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who should i live with???
okay so here is my story. my parents had me before they got married..but they got separated before that so i guess im technically a love child-but anyways thats not the point.
what my question is, is who should i live with as i go into my first year of high school???
let me give you a bit of an updated backround before you answer this not-easy question...
~dads house~ dad, stepmom, and stepbrother (17)
PROS: no crying babies, more alone time, more time with me/my dad, more attention(more like atleast some attention), good healthy food, spending money, dad usually takes me places on the weekends
CONS: i dont get to see my sisters grow up, i probably break the small contact that ive had with my mom to almost zero and i may be homesick because ive always lived with her since the separation, dad will be popping any zits he sees on me (ouch!), my stepmom has these 'moments' when she gets really pissed off and doesnt talk to anybody and she slams doors and all that crap to let everyone know shes mad**that lasts for days**and it is unbearable!!, and i hate my room (but i understand that can be changed)
~moms house~ mom, stepdad, half sister (5), half baby sister (14 m)
PROS: i have friends here that i get to hang out with, i get to go to the bball court and 7/11 and Osco with a friend(walking distance), i looove my room, school has been good(friends, no enemies, good teachers, good year)*so i am in hope that the next will be just as much fun*
CONS: my mom and i have little contact(i always feel like im bothering her), i cant stand my sisters(their parents didnt raise them the right way)+ i have no say..i am yelled at for yelling at them when theyre bad*mainly the 4 yearold*, i have no say in anything, i only get to see my dad on the weekends, my mom is too overprotective of me, were moving after 8th grade(and not sure if im going to my designated high school)*that means new friends and new neighborhood*(ive moved alllot), not so good food(so i go to fastfood places and eat junk-not good), and no spending money + i havent been shopping in like 3-4 months, no one takes me anywhere..i always have to ask for a friends ride
alright well even though there may be a bit of a lopsided diference..some 2 things combined equal to one thing on another list (and they are both equally bad)..so if you can help me decide before i finish 8th grade..that would be great. and please explain..dont make it a MOM or DAD answer....thx soo much. ill rate high!!
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Hey
I think its truely up to you to decide who you want to stay with. It's really a though decision and not at all easy. Try spending a certain amount of time with both of your parents.When your use to both ways of living, decide which one (in your opinion) you liked the most, where you feel most comfortable, and happy.
In a way I would chose to stay with your mom because you have your friends nearby and school which is important, but I think I'd go with the dad, I mean he takes you places on weekends, he gives you money and he actually shows he cares about you,even if your stepmom acts the way she does after a while that can change.
You mentione that with your mom you feel like you are bothering her, think about it do you really want to live with a mother who you don't feel you can trust, little contact or you feel your just bothering her?
Where as with you father he is nice, he takes you places, he shows you he cares about you and that you can trust him (in my point of view).Anyway with your mom you have no say in anything, that's not fair, would you really like to live where you have no say in things and you get blamed and all?
But you know this is just my opinion. In the end the decision is up to you, although I think you should spend equal amount of time with each parent and do a little thinking. Ask yourself who you feel more loved, comfortable, and just happy being with and etc. Good Luck!
Sorry it was long.
