife. It's hard to deal with someone whom you have absolutely no respect for as a parent, or as a person for that matter. I have many concerns about making a blended family work, so that everyone is happy.
PHEW!!!
Well....I hope I will have many visitors to my column and can help each and every one of you! Chances are..whatever it is you're going through, I've probably been there. I hope to talk to you soon.
Brenda
Website: Help Me, Brenda! E-mail: helpmebrenda@inbox.com Gender: Female Location: Manitoba, Canada Occupation: student Age: 34 Member Since: April 9, 2006 Answers: 193 Last Update: October 5, 2006 Visitors: 21102
Main Categories: General Sex Questions Mental health Families View All
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I recently broke up with my boyfriend because i got the sense that he was using me.I dont know what i did but he acts like we never dated and he talks about how bad a gf i was.personaly i dont think i did nothing wrong.YOu know now that i remeber, in the beinging he was very nice and his sister told me that he talked about me all the time, but as the weeks went on he started to careless he started not to call me and when i was with him he would be different he really confused me.then one night i had a dream about one of my guy friends and he really started to be a bad bf.I told him i didnt like anybody else, but he continued to be mad at me.it suxed then i thought "2 can play this game"and i started being mean and not calling him at all.I did that to see if he really cared but he didnt.So thats y i dumped him.But now i miss him and i realy hate to admit it.I cant stop thinking about him. This is really bad because i take antidepressants and being in this situation really doesnt mix well...i need help! thankz (link)
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Hi
Ask yourself this....do you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with you? I don't think so. You need to move on.
It's only natural that you would think about him. You probably miss being in a relationship more than you miss him. Sounds to me like he doesn't deserve you.
You need to find someone who likes you, and wants to be with you...that will happen..just give it time.
I think you need to cut all contact with him...especially considering that you both are being mean to each other...thats not good for any persons mental health. You need to do what's best for you.
Good luck, and take care.
Brenda
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Hi, I have I problem that I'm hoping you can resolve, for some reason I feel like a child, I'm a female teenager hoplessly in love (16). I've know this guy for quiet some time now, four years and he's one of my best friends, and I've devleoped these strong feelings for him. I had got advice from a friend and she said to work and improve yourself and you never know if he will show an interest in you. And so I did, I was over weight last summer and I lost a bit, and I'm proud, and showed interest in lots of activitys he was in. But the problem is now I'm getting asked out by alot of other guys but him, and the only one I want to be with is him, yet he still acts like he has no feelings for me. So I told him I had feelings for him and has been sort of... ignoring me in a sence. I think I just lost him completely, what should I do? (link)
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Hi there
First of all I have to congragulate you on losing weight...you should be proud of yourself!!!
I hope you did that for yourself though, and not for him, or anyone else.
K...onto your problem. You guys have been friends for a long time, so the first thing that runs through my head, is that he doesn't want to jeopordize your friendship, by getting romantic. Alot of times that can happen.
One of the hardest things in life..young or old...is having feelings for someone who doesn't return them. That hurts alot. I'm not saying this is your case, but if you told him you have feelings for him, and he starts ignorning you could mean a couple of things.
One, he may be processing what you told him...he could be thinking holy crap...she likes me...it may need to sink in. Two, he unfortunately may not return those feelings, therefore he doesn't want to hurt you or your friendship.
You need to remember that you have the right to be in a relationship where the feelings are 100% mutual. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.
I think you and him need to sit down and just talk about it. That way whatever you decide to do, won't interfere with the friendship.
If you can talk about it like adults without fighting you have an excellent chance of maintaining the friendship as it is....and you may even decide to give the romance thing a try. If not, then say yes to one of the other guys that are asking you out. You will need to move on, and that's a great way to do it.
Good luck, take care.
Brenda
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okay. im 16/f
MR.X
this guy, [this started back in october] MR.X [22at the time, 23/m now + he has a 3year old daughter] stayed at his house whilst i was dating my ex bf and slept with MR.X once. then the next day broke up with my ex bf cos my ex was a virgin and i didnt feel i was the right person. then 2 months later i stayed there again and we slept with MR.X again. i developed feelings for MR.X and now he's got a girlfriend.