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dude i would kind of go with dad because the pros are kind of better i mean as of now you can see him on the weekends and you could do that with your mom too...umm why dont you see if you could switch houses for each school quarter or something...if you need someone to talk to im me on aim and ill see if i could clarify myself better...my sn is xoxoyayaxox
♥YaYa
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My parents were divorced when I was 5. I didn't have the option to choose then, if I had, undoubtedly I would have chosen my mother, and later on, at about your age, when I desperately wanted to leave her, my father wouldn't have me. I think there's a reason you've been living with your mother. I'm not saying your dad is like my dad, already he sounds better. But if you did decide to go and live with your father, don't be surprised if he doesn't take you places as often anymore. Or if he isn't able to give you that spending cash you mentioned. Not only will he be taking on more responsibility for your actions and behavior, but also, he'll be taking on the responsibility of housing, feeding, and clothing you. I'm sure your Mom would help, but child support from either parent is never all you need. Not to mention rearranging his routine around getting you to school and or extracurricular activities. Maybe your Dad would love for you to move in. Maybe you are bothering your Mom (I doubt it). I've had several step parents in my experience, some good, some bad. Your stepmother sounds like borderline bad. Dealing with her could become more difficult once you come in to her life full-time and change everything. On the other hand, maybe she's always wanted a daughter. Ok, here's why I think you should stick it out with mumsy: 1) You will miss your friends- forget all that "I'll be popular because everyone will want to know the new girl" crap. No. You'll still be a freshmen. If you end up having to move anyway, at least it was out of your control and you weren't fake about it. 2) You WILL miss your sisters- sure they can be annoying, no doubt. But c'mon, the 4 year old is at that age where you can make her believe or say anything! They, especially the older one, would be heartbroken if you left.
3) You will definetely miss your Mom. Your dad might be more leniant, but sometimes that can hurt. Suppose you just told your Dad you were going out with this guy. He says ok, have a great time. No questions about who he is or where you're going. Its great at first but then you start wondering, does he care who he is or where we're going? Why doesn't he? He's probably not that bad, and if he were, its not really his fault. He didn't have to raise you. His parenting skills aren't as fine tuned as your mother's. But perhaps he helped raise your stepson, you say. Its still nothing like raising a daughter. Your stepmom, although nice and a good listener, may not be as objective as your mother would be if you asked her for advice, for fear of hurting your feelings or making you mad. The same might go for yor Pop.
4) Eating right should have nothing to do with where you live. Ask your Mom to pick up a few things at the grocery store. Get salads at your fast food restaraunts. Make better choices. You can do that anywhere.
5) If you want extra cash, do some chores for your grandparents. Or babysit. You can think of something...
Its an EXTREMELY difficult decision and I'm sure you're worried about hurting one of them. Trust me, just FYI, it would hurt yor Ma more. Talk to her about how you're feeling left out and unnoticed. Tell her you might need some therapy. That should get her attention.
If you still think you want to go stay with your Dad, I urge you to stay a couple of weeks, a month, maybe the whole summer with them first. If alls well and you feel more comfortable there than you ever did with your Mom, pack it up and move on in. You deserve to be happy. Just like everyone else.
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wow! tough decision!
try to see if your parents would let you spend time ith both of them? like a joint custody? like maybe this month with your dad the next month with your mom..if that is not an option truly thik who do i want to spend time with this year...my mom or my dad
and hey when you choose you can always call,e-mail maybe evenvisit your mom/dad
good luck
-lee
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Hi
Well you've certainly done your homework on this issue!! You've done your pros and cons, and they both have their share of both.
I have two stepkids who are approaching the age where they will get to choose where they want to live. Currently they live with their mother, who has an abusive husband, but the courts wouldn't give my husband (their dad) custody...that's besides the point though.
Where do you feel the safest...the most loved. Material things shouldn't be a huge factor. If your mom is moving and your school life will be changed, then maybe this is your opportunity to live with your dad.
I think you need to go with your gut instinct. Where do you feel will be the best place for you to live and thrive as a teenager.
I understand that it's a big decision, but if your parents don't live that far away from each other you can still see both alot.
I wish you alot of luck with your decision. Just remember to do what's right for you, and that life will not be 100% glorious at one or the others. Life has up and downs and you can't run from them. Take care.
Brenda
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This is a really tough question.
If I were you I would pick to live with my dad.
Since you'll get to spend time with him unlike your mother. Also It would be healthier since the food is better.
I don't want to say nothing bad about your mother but you seemed bothered about that house. Just because of your siblings. Also because you will maybe have to move.
So what I am saying is if I was in your exact situation I would choose to live with my dad.
=) HOPE I HELPED.
<33 BRiTTANY
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This is a really hard decision for you I bet.