MR.Y
so this guy MR.Y [18 at the time, 19/m yrs old now] met him seemed like a nice guy. alredy knew one of his mates. he came over mine 2 nights later whilst parents were out. i slept with him. then i started to develop feelings for him only to find out he's got a gf of 3 years. was pretty upset. ive got his house number and pretty sure his gf lives with him. kinda thinking about giving her a call and blurting it all out.
MR.Z
and MR.Z [one of MR.Y's friends, he's 18/m almost 19] got with him a month later only to find out he was using me.
Problem is now, i miss MR.X. I cant stop thinking about him. when i go to sleep at night i hug my pillow thinking about him and nothing will erase him from my memory. i know the age difference sucks. but i really like him.
ive been used quite alot over the last 8 months and im sick of it. but nothing can equal up to MR.X. recently one of my close friends has shown an interest in me telling me im cute and all that. but i know if anything was to happen, i would just be converting him into a MR.X clone.
please help. im so confused :<
confUSEDgirl_ (link)
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Hi
Sounds to me that you too easily let people use you. You're 16 years old, and you're already having sex with alot of people.
I think you need to slow down, and realize that having sex with men will not make them love you and want to be with you. I can tell you this, because I have been there. When I was younger I would have sex with guys in the hopes that he would want to stay with me....not the case..in fact it was the complete opposite.
If you give the impression that you will just give it up (sex) to anyone, guys aren't going to take you as a person who wants a serious relationship.
Start respecting yourself a little bit, and the right person will come along that will see you as a self-confident, self-respecting girl.
I also think Mr.X is far too old for you...I know you don't want to hear that, but it's true. You're still a young lady, and he is a grown man with a child...try to stick with someone who's still in high school...
Good luck to you. Take care.
Brenda
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i want to shave down ther but everytime i do i get red bumps and i start bleeding and i want to get shave every hair and i want it smooth how can i make that happen? (link)
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Hi
The last thing you want to do is use nair or neet. This can burn and really hurt. We're talking about a very sensitive area.
I own my own business doing body sugaring (which is like waxing, only much better). Being body sugared down there (which is called the brazilian or the LA) leaves your pubic area smooth, hair free, and the hair stays gone for up to six weeks (everyone differs on the time).
It is a little painful, but for all my clients who get it done (including myself) say it is TOTALLY worth it.
If you can't see yourself doing this, then just make sure you use lots of shaving cream for sensitive skin, and there are products out there that can soothe freshly shaved skin to avoid those nasty bumps. Good luck.
Brenda
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Lately I've realized that I haven't been eating as much. I'll be hungry but I just won't eat, maily because I don't want to eat. I am a very self-conscious person and I will willingly admit it. I know being anorexic is bad but sometimes I just can't help not eating. Sometimes after I eat, it doesn't matter how much it was, I fell really bad about it and regret eating. So do you think that I'm anorexic? (link)
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Hi
Sounds like you are borderline anorexic. This is such a nasty disease for both your body and your mind!
Your body needs nutrition to stay healthy, or will eventually shut down....and can lead to death!! Starving your body will totally backfire in the weight loss game. You will end up gaining more, than if you eat sensibly, and get the right amount of exercise.
Trust me...I tried starving myself once and gained over 30 pounds. It's not worth it. Take care of yourself. You will have your body for the rest of your life, and if you don't respect it then life could be over far before your time.
Good luck....if you feel you can't do this on your own, then get help!! There are lots of councellors out there who specialize in eating disorders.
Eating disorders are as much a mental thing, as a physical thing if not more...it's about control. Take care.
Brenda
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Ugh Im so confused....
OK I went out with this guy for 3 weeks and he ended up cheating on me but he told me that he cheated and apoligized and evrything but so i dont know if i should like him or not and also im leaving for a whole year in like 2 months so i was thinking maybe i just shouldnt like anyone and let everyone i start meeting just be my friend since theres no time to get close and let leave... so i havetold my ex ^^ that Im leaving cause were starting to workthings out... so I was wonderring do I think I should tell him and just be I dont want to like you, or date you cause I have my reasons and its just not worth it... How do u say that nicely well sorry this is so so long?? (link)
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Hi there
Well first of all I'm sure you've heard the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" that's because it's true.
Now, there are circumstances where the cycle can be broken, the parties get councelling and can be helped to not cheat again.