I'd probably have to go with your mom on this because you said that school is good, you have a lot of friends. Friends are really important because it's a way to escape family and have people who will be there for you outside of family. You also said that you are moving, but like you said, this will mean new friends, new school, new everything. I know it sounds scary, but if it doesn't end up working out, then you could always change your mind.
I'm not sure how far away your parents live from each other, but maybe when you need spending money, you could go to your dads and get some by staying there for a while. Or, you can switch every other weekend with your parents, that way one weekend you go places with your dad, and another weekend you have time to yourself at home or just being with friends. I don't know if that is an option for you, but it would be a pretty neat idea so that you can catch up with both families.
If you do live with your mom, then you could always spend your time on a school activity after school or joining a club. High school has tons of options, you will love it much better than middle school. Plus, high school can keep you pretty busy with homework, too.
If you want to live with your dad, then you can always fix your room up the way you want it. And, there isn't a whole lot you can do about your step-mom being moody for no reason except to let her know that if she needs to talk to someone, then you are here for her, or just deal with these moods which can be hard. To cope with this, you can always stay in your room, or talk on the phone, or have a journal if you don't already. Or, like I said, high school activities can always help you get away.
The parent that you should go with is the one that:
1. You feel can understand you when you feel stressed out or upset
2. You can ask for help with homework, or anything else
3. You can spend a lot of time with
Try going over these pros and cons again and decide which ones that you can deal with, and the ones you can't. I know that there are things you can't deal with in both homes, but try thinking about them more. Like, you say that you really want to watch your sisters grow up in your mom's home, but yet they are mean little brats. Well, all sisters will annouy you, and be brats, but it's something that you can deal with because everyone does.
-TheTeenGirl
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I would go with your dad. Your dad takes you places, and gives you money, and takes care of you. Even though your step-mom acts like that sometimes, that can change. It seems like there are more bad things at your mom's house, especially if your moving. Good Luck!
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really, you should choose whos house to stay at. but from what i read i think you should chose your dads because there, it seems like you would have more fun because you would be able to go to places and shop and have some fun. and since you wont be able to see your mom as much, you can go visit her at times or call her. when your step mom has moments you could go and take a walk or something. but this is your choice and you should pick whichever one you feel more comfortable and happy in.. hope that helped and good luck!
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Well of course the choice should be between you and your parents, but I think the person that may offer the most stability would be your Mom. It's normal to get disgusted with little sisters. Try to be the big sister that they can look up to and don't yell..you don't like to be yelled at, and neither do they. A sister should be a friend, not a parent. They are probably only behaving like children and some things they will grow out of.
As far as your eating habits at your Moms just make the best of what you have for now and make a vow to yourself that whenever healthy food is available choose that instead. You will be able to do more things and go more places as you get older and perhaps get your license, so that will get better eventually.
I think the behavior of your Stepmom will have a negative effect on you. Silent treatment is a form of abuse and control, even you said it was unbearable. It seems uncomfortable to me, emotional health is very important.
Best of luck in your choice.
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Hey..well my friend is in a somewhat similar situation..except her mom just moved to another state. Honestly the better choice to me sounds like your dad's house...but I dont know the relationship you have with your parents...so what I recommend is...for a year..or 6 months(whichever you prefer, but it has to be sorta long) live with your dad..to see if you like the difference. Once you live there and get used to the rutine and the people, you might find you like it better..or that you really miss your mom's place. I hope this helps..good luck! ♥ caitie
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well, you should decide. but since you asked ... i say dad's. you can still all your mom, and set up times to talk to her, same with friends, your dads house just sounds -- better.
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Your waiting for someone to tell you which house to go to. And i know your thinking yeaa so what, well no one can tell you. maybe you shoudl talk toto you rparents about it, realy your the only one that can make this desicsion.. do what you think is best fir you and your family. just dont worry about hurting feelings or anything, just do what your heart days... i know you want me to explain but i cant, its up to you. you just have to wait untill you know. If one parents ways are not good for you then go to the other, trust me, overprotective is good, overprotetive means they realy care and love you. just think about it this realy isnt somthing you can amke in the day.
megg.
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