You moving away, gives you the perfect opportunity to get out of this relationship without going into great detail. Just tell him you'd rather not try a long distance relationship (we all know those rarely work). That to me is the perfect reason.
If you guys are meant to be together, then it will happen down the road. Remember to do what's right for you, put yourself and your feelings first. Good luck.
Brenda
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okay so here is my story. my parents had me before they got married..but they got separated before that so i guess im technically a love child-but anyways thats not the point.
what my question is, is who should i live with as i go into my first year of high school???
let me give you a bit of an updated backround before you answer this not-easy question...
~dads house~ dad, stepmom, and stepbrother (17)
PROS: no crying babies, more alone time, more time with me/my dad, more attention(more like atleast some attention), good healthy food, spending money, dad usually takes me places on the weekends
CONS: i dont get to see my sisters grow up, i probably break the small contact that ive had with my mom to almost zero and i may be homesick because ive always lived with her since the separation, dad will be popping any zits he sees on me (ouch!), my stepmom has these 'moments' when she gets really pissed off and doesnt talk to anybody and she slams doors and all that crap to let everyone know shes mad**that lasts for days**and it is unbearable!!, and i hate my room (but i understand that can be changed)
~moms house~ mom, stepdad, half sister (5), half baby sister (14 m)
PROS: i have friends here that i get to hang out with, i get to go to the bball court and 7/11 and Osco with a friend(walking distance), i looove my room, school has been good(friends, no enemies, good teachers, good year)*so i am in hope that the next will be just as much fun*
CONS: my mom and i have little contact(i always feel like im bothering her), i cant stand my sisters(their parents didnt raise them the right way)+ i have no say..i am yelled at for yelling at them when theyre bad*mainly the 4 yearold*, i have no say in anything, i only get to see my dad on the weekends, my mom is too overprotective of me, were moving after 8th grade(and not sure if im going to my designated high school)*that means new friends and new neighborhood*(ive moved alllot), not so good food(so i go to fastfood places and eat junk-not good), and no spending money + i havent been shopping in like 3-4 months, no one takes me anywhere..i always have to ask for a friends ride
alright well even though there may be a bit of a lopsided diference..some 2 things combined equal to one thing on another list (and they are both equally bad)..so if you can help me decide before i finish 8th grade..that would be great. and please explain..dont make it a MOM or DAD answer....thx soo much. ill rate high!! (link)
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Hi
Well you've certainly done your homework on this issue!! You've done your pros and cons, and they both have their share of both.
I have two stepkids who are approaching the age where they will get to choose where they want to live. Currently they live with their mother, who has an abusive husband, but the courts wouldn't give my husband (their dad) custody...that's besides the point though.
Where do you feel the safest...the most loved. Material things shouldn't be a huge factor. If your mom is moving and your school life will be changed, then maybe this is your opportunity to live with your dad.
I think you need to go with your gut instinct. Where do you feel will be the best place for you to live and thrive as a teenager.
I understand that it's a big decision, but if your parents don't live that far away from each other you can still see both alot.
I wish you alot of luck with your decision. Just remember to do what's right for you, and that life will not be 100% glorious at one or the others. Life has up and downs and you can't run from them. Take care.
Brenda
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ok well... i have liked this boy for almost 3 years. and now me and him go out and it didnt take us long to kiss b.c we have kissed b4 and stuff.. but now we are to the point.. that he touches my boob and i like grope his penis. and like we talked about it he doesnt think we are going to fast and nor do i. we have been going out for almost 2 months... and i know! we wont go any farther.
so.. i dont know.. do you think we are going to fast.
and we touch ONLY outside of clothes.
well have like rules we made up..
btw im 14 and hes 14
(link)
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Hi
First I have to commend you for waiting, and knowing that 14 is far too young to be having sex.
The fact that you both are in agreement with this is awesome..and the rules are great too.
I think if you can keep it to kissing and light touching, just like you are doing, then that is just fine. I don't think you are moving too fast at all.
Good for you, and your boyfriend!!! Take care,
Brenda
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Yet, I still find myself caring.
I used to go to language school early last year with this guy I met there and we spoke a bit then I left and we spoke sometimes on MSN. Well tonight we were talking and he basically joked "What's a hot sexy girl like you doing alone" and I asked if he really meant that, and he said then I wasn't hot and sexy at all, and I would be if I wore a bit more makeup. I felt very upset by this comment and got mad at him and called him a whole lot of names, and said I was only nice to him because I felt sorry for him, blah blah blah. I didn't mean a word I said.
Well he just emailed me, not apologizing or anything, but saying he was upset by what I said, and that its true i wasn't the most attractive girl there, everyone else was prettier but he doesn't try and sugarcoat things. Then he went on to say he feels horrible he wasted effort and breath on me when i was only being nice to him because i felt sorry. He said this cut him pretty badly because he thought we could've been friends.
Should I apologize to him? I have absolutely zero interest in him, but I feel guilty now. He did hurt me pretty badly though. I don't take comments about my appearance too well. Then again two wrongs don't make a right. I did insult him pretty badly. So what do I do? Sorry this is so long. (link)
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Hi
I guess it will depend on how you want this "friendship" to end, if you want it to end at all.
Friends do not hurt each other the way you two did. I think it was very cruel of him to say what he did to you, and it was probably very cruel of you to say what you did.
If you have no interest in him even as a friend, then you could either drop it......don't email him anymore, take him off your contacts list, and move on. Or you could be the bigger person, and send him a brief email stating that what he said to you, hurt you, and the things you said to him were in reaction to how you felt. You could apologize for what you said and say goodbye. This may make you feel better.
I certainly wouldn't continue on with a hurtful friendship..that can only lead to pain and tears. Good luck.
Brenda
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One of my best boy mates (lets call him adam) was going out with this girl (lets call her Tia). I had known Tia for a long time before Adam met her, but she asked him out, and they were inseperable.
What I hadn't told Adam was that Tia seems to use boys a bit, as soon as someone else comes along, she dumps her current boyfriend. I couldn't just go and tell him, they were so happy together and I didn't want to spoil anything.
Recently, Tia met this other guy (lets call him sean), and dumped Adam straight away. I can't believe it, cos Adam is so sweet and kind, i suppose he can easily get walked over though.
He treated her better than any other guy did.
Its just, he's so devestated, and I want to know how to make him cheer up. So, anyone got any ideas? (link)
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Hi
Sounds like "Adam" has a great friend in you.
Unfortuntetly life is full of little lessons...some easy, some hard. He has just learned one of them. Love can be tough, especially when one of the parties has stronger feelings than the other.
I would try and cheer him up by making him realize that someone who could just dump someone when another person comes along, is not someone he should want in his life anyway. He can do better than that.
Just stick by him, and keep being the great friend that you are....and he will find someone who is deserving of a great guy like him. Take care.
Brenda
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Would you give somebody a rating like a 1 if for an example you wrote something to try to help the questioner person but somebody below told them the say thing but in different words? (link)
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Hi
Personally I feel that if someone has given you good advice, whether you've heard it before or not, should be rated fairly.
I quite often won't read the other answers (you can bet your butt I will now!!!) I know myself, when I answer a question, I do it because I care, and I don't think that should be punished because I didn't read the other 10 replies.
Even if the answers are similar, they will be different in some aspects, and the person asking the question may get something out of one answer that they didn't in the others.
Just my two cents.
Brenda
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I am over my ex, and I have fallen hard for another guy. We have been broken up for over 4 months, (we were together for almost 3 mons., and saw each other all the time at school+outside) but it doesn't feel like it has been that long ago since we have broken up. Even though I'm over him, is it normal to want to avoid watching him move on? I haven't started dating anyone yet so that may be one reason. Plus, it's not really the girl he has moved on with even though she is completely different from me. I just want to know if anyone has felt this way too, and how to deal with it. Why is it hard to watch him date someone else when I'm over him and I know I have no future with him (nor do I want to)? Plus the fact that I have fallen for someone else. 17/f (link)
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Hi there,
It's totally normal to feel this way...he was a big part of your life, and to see him moving on is difficult.
However, I think you still do have feelings for him. If you didn't, you truly wouldn't care what he does, or who he sees. It bothers you because you still feel...this doesn't mean that you want him back, or you don't like another person. To me, it just means that you are not completely over him like you'd like to think :)
It will come. Take care.
Brenda
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ok. so ive been with this guy who lives in california for 2 years. and i live in tx. anyways we're really in love. the thing is i sent him a fake picture. i know it was wrong and the guilt is killing me. so i dont need it from anyone else.but i was wondering how i can break up with him..its not as easy as i thought it would be. im in love with him..i cant just end things, but it needs to be done..any advice?
thanks. (link)
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Hi
Is the only reason you're wanting to break up with him because you sent him a fake picture? If the answer is yes, I would reconsider breaking up with him.
You could explain the situation, hope he understands that you were nervous for whatever reason, and then stay together.
If you are wanting to break up with him because you don't want to be with him anymore, then you just need to tell him the truth. You could say the long distance thing is so much harder than you thought, and you just can't do it.
I'm not sure exactly what your reasons are for wanting to break up. You said you love him, so I'm wondering if you should try your best to make things right. Good luck, and take care.
Brenda
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So for the past 3 weeks my life has been very stressful. My dad was sick and was in the hospital for 10 days. I might fail one of my classes for the year. My boyfriend and I of 15 months are fighting and I don't know what we are anymore. My friend called me a slut today and asked my other friend to uninvite me to a party tomarrow night. Which she did to "keep the tension away from the party" Its werid I'll be happy and confident one minute then the next I'll be crying my eyes out. i don't know what's wrong and its stressing me out because I don;t when I'll gret into one of my extremely sad moods. Do you know what is causing this and any ways I could help to get this is stop any help is very welcomed (link)
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Hi
Mood swings are completely normal....let's face it we all have days when we don't want to get out of bed, talk to anyone, or do anything. It's actually good to have those days...kinda to recharge.
However, if these days start to out number the good days then you may have a problem.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was in the eight grade. I'm 34 now, and I am still on medication that makes the bad days seem a a lot less harsh so you can totally move on.
I remember being in high school, and having problems like this. Teenagers can be very cruel, and you have to try and keep your head held high.
Try and minimize your stress by talking your issues out with your boyfriend (find out what you are fighting about.) Talk to your name calling friend and find out what the heck is up with that!!
Just remember, sad days are normal, continual bad days are not. Get help when/if you need it. Hang in there. Take care.
Brenda
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How long can someone go without eating food but drinking water? if you happened to stop eating food would you die? (link)
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Hi
I can't help but think....why do you want to go without food for so long? This is severely unhealthy for you. If you're doing this to try and lose weight, it WILL backfire on you.
When you don't give your body fuel (food) it goes into starvation mode, which means every single morsel of food will be directly stored as fat, because the body is starving. So in the long run, you will likely gain weight.
It makes far more sense to eat sensibly. Starving yourself can also lead to death as your internal organs will eventually shut down. You need to eat!! Take care.
Brenda
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would it be ok to use the veet razorless things in the vaginal area? are there any easier ways the with a razor? (link)
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Hi
I wouldn't use veet if I were you. I own my own business doing body sugaring (which is like waxing, only better), and all my clients that have tried that have said it can really burn and hurt.
I would suggest looking into body sugaring...it can remove all your hair in the vaginal area and it lasts for alot longer than shaving.
Now, it is somewhat painful, so if you can't see yourself doing this, then just use shaving cream with your razor. Take care.
Brenda
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ok im 13/f and one of my friends have been "messing around" lately but i wont have sex with him without a condom. the problem is my mother stil thinks im a virgin. i dont know how to get birth control or condoms without my mom finding out. in the area i live in there is only 2 small gas stations around which both carry condoms but i have a feeling my mom would find out about me buying them, i wouldnt be so worried about her finding out if the guy was 16. i have had sex with him before and ended up missing my period for 2 months! are there any ideas on how to get protection?
please help soon! i rate well! (link)
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Hi
Here's a question for you....do you think your mom would be more upset if she found out you were buying condoms, or is she found out you were pregnant?
Having sex is such a monumental step in one's life, and I'm very sorry that you've already experienced that. You are far too young, but I understand that I can't change your mind.
Babies having babies is such a harsh epidemic, and you could easily fall into that category.
If you insist on having sex, please INSIST that your boyfriend buy the condoms. If he won't then buy them yourself. The last thing you need is to end up pregnant at your age. Take care.
Brenda
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I lovee my current girlfriend soo much! SHe has been gone for 10 days on vacation with her parents to Canada. Last night I had two friends over. One is an ex who I am still good friends with. The history on us? It was a short 1 month thing. The classic friends giving the 'somethin more than friends' thing a try that didnt go well.
Well me and her were laying on my bed and my friend was next to us. Her body was not close to mine..but i was resting my head close to her and my hand was on her shoulder. I was extremely tired about to fall asleep. Is this cheating in some way to you? I mean i have other friends that are girls who will rest their head on my stomach while playing video games..and it is absolultey nothin romantic about it because we are strictly friends and both have different love interests and 'types.'
My ex thinks it was nothin..but should i tell my gf about this? If she ever found out she would flip out because she is extremely sensitive on the topic of me and my ex. She finds it odd we hang out because we are exes. *keep in mind its not like i hang out alonnne with this girl* I have a big group of friends kind of and we hang out together kind of thing.
well..do i have anything to feel guilty about? (link)
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Hi
I think the fact that you are asking this question...gives you your answer.
I don't think you "cheated" on your girlfriend, but the fact that you knows she would disapprove and be upset, means you did something wrong.
Whether or not you tell her is up to you...was it an isolated incident? Sometimes a little white lie is ok.
I think you need to ask yourself one more question. Do you have feelings for your ex-girlfriend? I think you still do. If you didn't, you wouldn't have thought twice about it...just like with your other friends. It's bugging you, because in your heart, you were feeling something more than friendship..even if it was just at that moment.
Always remember to do what's right for you. Take care.
Brenda
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So okay i guess you could say me and my friend are somewhat pretty except shes skinny and im a little more normal and maybe a little bit bigger but not big i dont think..it seems as though she gets all these guys andim not jelous im happy for her i just dont see why i cant..does it have to do with my weight?i dont think im fat at all but apparently not skinny to the eyes of guys...
so is it the fact im overweight, or mayb ejust not talkative becasue i am a shy person who i guess seems boring..i guess im just depressed cuz i always put myself down (link)
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Hi
Confidence is such a HUGE boost to a persons character.
Whether your overweight, shy, plain, or beautiful, if you have confidence, it will show and people can't help but be attracted to that.
Some guys are strictly attracted to one's appearance, but let's face it...do you want someone like that in your life? When someone can look past one's appearance and see that person for who they are, then that's the person you want in your life...and I guarantee you it will happen for you.
You're probably a very pretty, nice, smart girl, and the boy who captures your heart will be a lucky soul.
In the meantime, try to show more confidence in yourself..you will notice a difference...even if it's just in the way you feel about yourself.
Good luck.
Brenda
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I am asking this question for a friend... Here is the scenario. Paris is absolutely gorgeous and incredibly smart. She had an ex-boyfriend who was a multi-billionaire and let her live the jet set life, bought her gorgeous items, and let her relax and ride horses, film festivals and hang out on yachts. However, even though she loved him very much, he was a very unstable person in terms of committment and threw her out one day. In the meantime she was accostomed to living the highlife and spend tens of thousands of dollars on credit cards and has hundreds of thousands of dollars in loans (Not kidding). In the last month she has met a very nice guy she knew from University who has always loved her. They speak on the phone every night even though he is an investment banker in another state, and there is serious potential for a committed good relationship and possibly marriage and kids. He's not as wealthy as the other however. Now the problem is the ex wants her back and has offered to pay off all her loans and credit cards but is not offering marriage or any serious committment other than going back to basically being a "kept woman". She has no place to live and all this debt. She's also used to living the high life and might not even be happy with the new guy. If she went with the new guy they might have financial troubles hanging over their heads for a very long time and who's to say it should even work out, but she might find true love. What to do? Live with a man,who you love but might not love or respect you as much adn would never marry you, for money and the high life or take a risk on love and being broke for life? (link)
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Hi
To me the answer is simple....money is not love, and love is not money.
I guess it depends on what your friend wants out of life. Everyone struggles with bills and bills and bills...it's part of being grown up. Love is so much more important. You can have all the money in the world, but without someone you love and who loves you to share it with it's simply ungratifying.
To me the choice is obvious, but she needs to follow her heart...and hopefully she will be happy with her choice. Take care...and you are a great friend!!
Brenda
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